Beat (The Beat and The Pulse #1)

by Amity Cross

  I sighed, melting against him. All he had to do was press his cock against me and I was a goner. Cheeky fucker.

  “I’ve got this one thing to do,” he murmured, “then I’ll be back.”

  “Okay,” I whispered, leaning up to kiss him on the lips, selfishly hoping Monica was getting an eyeful of our public display.

  His tongue slid against mine in one long stroke and he drew back, running a thumb up and down my cheek.

  “You’re somethin’ else, Ren Miller.”

  I supposed that was as good as I was going to get any time soon, so I smiled, pinching him on the ass. “Cocky bastard.”

  “Sounds about right.” He laughed and let me go, picking up his gym bag.

  I watched him disappear out the door and at the last moment, he stuck his head in and said, “I want you there again.”

  He pointed to the mat where we’d fucked that very first time like animals and I laughed.

  “You better deliver then, Maverick.”

  He wiggled his eyebrows up and down with a suggestive smirk, and then he was gone.

  Chapter 34

  Ren

  Ash was late. He was never late.

  But then again, we’d hardly been apart since the night he’d finally confessed his feelings. Confessed from behind. I snorted at the irony and pulled my gloves on and flexed my fingers.

  Beat had closed over two hours ago and whatever Ash had gone to do had me scratching my head. Whatever it was, it was either really bad news or something epically boring.

  As inseparable as we were, I kind of enjoyed this time alone. It took me back to the first few weeks at Beat, when it was my time and place to explore myself without the pressures of Dad, Monica or the Twins looking over my shoulder. I’d replaced it with Ash and the din of The Underground in the past few weeks and along the way had forgotten what silence felt like.

  Seriously, where had Ash gone? All the worst case scenarios worked their way through my mind. He was getting tired of me, he’d gone to fight without me in tow, he’d found someone else to fuck on the side… Shit. I was being paranoid. Ash wouldn’t abandon me like that. He knew how I felt about being left alone.

  Sighing, I turned to the nearest punching bag and focused my wandering thoughts. Deciding to trust Ash, I lost myself to the repetitions, my fists and shins hitting the bag with a satisfying slap. He’d tell me whatever it was when he got back. We didn’t have to go everywhere together and seriously, that whole trust thing we’d been trying to build would mean shit if I started to get jealous over something as small as this. There was no way in the universe that Ash Fuller was cheating. The idea seemed ridiculous.

  I saw the shadow behind me a little too late. A hand clamped down over my mouth, stifling my screams, and I kicked out, trying to connect with flesh. It was no use, of course. I was held in a grip of pure steel, squashed against the chest of a tall, muscled man. Glancing into the mirror, terror began to claim me.

  Hammer.

  He smirked in glee at having caught me unawares and rubbed his slimy cock into my ass.

  “Happy to see me, little girl?” he growled into my ear. “I’m going to fuck you like the whore you are, then I’m going to break both your fucking legs.”

  My blood ran cold and all the training I’d been through seemed to dissolve into nothing but fear.

  What should I do, what should I do, what should I do…

  He knew the alarm code and he had a key. That could only mean one thing. Monica was in on it. This was the chance she’d been waiting for all these months. She just didn’t want me gone, she wanted me broken, beaten, dirty. Ash wouldn’t want me after Hammer was through.

  He slammed me face forward against the mirror, my head cracking against the glass. Stars shot through my vision as a big hand tried to pull down my shorts.

  “No,” I screeched, trying to kick and punch. My fist connected with his eye and he cried out, his grip loosening.

  It was my chance, so I twisted out of his grasp and ran, trying to get distance between us, but he was too fast. I slammed face first into the mat as he shoved me from behind.

  Then he was over me, holding my thrashing body in place with an arm across my lower back, ripping off my shorts and knickers. I tried to claw his arm, but hands clamped around my wrists, pinning them behind my back, my shoulders wrenching painfully.

  God, it was going to end like this? In the place that was mine and Ash’s? The place we’d found each other?

