The Shifter's Choice

by Jenna Kernan

  “What does that mean, exactly?”

  “Mac thinks I don’t want to change. Might be right, too.”

  Their conversation died away again. Sonia stared out the window and noticed they were not heading for the security checkpoint. When it became clear that they were heading across base she had a sudden flash of panic that they were aiming for the mess hall, a move that neither of them would ever live down, but Johnny drove them to the docks and carefully escorted her onto one of the boats where Sergeant Domingo Cavillo, one of Johnny’s exercise companions, ferried them the ten miles to West Maui and the oceanfront resort where he had made reservations. She wondered if the sergeant would wait for them, but her stiletto heel no sooner hit the dock than the boat headed away.

  “I can call him for a pick up.”

  Can? She lifted an eyebrow because she realized that he could just as easily not call him for a pick up and they were at a resort with palm trees, blooming jasmine, newlyweds and many, many vacant bedrooms. The possibilities stirred her blood and she stopped walking as she glanced up into Johnny’s intent brown eyes. The captain wanted her to get John back safe while she wanted to wake to mimosas and a rumpled bed.

  His mouth stretched into a wicked smile and she forgot how to breathe. He placed a hand on her lower back, ushering her along as she tried not to dwell on the warmth of his hand or the strength of his graceful stride, slowed now to match her smaller one.

  They walked slowly along the dock in the early evening, past the snorkelers on the beach and the poolside restaurant.

  “Lots of honeymooners here,” he commented, his voice and his implication making her skin tingle.

  His hand slid from her back and he offered his elbow. She clung to his arm more tightly as they left the dock for the brick walkway. Beneath the fine fabric of his jacket she could feel the steel of his muscles.

  They strolled past the bar and families enjoying casual dining. Johnny was the only person in a suit and their appearance turned more than one head.

  “We’re overdressed,” she whispered.

  “We’re not eating here.”

  Inside the hotel lobby Johnny strolled with the casualness of a confident man. He nodded at the concierge and continued on through the etched glass entrance of the Waterfront Steakhouse, pausing to open the door for her and then again at the hostess station. Johnny spoke to a young woman wearing a red hibiscus in her hair while Sonia admired the tropical fish in a large saltwater tank.

  A hostess escorted them to the restaurant’s interior and a table with a killer view of the sun setting over the Pacific Ocean. She even took Sonia’s flowers and returned with them in a lovely arrangement for their table.

  Johnny glanced at the wine list and then set it aside asking for sparkling water and two nonalcoholic frozen drinks. The drinks arrived a few moments later with huge glasses topped with orchids and a skewer of fresh fruit. She sipped a sweet icy strawberry drink and smiled up at Johnny.

  “Perfect.”

  He nodded. They watched the sun dip toward the water, a huge orange ball that gradually melted into the sea. As it set, the sky blazed with streaks of orange fire that turned the clouds violet and gold.

  “I’ve never seen anything so beautiful,” she whispered.

  “I have,” he said and she glanced up to see he was staring at her.

  The compliment pleased her and she beamed. “You’ve seen me before.”

  “Not at sunset. Not at my table in a dress like that.”

  “I liked the meals you cooked for us at your bungalow.”

  “I’ll be glad to cook for you for as long as you like.”

  “That’s good news because you’ve spoiled me for the mess hall forever.”

  The silence between them seemed more complicated now and she was relieved to see the appetizers arrive. She tried the potstickers which turned out to be delicious little dumplings with a salty brown sauce. She’d never had to struggle to find a topic of conversation with Johnny before, but as she crunched her way through her salad she stretched to think of something, anything to say. The tension between them made her stomach ache and she had trouble eating the special, a pecan-crusted tilapia fillet with a mango and pineapple chutney. Johnny’s appetite was epic as he polished off his favorite, very rare steak and potatoes and the entire bread basket.

