The Unexpected Life of Carnegie Lane

by Virginia Higgins

  “Yep.” He said taking it all in his stride.

  “I’ll be back later… See ya kids! Have fun. You can hang in here if you like. Oh…There is an x-box in that cabinet and a TV Connor if you want to use it.” He grabbed his jacket and walked out the door.

  “Awesome.” Connor breathed as he opened the doors on what he thought was a cupboard, only to find a 50 inch plasma and a huge selection of games.

  Once the kids seemed to be distracted, Leonie began talking to Carnegie in earnest. She hadn’t managed to have much time with her at all, and now seemed as good a time as any to find their equal ground.

  “Well…how are you going so far?” She asked, figuring it was as good an opener as she could think of.

  “It’s a bit overwhelming…Although it’s seriously fun.”

  “Yeah… it is fun.”

  “You have an amazing job. Getting to travel everywhere with the band, must be taxing on you though.”

  “It’s definitely taxing, but it’s worth it. They are a great bunch of guys. I see them as family more than anything now. It’s been such a long time working together.”

  “Well, they all seem nice. I haven’t had much time to spend with the rest of the band yet, except for the other night. Nate told me about Tye, and I thought he was such a nice guy. I spoke to him a couple of times in the foyer. I had no idea.” Carnegie said innocently. She didn’t see the shivers that went up Leonie’s back as she did.

  “Well…I was going to talk to you about that. You have to be really careful who you talk to and what you say. This industry has a habit of turning fictions into truths no matter how bizarre it sounds. The last thing you need is a scandal.”

  “Nate said that. I’m still trying to think of how they could find anything to use personally.”

  “Oh believe me, they will. No skeletons in your closet is there? No axe murderers in your family or anything like that?” She laughed as she said it. Underneath, she really was asking the question.

  “Nope…nothing.” Carnegie answered innocently.

  “Then you’re good. Want a top up? I know I could use a glass if you’re keen to go again.” Leonie walked over and grabbed the wine Nate had opened. She was hanging for a drink. Just one before she began the ritual of organizing clothes for the band, arranging transport and making sure the team that worked in the background were all on schedule.

  “Yeah…That would be great… Thanks Leonie.” Carnegie put her glass out, so she could pour into it.

  They both chatted for a while, small talk mainly, all the peripheral things you say when your exploring someone new. Leonie settled down, recognizing that maybe, just maybe… There was nothing here to worry about, nothing that could upset the status quo. In fact, she decided that she liked Carnegie Lane… A lot more than she thought she would.

  Seconds turned into minutes and before she knew it, Carnegie and those kids were on their way to the concert. They walked in a side door. They had complete access to the entire venue. Sienna was happily following Leonie everywhere she went, pretending she was her assistant. Connor was off doing his own thing; Sobian and Olivia were totally in their element, as all seventeen year olds would be.

  Carnegie walked out amongst the crowd, where she had always been most comfortable. She absorbed the way she felt, the way that somehow, an element of anticipation had been removed. She couldn’t put her finger on exactly what it was she was feeling, then the background music got louder. Before she knew it, Sheeva’s Disciples were on stage. Nate was taking the front mic, and the crowd around her went wild.

  As much as she sensed the anticipation of what was coming. there was an underlying emotion. The band started up, leading into what was clearly a popular song. Carnegie moved to the music and watched every move Nate Bowman made and loved the intensity he commanded. There was one difference between this concert and the many others she had attended. This time, she didn’t feel the need to be noticed. Carnegie Lane knew that she already had been. Call it maturity, call it what you like, there was a shift in her that happened that night. She felt a peace she had been searching for, as if suddenly, she belonged in the very world she had tried so hard to be a part of.

  Nate searched the wings of the stage as he got ready for his solo set. The one that allowed the band a break before the final part of the night. He was looking for Carnegie, although she was nowhere to be found. He scoured the crowd, trying to find her face but there were so many, he couldn’t see her. Talking to the crowd he continued his search and he played a couple of songs keeping up the momentum. Eventually he gave up, and began the dedication. One he had worked on, just for her.

  “Somewhere amongst you tonight, is a very special friend of mine.” The crowd went wild, more because he spoke than what he had said.

  “I’ve got a song that she asked me to learn. I’m going to sing it for you now. A Night Like this… by The Cure!”

  Carnegie blended into the sound of the guitar as it entered her body when he began to play. She closed her eyes and began to dream. This was her moment, it was the closest to heaven she had been for a long time. Suddenly in her head, the crowd belonged to her and only her. Nate Bowman didn’t exist. Every one of those people became statues, all of them became her audience. She was singing to her fans, the words they wanted to hear. She got lost in the sound of a voice, now familiar.

  “Say goodbye on a night like this, if it’s the last thing you ever do. You never looked as lost as this, sometimes it doesn’t even look like you….”

  That was it. Carnegie was right at that moment nowhere and everywhere at the same time. Like heroin, Nate Bowman’s voice just became her new drug.

  “You’re just the most gorgeously stupid thing I ever…had in the world…” the song went around in her head... “Say hello on a day like today…say it every time you move...”

