In Graywolf’s Hands

by Marie Ferrarella

  Biology was something he was aware of every day, but not on this level. This was something else, something special. This, he only now began to see, made him feel alive.

  Not just alive, but real. He couldn’t put it in any better terms for himself than that. It’s was if he’d been moving through a world filled with shadows for most of his life and had just now wandered into an area that was filled with light.

  Light and substance.

  And an FBI special agent.

  He wondered if it was a coincidence that her last name had the word “wake” in it. Because things were waking up within him.

  He was probably making too much of it, he told himself.

  And then again, maybe not.

  Lukas walked over to where Lydia had parked her car. The driver’s door was open, but she was still sitting in her seat, apparently undecided whether she was coming or going. Looking at her, Lukas put out his hand and waited.

  After a beat, Lydia placed her hand in his and got out of the car.

  Chapter 12

  Leaving his keys on the small side table by the front door, Lukas turned on the radio. Soft, bluesy music filled the air.

  The music made Lydia feel like swaying. Like kissing him, she thought, turning to look at Lukas. Slowly, she slipped off her jacket and then her holster, draping both over the back of the armchair.

  Anticipation rippled through her, finding a resting place within her inner core.

  “You seem tense,” she noted, moving closer to him. The scent of his cologne, fading now, stirred her nonetheless. Exciting her. “Is it tomorrow’s surgery, or me?”

  “Both.” Lukas held his hands out in front of him. There wasn’t so much as a twitch in any of the muscles. But inside? That was where the nerves were doing their thing. Unsettling him. Making him doubt his own abilities.

  As if reading his mind, she brushed her hand along his cheek. Suddenly she wanted nothing more than to comfort him.

  “Don’t spend time doubting yourself and second-guessing tomorrow. You’re doing a disservice to both yourself and your uncle.”

  He didn’t take flattery well, she thought. Funny how much they had in common when she thought about it. Glowing words never sat well with her, either. But she sensed that despite this trait, he needed encouragement. Because tomorrow’s surgery was different.

  “And he needs you to be as good as you were with Conroy.” That was the irony of it. He probably hadn’t even stopped to think before operating on the prisoner. And no one would have wept if Conroy had died. There was no family, nobody except the other members of his group, all of whom had apparently scattered. “Surely if you can operate on scum like that and bring him back from the dead—twice—” she reminded him “—you can perform the same miracle for someone who deserves it.”

  That was just it, Lukas thought. When you operated on the heart, it always seemed to involve a miracle or two. But he shrugged, falling back on the oath he’d taken upon graduating. The oath he believed in. “Everyone deserves to be helped.”

  “Some more than others,” she emphasized. Frowning, she tried to block out thoughts of the man she’d left Elliot guarding. She didn’t want to waste any time on Conroy tonight. She wanted to carve out a small island, a haven, for herself—and for Lukas—just one more time. “Don’t get me started.”

  He smiled at her, his eyes holding hers. Stirring her up. Again. “I was under the impression that you already were.”

  Lydia found that her breath was beginning to catch, just as it had last night. It made talking difficult. “That depends on which way you want the evening to go.”

  “I know my preferences.”

  Moving her hair back from her neck, Lukas pressed his lips against the sweet slope. He heard her gasp and felt a thrill pass over him.

  Her eyes fluttered shut as the sweet sensation proceeded to light a match to everything in its path. This time, because she knew what was coming, because she knew the magnitude of what was about to happen between them and within her, her anticipation was twice as intense, twice as electric.

  Swallowing the moan that was struggling for freedom, Lydia laced her fingers together behind Lukas’s head and brought his mouth down to hers. Kissing him for all she was worth.

  His fingers were already undoing the buttons on her blouse, working them loose swiftly. Beneath them, he could feel the pounding of her heart. As it echoed the beat of his.

  Damn, but she excited him. Worried as he was, concerned as he had been all day, just by being with him like this she managed to wipe almost everything from his mind.

  Everything except her.

  He wanted her so badly he could taste it, feel it in every fiber of his throbbing body. What kind of black magic was this, to ensnare him so? To make his blood rush with a fierceness that he’d never experienced before?

  He’d always been able to detach himself from a situation, to view it from a lofty perspective. It was what kept him free, independent. His own person.

  But he was too enmeshed here to be able to place any distance between himself and what was happening.

  Nor did he want to.

  Though it wrested control away from him, Lukas dearly wanted to be immersed in this, wanted to feel and taste and breathe nothing but her.

  This, he knew, was nothing short of madness. And he didn’t care.

  It was as if he’d stepped into another world. One made up entirely of emotions. After a lifetime of holding his own in check, no matter what, to feel this way was liberating.

  Hunger beat at him with both fists, urging him on. He came close to ripping her blouse from her body when the last button refused to leave its hole.

  Lukas whispered a curse. The outline of the word rippled against her mouth.

  Lydia moved her hands beneath his and undid the restrained button. Her lips never left his.

  Everything felt as if it were transpiring in a swirling haze that was traveling in a circle through her brain. It was hard for her to think.

  It was as before. Except more so.

