A Little Consequence

by Amy Knupp

  “I’LL CLOSE the bar and come with you,” Macey said when Selena had finished blubbering all over her shoulder. “I’ll get the phone book and we can reserve the flight.”

  Selena shook her head. “It’s okay. I’m going to be okay.” She sniffed loudly, not caring that the handful of lunch customers had witnessed her breakdown. Some of them had moved to the patio, either to give her and Macey privacy or to get away from the scene she made. “There’s no need for you to go. But thank you so much for offering.” She tried to smile, her vision still blurry.

  “I mean it, Selena. I can go.”

  “My brother will be there.”

  Macey studied her from the stool next to hers. “All right. But if you change your mind…”

  “Turn the TV on,” a middle-aged guy said as he rushed inside. “There’s a big fire on the mainland. Looks like a news helicopter is covering the action.”

  Macey hopped off the stool, and Selena tried to recover from the terror she’d felt at the word fire. If it was on the mainland, though, Evan wouldn’t be involved.

  “Channel Six,” the guy said, as all of them stared at the TV lodged at an angle from the ceiling behind the bar.

  When the picture finally appeared, they could see a building engulfed by flames on one side, with so much smoke it was impossible to tell much about where it was.

  “It’s a school,” Macey said. “I’ve seen that place.”

  The other customers inside joined them at the main counter from their previous spots around the outer perimeter of the shack.

  “Lord have mercy,” an older woman said.

  “Anyone know what happened?” a man next to her asked.

  Macey shook her head and turned the volume up.

  “…four-alarm fire here, folks. Departments have been called in from surrounding areas to help. These guys have a long day ahead of them trying to get this fire under control….”

  Selena tuned out the rest, stuck on “surrounding areas.” She met Macey’s eyes over the counter and could see her fear. They were thinking the same thing. Derek was working, too.

  The camera panned to what looked like a city park down the block from the burning building. Scads of elementary children were there, along with shell-shocked parents and teachers.

  “How’d you hear about it?” another customer asked the man who’d delivered the news.

  “Saw it. You can see the smoke from here, and the helicopter.”

  As the camera panned back to the fire, it passed slowly over the fire trucks, including a big red rig with San Amaro Island Fire Department on the side.

  “Oh, God.” Selena swallowed down the bile that threatened to choke her. The lights seemed to dim and all sound around her disappeared, as if she’d slipped into a big bubble. Her mouth was completely dry. Her head spun and it suddenly took all her effort to remain upright on the stool.

  Macey put her arm around her and pulled her tightly to her side as they were transfixed by the nightmare on the television screen.

  “What do we do?” Selena croaked out. “Should we go there?”

  Macey shook her head. “We’ll get more information here. Trust me, it’s chaos there and we don’t want to distract anyone.”

  “We can’t just sit here and watch.” Without thinking, Selena put her hand over her abdomen.

  “They’ll be okay,” Macey said. Her face was so ashen, though, Selena knew she was trying to convince herself as much as Selena.

  They clung to each other for the next hour. Selena couldn’t drag her eyes from the TV.

  “Macey.” Kevin, one of the shift managers for the bar, hurried in and crossed to her. “I came when I saw the fire on TV. Is Derek on duty?”

  She nodded. “Thank you. I could use the help.”

  The number of customers had doubled, most of them there to get an update on the news.

  “Sit down,” Kevin said. “Take a break.”

  “Did you ever eat lunch?” Macey asked Selena as she slid a vacant stool closer.

  Selena tried to remember. Then it hit her that her mother had died. God. She’d almost forgotten in the terror of the fire. “No.” She felt shaky, as if she could collapse at any second. She held her hand out in front of her and saw it trembling.

  Macey sprang into action, but Selena paid no attention. Her vision blurred, and this time it wasn’t from tears. There were no tears left inside her—only cold, black fear.

  “Come on,” Macey said, gently taking her by the arm. “We need to get out of here.”