  During the main course, the recorded music ceased as a band set up on the large balcony. The steel drums’ ringing rhythms drifted in on the Pacific breeze, exotic and alluring. Still she wished they were back at Johnny’s place. Alone, instead of here in the open with his goons across the room watching her as if she and Johnny were on pay-per-view.

  “You seem nervous,” he said.

  She snapped her eyes back to him, wondering how it was possible that he hadn’t seen his wounded warriors yet. “I suppose I am.”

  “Why?”

  She watched Corporal Del Tabron give her a small nod before lifting his beer glass. They knew she was aware of them.

  “Hmm? Oh, I never really go on dates. Just one-nighters mostly. I don’t even tell them my real name.” This was met with silence and she snapped her gaze to his to see his brow low over his dark eyes and a definite edge of danger in his expression. What the hell had she been thinking?

  But she hadn’t been. She’d been so busy looking at his wounded warriors, she hadn’t censored her reply.

  “Sonia, what does that mean?”

  Her shoulders dropped with her spirits.

  “Just that. I told you I don’t like people. I don’t trust them. They either want too much or I want too much. Relationships are complicated. I like to keep things simple.”

  “You mean sex.”

  She pursed her lips for one long intake and exhale. Then she answered. “Yeah. Sex. Sex with guys I don’t know and never wanted to know. Scratch the itch. Move on.”

  She’d shocked him speechless.

  “You think I’m bad.”

  “I think you’re broken.”

  “Yeah. That’s about right.”

  Right then, in the middle of his deciding she was as dysfunctional as a car on blocks, the band played their first slow dance.

  Perfect timing, she thought.

  “Listen, John, you can take me home. I’ll understand.”

  Instead, he set aside his napkin and offered his hand. Sonia sat poised between wanting to leave the room and wanting to be wrapped in John’s strong arms.

  “May I have this dance?”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Never more certain.”

  She accepted his hand, surprised at the thrill of excitement that rippled from the point of contact.

  He walked her past the other tables to the dance floor surrounded by brightly burning torches. When they got there, they were by no means the only couple enjoying the trade winds and starry night.

  Johnny laced his fingers with hers and splayed his other hand on her back before sweeping them into a slow circle.

  Magic, she thought, as she moved in time with his steps on the most romantic of all dance floors. So why was her heart jackhammering so loudly that she could barely hear the music? He didn’t draw her closer, just moved with a grace that rippled with sensuality. She was acutely aware of the sway of his hips. The second dance was slower and couples around them seemed to melt into their partner’s embrace, moving in perfect synchronization, obviously relaxed and at ease in each other’s company. Sonia felt awkward and uncertain as she edged closer resting her cheek on his shoulder. She was unwilling to press her body to his mainly because she wanted to so badly. This was a dangerous road, she realized. Her skin tingled and her breasts ached. She knew the signs. Sonia sighed as his cheek brushed the top of her head and closed her eyes. Sonia let the music and John Lam take her deeper into the enchantment of the night.

  She wanted Johnny’s body, but in the morning there would be no escaping him because unlike the rest of the men she had slept with, Johnny knew where she lived. He knew other things, t
oo, secret intimate things. Things she never expected another person in this world to know about her. She shivered in excitement as she rocked her hips from side to side, matching his lead, wanting to let him lead.

  What was she doing and where would this end?

  * * *

  Johnny breathed in her fragrance. The tiny capillaries beneath her skin opened wide bringing a beguiling pink flush to her cheeks and the scent of the rose petals that she had carried all the way from the base. Johnny’s sense of smell remained acute and despite his inability or unwillingness to change, he felt the wolf still inside him. It hadn’t disappeared as the doctors feared. It had just gone deep.

  How long had he dreamed of this night? How many nights had he imagined holding her in his arms and having her see the man that he had always been instead of that monster that still lurked within?

  Now she was here with him but instead of the easy falling together he had dreamed it would be, Sonia revealed a new hesitancy in conversation and a reluctance that troubled him. Why had she never had a second date and what did that mean for them? He knew her name. He knew her secrets. He knew Sonia and he wanted more. Would she be willing to sleep with him knowing that she couldn’t just disappear in the morning?