  “Think this time we’ll make it to the bedroom?” His question formed waves of warmth against her mouth.

  “We can try,” she murmured.

  It made no difference to her whether they wound up making love in a bed, on the kitchen table or the floor. All that mattered was that they did.

  Trembling, she undid the buttons on his shirt and peeled the material away from his chest, yanking it down his arms. The instant her fingertips touched his skin, something shivered through her. She sucked her breath in sharply, as if she’d touched a flame.

  Maybe she had.

  Each taste of his mouth, each pass of her hand along his skin, only fueled her appetite.

  More warm shivers passed over her as Lukas unhooked the clasp at her back. When he eased her bra from her breasts, her body tightened in anticipation. She bit her lower lip, her fingers weaving through his hair, pressing him close as he bought his mouth down to her soft peaks, suckling at each until they became hard.

  Moistening her with desires that threatened to explode within her if he didn’t hurry.

  She’d never wanted anyone like this before. Afraid, she shelved fear to the back of her mind as she raced toward the climax that waited for her only a hair-breadth out of reach.

  Divesting Lukas of his jeans and briefs, she surprised him by pushing him to the floor, then straddling him. Smiling at the look of amused surprise on his face, Lydia threaded her fingers through his on either side of his body. Bringing her body tantalizingly down to his.

  Moving so as to bring his excitement almost to fruition, she rained small, fleeting butterfly kisses along his upper torso. She could feel his desire ripening beneath her. Unable to check her delight, she laughed with pleasure as she raised her head to look at him.

  “Damn, but you are some kind of a witch,” he murmured fondly and in awe.

  Pushing his hands into her hair, he framed her face and brought her mouth up to his. The kiss deepe
ned and intensified, swallowing them both.

  Unable to hold back any longer, Lukas arched and drove himself into her. He felt her stifled yelp of pleasure and approval.

  The ride was hard, swift, and rocked them both. He heard her cry his name against his ear before he sought out her mouth again. Pleasure drenched him, mingling with the sweat of his body and hers.

  Slowly he felt the tension leave her body as she relaxed against his. The afterglow embraced them both in loving, warm arms, holding tight. Lukas smiled, not trying to figure out any of it.

  She could feel his smile forming against her cheek. Still dazed, she raised her head to look at him. His lower lip looked slightly swollen. She realized she must have bitten it. “What?”

  “We still haven’t made it to the bed.” The bedroom seemed a million miles away. And he was growing rather fond of the floor in his living room.

  She sighed, her breath tickling his chest. Rousing him. “Maybe next time.”

  He lifted her hair, then watched as it fell back down like golden rain. “You’re giving me an awful lot of credit.”

  Lacing her fingers together, she rested her hands on his chest and leaned her chin against them, looking into his eyes.

  “Just calling it as I see it.” She blew softly, watching his skin tighten in response. Glorying in the response. “Feel relaxed yet?”

  He laughed, his chest rising and falling, making her move, as well. Lukas stroked her head fondly.

  “If I were any more relaxed, they could serve me up as a liquid compound.” He wanted her again. Was this normal? Or had she cast some kind of spell over him? “Is this something they taught you in special agent school?”

  Lydia moved her head slowly from side to side, the ends of her hair tickling his skin. Arousing him when he’d been certain beyond any doubt that all he had the energy for was to fall asleep.

  “This is something that just seemed to happen.” She realized that she was smiling and that she felt happy, really happy. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt like this. “Maybe you bring out the best in me as well as the worst.”

  Folding his arms around her, he held her close against him, ensuring that she couldn’t get up quickly. “What would you say if I told you that I felt like bringing out the best in you again?”

  The smile grew as her eyes began to shine. “I’d say you were incredible.”

  “Right back at you,” he murmured. He brushed his lips against hers once, twice, then pulled his head back again. His eyes searched her face, looking for an answer before he asked his question. “Stay the night?”

  He was asking her this time rather than taking his chances on it happening because she’d fallen asleep. She pressed her lips together, knowing that the right thing wasn’t, at bottom, what she wanted to do.

  “I shouldn’t.”

  He heard the hesitation in her voice and felt victory within his grasp.

  “We’ll put it to a vote.” Bringing her hand up to his lips, Lukas turned it over, palm side up and pressed his mouth against the soft flesh. His tongue lightly flicked the center. He saw desire blooming in her eyes and felt her wriggle against him, sending salvos of fresh desire through him. “I vote yes.”

  She swallowed, knowing the battle was lost. Lost because she had no desire to fight it. Still, she couldn’t go without firing at least a shot in protest. “You’re not playing fair.”

  “Never said I would. I’m rigging the vote,” he told her simply.

  His tongue swept along her palm, then her wrist. He watched as her eyes closed again.

  Delicious sensations hammered their way through her body. Creating riptides of pleasure.

  “Oh, what the hell,” she laughed, moving up against him, bringing her mouth down to his.

  “My sentiments exactly,” he told her before there was no more time for talk. Only actions. Only sensations.

  And for feelings that were subtly, covertly being unwrapped.

