Chasing Imperfection (Chasing Series 2)

by Pamela Ann

  “Blake—please—talk to me.” She gently tugged on my arm.

  “Do. Not. Fucking. Touch. Me.” I said through gritted teeth. My hands were crammed with my laptop, papers, chargers and my phone. I left her there crying as I marched back to her room and packed it in my overnight bag. I was zipping it closed when I felt her wrap her arms around my waist. Her wet tears soaked my back. I closed my eyes and prayed for reason as she sobbed noisily.

  “Stop, please—look at me, Blake,” she pleaded.

  But I couldn’t. For the life of me—I couldn’t.

  I need to leave but it was hard to move. The simple task of breathing was bloody difficult. I’m shattered into pieces but I had to know or I would be forever in a hellish wonderment. “Did you fuck him?” Her body tensed and completely halted her breathing.

  Counting from one to ten, my patience was thinning. “DID YOU or DID YOU NOT FUCK HIM?!!!” She tightened her hold. “ANSWER ME, DAMN YOU!” I snarled ferociously.

  “Yes….” she whispered.

  A pained guttural sound came from my throat. I pushed her arms off me, took my bag and slammed her door shut and left the apartment.

  My heart was erratic as I tried to breathe.

  She did it…. She finally did it. I’m irreparable.

  I had no clue how I got back to my apartment in Mayfair, but I did. I went to the bar and grabbed the nearest bottle of cognac. I took a long gulp and headed straight to my bedroom. Her silk robe sat on the foot of the bed. I hurled myself on top of it and cursed her. I called her names but the pain didn’t subside, it merely intensified.

  I cried, I cried from the wounding pain that’s eating me and my whole existence.

  I don’t think I can recover from this. I cannot believe she would let another man touch her.

  She fucked him.

  She really did.

  Did she enjoy it? Did she scream his name as she came? Does she enjoy hurting me? I am tormenting myself even more with torturous questions—because I am hurt and sadly, permanently broken.

  I finished the cognac to its very last drop. I was numb but the sunken ache, rotting heinously inside of me didn’t leave me.

  I pulled her silken robe to my nostrils and inhaled her scent. It was faint but it was remarkably, undeniably hers.

  I woke up from the gentle strokes caressing my forehead. But my drunken state made it difficult to open my eyes so I grunted in earnest.

  “Shhhhh…..rest my love,” she whispered softly, “I’m so sorry.”

  Her gentle caresses calmed and comforted me. She said “my love” but I doubt that meant love.

  “Stay—don’t leave me.” And go to him.

  I am hurt but I know I would rather die than not have her with me. Maybe in time we will forgive each other and our misguided decisions.

  In time….I can only hope.

  “If that’s what you want.” It is.

  I heard her shuffle and flick the lamp switch off. She hugged me from behind. She was crying softly and I was gutted hearing her soft sobs.

  If I just made the right decision and told her about the blasted engagement in the very beginning….severed my ties with the Clayworths….then none of this would be happening. I wouldn’t have bedded different women and she wouldn’t have given herself to Kyle. She and I would’ve been very happy…..

  The strangest thing about love is that it doesn’t stop even if disaster strikes. It engulfs you and intertwines with every single atom of your very existence.

  I did this to us…. I did this to her…. I couldn’t stop the pain that was consuming us both.

  But she’s here with me. Her being here is enough. She might not voice how she felt about me but I knew she cared.

  “I love you….most ardently….senselessly….desperately.”

  “How—how can you love me after what I did to you?” Sienna sobbed in between words.

  I turned and faced her. My heart constricted at the very sight of her.

  “I just do. That’s why it’s love—it’s unconditional. Whether you commit a mistake or a hundred, I would still love you. They say the most romantic kind of love is the unfinished kind. The kind that will forever burn and mark your soul—you’ve bewitched me, body and soul. I love you—and whether you do or don’t feel the same, my love is unequivocal.”

  “I’m sorry Blake. I don’t want to see you hurt ever again.”