  He scented her arousal but also her fear. Now that he was a man, she no longer trusted him. Or did she just not find him appealing. Didn’t she like his looks?

  Every time he moved closer, she stepped back. His hips were a tantalizing inch from hers, her breasts nearly brushed against his chest but she kept just out of reach. It was all he could do not to drag her against him. He didn’t want to frighten her but he’d never wanted a woman more. Not just any woman. He wanted this woman.

  Johnny had broken off with his high school steady when he joined up and had only had occasional companionship since then. Now all he could think about was kissing Sonia everywhere and of seeing her lying naked in his bed by candle light and then again in the morning, her long hair tangled in the rumbled bedding. His insides squeezed and the steady thrum of blood beat insistently within him. He wanted this woman.

  He glanced down to see her eyes closed as her cheek rested on his chest. Even with her eyes closed, her expression looked pained as if she wanted to be anywhere but here. Well, that was exactly what he wanted, but now he worried that Sonia did not imagine this night ending as he did. He glanced around the room, seeing other couples, ladies clinging to their men, pressing hip-to-hip or gazing longingly into each other’s eyes.

  Honeymooners, he realized, now recognizing his mistake. He’d taken a woman who was terrified of commitment on their first date and dropped her into the center of a room full of committed couples. How stupid could he get?

  She didn’t press herself against him like the other women draped like boneless cats against their new husbands. Sonia wasn’t a bride in the arms of the man she loved. She was a young marine on her first date with a werewolf. It was a wonder she didn’t fly screaming from the room. And then it hit him. She couldn’t. She couldn’t say no to this date any more than she could quit teaching him. She was stuck because she’d robbed a house, so now if she didn’t make him happy, they’d send her back where she came from. Back to jail, back to that damned dog cage.

  No wonder she barely touched her dinner.

  Suddenly Johnny felt sick. He didn’t want her here against her will. He drew back.

  The song ended and the band played a faster number, with steel drums and a Caribbean sound. Sonia looked up at him with eyes that asked for rescue. He felt the same aching need he always felt when she looked at him and then as now he wouldn’t act on it because he’d never know if she wanted to or felt she must. He knew she’d do anything to keep from going back to jail, even, apparently, go out with him.

  He hated the idea of taking her upstairs now. Would she look at him as she did on the dance floor as if he were some distasteful obligation to be discharged as quickly as possible? He’d bought her flowers, put on a suit and she’d dressed in red. But it was all a lie.

  “Are you all right?” she asked as he held her chair back at their table.

  “Yes.” He said it a little too quickly.

  “You look as if you are in pain.” Her eyes went wide. “Johnny, you’d know if you were about to change. Wouldn’t you? Because the captain said...”

  God, he hadn’t even thought of that. No wonder the captain and the major had been so against his coming out and why she was tense as a newbie at boot camp. Why had they let him go? He had another thought and glanced about the room, finding the bar and three familiar backs perched like crows on a wire. He met the eyes of Carver, Zeno and Kiang in the mirror. Apparently the major hadn’t let him off the leash after all. They’d just made it a little longer. His mood darkened. Had they enjoyed his awkward little dance with Sonia?

  Sonia noticed the direction of his gaze and he heard her groan.

  His gaze narrowed on the men.

  “Yeah. Maybe I’ll just go say hello.”

  She clasped his arm and he stopped as suspicion grew.

  “Why don’t we just order our dessert?”

  He was in a fishbowl. Had anything really changed?

  “Did you know?”

  She lowered the menu. “They’re here for your protection and to protect all the people here.”

  “Did you all think I’d go crazy?”

  She lowered the menu. “They can’t know what will happen next any more than you do.”

  He knew she was right but the situation now stuck in his throat like an overlarge piece of steak. “I wanted to be alone with you.”

  “Then we should have stayed at your place on Molokai.” She reached across the table and rested her hand on his. “Johnny, we’ve had a lovely meal and you are an excellent dancer. Let’s have desert.”