  The sound of his even breathing seeped into her consciousness, rousing Lydia from what had been a light sleep at best.

  Opening her eyes, she found herself staring at the ceiling. Neither one of them had had the energy to make it to the bed, although Lukas had gallantly offered to carry her. She’d turned him down, knowing he was as exhausted as she was.

  He’d fallen asleep within moments of her refusal, proving her right. She’d drifted off herself minutes later.

  Now, sleep dissolved like morning mist burned away by a rising sun. She lay beside Lukas, his arm draped protectively over her again, and listened to him breathe. Idly wondering what it would be like to wake up to that sound every morning.

  Wondering what it would be like to have someone in her life on a permanent basis.

  Whoa, where was this coming from?

  Startled, completely awake now, Lydia wrestled with the feeling of well-being that still had its arms wrapped around her. What was the matter with her? There was nothing to wonder about. Nothing permanent to contemplate. She knew that this feeling was only temporary, was already fading away.

  To believe otherwise would be to play the part of a fool, and she’d never been that.

  There was no place for this to go. Oh, there might be a few more wild, exhilarating couplings ahead for them—maybe—but there was nothing beyond that.

  Couldn’t be anything beyond that, she insisted silently, forcing herself to turn away from him and to look back up at the ceiling. She already had a significant other. The FBI.

  There was no room for any other relationship in her life.

  Not that she expected this—whatever this was—to even remotely approach the realm of a relationship. It was, as the song went, “Just One of Those Things.” Nothing more.

  She couldn’t let it be anything more. For her own sake. And for his.

  Lukas wasn’t sure what had wakened him. There was a time when he had been a light sleeper, but in general, when he slept now, he slept soundly, deeply, until his body told him it was time to get up. This time a sound, a feeling, roused him.

  For a second, as he opened his eyes, Lukas felt disoriented. A dark foreboding hovered over him, but he couldn’t put a name to it.

  And then he remembered. He was operating on his uncle today. Consciousness came to him with a vengeance.

  Looking around, he saw her. Last night came flooding back to him. Last night and the night before.

  But there was no time to dwell on either of the feelings that occupied the battlefield of his mind.

  Lydia was fully dressed, he realized. Fully dressed and, by the way she was moving around, apparently trying to leave the apartment without waking him.

  Why?

  He propped himself up on his elbow. “Is this part of your covert training?” She swung around, a startled expression on her face, to look at him. “Leaving the scene of the crime before the other party has a chance to come to?”

  Lydia raised her chin. He was beginning to recognize her defensive movements.

  “I wasn’t aware that there was a crime.”

  “Maybe that was the wrong word,” Lukas allowed. It bothered him more than he wanted to acknowledge that he’d caught Lydia trying to slip away. He could understand it the first time, but not the second. “I’m not exactly at my best first thing in the morning.”

  “Neither am I.”

  Sitting up, he regarded her for a long moment. “So maybe we’d better not say anything that either one of might regret.”

  Lydia looked at him, weighing her words. Looking for a way out. She had thought she’d come to terms with things yesterday just before she’d entered his apartment, but apparently she hadn’t. She didn’t know why it was there, but she was aware of a hint of panic pinching her.

  “There’s nothing to regret.” She tried to keep her voice casual. “We made love.”

  His eyes pinned her, not letting her just shrug off last night and the night before. “Several times.”

  “Several times,” Lydia echoed. She
took a breath. “And it was good.”

  He raised a brow, wondering if he was being cavalierly dismissed, after all. His pride rebelled. “Just good?”

  She licked her bottom lip. There was no earthly reason why she should be feeling nervous. These things went on all the time. With no consequences.

  “Very good,” she allowed. “But not anything that’s about to change either one of our lives.” She squared her shoulders, daring him to disagree. “I think we’re both agreed on that.”

  He wasn’t sure why she was saying what she was saying. But he knew that he wasn’t about to argue with her. Not when she was so adamant about downplaying what had been, quite possibly, the best night of his life.

  Lukas had felt something last night, really felt something. Somewhere in the middle of their lovemaking, things had changed for him, making him sit up and take stock. Since there was no alcohol involved, he knew that what he’d experienced was rooted in feelings. Making love with her had only made him want to continue.

  Not only that, but later, when the roller coaster ride had stopped and he’d lain there, holding her in his arms, the afterglow had been strong, gripping. So much so that he wanted to be able to experience it again.

  And again.

  It was out of character for him.

  And then Lukas realized what she was doing. Why she was protesting so loudly that last night had just been good sex and nothing else. It had been something else for her. She had felt something and feeling it was out of character for her, too.

  She’d felt something just as he had and maybe it scared the hell out of her just the way it did him.

  They were both independent, headstrong people and from what he could ascertain, they were both used to being in control and on their own. He wasn’t in control here. Whatever had gone on last night had controlled him. Had made him a prisoner just as much as the man in the hospital who was handcuffed to his bed was a prisoner.

  Maybe it had made a prisoner of her, too, and that was what she was fighting so hard again.

  “Are you sure we’re both agreed to that?” he finally asked her.