  Tears streamed down my face as Hammer spread my legs. I was totally at his mercy. I was this tough fighter, I should be able to fight him, I should be able to get out of this…

  Ash? Where are you?

  All that training, all those classes, all those fights…it didn’t mean anything. I wasn’t strong enough. I wasn’t- A finger slid between my legs and I let out a wail, thrashing against Hammer’s grasp.

  “I’m going to kill you,” I cried. “I’m going to kill you.”

  “I don’t think so,” Hammer replied, removing his hand and fisting his repulsive cock. “Maybe you’ll do that to yourself. How do you think Fuller would like that?”

  There was a shattering roar and suddenly Hammer was pulled off me and sent sprawling across the mats. I rolled away, my wild gaze falling onto a beast. Not just any beast. My beast.

  Ash stood over us, his chest heaving, his eyes dark and vacant. My heart jackhammered in my chest as he stepped over me and went for Hammer with only one intent.

  I knew the ending to this story before it even began.

  The two men faced off as I scrambled out of the way, pulling my shorts back on. Hammer lunged, but Ash stepped forward and pounded his fist right into Hammer’s nose. He fell backwards onto the mat, dazed, and I stared on in shock. Ash had downed him with a single punch.

  With a feral growl, Ash launched himself onto Hammer and his fist pounded into the fighter’s face, blood erupting from his nose and mouth. Ash drew back and punched again and again, the sound of flesh and bone smacking into each other the only sound in the studio.

  The Ash I knew was gone. This was the beast he was so afraid of me seeing. I hadn’t seen shit all of this time in the ring, in the studio. This time, his control was totally gone. He wouldn't stop until either he was too exhausted or Hammer was dead.

  “Ash,” I cried, scrambling forward. I wanted Hammer dead, but they’d send Ash to jail…

  He was too far gone, and kept pounding his fist into Hammer’s face.

  I flung myself onto Ash’s back, curling my arms around his neck. “Stop, Ash, please!”

  With a grunt, he swung around, sending me sprawling onto my back and his gaze found mine. He stood there, covered in blood, his eyes slowly coming back to life and I burst into tears from the gravity of what had and was about to happen.

  “Ren,” he said, his breath coming out in one big sigh.

  I was frozen, staring at the blood splattered on his face. God. Oh fucking god.

  “Is he… Is-” I managed to choke out.

  Ash shook his head slowly, his expression unreadable.

  “Where did you-”

  “It was a ruse,” Ash said, his voice oddly calm after his display of violence.

  I didn’t understand. “What-”

  “Why the fuck do you think I never wanted you to go there?” he wailed.

  “You think this is my fault?” I wanted to pound my fists into him and draw blood.

  “No,” he hissed, pointing at an unconscious Hammer. “It's my fault.”

  I managed to scramble to my feet, leaning against the mirror so I didn’t fall down. My legs felt like jelly, unstable and unpredictable.

  “It’s not your fault!” I yelled back at him.

  Ash shoved his hands into his hair, clearly agitated.

  “We’ve got to get him to a hospital-”

  “The fuck we do,” he roared. “He tried...he almost-”

  He couldn’t say the word rape, and I wasn’t keen on filling in the gap, e
ither. “We can call the cops.”

  “No.”

  “Ash, we can’t-”

  “I said, no!” He began tearing at his hair.

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He’d be in trouble anyway, but if Hammer died… “Why not?”

  He turned on me, eyes full of fury. “I was never in Thailand, Ren.”

  My heart stopped beating. “Then where were you?”

  He bit his bottom lip, glancing at Hammer who was still out for the count.

  “Answer me,” I screeched.

  “Prison,” he roared, eyes feral with anger.

  The blood drained from my face as I stared at him.

  “I went to fucking jail for protecting someone I loved from him.” Ash jabbed a finger at Hammer. “Now do you understand?”

  He was trying to protect me all along. When I thought he was being a controlling asshole, he was just trying to spare me from this. Jealousy, retribution, revenge...he was trying to save my life.

