River's Escape (River's End Series, #2)

by Davis, Leanne

  She licked her lips, suddenly unsure of what he was doing, or what she should do next. She lifted the corners of her lips in a tentative smile. His eyes narrowed on hers as he met her gaze. She reached up to move a piece of hair that fell over his forehead when he leaned over her. She was holding her breath, and at a total loss. She did not know what he wanted. Or what this moment represented. Her heart thumped like it could have pounded out of her chest simply from the intensity of his gaze, and the tender look she saw in his eyes. It made her feel like the most desirable, beautiful, adored woman in the world. That moment was the first time she ever felt that way.

  He clasped her hand in his and brought it to his lips. When he pressed a kiss on her open, flat palm, her breath caught and her heart flipped over at the gesture. Leaning down, and without a smile, he pressed his lips on hers. It was a soft, totally close-mouthed kiss that almost undid her more than any petting or mauling. Her heart dissolved into a puddle of nerves in her chest.

  He kissed a trail of small kisses near her ear before asking, “Do you want to stop?”

  Stop? No. The strange, new feelings were swirling in her stomach again, and tightening around her vagina. She didn’t really know what she wanted, except that she did not want those feelings to stop. She shook her head in mindless abandon. No she didn’t want him to stop. He eased off and she kept her eyes closed. The air was relatively warm, but as soon as Ian was no longer over her, the goose bumps broke out over her skin. She heard his belt buckle and began to writhe on the saddle blanket. He left her waiting, wanting, and losing her mind with the desire that he come back on top of her.

  In no time, he wrapped his arms around her again and she felt his body alongside hers. He was thick and big and long. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling unsure of what to do next. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t look at it. It seemed so surreal to her suddenly. She hadn’t had the time to really analyze how she felt now that he was about to enter her.

  Her eyes popped open when she felt him moving on top of her. Her legs naturally parted and she eagerly let him settle between her legs. He was there finally. She could feel the heat radiating off his penis and her body was ready to whimper in need. Bending her knees, she rested her heels on the grass and braced herself, very unsure about everything. She shut her eyes tightly and awaited a spearing pain. Instead, he shifted his body and used only two fingers to touch her. Her entire body ached and burned with instantaneous, carnal desire. She sighed and relaxed slightly, opening herself to him. She adored the feelings he was stirring up inside her. Oh God! It felt so good again.

  His mouthed lowered on hers and his body shifted. She wondered if she should say something, like, Wait! I’m a virgin; don’t do this, or I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, or simply, Please don’t hurt me, but when his hips moved, he slid inside her, hard, fast, and deep. She gasped at the stretching, burning sensation that suddenly emanated from her lower half. Her lungs expelled a long rush of oxygen, almost like he pushed the air out of her.

  It felt weird. She had no point of reference to describe it. It wasn’t like all those hot, pulsating sensations she had earlier. It was kind of achy, dry, and strange. She was afraid to move. Or even breathe.

  He didn’t move for a moment and seemed to catch on that something wasn’t quite normal. Or at least, she assumed he must’ve realized that. She had no idea. None at all to describe exactly what sex felt like.

  “Ian…” she whispered softly. It sounded kind of like an apology and kind of like a shocked cry. She wasn’t sure now that she meant to do this. But she certainly did not want to stop him. She should have told him before now. Or even, this moment, when he was already wondering what was wrong with her. Maybe he’d just think she was frigid or something. Maybe he couldn’t really tell.

  She had her arms around his neck and he lifted his face so he could look into her eyes. He was very close. Only inches separated their faces. She could feel his breath on her face. She closed her eyes, now completely embarrassed and mortified.

  Biting her lips, she mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

  “Are you okay?” His voice sounded weird. He didn’t quite seem to know what was going on.

  She shrugged and finally confessed, “It’s my first time.”

  He eased out of her, but stayed at the threshold of her entrance. “Really? I had no idea.”

  She kept her eyes closed and a new kind of heat filled her body. The mortified kind.

