“It wasn’t your fault.”
“I didn’t protect you. That is my fault.”
“Don’t you see what’s happening to you? For far too long I lived in fear of just about everything. I couldn’t even bear your touch. I won’t do it again.” It was true; she’d lived in a prison of fear for too many years. If anyone knew fear, she did, and she knew Haden was living in fear. It was as odd as it was heartbreaking, considering how strong, how powerful he was. “I won’t allow you to do it. We’re going.”
“Who could blame you for living with fear for a while? Who could’ve blamed you if you’d never recovered? You survived the most horrific forms of violence as best as you could. Then you conquered the fear it had placed in your heart. And we aren’t going.”
“You know I’m safe. I’m like you—I can’t die.”
“It’s highly unlikely, but it’s possible.” He looked terribly frustrated. “I need to get up.” He gently lifted her off his lap and got out of the bed. A firestorm of emotions burning in his black eyes, he looked down at her for a moment. “It’s not fear. It’s common sense.” For a second she thought he might change his mind, and then he turned around and walked away. “We’re not going, and that’s final.”
“Are you leaving me again?”
“I need some air.”
“No. Don’t lie to me. You need to get away from me because you know I’m right and it frustrates you.”
“No. I don’t want to fight with you when there’s no sense in it. I’m not going to allow you to put your life in danger because you lack wisdom. I have enough for both of us.”
She knew he was lashing out at her because of fear. It sucked, but she wasn’t going to take it personally. “You know you’re wrong, and you want me to do what you say without questioning you.” She shrugged. “Insult me all you want if it makes you feel better. You’re wrong, and eventually you’re going to admit it to yourself.”
“I wouldn’t count on anything changing. I am not wrong.” Keeping his back to her, he opened the door to leave. “And you will do whatever I say whether you like it or not.”
“If you leave again I don’t want you to come back.”
He turned to face her. “You aren’t serious.”
She knew there would never be another man for her. She knew she would never desire another man; they would be together for all of eternity. How could she survive an eternity of isolation? She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. One way or another she had to help him find the courage to believe in himself again. In the meantime she was going to make damn sure he understood that he couldn’t dictate her behavior and expect her to accept it.
“Really? You actually believe you know my mind better than I do?” Gesturing toward the door, she smiled up at him. “Well then, if that’s true, I guess it’s perfectly logical for you to leave without fear of enduring any consequence.”
In absolute silence, he stared at her. He was shielding his thoughts from her. She figured he was trying to decide whether or not she was serious.
“You’re wrong.” He moved toward her. “I know you’re serious.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and hunched over to bury his face in his hands. “I’m sorry, Caylee. I know I’ve been difficult to live with these past few months. I can’t forget get the moment Paul had you and I couldn’t get to you though I was only a few feet away. I shouldn’t have allowed a vampire to get that close to you. He never should’ve been able to force you to take his blood.”
Unable to resist the urge to attempt to comfort him, she placed her hand on his back. “Haden, it wasn’t your …”
“Do not,” he interrupted. When she moved her hand away, he lifted his head and turned to face her. “Nothing you say will ever convince me that it wasn’t my fault, but that doesn’t mean I have any right to force you to live in a prison of my fear to make me feel better.”
“I love you, Haden.” She should’ve thought of something better to ease his obvious pain, but she couldn’t think of anything else to say to him.
He took her hand and pressed it against his chest over his heart. “There are no better words. I love you, Caylee.” He pulled her into his arms and, pouring every ounce of his love and devotion for her into it, he kissed her. She would never doubt his love for her though she knew very well the road ahead of them would be a difficult one.
~ Ten ~
MIA BECAME AWARE of Joseph’s strong arms surrounding her, holding her protectively against his solid body. It felt wonderful to wake up in his arms, to know that just as he’d promised he hadn’t left her side. She tried to open her eyes, but they were too heavy. Listening to the strong, steady beat of his heart, so much joy welled up in her that she found herself smiling. And getting warmer. Way warmer. In a good way.
She snuggled up closer to him and started to drift off to sleep again but suddenly felt a sensation of falling. Her body jerked.
“It’s only a dream. I have you.” Joseph’s arms tightened around her. “You’re safe.” She felt him kiss the top of her head. All of a sudden it dawned on her she was entirely naked. He slowly turned around, moving her onto her back. Propping himself up on his elbow, he looked down at her. “How do you feel?”
She pulled the sheet up under her chin. “Naked.”
Laughing softly, he lifted the sheet away from her body. “Oh, yeah. You’re most definitely naked. And I like it. A lot.”
“What are you laughing at?” She ripped the sheet out of his hand and pulled it close to her. “It’s not funny.” She started to sit up. “I can’t believe you took my clothes off.”
