Beat (The Beat and The Pulse #1)

by Amity Cross

  It sounded totally fucked up, but it was us. It was ours and ours alone. We were so similar in so many different ways, but the things that set us apart, fed off the other. He was the moon to my sun. He was the earth to my sky. Poetic bullshit, but how could you put a label on it?

  Rolling onto his back and pulling me over him, Ash held my thighs in his big hands and thrust upward over and over. He fucked me from underneath, doing all the work. My elbows sunk into the mattress either side of his head, holding on for fucking life as he stared at my tits swaying back and forth. He pounded into my pussy, taking everything he needed, but giving me all I wanted. It was fucking porn star sex without the soundtrack, but it was the best fuck we’d had yet. His skin was slick with sweat as heat sparked across mine, the onslaught against my clit building and building towards a fucking brilliant orgasm. It was almost there, humming at the edges.

  “I’m close,” I panted and I was suddenly on my back, Ash’s hulking body over mine.

  He slid his cock back into me and pressed against my clit, holding firm and deep.

  “Hold onto it, Ren,” he growled. “We’re going at the same time.” He circled his pelvis into mine slowly before sliding out. “Hard until we’re coming.”

  His eyes held firm with mine as he thrust hard and didn’t stop, pounding into me again and again. I couldn’t hold on, I couldn’t help letting go underneath his onslaught. He kept hitting the right place deep inside me, slapping against my clit…it was too much.

  My pussy began to tighten around his cock as my orgasm took me and he moaned loudly, his lips parting. My hands slapped against his ass, fingers digging into skin, relishing the feel of his flexing muscles. I rode the wave hard as Ash followed me into oblivion, his release spurting into me.

  I could only think of one word as I milked his cock with all that I had. Mine.

  This thing between Ash and I was deeper than just a great fuck. We were meant to find each other and there was no way in hell I was letting him go.

  And when he finally opened his eyes and stared down at me, I didn’t have to hear him say it because it was written in everything he did.

  You’re mine, Ren. You’re mine and I’m never letting you go.

  Chapter 29

  Ren

  My second night at The Underground was even more exhilarating than the first.

  People recognized who I was and wanted to know if I was fighting again. They called me Reign of Terror and Ash just looked at me like I was mad. Maybe I was.

  The bookies waved when I passed, seeing a potential wad of cash and punters didn’t just want to talk to Ash this time, they wanted to talk to me too. For the first time in my life, people wanted to know me. I was smart enough to realize it was all a little fake, but the attention was something else. I’d never experienced it before.

  Ash just shook his head, the only sign that he still disapproved, and grudgingly watched on as I signed up for that night’s bouts. The ref from the night before just smirked at me with a big ‘I told you so’ look plastered on his face.

  I got two fights to Ash’s three that night. It seemed like my debut packed enough of a punch to get me on the list. There were no overs.

  I’d given Rogue a pretty bad concussion apparently, so she wasn’t even on the board. They put me up against a tough Aussie-Italian woman named Fury, and an Australian with the handle, Thunder. The whole name thing still made me burst out into fits of laughter, but I just went with the flow.

  I tapped against Fury and downed Thunder faster than I had Rogue. I wasn’t as talented as Ash, I had to work to get all the footing I could in my bouts. I took more hits than he did, more risks and more of everything. Ash just walked into the cage and steamrolled every opponent who dared face him.

  But that was the way he did things and there wasn’t another fighter there that could match it. My Maverick was one of a kind.

  I was sitting in the change rooms after my last fight, staring at my hands, wondering where all this was going. Was I doing it to feel something? Was I doing it to piss of my Dad? Was I doing it because I felt like I had to be a part of Ash’s world to win a slice of his heart?

  “Nice fight, Terror.” I glanced up at Thunder who was holding her hand out towards me. Was it a peace offering, her being a good sport or something a little more sinister?

  Deciding to take a chance, I took her outstretched hand and shook. “Thanks.” As an afterthought, I added, “Thanks for being so cool about it. Not many people around here seemed thrilled about being beaten by a newbie.”