  I stumbled back a step, trying not to hyperventilate. If they found him here, they'd send him back. No questions. They'd lock him up and throw away the key.

  “You need to get out of here,” he snapped.

  “Why?”

  “I can't go back there, Ren. You can't be witness to this.”

  What the fuck? My gaze shot up to meet his. “You're going to kill him, aren't you?”

  Ash looked away, fists balling at his sides.

  “Ash,” I pleaded. “Don't. Please.”

  He refused to look at me. “Get out of here.”

  I sprung forward and began beating his chest. “You can't, Ash. Don't. Don't you fucking leave me.”

  He pushed me back against the mirror, hands locked around my biceps. Pure, uninhibited anger burnt in his green eyes and it was terrifying. Ash wasn't there anymore.

  “Get the fuck out of here, Ren. I don't need you. Get. Out.”

  “You think you’re doing the world a favor? You think you’re doing me one?” I yelled at him, tears falling faster than ever. “You’re not. You’re just abandoning me like everyone else.”

  Letting me go, he clenched his fists at his sides, his entire body trembling. “I don’t want you, Ren. I never did. This isn’t for you. It’s for someone else.”

  I clutched my chest like it’d stop my heart from shattering. “Liar.”

  With a roar, he strode forward and grasped my arms in his big hands, squeezing painfully. “I don’t love you, Ren. I can’t love you. I’m already lost. Get the fuck out and don’t come back.”

  “Ash-”

  “Get out.” He stared at me point blank, his eyes empty. Black. Void.

  I grabbed my shoes and did the only thing I was able to do.

  I ran.

  Before I knew what I was doing, I was hammering my fists on Josie's door, tears streaming down my face. I didn’t remember how I got there, let alone in one piece, but the porch light flicked on to her little cottage on Brunswick Road and I almost threw up in one of her pot plants.

  The door opened and I practically fell into Josie’s startled arms.

  “Ren? What the fuck? What's happened?”

  She held onto me as sob after sob burst forth, gently guiding me inside and locking the door.

  “Fuck, is that blood?” She shook me, but I was too hysterical to answer.

  I was vaguely aware of being put into a bed, covers being drawn over my shivering body and then a damp face-washer was being pressed onto my forehead.

  Josie…

  “Should I be calling someone?” Josie asked gently. “The cops?”

  “No. It’s…no.”

  “Did Ash do this to you?”

  Yes. Not like that. I didn’t know. I just buried my face into my hands and let the tears fall. Tears I suspected I’d been holding onto for a very long time.

  “Shh,” Josie crooned. “Just sleep, okay?”

  I was that exhausted, I didn’t really have a choice as darkness took me. The last image that flashed through my mind was of Ash. What kind of darkness was taking him right now?

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.

  Chapter 35

  Ash

  Ren slammed the door behind her as she fled.

  I’d done a lot of bad things in my life, but telling the woman I loved that I didn’t want her? That was the worst one. I was about to abandon her when she needed me the most. I was about to become just like everyone else in her life.

  She'll never forgive me, but it will be worth it to make life safe for her.

  My life for hers.

  If I was ever capable of love, then this was as far as I would go to declare it. Right over the edges of the earth and into hell itself.

  Was it love or madness? Could a beast truly love?

  Who fucking knew?

  Chapter 36

  Ren

  I felt heavy.

  I rolled over and cracked open my eyes, my head pounding with a splitting headache. I felt like I had an epic hangover, all bleary eyed and numb limbs. It hurt to move, but that was probably from the uncontrollable sobbing I’d done the night before and the beating I’d taken from Hammer. Fear pounded into my heart and my eyes snapped open.

  “Hey, sleepy head,” Josie mumbled from the other side of the bed. “Sleep okay?”

  I drew in a sharp breath as the entirety of last night’s events came flooding back, overwhelming my senses again.

  Ash.

  I went to sit up, but pain stabbed into my head and I groaned, pressing my palm against my forehead. Shit. Fuck. Ass.