  “I mean that; are you okay? I really don’t know how to classify your reaction right now.”

  “I’m okay,” she whispered, turning her head away from him. “Please, don’t… stop.”

  Did she just whimper that? Did she really want that? Even though her body was feeling weirder than ever, she still wanted more. She felt like she was straining towards something. Or missing something.

  He didn’t say anything more as he leaned over and very gently, slid inside her again. He moved easily and slower, kind of letting her body accept him inch-by-inch. She tensed up and seemed stressed, almost preparing for the next stab of pain.

  “Relax,” he said kindly into her ear before his lips touched her temple and drifted down towards her mouth. The soft way he had of kissing her made her body respond just the way he wanted. She relaxed more, opening her legs until he was all the way inside her. This time, it wasn’t a painful stab to her, but more like a dull, throbbing sensation.

  When he didn’t move for a long moment, she finally drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She mentally commanded her muscles to relax around him, and when she did, she felt the first flutter of something nice. Then she wanted to re-tighten her vaginal muscles back around him. That hungry desire started to gnaw at her again. But it was not nearly as strong as it was for his deft fingers. She nodded her head then, and said, “I’m okay.”

  He withdrew his shaft before diving into her again. As he repeated the stroke a few more times, he increased the speed and pressure. It didn’t really get more comfortable, but it ceased being uncomfortable. It still felt so weird to Kailynn. So different from how his hand felt. She expected intercourse to be a replica of that. But this was so different. So very different.

  “I think I’m okay now. I think you can do whatever you normally do.”

  He face lifted up and a small smile formed on his mouth. “Normally?” She heard the dry tone to his voice. “Are you sure?”

  She nodded, starting to suspect he always took what she said at face value. He’d coddle her gently, if she wanted him to; but if she allowed him free rein, he fully intended to do it the way he normally did. He suddenly shifted his hips differently and swirled around to another position. She didn’t expect that, or the strange stab of desire that bolted through her. “Oh!” popped out of her lips before she realized it. She bit her lower lip in an effort to shut up before she sounded like an idiot.

  His fingertips gently touched her cheek. “Tell me what you like.”

  What she liked? Until an hour ago, she didn’t even like her boobs to be touched, or sucked, or kissed. How could she know what she liked? But when he moved that mysterious way again, and her hips responded of their own volition, she could only whimper. He seemed to take that as something she “liked,” so he did it again and again and again. She finally managed to relax her entire body. She let him fill her up and pull out of her, his hips controlling all the movements in a rhythm she didn’t expect could feel so good. Although still achy and sore, she wanted more. It was confusing to her, but also good. Even though her insides felt like they were rubbed raw.

  Suddenly, his hand encircled her waist and his other hand pressed into her lower back. Her body was almost plastered against his when he came with such force, and nothing like the slow, gentle strokes he used at first. She opened her eyes finally. His face was above her, and his eyes were closed with his mouth half opened. She could see the pleasure he felt rippling through his facial muscles. She touched his face because she never knew what it was like to give an
yone so much pleasure before. She didn’t even know she could. Although she didn’t quite get to the phenomenal peak of desire she reached earlier, she didn’t expect to like watching him so much. Or the way she felt him holding her next to him as if she were the only thing he ever needed to hold or touch before he died.

  He was quiet. He didn’t utter any sounds of pleasure to suggest he liked it. It was kind of like his personality in regular life. He dropped his head down so it rested between her breasts. His breath aroused her nipple. She could feel his chest rising and falling as he slowly regulated his breathing.

  He was still inside her, but the pressure and thickness were gone. He didn’t move for many minutes. She didn’t know what to do. She touched his hair and stroked the short strands through her fingers as she stared up at the blue sky surrounding them. The canopy of treetops framed in deep yellow needles looked so wonderful to her then. It was so quiet that her blood seemed to quit pulsating in her veins as her breathing returned to normal. Slowly, the natural, silent wilderness they occupied began to surface in her mind once again. She heard the clomping and snorting of the horses. The clanging of their hobbles. There were other little sounds, too. A little breath of air brushed the grass beside her, then stopped.