  “And then head back?”

  “If you’d like.”

  Johnny glanced at his three escorts. His bodyguards and the realization that Sonia might not be here by choice made the evening about as romantic as a frontal assault. Johnny ordered an espresso and Sonia had a crème brûlée. She seemed relieved to be escorted back to the dock where the boat he hadn’t called was waiting. Johnny wanted to kick someone’s ass. Instead, he helped Sonia aboard and then handed her the vase of red roses. He felt stupid and betrayed all at once.

  Sonia wrapped the shawl over her shoulders and huddled about her flowers protecting them from the wind.

  Back on Molokai, he drove her to the barracks and walked her to the entrance.

  “John, I know that the evening didn’t go as you would have liked. But I had a lovely time and I want to thank you.”

  He stared down at her, his heart so full of hope and despair he could not even summon a single word.

  “Please be patient with me. I just need a little time.”

  “Time,” he parroted. How much time? Time to do what? He’d had too much damned time—time alone, time as a monster, time with her when she couldn’t see how he felt. Now she wanted more of it. Finally, he nodded because he had no other choice. “All right.”

  “Will I see you tomorrow?”

  “Sure. Come up in the afternoon. You can teach me some more signs.” Like frustrated, sullen and pissed-off, he thought.

  She lifted on her toes and tried to kiss him. He turned so her lips met his cheek accepting it for what it was, a mercy kiss.

  “Thank you for the flowers.”

  He made a fast retreat and headed off base. Behind him he saw the lights of a Jeep which he had no trouble ditching. He ended up in one of the three places he’d heard his groupies mention and just as he’d expected there were single women at the bar, working girls who didn’t care who you were and didn’t expect you to be patient. He looked over the bunch and picked the one who had dark hair and mocha skin. She was native but she had Sonia’s coloring. She smiled an invitation but Johnny recognized the feral glint in her eye, the look of a wolf hunting.

  “Hi, handsome,” she said. “You want som
e company?”

  He stood his ground and she slid from the stool and sidled over, swaying her hips as she approached. The moment she brushed her hand over his cheek he knew coming here was a mistake. He thought this was what he needed, one of them beneath him. He’d just close his eyes and pretend it was Sonia. Now instead of the flush of heat and lust, he felt stone cold.

  “Damn it,” he muttered.

  “You got a ride, soldier? We could take a ride.” She licked her sticky pink lips. “Or take a walk in the moonlight.”

  He could have her and be done. But somehow he knew he’d never be done. Not since he’d first set eyes on Sonia. The woman wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her small breasts against him. Cigarette smoke clung to her hair and her soft body only reminded him of how Sonia held back. Johnny dragged the woman’s arms from his neck because he didn’t want her. He wanted the woman he’d been dreaming of and lusting after for weeks and weeks. He’d spent too many nights imagining Sonia to settle for this clinging woman who smelled like stale beer and male sweat. He pulled her off and moved to the other end of the bar.

  He didn’t want sex with this stranger. He wanted Sonia.

  She’d asked him to be patient. Damn her.

  He ordered a whiskey and then threw it back. The burn in his throat was familiar but there was no second kick.

  The front door opened and in walked his captain, dressed in jeans, running shoes and a marine sweatshirt on inside out. Johnny just knew he’d gotten him out of bed, that nice warm bed he shared with his bride. Johnny snorted, not feeling one bit guilty. If he had to sleep alone, the captain could, too.

  “Waste of money,” said Mac, nodding toward the empty whiskey glass.

  Johnny stared sullenly at him.

  “You can finally talk and you got nothing to say?”

  Oh, no. He had plenty. But he was pretty sure the captain didn’t want to hear it.

  “You remember when I found you and Brianna together in my bed?” asked Johnny.

  Mac winced. Suddenly it was the captain who had nothing to say. He ordered two beers just to have something to do and pushed one at Johnny before taking a long pull of his own. Finally he banged the long-necked bottle on the bar and turned to him. “I remember.”