  “Headache?” Josie sat up and handed me a glass of water that had been sitting on the nightstand. A couple of headache tablets followed and I scooted as upright as I could.

  “Thanks,” I croaked.

  “You wanna talk about it?” she asked gently. “You were…”

  “Hysterical?” I asked, throwing two pills in my mouth and taking a swallow of water.

  “Yeah.” She leaned against the headboard, her usually immaculate blonde hair all tangled from sleep.

  “I don’t think I can, Josie.”

  “You know anything you say is between you and me, right?”

  “I know. It’s just…” You could be implicated in a possible murder. Fuck.

  “Complicated?”

  “Yeah,” I said through a heavy sigh.

  She smiled, but wasn’t convinced at my pathetic explanation.

  “Want a shower?” she asked. “You can borrow some of my clothes to go home in.”

  I nodded, not sure which parts were real anymore.

  Josie showed me to her little bathroom and turned on the water for me, somehow getting that the pathways in my brain were temporarily broken. How much she suspected, I didn’t know. Maybe she thought Ash and I had broken up. Maybe that was all.

  When she left, I stood in the shower and let the water pound into my skin, washing off the night, and Hammer’s touch. I’d been so out of it when I stumbled into Josie’s arms, I’d just passed out the moment she put me to bed. I still stunk like violence. An invisible sheen of shame coated my body and I scrubbed and scrubbed until I felt raw.

  I didn’t fight. I’d cracked under real world pressure. That’s what it was. The real world. Fighting in The Underground wasn’t real, not like last night had been.

  Hammer had overpowered me so easily and Ash... I couldn't get the image of him standing over me like a wild animal out of my head.

  When I finally pulled myself out of Josie’s shower, I realized she’d come in at some stage and left some spare clothes folded on the edge of the basin. I dragged on a pair of jeans, plain red tank top and woolly cardigan with heavy limbs and cuddled the material around me. Staring in the mirror, my eyes looked hollow and the skin around them dark and splotchy.

  I had my own arms around myself, but I imagined they were Ash’s. He always held me like I was going to break, until he wanted to fuck…then he was rough, his fingers biting into my skin. But he wasn’t here
and my hollow reflection was the only thing that stared back at me.

  Padding out into the little kitchenette, I sunk onto a stool, hugging Josie’s cardigan around myself like it was some kind of shield that would protect me from the world. I was weak when I needed to stand up and fight. I was…

  “Coffee?” Josie asked, snapping me out of my negative shame spiral.

  “Thanks.”

  She pushed the button on her fancy little machine and handed me a cup complete with a layer of froth-like substance on the top.

  “It’s not cafe perfect, but it does the trick,” she said with a wink.

  I sipped at the coffee, grateful for the caffeine kick. What was I going to do? What was I going back to at Beat? Where was Ash? I had no idea how I was going to find him… What would Dad… Fuck, Dad.

  “Ren?” Josie asked, frowning at me.

  “Josie,” I said, setting the cup back down on the counter. “Can you do something for me? I wouldn’t ask unless it was important…”

  “Okay,” she said slowly, obviously not liking where this was going.

  “If anyone asks, I was here all night.”

  “Ren, what's going on?”

  “Please, Josie,” I pleaded. “I can't tell you. Please can you do this for me?”

  She eyed me suspiciously, but nodded. “Don’t make me regret this, Ren Miller.”

  I threw my arms around her and hugged her tight. “Thank you.”

  Shuffling all the way from Josie’s house back to Beat, I was in a daze. So much so that when I walked around the corner, I stopped mid-step and almost stumbled at the chaos that was waiting.

  There were two cop cars parked out the front of Beat, lights flashing like a bloody carnival ride, and people milling about on the footpath. I couldn’t see from this distance, but it had to be Dad and some cops. Maybe even the Twins. Monica. Fuck. Monica.

  What was I going to do about her? Smash her into the next plain of existence. She had as much a hand in this as I did. If it wasn’t for her then Ash would still be here.

  Taking a deep breath, I got my story straight in my head. I went to stay over at Josie’s. I don’t know where Ash is.