  “I need to watch,” Selena said, everything swimming in her vision.

  “No. Trust me, sweetie. We need some air. I’ve got you.”

  Macey pulled her off the stool and firmly propelled her to the doorway on the beach side. Selena didn’t even have a chance to look back and check the TV again.

  “What if something happens while we’re out here?” Selena asked as Macey pulled her closer to the water.

  “Then it happens. You looked about to pass out in there. Drink this.” She shoved a large plastic cup at Selena.

  “I don’t want anything.”

  “It’s water. Your body needs it. For the baby if not for yourself.”

  The baby who could be fatherless. Selena leaned over and threw up into a patch of sea grass.

  “Oh, sweetie, come here.” Macey led Selena a few steps away and they sat on the chilly sand.

  Selena no longer had the strength or the will to stay upright so she lay back on the beach. “How do you do this?” she asked Macey hoarsely.

  “I tell myself everything will be okay. Over and over again.”

  “Do you ever believe it?”

  Macey was quiet for a few seconds. “Yes. I think I do. I know Derek is good at what he does. Evan is, too.”

  “Accidents can happen to good firefighters.”

  “Sure. But you have to believe they’ll do everything they can to handle them.”

  Selena didn’t respond. She bent her knees toward the sky and closed her eyes, her hands burrowing through the sand. Her chest ached and her neck and the base of her skull felt as though someone had repeatedly taken an ax to them.

  Macey looked down at her and rubbed her hand over Selena’s sandy one. “Try taking twenty deep breaths. It helps with the panic.”

  Selena was on inhale number four when they heard a gigantic boom in the distance. It was like a cannon but twenty times louder. She shot upright and Macey whipped around, trying to figure out what had happened.

  Macey swore, something Selena had never heard her do, as she hurried to her feet and held out a hand for Selena.

  “What? What was that?”

  “Maybe an explosion. Come on.”

  “Oh, God.” Where she found the energy to run back to the bar, she didn’t know, but they got there in time to hear the news announcer on the TV say that an explosion had rocked the school building.

  “The last we knew, there were rescue personnel inside the building still attempting to get people out. We’ll keep you posted as we get answers. A lot of questions and unknowns here, folks.”

  Kevin came up to them and put his hands on Selena’s and Macey’s. “You girls holding up?”

  Selena couldn’t answer aloud but no, she wasn’t holding up at all, thank you very much. If something happened to Evan…

  “Could you get her something to drink?” Macey asked. “Nonalcoholic, please. She’s pregnant.”

  If Kevin was surprised, he didn’t show it. He filled a cup with Sprite, stuck a lid on it and slid it in front of Selena.

  “Drink,” Macey said.

  “We have confirmation that two rescue personnel are being taken to the emergency room with injuries,” the man on the TV said. “We don’t have word on the extent of the injuries yet. Stay tuned.”

  “Let’s go,” Macey said, grabbing the Sprite with one hand and Selena with the other. “Kevin, could you hand me my purse? It’s in the drawer in back.”

  They made their way to th
e door closest to the parking lot. Kevin met them there with the bag. “Call me, Mace.”

  She nodded and they hurried to her car.

  IT TOOK more than two hours for them to find out that the men brought in were firefighters but not their firefighters. One was in critical condition and the other was expected to make it but had severe burns. They were both from the department on the mainland, not San Amaro. Selena and Macey didn’t know the men or their families, but that didn’t diminish the bone-deep sorrow Selena felt for those involved. Still, she was relieved, at least for now, that Evan and Derek weren’t the men in the E.R. with a whole team of doctors working on them.

  A wave of exhaustion nearly brought Selena to her knees as they walked out to Macey’s Corolla. “I think I need to go home.”

  “You look like you got dragged by a train.”

  “That’s actually better than I feel.”

  “Want me to stay with you?”

  Selena fell into the passenger seat and considered it. “I love you for offering, but I just need to go to bed.”