  Thunder grinned, sitting beside me. “Some bitches take this shit super serious. Not all of us are like that, but just watch yourself, okay?”

  I laughed because, yeah, there were a lot of snakes in the grass around this place. “I’ve already got my hackles up, don’t you worry.”

  “You and Fuller, huh?” she asked and my eyebrows rose. Her whole good sportsmanship approach smelt like a way to get the low down about me and Ash. Anyone with a pair of eyes in their head could see that we were together.

  I eyed Thunder suspiciously. “Me and Fuller? Uh, obviously.”

  “Can’t say I’m not jealous,” she said with a shrug. “But so are a lot of other people. You’ve got balls, Terror, fucking huge balls.”

  “Thanks for…whatever this is, but I understand the size of the target on my back and who’s got it in for me.” I stood as Ash walked into the change rooms. “No hard feelings?” I held out my hand this time.

  Thunder smiled up at me, not taken aback in the slightest. Taking my hand she said, “If we’re choosing sides, I’m on yours.”

  “I don’t want to be on a side,” I replied. “I just wanna fight. Until next time, hey?”

  Thunder nodded with a quizzical look on her face and I turned to find Ash, who was rubbing himself down with a towel. I felt heat begin to rise as I stopped beside him.

  “Would you like me to do that?” I murmured, licking my lips. “That’s one thing I wouldn’t mind doing for you.”

  Ash flicked me with the towel before saying, “Only if you wanna risk me stripping you in front of all these fuckers and going at it.”

  “Gross,” I joked. Ash pulled on his T-shirt and I grimaced, screwing up my nose. “You’re not showering?”

  “I’ll shower when we get back to Beat,” he whispered in my ear, hands grasping my waist. “I like showering with you.”

  “I bet you do.” I sure as fuck did.

  There was a loud crash as the largest fighter I’d ever seen barreled into the room, slamming his fist into a row of lockers. He wasn’t as toned as Ash, but he was one ugly son of a bitch. His face was scarred, like he’d been dragged down the road face first and it hadn’t healed properly and his head was shaved to the point of being shiny. The whole thing just made him look mean and by his entrance, the insides probably matched the outsides.

  “Who’s that?” I whispered into Ash’s ear, realizing he’d been talking to the guy outside the cage while I’d been fighting Rogue the night before.

  “That’s Hammer,” he replied. “He’s second in the men’s. Rogue is his woman.”

  “Oh, shit,” I said, realizing Hammer was Ash’s Underground arch nemesis. “I fucked her face up.”

  “And now he’s got his rage on to pay me back.”

  “Should I say I’m sorry?” I asked.

  “To him?” Ash exclaimed, looking at me like I was crazy. “Don’t you dare fuckin’ talk to him.”

  “Not him, you stupid fucker,” I said with a laugh. “You.”

  “Why would you apologize to me? You can punch her out as much as you like.”

  “Good. I intend to.”

  Hammer chose that moment to look up and catch my eye. He licked his lips, his scarred face looking ghoulish in the half-light and I suppressed a shudder. From the sounds of it, the ugly went all the way through.

  “So, do you and Hammer have some kind of rivalry going on?” I asked.

  Ash stiffened sligh
tly and shifted to try and cover it up, but it was too late. I’d already caught it.

  “It’s not just a new thing, is it?”

  “I knew him before,” Ash replied, thinly. “He was an asshole then and he’s an asshole now.” He turned to glare at me. What the fuck did I do? “Stay away from him, Ren.”

  “Ugh.” I faux stuck a finger down my throat. “Puke. Don’t worry about that.”

  Ash started to laugh, rubbing a hand up and down my waist. “You’re trouble, Ren Miller.”

  “You’re stuck with me, Maverick.” I slid my hand over his and couldn’t get over how small mine was compared to his.

  “You can still reconsider.”

  “You still on that?”

