Twice as Hard

by Amber Bardan

  “Good, lunch tomorrow,” he says.

  Everything goes quiet. If we’re all still here.

  We finish in silence, apart from the scrape of silverware on our plates.

  Dean clears the table. “Dessert?”

  “Of course.” I’m not a girl who ever says no to sweets. That’s why, even with regular exercise I’m smack bang in the middle of slim and curvy.

  He moves to the kitchen.

  My gaze hones in on Abel and just like in the fantasy, I know he’s the one I can pull answers from. “You’re stocking the freezer, then?”

  He nods.

  “So you’re spending winter here?”

  “Yeah, bought a new generator just in case.”

  There’s a shitload I want to say. But there’s only one thing that really counts. “I’ve missed you, Abe.”

  He goes quiet, and rubs his beard right under his chin. What does he want to say that he’s not?

  “Dean’s missed you too. We both have.”

  His breath catches, and drops his hand to the table, as though I just hit him in the lung. What’s he not saying?

  That it’s my fault for coming between the two of them?

  I’ve got no right to ask him not to stay. It’d be unfair to tell him that I miss everything about him, his snacks on hockey nights, his big bear hugs, and the absence both Dean and I have suffered since he left.

  I have no right to beg him to come back to Toronto with us, because when he left I didn’t have the courage to do anything to stop him.

  Just like I’ve been too guilty to talk Dean about why things with the two of them have been so strained.

  Maybe I always worried it was all because of me. I won’t let it be anymore.

  “Remember Sandra?”

  He meets my gaze again. “Sure.”

  “She told me about this awesome track that’s not too far out from home.”

  “Look around, Gabs.” He looks to the window beside us.

  I gaze outside. Pippa gnaws on a toy on a patch of grass. The land dips down from the yard, revealing a view that simply sings. I can just imagine it in winter. Snow blanketing the trees. The whole valley.

  Just how Dean described this place when it’d been their family vacation home growing up.

  There was no shortage of stunning hiking opportunities here. But what can I say? That I was trying to remind him that he was the one who took me on my first hike?

  That I haven’t been able to enjoy the experience the same way since, without his encouragement next to me. That I’d wanted to make him think about how things were so he’d want that again, and more.

  He’s so quiet all I hear is the clink of plates from the kitchen.

  He doesn’t try and punish me with something mean, like asking why don’t I hike the trail with my husband. Abe isn’t cruel. Or maybe it’s just that he knows Dean only has one speed and that speed is sprint.

  That’s why the two of them can eat the same thing, and be active, and Dean has a body like a surfer and Abe a lumberjack.

  “What about work? If the lines go down, how can you work remotely?” I know he’s sought after but he still has to be able to communicate to get jobs.

  Abel finally smiles. “Bought some land closer to town. Working on a passion project right now.”

  I smile back at him. He’s been longing to use his skills on something he’s completely in charge of. “That sounds great. You always talked about that, just like Dean and his book.”

  “Then we’re both living the dream.” He glances at the kitchen and grins.

  I lean forward. “What do you mean?”

  His gaze snaps to me, and his open eyes get guarded.

  “Has he been writing?”

  “You know, he’s been here a month, Gabby.” He takes a gulp of wine. “It’s the place for it.”

  Dean sets three bowls on the table.

  “You started your book?” My chest gets heavy.

  “I’ve put some words down.” He sits and takes his spoon.

  I bring my glass to my lips and drain it. Good. He’s started his book. Good for him. He’s talked about writing fiction since I met him. Professionally, his area of expertise has always been criminal psychology. He works as a criminal profiler. If anyone can write a killer crime novel, it’ll be him.

  “That’s great, I’m so glad you have.” Why didn’t he tell me?

  He scoops a heaped spoon of dessert. “Wanted to make the most of the time I’ve taken off.”

  I nod. “Yeah, that’s good.”

  “I’m thinking about staying for winter.” He lifts his spoon. “To finish it.”

  My tongue goes dry. I glance between them. He wants to stay here, with Abel? I breathe in and gulp back the tears. How many times has he asked me to come here for a few months...but I’ve always been so hung up on work.

  We could relax for a while, Gabby.

  Just get away for the winter, Gabby.

  Spend some time together, Gabby.

  We don’t need the money, Gabby.

  And we don’t. Dean and Abel’s parents left them loaded. But it was never about that for me. I’ve lived with a constant sense of unease. Like the rug could be pulled out from underneath me at any moment. Like I have to work hard, make money, take care of myself, because I could be out on my ass—homeless, alone.

  At. Any. Moment.

  “You should.” I pat my mouth with a napkin. “That’s what you’ve always wanted.”

  What about me?

  But I push back the feeling. This man has given me everything I’ve ever dreamed of, and I want to give it all back to him no matter what it costs me.

  Had he worded that any differently, given me one last chance, said “Gabby, stay with us,” I’d have picked up my phone, called my boss and resigned.

  Because now it’s clear the worst of what I could lose is in this room.

  Here is where the rug gets pulled out from under me.

  Nothing I’ve ever clung to matters as much as them. I don’t need to keep fighting. I want to give in.