His lifted his brow. “That’s a lie.” Placing his leg over her thigh, he leaned over her to kiss her. It was quick kiss. A peck. It was nothing even close to what she was expecting and perhaps wanting. And then slowly, his gaze never leaving hers, he used his thigh to push her legs apart to make room for his body. Using his arms to prevent his weight from crushing her, he feathered kisses from the hollow of her shoulder up her neck to her ear. “I know you’re not feeling anymore pain, but don’t try to move around too fast.”
A slow smile tugged at her mouth. More than anything else she needed to touch him. She ached to touch him. She was helpless to stop herself. She didn’t want to stop. She reached up to caress, to massage the muscular contours of his shoulders. “You’d better not be entirely naked, Joseph.” She slowly allowed her hands to wander down his back. She felt his need, his enormous desire. Okay. Maybe it wasn’t all his. A good portion of it was hers.
He nuzzled her ear. “Do you want to take a peek?” He whispered in a deep, seductive tone that sent electrical currents zipping through her body. He lifted his head to look down at her.
Yes! Yes she did! She loved the way his body felt cradled between her thighs. He looked damn sexy staring down at her. She lifted her head and teased his chest with her lips and tongue. Her fingernails gently scraping, she moved her hands lower down his back. She felt him shudder when her finger slipped beneath the waistband of his boxers. “You’re nothing but a tease, Joseph Payne.”
And then out of the blue she remembered that he’d taken the poison that was killing her. She jerked her head up to look at him a little too fast and conked his chin. “Ouch!” She rubbed the top her head.
“Ouch? That was my chin you hit with your head.” But he’d already pushed her hand out of the way and was massaging the top of her head.
Beyond mad, she glared at him. “Why did you do it, Joseph?”
He frowned. “Your clothes were wet and dirty. I wanted you to be comfortable. I didn’t do any—”
“No,” she interjected. “Not that. I don’t care about my clothes. And I know you didn’t take advantage of me. Why did you take the poison?”
He looked confused, as if she were asking him a ridiculous question. “It’s the quickest way and most likely the only way I’ll be able to find a cure for you.”
She reached up to touch his face. “What if it kills you?” She closed her eyes because she co
uldn’t look at him and hold back the tears welling up in her eyes.
She felt the warmth of his breath on her forehead. “It’s already killing you.” He pressed his lips against her forehead. “So it’s already killing me.” He kissed his way to her chin and then to her throat.
“Oh, damn it, Joseph, that doesn’t mean you needed to take it and kill yourself.”
Joseph lifted his head so that his gaze collided with hers. “That is exactly what that means. But it’s not going to kill either of us.”
“I can’t take it. Stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“You know what I mean.”
“Stay very still,” he whispered as he kissed his way from her breasts down to her belly.
She lifted her head. “What are you doing?”
He lifted his eyes to meet hers as he kissed her belly. “Making sure all of your injuries are healed.” His kiss was gentle. His breath, his lips were hot on her flesh. She knew he was in control. He wouldn’t allow the moment to get out of hand. He was so tender. So loving.
“With your mouth?” He held her gaze captive as he slowly kissed his way back up to her breast. “You’re making a mistake, Joseph.” A good mistake. But a mistake. She tangled her fingers in his hair, intending to pull him away, but she was arching her body. “You need to stop.”
“Funny thing.” He drew her nipple into his mouth and suckled it.
“Joseph.” She gasped, her fingers tugging on his hair.
“Stopping is not the need I’m feeling.” He moved up her body and kissed her ear. “I’ve never needed, never loved anyone more. And I can feel your desire for me. If you truly wanted me to stop, I wouldn’t have started.”
“You better not be smiling.”
Grinning, he looked down at her. “I am.”
She smacked the top of his head. “You wouldn’t have had a chance of getting away with this if I wasn’t … stop looking at me like that, Joseph.”
“Like what?”
“Your eyes, Joseph. I’ve never seen anything even nearly as powerful.”
“What do you see?”
Love. She saw love in his eyes. It was true, and so pure. It was unshakable. Unconditional. She swallowed the lump in her throat. It was everlasting. She wasn’t about to say it. He’d stared at her like a man completely, helplessly in love with her.
Smiling, he winked. “You’re a coward.” He moved up her body and kissed her lips. At first, she resisted the urge to kiss him back, but there was no fighting her hunger for him. It was a slow, passionate kiss that just went on and on. He was being gentle with her, but she felt the enormous desire.
When he stopped kissing her and rested his forehead on hers, he stared into her eyes. “Tell me what you see when I look into your eyes.”
“Love. I see the love you have for me.” Her swallow was audible. “It’s endless. But it’s not real. Everything ends at some point.”
“Not my love for you.”