  “I’ll call you when I hear something.”

  “Please.” Though if it was any more bad news, Selena didn’t have a clue how she would survive it.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  IT WAS PITCH-DARK when Selena’s cell phone jolted her awake.

  She felt around for it on the nightstand, disoriented and scared to death of whoever was calling.

  Don’t let it be bad news.

  Her heart was going Indy 500 speeds and her ears buzzed in between rings. It was as if she was trapped at the bottom of a well and the oxygen supply was almost gone.

  “Yeah?” She sat up on the edge of her bed, her feet hitting the floor.

  “Selena, it’s Macey. They’ve got the fire under control. Still some hot spots but our guys are back at the station.”

  “Evan?”

  “He’s okay. Derek, too.” Her voice was full of pent-up emotion. “They’re okay, sweetie.”

  “Thank God.” Selena turned on the lamp. “Where are you?”

  “I’m at the station. Derek’s in the shower right now. I’m waiting to see him.”

  “Have you slept yet?” Selena asked.

  “No. But I’m going to sleep like a baby now, I promise you.” Macey sniffed. “Evan rescued a little girl, Selena. He saved her life.”

  Selena smiled through the tears that coursed down her face as she slid to the floor. “That’s so great.” She closed her eyes. “What a man he is. They all are.”

  “Got that right.”

  “Go get Derek. And thanks for calling me.”

  Selena ended the call and sat there, dazed, for several minutes. The alarm clock told her it was 2:14 a.m. She’d crashed hard in her bed, comalike, sleeping for several hours.

  Slowly, she rose and changed clothes, since she hadn’t had the energy to get her pajamas on before. As she dressed, she made a decision.

  Selena pulled out one of her carry-on bags and stuffed in a change of clothes and her toiletries, having finally booked a flight last night for seven this morning. She’d left enough of her cold-weather clothes back in Boston to get by. She ran a brush through her hair and clipped it back, then shoved her feet into shoes. On her way out the door, she grabbed her coat and purse and slung the tote over her shoulder.

  The half-mile drive to the station seemed longer than it had in the past. Surreal. The rest of the world slept while her heart thundered. She had to see Evan. Had to assure herself he was unharmed. Had to tell him what had become crystal clear to her upon waking.

  EVAN STOOD alone in the shower, scrubbing his body yet again in an attempt to get rid of the soot that seemed to cover every inch of him. His lungs screamed from too much smoke, but the damage was negligible. Especially compared to the others.

  Two men had gone down tonight, one of them still fighting for his life. They’d also pulled out two civilian victims. A teacher who’d helped her students escape and a first-grade girl who’d hidden in one of the restrooms when the fire broke out. He’d seen one of the bodies being carried slowly to the ambulance as he’d gotten new orders. He’d seen dead victims before, but it would always tear him apart to know there was someone they hadn’t been able to save.

  Thank God he’d found the other little girl when he had. He’d been able to get her out and to the paramedics in time. Last he’d heard, when they returned to the station, she was doing okay at the hospital. It was his first rescue—he’d waited years for the timing and the circumstances to line up in his favor. Satisfaction and gratitude had overwhelmed him after he’d gotten her out, but word of the victims and the injured firefighters had dampened his elation soon after.

  He poured more shampoo into his hand and massaged it into his hair. The stench of smoke was impossible to get rid of entirely and it made his nostrils burn. After another round of soap, he finally turned the water off. His skin was as clean as he could get it tonight.

  As the shower spit out a few last drops of water, Evan stood there, one hand still on the knob, leaning his forehead and forearm against the wall. He was spent now that the adrenaline had stopped pumping.

  He heard something behind him and turned around.

  Selena stood there, hair a mess, eyes shining with tears.

  “What are you doing here, darlin’?”

  “They said you were alone. That I could come in.” Her voice was quiet, unsure. Tired.