  It took a while before she came back to earth but when it happened, it happened suddenly. It was the words that made her recognize what she was feeling and it brought her back from the world separate to the one she was lost in right now.

  “The way that you look at me now… makes me wish I was you…It goes deep, it goes deeper still this touch…and the smile and the shake of your head…”

  Carnegie opened her eyes and looked around. She watched the people who were all mesmerized, although none of them were looking at her. She looked up at the stage, and there was Nate, still scouring the crowd for her face. She walked forward through the body of fans who for some reason moved and let her through, like they knew she had priority. Her pass that hung off a chord around her neck allowing her access as she got to the row of security guards. They pulled her over the barrier and she stood right at the base of the stage, eye to eye with Nate.

  “I’m coming to find you if it takes me all night…” he sang as he looked into her eyes and smiled. Carnegie had his full attention. It was a feeling she had longed for, and one now she was happy to receive.

  “Oh oh ohh I want to change it all…” they sang to each other as if there was no one else in the room. “Oh oh ohh I want to change.” It was exactly how she felt.

  Nate finished the song and the band came on for the final set. Carnegie Lane had come back to earth and used this as a perfect excuse to go back to the side of the stage, back to where her children were waiting, oblivious to the space of madness their mother had just visited. She carried on as normal, yet she recognized a little more about herself than she had done a moment ago. Carnegie Lane was jealous. Underneath everything, underneath her book, and the fact that she had the most beautiful children in the world. The reality was she was a star to no one and the man she now had feelings for, held the affections, musically, for the world she wanted so badly for herself.

  She had dreamed those affections belonged to her…. every day for the past 20 years. It didn’t make her hate him, or even dislike him. It just made her need him a little bit more.

  She was distracted by Leonie who came to stand beside her.

&nb
sp; “Well, what do you think?” she asked. It had been a great performance, and she was very aware it was the first time Carnegie had seen them live on stage, other than an unplugged session.

  “They are great, I get why they are so popular.”

  “Nate is an amazing song writer, that’s for sure, he’s lucky he has such a talented group of musicians to back him up. That’s what makes the magic.”

  “I can see it’s a joint effort. What an incredible accomplishment.”

  Together they both stood there listening as they wound up with their final encore to a room full of screaming fans begging for more.

  “Now… what do you think? I can arrange a car to get you back to the hotel before all the fuss if you like. You could take the kids back and get them settled. The twins could stay and go back with the band. I’m sure they are enjoying the attention.” Leonie, ever the organizer was trying to get everything sorted out before the interesting part of the night happened. The fans and the cameras, the autograph signing. Then, getting out of the place. The crew would come later after everything was locked down and the equipment was secured.

  “That’s a good idea. I’m sure the little ones would be exhausted by now.”

  Carnegie gathered up Connor and Sienna, and then went with Leonie to the side entrance where a car was waiting. She was quiet on the way back, reflecting on a million emotions and moments that had just resurfaced… All of them bringing back the memory of what she loved so much about her life long ago. Her body was still in sync with the music. It had always affected her, long after concert, like an intoxication.

  It was over an hour by the time the rest of the main team arrived back. Carnegie could hear the commotion on the street as fans and photographers got a glimpse of the band and her daughters as they got out of the cars at the hotel. Both of the younger children were sleeping soundly. There wasn’t even a complaint from Connor when she tucked him into bed. As for Sienna, she fell asleep mid sentence.

  Sobian and Olivia both rocked in the door, still excited beyond belief. They started gushing at their mother about this being the best time they had ever had. Carnegie smiled and listened to the joy in their voices. It had been a long time coming.

  “Anyway, there’s a gathering in Nate’s room, he said to tell you, so you should go down there.”

  “Well, will you stay here with the little ones if I go?” She questioned, deciding that both of them may have had enough stardom for one night, and an after party for a band might not be the best company for them anyway.

  “Yeah, we were already told that we couldn’t be there. That’s ok, we’ve had such a good day, and then there’s two more nights of concerts to go.” They both looked at each other and giggled a little. It was just getting better all the time.

  It took her a while before she wandered down the foyer and knocked on Nate’s door. Leonie opened it. Inside there were others Carnegie hadn’t seen before.

  “Hey... I was just about to come get you.”

  Carnegie smiled at her and stepped in the room. “Just getting the kids settled first, that’s all.”

  Together they walked into the lounge where Nate was sitting, with two girls, both gorgeous and both at least half his age on either side of him. He excused himself and went over to Carnegie. He took her hand then turned back to the room.

  “Everyone, this is my dear friend Carnegie Lane.”

  There was a chorus of hellos and a lot of head nodding from everyone, then they all went back to whatever it was they were doing. Even the girls turned and began chatting to each other, as if it didn’t matter that the one they wanted had just been stolen by someone twice their age.

  “Who’s your care package?” Carnegie whispered to him softly.

  “I don’t know. They’re here with someone I suspect…” He winked at her as he walked over to the bar and grabbed her a glass of wine. She accepted it without question. She would have taken it straight from the bottle and sculled it if he offered.