  “Always,” he murmured, running a thumb over the cut on my cheek.

  “What do you get if you win?” I asked.

  He shrugged. Always with the shrugging. “A million dollars.”

  My eyes widened, but Ash didn’t seem to care about the price tag he was carrying about. “How much have you won so far?”

  “About that.”

  A million dollars? For beating the shit out of people? It was all dirty money in a way, because this whole operation was illegal, but he’d won it fair and square. He’d played by their rules and was making a lot of people rich in the process.

  “Why didn't you tell me?” I almost shrieked at him.

  “It’s not important.”

  “I don’t give a shit about the money,” I went on, but Ash interrupted me.

  “Neither do I. That’s why I didn’t mention it. I don’t give a stuff.”

  “No, but other people do,” I murmured.

  He glanced down at me, a frown creasing his forehead. “You worried about me, Spitfire?”

  I squeezed my thighs together as the sound of my nickname coming from his lips rippled through my body. “Yeah.”

  I knew Ash struggled with a lot of things, but our relationship didn’t have to be one of them. Before he could say something assholey to ruin it, I leaned up, fisted a hand into his shirt and pulled him against me. His lips caught mine and I kissed him into submission.

  “Trouble,” he breathed against my mouth.

  “All caps, Maverick.”

  After a week and ten thousand dollars sitting in my bank account, I quit my job at the coffee shop.

  Seth complained and Joseph just shrugged. I guess the shrugging was a man thing, but I was glad I didn’t have to get up and work anymore. Josie and I hadn’t caught up like we’d planned and I felt a little guilty for not seeing her. I could say my plate was full, but that was just an excuse.

  I was well and truly sucked into the lifestyle of cash, violence and Ash.

  Didn’t take long.

  “Ren.”

  I stopped in the doorway of Beat’s gym as I heard Dad call out. I knew this conversation was coming, because when I started turning up with cuts on my face and hands, the looks started. I saw the cogs turning in Dad’s head and it wasn’t going to take much for him to work out what was going on.

  I wondered how much he actually knew, considering Ash was giving him money for Beat. He had to have a good idea, even if Ash hadn’t told him straight up. We sure as fuck didn’t make any effort to conceal our relationship. We didn’t go all 'public display of affection' in the studio, but it was borderline. The only people who seemed concerned were the Twins because they were afraid of Ash doing wrong by me.

  The other was Monica. She slunk around Beat all day and night with a sour look on her face, the fact that she was put out that she’d been snubbed by her crush, one hundred percent obvious. That was a storm that was yet to break.

  “Yeah?” I turned on my heel as Dad approached for his planned intervention, a concerned look on his face.

  “I’d rather you be truthful with me, Ren,” he started, and I rolled my eyes. “Where are you getting those cuts?”

  “Took you long enough to give a shit,” I replied.

  “Renee.”

  “Why do you care all of a sudden, Dad? It’s been months and you’ve never given a crap what I have and haven’t done.”

  “I know where Ash gets his money from, Ren,” Dad said, his expression thin. “I know where he takes you.”

  “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

  “If you get caught, you could serve serious jail time.”

  “I know, Dad,” I hissed. “I know the risk-”

  “So you don’t deny it?” His eyes started to blaze as he flipped on his angry father mode. “Did he put you up to this?”

  “Ash did nothing but try and deter me, Dad,” I spat. “It's my decision and nobody else's.”

  “Ren-”

  “I’m winning. For the first time in my life I’m fucking winning.” When all I ever did before was lose.

  “Renee, just listen to me,” Dad pleaded, grabbing my arm.

  All I could see was red. Fucking red. He wanted to start caring now? After all this time of ignoring me, not saying a word, never explaining why he left Mum and I, hiding me from his wife, not even saying sorry? Well, I had fucking news for him. I shoved him off with a hard jab to his chest and all he could do was stare at me in shock.