  “It’s fine,” he said, walking toward her, still dripping wet. He’d never been so damn happy to see her, in spite of her drawn face and haunted eyes.

  She hesitated for a moment, then closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around his naked body, buried her head against his wet chest. And began sobbing.

  “Selena, it’s okay. I’m fine. Everything’s going to be fine.” His voice was gravelly as hell from all the smoke.

  She just held on and cried. By the time she’d quieted down, he was mostly dry except for the part of his chest she’d drenched with tears.

  Selena looked down at her damp clothes and then met his eyes. Hers were red rimmed and bloodshot. Evan brushed her hair behind her ear and held her hand as he walked over to the stack of clean towels. He wrapped one around his waist then pulled her to him again. She began to cry, even harder.

  “Selena, what’s wrong? The fire’s over. We saved some people—a girl and a boy.”

  She nodded up against him. “S-sorry. Did you get my message?”

  “What message, darlin’?”

  “On your phone.”

  He wasn’t even sure where his phone was. “Not yet.”

  She inhaled slowly, shakily, and those brown eyes lined with damp lashes sought his again. “My mom d-died. Last night. Aneurysm.”

  Oh, holy hell. He took both her hands and pulled her out of the shower area to a dry bench. He straddled it next to her and hugged her again. “I’m so damn sorry, Selena.”

  She cried silently, shoulders jerking up and down, for another few minutes. Gradually the tears began to subside, but he didn’t let go. He didn’t have the first notion of what to say.

  “Sorry about that,” she said finally, sounding much stronger than before. “I didn’t mean to cry.”

  “Shh. It’s okay.”

  She stood and took two steps away from him. “It’s not okay, actually. I…Evan…I can’t do this anymore. I’m not cut out to be a firefighter’s wife.”

  He felt her words like a dull knife to the gut. “Everything worked out, Selena. I’m fine. Look at me.”

  “Two of your colleagues aren’t, Evan. What if that had been you?”

  “It wasn’t. This was a particularly bad fire, darlin’. Every time won’t be like this.”

  She shook her head. “There won’t be an every time. I can’t do it.” She stood taller. “I won’t, Evan. Today was torture. I know it wasn’t a cakewalk for you, but you’ve chosen this life. I haven’t.”

  “You won’t even give it some time before you decide?”r />
  “There’s no point. I can’t live like this. I’m flying home for the funeral and when I get back, there won’t be an us.”

  “So you are coming back to San Amaro?”

  “I have commitments here. The murals. My business.”

  “I’m not giving up,” Evan said, his throat raw with pain, both physical and other.

  Selena stared at him, then slowly, sadly shook her head. “I have to go now. Goodbye, Evan.”

  He watched her walk, step by graceful step, out of his life.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  “YOU DOING OKAY?”

  Selena looked up at her brother from where she sat on the main stairway in the Cambridge-Jarboe family estate. She nodded distractedly. “I guess. All things considered.”

  “All things considered,” Tom repeated, gesturing for her to move over so he could sit next to her. “Lots to digest.”

  “You’re still freaking out because I’m pregnant, aren’t you?”

  “Hell, yeah. You’re my baby sister. I’m going to be an uncle.”

  They’d stayed up talking most of the night before after getting through the funeral, the burial, the gathering at the house afterward. The ordeal had made time disappear and brought their father’s death back as if it’d happened the week before instead of fifteen years ago.

  “You’ll be the best uncle ever,” she said, leaning into him. “You can buy him baby camos.”

  Tom chuckled. “The question is whether you’d let the little one wear them or not.”

  “As long as you don’t start recruiting before high school.”

  “I wouldn’t dare. Don’t need that big bad firefighter coming after me.”

  Selena grinned reluctantly. “You big bad Army guys have a problem with big bad firefighters beating you up?”

  “Actually, not in this lifetime. I’m more afraid of the firefighter’s woman.”

  “I’m not his anything, Tom. I told you that.”