  They chatted a little bit about the concert, about the people in the room. Most of them were from different TV stations, Australian promotion companies and magazines… That type of thing.

  “Does it ever get boring?” She asked, not understanding how it could, although he had been doing it for a long time… Playing the game so to speak.

  “Never boring. Sometimes, you just…wish.” He stopped there and looked at her.

  “Wish for what?” She questioned, curious.

  “You just wish for Impossible Things.” He answered almost distantly as he turned back toward the room full of mostly strangers and then made his way effortlessly amongst them.

  Seconds became minutes and those minutes can fly faster than the speed of time. Eventually, the room began to clear and left behind were just a few. Leonie had been filling Carnegie in on who was who, and why they were here. She explained the entourage of over dressed girls, and why they were invited. It was to impress their agents and executives, some of whom were leaving, escorted by the girls in the hope of something more. Most of them would remain disappointed. Still, their ego had been stroked, simply by arriving and leaving with them in the first place.

  “Is there someone in his life Leonie? You know what I mean.” Carnegie felt almost awkward asking, although she did want to know the answer. She hadn’t asked Nate directly in any of her conversations, and he had never offered it anyway.

  “There have been many.” She said gently. “No doubt, there will be more. Unless someone can capture his heart, and still give him space to be exactly who he is. Unless she exists, I doubt there will be only one.” Leonie was trying to warn her, without outright telling her there was no hope and none. Not that Carnegie was expecting anything... Well, not that she was prepared to let surface enough to admit.

  “Do you ever think he gets lonely?” Carnegie asked. She was trying to imagine his life as hers, instead of the one that was responsible for the four sets of lungs breathing heavily in their sleep down the hall. As much as she wanted it, she couldn’t imagine this and not them.

  “I know he gets lonely. I’ve seen him with his sister, Lilli and her kids. He just adores them. Often, he says he would kidnap one and keep them for himself. For as long as I’ve known Nate there’s always been a reservation about him, something that stops him from getting too close. It’s like he’s frightened. Maybe he was hurt once. Although, if he was, he’s never told anyone. It’s like a self preservation thing I guess, one that keeps him focused on his career...Which means everything to him.”

  They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Leonie went and opened it and in bounded ‘a not very wide awake Sienna’.

  “Mummy, I can’t sleep!” She said innocently not realizing there would be strangers in the room, yet she walked straight over to Nate with her arms in the air expecting to be picked up.

  “Hey there you.” He said with a smile. The others around him just thought it was cute.

  “Hi Nate.” She said in that little Sienna voice that occasionally she could pull off.

  She put her head down and was asleep before it hit his shoulder.

  “I think you found a friend.” Leonie said, as she walked over to him, ready to take the sleeping Sienna off him.

  “She’s a sweet thing this one. It’s ok Leonie, I got her.” He said enjoying the contact.

  Sweet… thought Carnegie…Little did he know she could grow horns and become the devil in disguise... Time would tell… She just smiled and tried not to look guilty.

  “Here Nate… I better go, I’ll take her.” Carnegie walked over to take Sienna from him, but he shook his head.

  “Come on, I’ll walk you back, I’ll carry her.” He turned and said goodnight to those that were left, and how much he was looking forward to seeing them tomorrow night. Then he went with Carnegie out into the hallway and headed back toward her rooms.

  “I think I need Sienna after all my gigs. She is the best excuse to send everyone home I’ve found so far.” He looked ove
r at Carnegie and winked.

  “Sorry.” She said feeling a little bit like she invaded his space.

  “Don’t be, I’m serious. It’s nearly 3am and I have a 7.30am start.”

  He put her back in bed then walked into the adjoining room with Carnegie. Finally he had some time to talk to her, without distraction.

  “Did you have fun?” He asked, hoping that she had.

  “It was the best night I’ve had in ages. Actually I can’t remember one as special.”

  “Hope you liked the song. See I told you I would learn it.” Carnegie had another moment where her insides moved. She would never forget that song. It had signaled a significant change in everything she believed she was.

  “I loved it.” Was all she managed to say.

  “Well, tomorrow, I’m off early. We have TV interviews then three radio shows. I have a photo shoot to do, and I think I’ll be back for a while before the sound check, I’m not sure if I’ll see much of you though.” Nate had invited her, and didn’t want her to think she was being abandoned.

  “It’s fine. I haven’t been to Brisbane in ages. I’m sure the kids will want to go do something. Don’t you worry about us?”

  There was a pause between them, just long enough for the feeling of expectation to begin creeping under Carnegie’s skin. The night had given her enough revelations of who she was, and the compulsive need she was beginning to feel, to grab hold of this guy and never let him go became stronger, every time he opened his mouth. As much as this friendship between them had been ongoing for a while, albeit from a distance, she still didn’t really understand why. Tonight she had seen the caliber of people he was used to, and a tired mother of four who couldn’t afford the clothes or the hair styles to even come close to them… didn’t seem to make sense to her.

  “Nate.” She said, getting his attention. He was happily sitting back on the lounge, staring at…nothing.

  “Why am I here?” She asked genuinely.