  “You weren’t there when she went into remission the first time,” I shrieked and Ash and the Twins stopped mid-training and stared at the train wreck like slack-jawed hicks. “You weren’t there when she found out the cancer had come back. You weren’t there through the years of chemo. You weren’t there when she took her last fucking breath.” I took a deep breath, curling my hands into tight fists. “You never even went to her fucking funeral, so don’t you stand there and tell me what I can and cannot do. You stopped being my father the day you walked away and traded us in for a fancier model. We may be related by blood, but I am not your daughter.”

  He stood there, staring in shock as I shoved past him, going for the door.

  Fresh air hit my flushed face and I breathed deeply, the door slamming closed behind me. The street was empty, but I felt emptier. I had Ash and The Underground, but was it enough? My Mum wanted me to have a family, but how far was I meant to go in order to get it? The family she thought I was going to find didn’t want me until it suited them. Maybe they didn’t want me at all.

  I leaned my head against the brick wall of the building next door, squeezing my eyes shut. I had nowhere to run to.

  “Ren?”

  I didn’t expect to hear Ash’s voice. Truthfully, I wasn’t sure what I was expecting after that. I was the one who dished out the comfort. I didn’t need any help. I didn’t need-

  He threw his arms around me, pulling me roughly into his bare chest. He’d chased after me in nothing but his shorts.

  “Why-”

  He didn’t give me a chance to finish my stupid question.

  “Because you had the guts to face me at my worst,” he declared. “If I’m meant to have a fuckin’ heart or some shit, then aren’t I supposed to come after you?”

  “Typical bloody man,” I grumbled, trying desperately to stick my heart back together so he wouldn’t see me lose it…except he already had.

  “What was that about?” he murmured.

  “He knows, Ash. He knows what we do.”

  “I figured,” he replied, making me look up at him. “He knows me too well. I had to be getting all that cash someplace. Nobody wants to touch me after…” He trailed off. “He’s just worried about you, Ren.”

  “Now?” I clutched at Ash’s waist, but he was all muscle. There wasn’t anything to grab onto but the hem of his shorts.

  “I wish there was a way to go back,” he murmured, brushing a tear from my cheek.

  I drew in a shaky breath, staring into Ash’s green eyes. They were bright today and I was thankful. I liked when his eyes were clear. He was a little hearts and flowers when they were like that.

  “I know this question makes me an asshole, but do you want to talk about it?”

  Talk about it? Talk about Mum and all thos
e years in and out of hospitals and the near death experiences? How can you talk about watching the life slip from someone’s eyes? How do you explain the hollowness at being all alone in the world? Was there even a word for that? There wasn’t.

  “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  Ash frowned at me, probably wondering how far he could push me before I snapped. Funny how suddenly our roles were reversed. It seemed like yesterday that I was thinking the exact same thing about him. We’d both had our mini-breakdowns and both times it was each other that chased the darkness away.

  I’d asked him to trust me so many times and so had he, but neither of us had come clean about the things that had hurt us. What was trust when I couldn’t even give mine to him?

  “I held her as she died,” I sobbed, falling against his chest. “He wasn’t even there.”

  “I know,” he murmured, rubbing my back.

  “And he thinks now is a good time to lay down the law?”

  “You’re your own woman, Spitfire,” Ash murmured into my hair. “You want to fight, then you fuckin’ fight.”

  “You’re not-”

  “I reckon you won that argument the moment you went back for round fuckin’ two,” he growled.

  “Ash...” I sighed, rubbing my hands over his abs.

  “Fuck, this is the longest relationship I’ve ever been in, so cut me a bit of slack,” he said.

  “Ditto.”

  I didn’t have to look at him to know he was grinding his teeth again, but I pulled away and shoved him back toward the door of Beat.

  “Get inside,” I said, trying to smile. “You’re ninety five percent naked and I don’t want anyone ogling you but me.”

  His lips curved into a grin and he reached for my hand.

  Ash’d calmed me down for now, but I still felt the anger simmering in my pores, waiting for the chance to be set free again. I understood him more than he knew. More than I’d ever be willing to let him know.