  I hugged her and she cried more on my shoulder and spoke softly to her, “I’m sorry too—we both made mistakes and hurt each other badly in the process.”

  My thoughts were still in turmoil. My heart still beats with grief. But we reached a higher ground, a ground with common level of understanding.

  The ball is in her field, I just don’t know which goalkeeper she’d take her shot at.

  One can only hope….

  I don’t have any clue how long we both stayed awake. But I went to sleep right after she stopped sobbing and her breathing evened.

  14

  Sienna

  I woke up alone in Blake’s bed. It was Tuesday and I have to rush back to school and visit Chad right after because I failed to do that in my miserable state yesterday.

  Seeing Blake’s crestfallen face lacerated me. I cried all afternoon and Luce finally managed to convince me to follow him. It was almost seven at night when I called Luke and asked if Blake was in the office but he told me Blake didn’t go in at all. I grabbed the key he gave me with its handmade pink and white diamond lily and directly went to his apartment in Mayfair.

  I found him in his bedroom faced down with my soft pink silk robe on the bed. The way he clutched my robe broke me into sobs. He was passed out and the empty cognac bottle sat mere inches away from his large hand.

  Last night was difficult but I am relieved that Blake and I found some common ground.

  But I didn’t know where to go from there and but before I fell asleep, I decided I wouldn’t go anywhere at all. Not to Kyle or Blake. I’ve caused both men enough pain to last a lifetime. We all caused each other enough damage. It was time to make amends and let go.

  I love them both…

  I love Kyle because he kept me safe ever since the day we met. I love him for being there for me constantly and supporting me tirelessly. But most of all, he loved me—scars and all.

  I love Blake because he splintered through my guarded heart and made it beat again. His passionate nature and his beauty ensnared, seized and held me captive. I’ve never felt more alive than when I’m with him. He simply took my breath away and he accepted me fully—as a woman and as a person. I’ve never felt so complete and I fell madly in love. I fell hard. He took every single thing to another level and made it his—a fact that he applies in all aspects in his life.

  There was nowhere to hide—I clung unto the man and hopped on to the nonsensical rollercoaster that we made for ourselves—there was no one to blame but us.

  It was time to get off the rollercoaster and face the reality of the mess I’ve created for myself.

  I got myself out of bed and looked for Blake.

  He was staring idly at the counter, pensive. Freshly showered and shaven in his dark suit, he looked elegantly and magnificently gorgeous. My stomach did a somersault. He instantly looked up when I entered the kitchen.

  “Hi.”

  “Hello,” he smiled sadly at me. My chest clutched heavily.

  He turned around and started to prepare a cup of coffee for me. I didn’t want him to but he seemed to want to do something, so I obliged.

  “What are your plans today?” he asked as he planted the coffee before me.

  “Thank you. I actually have to go to school for a few hours then I’m going to see Chad. Isn’t he going to be discharged tomorrow?”

  “Yes, he will be. I’ll take you to school and we can go see Chad together if you want.”

  “Aren’t you going to be busy all day?”

  He shrugged. “Need not worry—I’ve got it covered.”

  “Okay,
that would be fine if you want to take me to school and see Chad together.”

  After drinking our coffees in a comfortable silence, I dashed to the bathroom and showered. I was shocked to find all of my things were still in the same place I left them. My perfume, toothbrush, facial items and paraphernalia I had left before we broke up—were all in the very same spot. Sure, the place is squeaky clean, due to his housekeeper Freya, no doubt—but it seemed like he wanted them just as is, like he expected me to be back here with him, again.

  My clothes still hung in the His and Hers walk-in closet. A beautiful big rounded white suede lounge chair sat in between the closets. I sat there for a minute staring wide-eyed at the ever-present closet that had my things in them.

  Why didn’t he take my belongings to the nearest trash bin and swept his apartment clean of me?

  He wanted me back….even if I declined his proposal, he still wanted me back. Even then, he just knew. He knew what he wanted and he wanted me with him.

  There was a soft knock and he called out from the other side of the room. “Hey—I’ll be waiting in the car downstairs. I need to make a few calls. No need to hurry—just letting you know where I’ll be.”