  Now what? She nearly whimpered when her brain finally stirred to awareness and her personality returned to normalcy. What did she do now? She nearly groaned as the blatant reality of what happened between them started to really dawn on her.

  She briefly shut her eyes in horror. She just had sex. Oh no. She didn’t want to do that. She intended to wait until she got married. She would stay a virgin until that day and have something special to offer her groom. Something that was entirely hers. Something that distinguished her from every other girl in the valley. Or at the very least, her first time having sex was supposed to be with Shane. Not Ian. Oh God. Ian Rydell was still buried inside her.

  How could this have happened? They had never even kissed before; and then, with one kiss, she surrendered everything to him, including her virginity. She simply rolled over and gave herself to a man she wasn’t even dating. And didn’t even like.

  No. No. No. She could not have really done that, or could she?

  Shifting his hips, he finally slid out of her and eased back. She kept her eyes tightly shut, but sensed him leaning down, taking off the condom, and dropping it somewhere. He shifted some more while bringing his pants up. She didn’t look. She purposely did not look. She curled onto her side, trying to pull down her own t-shirt to cover her ugly, big boobs and hide her naked butt, still hanging out. She was average-sized, except for her breasts. Her entire personality and intelligence were also average. The only thing she hoped for in life was to not have sex until she married a husband. That’s all she ever expected of herself. And now, after the first man touches her privates, she gives her whole body to him, without a second thought, or even remembering she didn’t want to do that.

  The silence grew louder and she felt awful. The evening’s cold was setting in. She needed to move and pull her clothes back on, but she didn’t want to. Not with him right there, still able to watch her. She dared not even contemplate ever making eye contact with him again. She hoped he would just disappear and leave her alone so she could pretend this never happened.

  She jumped when his hand touched the side of her hip. “We have to get going. It’ll be dark soon.”

  She nodded, keeping her eyes closed, with her head still resting on her hands. She twisted her hips away from his touch, now feeling mortified. She did not want to see him. She just wanted him to leave, and now wasn’t even fast enough.

  “Kailynn?” His tone sounded unlike any she’d heard from him before. It seemed soft and gentle and hesitant. It was strange enough to make tears fill her eyes. Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, she turned her head towards the grass to hide her face. He didn’t say anything for several minutes, but finally sighed and got to his feet. “I’ll go get the horses ready. Take all the time you need.”

  And just like that, he was back to Ian Rydell again. She opened her eyes and let her tears fall out the sides of them. Turning her head, she could see him striding towards Roxy, his clothes still intact. She buried her face with groan. How could she have let his happen with Ian? How? It made no sense. She had no warning this could have even been a possibility. And yet, they did it. No, she did this.

  She slowly sat up and her bra flopped around her chest. She quickly set it right and grabbed her sweatshirt, which she pulled over her head. She felt glad to wrap up in its bulkiness. She reached down to pick up her jeans and underwear. She pulled them on, hating them, and hating the fact that she’d ever taken them off. In the middle of nowhere. Outside in the wilderness. She’d just lost her virginity outside. And it was completely not special. Just some random, wild, careless romp without reason. It was not what she wanted, or dreamed about. Her heart started to hurt already. She ruined the only thing she valued about herself. She waited all these years, resisting the persuasions and threats of multiple boyfriends, only to end up hooking up randomly with someone she wasn’t even dating.

  She looked up. True to his word, Ian was leading Samson around the pond. He took the long way instead of going right past her. He was far enough away that she could not read his expression. He didn’t look at her either.

  She was sore. As she got to her feet and started to slide her boots on, she winced with each movement. Her butt was saddle sore, and now, her inside matched her outside. She cursed Ian and herself for being there, although the magnitude of what she’d done hadn’t yet hit her.