She believed it, but she wasn’t going to admit it. She didn’t want to be responsible for him ending his life. An early death was her fate, not his. One way or another she would find a way to convince him to live after she was gone. For now she just wanted to forget about death, so she decided to change the subject. “He got you good.” She reached up and gently placed her fingers over the fading scar of the gash he’d received across his cheek.
Joseph shrugged. “He was fast.”
She nodded. “Too fast. They’re stronger in mind and body. I’ve never had one able to mess with my head.”
He kissed her one more time, and then he moved off her and stood up. “Maybe you’ve just never been aware of it.”
“I would’ve …” she snapped but stopped short. It had only made her mad because he was right. How many times had she failed to sense a vampire’s presence in her mind? Maybe she wasn’t as guarded as she’d believed.
As if instantly realizing he’d caused her to doubt herself, he set out to fix it. “I’m sure that I’m wrong. These are no ordinary vampires.”
“Don’t do that. You very well might be right. There’s a chance they’ve been messing around in my head this entire time and I just didn’t notice. Eli was able to get into my head too. I can’t figure out how he was able to do it. And don’t ever lie to me to make me feel better.”
“It’s not a lie. Something was off with the scent of their blood. I’ve never detected it before.”
“What do you mean?”
“Their blood was mixed with the blood of my kind. But there’s something else. I don’t know what it is.”
“Does it have something to do with Demetri’s blood? Maybe they’re using his too.”
“No. Demetri has lost his way and has allowed them to use his ancient spells, but to give them his blood would be to give them the true essence his power. Over a period of time it would give them our immortality.”
“What would it matter? They’re already immortal, aren’t they?”
“Our power is far greater. These vampires are tainted. They’re of utter darkness. There is no good in them. As a result their power is inferior.”
“These vampires? Don’t tell me that there’s another type.”
“Many of my kind would deny it, but some aren’t evil.”
“How can you say that? They’re killers. They kill humans.”
“Not all kill. You met Jake. He’s a vampire,” Joseph said,
“Holy shit. You left Lee Anne with him.”
“She’s a vampire too. Trust me, she wants to be with him.”
“So they don’t take blood from humans?”
“They all must feed on human blood.”
“You don’t make sense.” Then she realized why he said that they weren’t killers—Joseph wasn’t a human. He didn’t view it as murder. She couldn’t help but to wonder what he considered humans to be.
“You’re wrong. Some don’t kill when they feed. Many times once they find their mate, they only feed from each other. It becomes an erotic pleasure.”
“That’s …” She was going to say gross, but how many times had she secretly fantasized about tasting Joseph’s blood? Of course, it was wrong. She would never do such a thing … and yet, she clearly remembered biting his shoulder in his office. “It’s sick.”
“It’s what they are. To them, tasting each other’s blood is the greatest act of intimacy when they’re making love.”
“You’ve allowed a female to bite you and drink your blood?” As odd as it was, the thought made her jealous. Actually, it made her mad as hell.
Grinning, he winked. “Not yet. But I’m game for anything you want to try.”
It was time to change the subject again. “What day is it, Joseph?”
“Saturday.”
“Oh, God. The charity dinner.”
“They’ll understand if we aren’t there.”
She started to get out of bed. “The girls are going. I’m not missing it.”
He smiled that smile that was exceptionally sexy and naughty all at the same time. “Well then, we need to take a shower.” He pulled his boxers down.
“What are you doing?”
“I already told you,” he said. “We’re taking a shower.”
Wrapping her sheet around her body, she started to get out of the bed, but a wave of dizziness forced her to stop to prevent herself from falling flat onto her ass or, worse, losing the sheet.
“It’s okay. There’s no need for you to push yourself to do too much too soon. You won’t need to get up on your own. When I said we need to take a shower, I meant that I plan on having you join me in the shower. I’ve no problem with helping you wash up for the charity event. And there’s no need to thank me. It’ll be my pleasure.”
“No.” She shook her head adamantly. “Absolutely not. No way. I’m not getting into the shower with you.”
“Yes,” he murmured, his dark, hungry gaze sliding slowly over her body slowly, “you are.”
/> “You’re not taking a shower here.” Lifting her chin, she eyed him guardedly. “And you’re definitely not taking a shower with me. I don’t need your help. Go home, Joseph.”
“You’ve got it all wrong. I’m not asking you to share with me. I know how sharing anything goes against your stubborn nature. Since it was my idea, you will be taking a shower with me. Not me taking one with you. You are not in pain any longer, but your body hasn’t completely healed. Plus, it’s been a long time since you’ve been on your feet. I would feel terrible if you became lightheaded and fell in the shower and I wasn’t there to catch you.”
Exquisite Breath of Darkness Page 16