  “I’ll be ready in five minutes,” I called out to him.

  “Okay—I’ll just be downstairs.”

  I dressed casually with dark jeans, black long-sleeved cotton shirt and black pointed boots. I pulled my long bright orange pashmina scarf that I purchased from Florence on a weekend trip with Chad and loosely snaked it on my neck. I pulled my damp hair in a haphazard bun. I applied dark brown eye-liner on the rims of my puffy eyes and a coat of mascara. A couple swipes of peach colored gloss and I was set. Grabbing my black tote, I rummaged for my Aviator shades and walked over to the lift. I bought us the same shades because I knew they would make Blake look sexy as hell—and they did. I purchased them six months ago—when were simply just friends.

  I pushed the building door open and got smacked by the chilly blast of air. Blake was in his car, his black Seventy-seven Vanquish, talking animatedly on his phone. He had his aviator shades on too and he looked stunning.

  I stood there mesmerized and drank the sight of him. When finally saw me—he smiled, giving me that gorgeous, arresting signature smile of his. He got out of the car and opened the door for me. He was still on the phone and he spoke in fluid Italian. Boy, I wanted to drown in that sexy musical drawl.

  I honestly don’t think anyone can compare to him. He’s a man of force and the world was his oyster. He’s going to become bigger and larger than life. Someday he will be a great husband and father to his children. The thought was depressing but it was the truth. One thing I knew about him is that once he commits himself into something, he gave it his all. When he finally chooses to marry, his wife is going to be one very lucky woman.

  He got in the car and still spoke on the phone. We weaved through the London traffic with fluidity. London traffic can be awful especially in the morning. The whole thing about driving on the other side of the road confused the hell out of me—that’s why driving here is not the wisest idea. Even Kyle can’t be bothered driving here. Back in LA, he was obsessed with his silver Lamborghini Roadster and wouldn’t let anyone drive it.

  Kyle. I have yet to call him today and find out how he was. Blake did a number on him. The poor thing didn’t see it coming. I didn’t see it coming. When Blake sauntered in the room, he looked like his usual composed self—but God, he was like a burning furnace with rage and I didn’t even notice it. How does he do that? Mask his emotions without showing much to those around him? I guess it’s one of those things that his granddad taught him. It comes very handy when it comes to business dealings. But when it comes to personal relationships—it can be very daunting. It’s quite overwhelming really if you think about it.

  I heard him say “Ba bene, Zia. Ciao,” and end the call.

  “That was my Aunt Seraphina in Rome, she said my uncle wants me to visit again. I spoke briefly with him and he sounded like he’s getting back on his feet.”

  “What happened to him?”

  “He had a heart attack. I never mentioned it to you?” No. You didn’t because you were stuck to Ivanna’s side and simply ignored me.

  “No, you never did.” I gave him a quick glance.

  He grabbed my hand, kissed it and held it on his thigh.

  We were right around Wigmore Street and quite close to my school. “What time do you want me to pick you up?” he asked.

  “In three hours?” I bit my lip as I looked at him. His thumb was making slow rhythmic circles on my palm. He had a habit of doing this and it never failed to make me so aware of him.

  “Splendid. I’ll be out here when you come out cara mia.” My beloved.

  “Okay, see you then Blake. Thanks for dropping me off.” I gave him a quick smile before letting myself out of the car.

  This is going to be beyond weird…but I must peddle forward.

  Walking towards my Fashion Marketing class, Aloy came up next to me and greeted me cheerily. “What’s up gal? You don’t look ready for class.” She’s a pretty Asian with an unusual nickname. Yep, it isn’t her real name (it’s Ana) but she was nicknamed that. I do think Aloy suits her better. It’s unique and peculiar like the woman herself. I met her during our class last semester and we hung out a few times during lunch in between classes.

  “Yeah, well last night was eventful to say the least. How have you been?” I eyed her outfit, she always has a great funky ensemble and I loved it. Sometimes I get all into it but most days I just keep it safe like today. The only color I have is the bright orange scarf amongst all the black.