  She glanced down at the used condom and looked around. It wasn’t like they could throw it in a trash can, so she stared at it, now grossed out. A dirty condom, that’s all she had to show for the day’s achievement. Mortified with shame, she hunted out her plastic lunch sack. Then, using a twig, she stuck it inside the bag and buried it at the bottom of her saddlebags.

  She wanted to go off and have a really long cry. The tears felt like they were about to fall over her eyelids and she had a large lump in her throat. But Ian was right; the sun had already tilted in the sky and it was starting to cool down rapidly. They had a two-hour ride back to camp. She groaned when she thought of the saddle between her legs.

  She wanted a shower. No, a long, hot bath to scrub away every trace and scent of him. His saliva was still on multiple areas of her body. She shivered in disgust. She couldn’t even wash it away. She wanted to soak in a hot tub and ease the aches in her body and heart.

  Instead, she gathered up her stuff and his horn bag. His damn horn bag. If he hadn’t brought it along, this would have not happened. As luck would have it, he had his damn wallet. Awesome for her. She gritted her teeth and lifted the entire load before crossing the creek on the stepping stones. She finally had no other choice but to join Ian.

  He had the four horses all unhobbled and tied to different small saplings. He saddled her horse for her. She should have thanked him, since he didn’t have to do that. No one else would have. Not her brothers. And certainly, not Shane. But her tongue couldn’t move. She could not lift her gaze from the grass at their feet. Instead, she set the stuff down and tried to stand off to the side. He didn’t say anything either, but quickly got his horse ready. Afterwards, he approached her. He leaned down and picked up his horn bag, which he threw over the saddle horn. Then he grabbed her saddlebags and tied them on for her. It was something she was perfectly capable of doing, but presently had no motivation. She didn’t want to do anything except sit down and cry. She wanted to curl up into a ball of humiliation and nurse her ragged feelings. Quite unreasonably, she was angry with him for all of this. She acted like he was the source of her regret.

  Even though she asked him to.

  He stood to the left of her and she could feel his gaze upon her. Pretending her horse was the most fascinating thing she’d ever beheld, she walked closer to it. Every muscle in her body hurt now; inside and out. Her body was worn out by all th
e riding, but now, she was burning inside too. The last thing she wanted to do was get on top of a horse. The silence was awful. It became thicker and more uncomfortable. She wished he’d say something. Or do something. He knew how to handle this kind of situation. But he didn’t say a word as he stepped closer to her.

  Then, he asked, “Can you ride?”

  She refused to look up at him. The reason why he was questioning whether she could ride was degrading to her. “Not much choice in that, is there?” she snapped back, in a rude, bitchy voice. Gritting her teeth, she reached up to grab the saddle horn, and placed her foot into the stirrup. Her weight was suddenly eased when Ian’s big hands grasped her waist and lifted her the rest of the way. She nearly jerked her torso from his grip when she was finally up. She didn’t look down, or say thank you, even after he handed her the reins she carelessly dropped.

  He stood near her for a moment, his hand on her thigh. He was waiting for her to look at him. He could have waited all night. She refused to face him. She kept her gaze pinned on the horse’s ears. Finally, he let go and turned towards his own horse before gathering the other two. Then, with the lithe grace of an athlete, he landed in the saddle.

  He made a soft, clicking sound and the horses started on command. Kailynn was last, grateful for anything that stood between them. She glanced back one more time at the shining sun, which grew blinding now as it descended beyond the yellow tamarack trees. She looked at the glowing gold of the pond, now shimmering in this gilded magical kingdom of the mountains. It would become the spot she’d forever remember as the place where she lost her virginity to the last man she ever wanted to touch her again as long as she lived.

  Chapter Nine

  KAILYNN REFUSED TO LOOK at or speak to Ian as he led them back to camp. Every time he checked on her, she kept her gaze firmly planted on her horse’s head. He ruined everything. His heart squeezed with regret every time he saw her cold, quiet, horrified face. He went from what could have been the start of Kailynn perhaps liking his company and made her hate him. He never, ever, in his wildest dreams even considered having sex with her. Not there. Not then. Not like that.