  Want to get away for a while. Spend some time together. Relax.

  “Not going to eat that?”

  I nudge the crumble, then look at him, raising a brow. “I don’t know, am I allowed to have it all?”

  He meets my gaze, and his eyes are two blue flames. I hadn’t meant it to sound so sassy, but now it does, I’m thinking the same thing he is.

  “That depends on what you intend to allow us to do to you.”

  I shove the plate back as far away from me as I can reach. My heart leaps. Stuff dessert if it means more is on the table.

  No. I stand up. Can’t give in to that without telling them how I really feel. What I really want. We need to work this out.

  “We have to talk, Dean.”

  He shoves back from the table too. Like that, the tension’s thicker than the cream in the jug. “Yes, we do.”

  Abel stands as well.

  “We didn’t tell you everything yesterday.”

  I back up. Wait? I’m supposed to be the one confessing my sins.

  “You asked me why I let this go ahead when I know how you feel, and how Abe feels, and I didn’t give you the whole answer.”

  Abel walks around the other side of the table coming closer to me. “We didn’t think we could ever be a family again, like we were before.”

  Dean’s voice gets rougher. “Until you. Until your fantasies all of a sudden became the ones I’ve always had.”

  I gasp, falling back a step. His fantasy had been this?

  “Fantasies too dangerous to accept.” He comes after me again. I see in his eyes that same wicked flicker from when we were deep, deep in role-play.
>
  Abel’s footsteps thud next to us.

  “We’ve been here a month, Gabby, not because I’ve had to convince Abel to be part of a scene—” He reaches me at the same time Abel’s presence pushes up against my back. “We’ve been here a month because we’ve been deciding what we want from life.”

  Dean’s always fulfilled my desires as if they were his. Part of me has always wondered if that’s because his desires are far more frightening than mine.

  Maybe that’s why we’ve worked. Two different kinds of messed up made a whole something right.

  Abel’s voice brushes my ear. “And what we want is you.”

  No. Three—three somethings make an alright.

  Dean

  She’s scared.

  My gorgeous, sensitive, vulnerable wife is afraid. Of us. Her lids sink lower than usual, her lips giving the sexiest little tremble. Most of all, she’s afraid of getting everything she’s ever wanted, and finding it’s too good to be true.

  “No role-play.” I let myself press up against her. “No pretend.”

  Abel’s at her back, inhaling the scent of her hair. She’s ours.

  “We want you,” he groans throatily. The emotion’s thick in his voice. I’m so proud to give my brother this fucking perfect woman. To have her fulfill us the way we’re going to fulfill her.

  She shivers again. “This is not something people are supposed to do.”

  I run my hand to her waist. “When have I ever given a fuck about supposed to?”

  “But, I do.” She whispers, but she’s already lost the battle. She’s melting against Abel.

  “Do you love us?”

  She flinches. Maybe I’m a little cruel, but she knows the drill—I need to push as much as she craves the pull.

  And Abe, he’s the weight in the middle that’s going to keep us balanced. He’s what we’ve been missing.

  She brings her hand up to her mouth, her index finger curled against her lip the way she does when she’s scared. “I love you. Both.”

  All my breath rushes out, and I bury my face in her neck. Thank fuck. I don’t what I’d have done if she refused us.

  “This is what I want too.”

  Abel’s breath rings out on the other side of her.

  Now we’ve accepted the truth, there’s no way to deny it. No way to put it back. Our biggest fear has been that her fantasy was only that—a fantasy.

  I press my lips to her throat. The race of her pulse is completely real.

  “Tell us exactly what you want.”

  I rub my face in her neck. Her head falls back on Abel’s shoulder.

  “I want you both.” Her voice hitches but it’s not enough.

  Abel’s arm surrounds her. He clutches her breast, the back of his hand sandwiched against my heart.

  “At the same time?” he growls. We all know what this is. It’s not one of us on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and the other taking the alternate nights with the woman we love. This isn’t a triangle, it’s a circle, and we’re all holding hands to form it.

  I press my tongue against the pulse I feel speed up.

  “At the same time,” she breathes.

  “Both of us in you at once?” I move my hand to the button of her jeans.

  “Yes,” she pants. “Both in me at once.”

  I groan, already picturing her stuffed full with both of us. “Baby, we’re going to fill you up so perfectly.”

  My fingers finally reach her sopping wet pussy. I can’t wait to see her stretched open with two cocks. Her ass and her cunt and maybe more. Maybe worse. Maybe both our cocks in her pussy, and she’ll take that too.

  We’ve always been a family, now she’s going to complete us.

  Chapter Eleven

  After they’ve peeled off my clothes, Abel carries me to bed. My heart pounds. I try to pull up the cover but Dean tugs it back.

  “There will be none of that.”

  I glance between them. The way they look at me is too much. There’s no make-believe to protect me now. This is real. The way they look at me like I’m the freaking woman of their dreams, is real.

  Abel moves next to me, and the touch of his fingers as they reach for my thigh is intensely acute. There’s no fear to dull any of it. Or should I say it’s a different kind of fear. Fear that in real life I won’t be enough.

  He guides my thigh to him.