  “I’m superb dahling! My sister is visiting me from Boston and she’s arriving tonight. Want to hang out with us? We might need another sidekick to get some male attention. My sister is the shy type, sadly.”

  This is what I like about her, she’s straightforward. I smiled, “I would love to meet your sister but no can do babe. My friend is going to be discharged from the hospital tomorrow so that will be taking up most of my time for the next few days.”

  Aloy pouted. “Oh, bummer! Do text me if you change your mind then.”

  “Definitely will,” I replied as we entered class. The class was three hours and I only have it once a week, thank goodness. I hate three hour classes and I tend to daydream when it gets boring.

  Exactly an hour and half after the class started, our teacher, Mrs. Luton called a recess for thirty minutes.

  “I’m going to Starbucks, want to join me?” I asked Aloy who was diligently tapping away on her phone. That thing kept vibrating the entire time during class.

  “Heck yes! I need a caffeine fix.”

  “So you’ll have more energy for texting the next hour? Who are you talking to?” We’re walking out on the damp street. I suppose it rained while we were inside the building. I love London during cold rainy months. It’s part of its charm and allure.

  “Bass, the guy I met over the weekend. It’s still in its early stages. Nothing major…you know…although he’s cute…I don’t know yet.” She was blushing and I found that endearing. She acted with total nonchalance but she was clearly more than interested in him.

  “Yup. Nothing major but cute—got it.”

  She opened the door to let us inside Starbucks and I was grateful for the warmer cozier climate in the small café. “Hey, Sienna—I have to step outside really quick. My mom’s calling.” She showed me the flashing phone screen.

  “No prob. What did you want? I’ll get it for you.”

  “I want a Grande Caramel Macchiato with extra shot,” she called out before pushing the heavy door to step outside.

  There were four more people ahead of me in the line. I kept repeating what she wanted in my head just in case I forget it, which I sometimes do—I have a bad case of forgetting things.

  “Long time no see stranger,” a voice said behind me. Was he talking to me or he’s on the phone talking to someone?
r />   I quickly spun around and saw a smirking Troy. My, my, the man still looked like a sex bomb.

  “Heeey—how are you?” I greeted him with a firm hug. He smelled marvelous, masculine and sexy. I smirked because I know you can’t smell sexy but with Troy, it’s literally oozing out of his pores.

  “I’m fantastic, although I did wait for your call with bated breath to no avail.”

  Yeah….about that…Blake capsized my brain and couldn’t remember anything about that entire weekend (due to excessive orgasms) and the catastrophe that followed almost a week later.

  “I uh—had a lot going on. It was chaotic and with a shitload of crap. Well—actually no, there’s still a lot of crap going about. I can’t seem to prevent it from happening.”

  The line moved ahead and I was the next customer. Aloy’s still outside talking on her phone.

  “I shan’t need more chaos in my life and yet I tend to stumble upon them. Quite lovely they are and it’s hard not to enlist in the chaos. I suppose I should give myself a pat on the shoulder then, should I?” he jested. His sexy grin distracted me for a second.

  “Umm sure.” Lame…you’re so lame, I scolded myself. Seriously, do you want to flirt with disaster? Aren’t Blake and Kyle enough shitstorm for you? Damn and double damn.

  When it was my turn to order, Troy took over and paid for all three coffees and wouldn’t let me pay for any.

  “You didn’t have to do that, I could pay you know.” He ushered us in an empty couch/lounge section that was tucked on the corner overlooking the street. I can easily see Aloy laughing as she spoke on the phone. I smiled at her. She’s always in a good mood—must be nice to be that upbeat and optimistic on a daily basis.

  “I know—but I want to. It’s only coffee, Sienna.”

  “You’re right. I’m being silly.” His phone rang, it was his agent. He excused himself for a bit while he took the call outside.

  I was surprised to see him. I haven’t seen him in what? Almost three months? London is a small town really. You bump into people you know all the time in the most unexpected places. But seriously, seeing Troy was a nice surprise. I forgot how good looking he was.