  Dean stretches out beside us.

  That I won’t be able to take what they want to give me. Dean grasps my other leg, and the air touches my hot wet core.

  I’m exposed. So exposed to them.

  My breath hitches.

  “You okay, baby?” Dean nudges my cheek with his nose, yet pulls my thigh tighter, wedges my knee between his, trapping me.

  “I’m nervous.” I grab on to him, shuddering. The truth seems ridiculous. So ridiculous given what’s already happened between the three of us. “I’m really nervous.”

  There’s no pretense to insulate me from the fact it’s my brother-in-law’s hand between my legs and my husband’s erection at my hip.

  Abel strokes the sensitive inside of my thigh. “It’s okay, love, we’re going to take such special care of you.”

  “We’ll go slow this time.” Dean nuzzles my cheek. “Have you so ready for us.”

  Abel’s thumb brushes my cunt. My skin sizzles and bristles with tension, and I’m so aware. So in tune. Abel bends forward and takes my nipple in his mouth, sucking. Dean rocks at my side, grinding his cock on my hip and squeezes my leg tight between his. Abel pushes a finger inside me, then another, plunging into me, then pulling out.

  Dean leans up to watch.

  Tension radiates from my middle and builds outward.

  Abel pushes in, then separates his fingers as he withdraws. My pussy stretches. Dean’s cock leaps at my side. I moan, loud and long. Abel’s doing this for Dean. He’s opening up my pussy because he knows Dean’s watching, and that little fact, what they’re doing for each other, makes it so-fucking-hot.

  “See how good our girl takes it?” Abel whispers.

  Dean groans, and his hand moves between my legs. His fingers go to my cunt. Two digits working, pressing, driving to join Abel’s.

  My head drops back. It’s too tight. Four fingers fill me, sliding against each other. It’s too-fucking-good. My body gets so tense. They thrust faster. I can’t move my legs. I want to draw them up, but they have me caught between them.

  Dean’s mouth lowers to mine and he kisses me softly, his breath harsh on my lips. “Love you so damn much.”

  “Love you too.” And I do. So mindblowingly much.

  “I want her ass this time.” Abel buries his face in my tits. “I’ve got to have her tight little asshole.”

  My pussy contracts, muscles tightening. They both pull free, leaving me cresting and desperate.

  Unfulfilled.

  “You have her ass, Abe.” His finger flicks across my clit. “I’m going to take her pussy.”

  My hips buck.

  Abel moves between my legs. “Think you can handle it in your ass again so soon, honey?”

  Oh, he’s allowed to talk to me now.

  I blink and glance down. My mouth floods at the sight. Dean working my clit, Abel bending between my legs.

  “I’m a bit tender.” My abdomen clenches tight. “But I want it so bad.”

  “We’ll get you ready.” He lowers the rest of the way. My legs slide free of Dean’s and my knees get shoved to my chest.

  Abel lowers his face to my ass. I squeal at the slick caress of his tongue on my asshole, his beard scratching my cheeks. It’s a wet wicked delight. Shivers roll over me.

  He massages me with a finger. “Going to really have to prepare you for my
dick, honey.”

  I pant—go ahead. Prepare the fuck out of me.

  He presses against the tight ring of muscle, and I clench instinctively. Dean’s heat leaves my side. My arm flies out to grab him, stop him from going anywhere. But Abel’s finger shoves in, and that’s all I can think of. His mouth closes on my clit, and it’s pure freaking bliss.

  He eats me like he’s starving, licking then sucking my flesh.

  My limbs start to tingle.

  Then Abel lifts his head, attention moving to something Dean’s placed beside him. I take in a giant breath of air.

  His finger stills in my ass, then he smiles. “Ready to really play?”

  There’s a rubber monster of a something with a wide flat base beside him.

  I glance at Dean. We never played much with toys. I never had much interest in them. Having something artificial inside me just doesn’t compare to the real thing. He meets my gaze, his expression a horny lusty mess of need.

  I melt back on the pillows.

  I’ll take the toy—I’ll take whatever they got.

  Abel removes his finger from my ass. A small protest leaves my lips.

  He grins.

  Dean sidles up beside me, naked now, his body a furnace of heat. He eases me up, maneuvering between me and the headboard, then hauls me up to sit between his legs. His arms wrap around my middle, giving me a reassuring squeeze before his grip shifts to my legs. He hauls my knees up, holding them high, opening me up to Abel. Restraining me, exposing my ass and cunt.

  Freaking teamwork—I love it.

  Lube makes a wet squelching sound in Abe’s hands.

  A trickle of nervousness sends my pulse skipping. He’s using a lot of lube. Like a lot. All over the toy, all over his hands, then he’s pouring it on me, saturating my pussy and thighs and ass, and I wonder what they hell they intend that needs so much. Goose bumps rise along my skin.

  The cool tip of the toy strokes over my anus.

  I stare down at it. It’s so mother-effing enormous.

  Abel shifts between my legs, leaning close. The tip presses. My ass burns.

  I gasp. It’s too big. He eases it back and rubs around and around, dribbling more lube, then pushes again. My heart does a backflip.

  Everything clenches tight.