This Regret

by Victoria Ashley

  He runs his tongue up my sex one last time before pulling his finger out of me and sucking my wetness from his finger. His eyes come up to meet mine and without saying anything, he places his hands on the edge of the pool and pulls himself out of the water. He grabs my hand, pulls me to my feet and then grabs my ass, picking me up. On reflex, I wrap my legs around his waist. Our wet bodies collide, my bare breasts pressed against the fabric of his wet shirt and I can feel the studs in his nipples into my puckered ones. The sensation of the metal causing friction against mine is driving me wild. I just want that damn shirt off.

  We reach the back door and Kellan stops to dig in his pocket for keys. It takes him a second to get his hand into his wet pants, but finally he comes out with a set of keys, shoving the key into the lock as if he can't bear to go another second without him being inside of me. His desperation gets me so hot I can barely breathe. I reach my hand down between us and work on his belt the best I can manage.

  "Oh, fuck! You're making me want you so bad." He kicks the back door open and slams his lips against mine, our bodies falling against the back door and then somehow into a bar of some sort. At least I think that's what it is. "You're so beautiful. Do you know what you do to me?" he whispers against my lips. He rubs his hands over my head, pulling my hair back tightly as he rubs it and looks me in the eye. "You make me wish we were both different people. That maybe I could be something more than I am."

  My heart aches as I look into those dark, damaged eyes. I see the real Kellan wanting to come out and break past all pain he's holding inside. I wish I were enough to do that for him, like he is for me. "You are to me. You always have been. You're my hero. My dream guy that protects me through the bad and has a way of healing my heart where no one else has. You will always be that guy to me no matter what you've done over the years. I can promise you that."

  His jaw clenches as he looks me in the eyes. He gets ready to speak, but stops when a growl sounds from below us. "Go lay down, Rayne."

  I lean my head over his shoulder and look down at a massive brown pit baring her teeth at me. My heart jumps out of my chest as I throw my arms around Kellan. "Is she really going to bite me?"

  He snaps his fingers and points toward the door. "Go to your room."

  Suddenly, the huge pit doesn’t look so big and tough under Kellan’s demand. She wags her nub of a tail, shakes her head and takes off running down the hall, obeying her master. Thank goodness. I don't feel like dying tonight.

  Kellan cups my face and presses his lips against mine for a quick kiss. "Hell no. I would never let anything hurt you. Do you get that? I will always do everything in my power to keep you safe." He presses his forehead to mine. “Look at me, Phoenix.” I bring my eyes to meet his and his lips tighten. “I care about you too much to ever let you get hurt. I always have. You were like family to me and that is why this is so damn wrong. Me wanting you this way is wrong in so many ways, but I can’t control myself around you.” He rubs my face before wrapping both of his arms around me and pressing his face into the crook of my neck. “I love the way you feel in my arms,” he whispers. “It’s as if you were made for me to hold you. Sometimes I convince myself that it’s okay for me to want you. To need you like I do.”

  “It is,” I breathe. “I want you just as bad or maybe even more. You have no idea how I feel about you. I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s always been you. I’ve loved you since I was fourteen.” I kiss the top of his head as he rubs his lips along my neck. “That hasn’t changed.”

  His body tenses up and he sets me on the ground. He turns away from me, gripping his hair in his hands. “Dammit, Phoenix! Don’t say that to me. Don’t make this harder than it already is. There is so much you don’t know.” He leans his back against the bar and buries his face in his hands. “You’re the only woman that has ever made me feel this way.”

  His words make my heart feel as if it just burst in my chest. My legs feel weak and wobbly, but I walk over to him anyway, pull his hands away and stare into his eyes, pleading with him to open up to me and just take this moment for what it is. “Nothing in this world could make me stop caring about you. I know that now. You taking off for eight years didn’t change that so nothing can. Just please, can we take this moment for what it is?” I grab the bottom of his shirt and slowly start peeling it up his body.

  His eyes soften and he lifts his arms, allowing me to undress him. We both stand here shirtless, just staring into each other’s eyes, until he breaks the stare and kisses my forehead. “I’ve missed you over the years. I thought about you every day. I worried about you and Kade. I never meant to hurt anyone. I only did what I thought was best for everyone. I promise you that. If I could take back what I did, I would.”

  An unwanted tear escapes his eye and I quickly reach out, wiping it away with my bottom lip, smearing it up his face. “Make love to me, Kellan. I don’t care if it’s just for tonight. I want to experience this moment and I swear I can die a happy woman. Just one passionate night with you. It’s all I’ve ever dreamed of.”

  He stands there, battling a silent war within himself, before gently wrapping his arms around me and lifting my legs to wrap around his waist. I close my eyes as his lips softly take mine and he walks us through the house and into what I assume is his bedroom.

  Wrapping one of his arms under my neck, he gently lays be backwards until my body makes contact with a bed. His bed. The thought sends excitement through my body and I can hardly keep from losing it. There has been so many times I have imagined being in his bed and now here I am, him about to make love to me. I love it when he’s rough, but somehow I need more with him. I want to feel that connection of our bodies and souls as one.

  Placing his knees on either sides of my waist, he sits above me and tangles his fingers through my hair. My hands reach up and slowly caress his chest, down his stomach, taking in every curve of every muscle, branding it into my brain. This is a moment I never want to forget.

  His muscles flex above me as he runs his hands along my sides, grabs my skirt and slowly peels it off me, him making his way down the bed along with it. He runs his hands up the inside of my thigh, spreading my legs. I lay here, completely naked with his eyes taking in every inch of my flesh, the passion clear in his eyes.

  “I’ve never done this before. I’m not sure I can be gentle, but for you, I’ll try.” He leans in and kisses my thigh. “Let me know if I get too rough and I’ll try to slow down.”

  I nod my head, lean up and reach for his pants, pulling him back onto the bed. He sits on his knees and watches me as I pull his belt aside, unbutton his jeans and pull them down under his butt. “I need to see all of you, Kellan. I want every inch of your body touching mine.”

  He grabs behind my knees, pulling me to the edge of the bed as he stands up. Grabbing the back of my hands, he places them over his jeans, so that my thumbs hook into the waistband of his briefs. “Tonight, my body is yours to do whatever you want with. I will walk around this house naked all night if that keeps you happy. Then, I’ll go to bed naked, holding you and wake up naked to cook you breakfast. You have a way of making me want to do things I’ve never wanted to before.”

  Oh my, I love this man. I love him so much it hurts. Being with him tonight is only going to hurt me, but I don’t care. I want him more than anything in this world. “You’re so beautiful, Kellan. Everything about you is perfect to me. Always has been.”

  Our eyes meet as I peel his boxers down his legs, his hardness breaking free from the confinement of his wet boxers. I kiss the head and run the tip of my tongue in a swirling motion, making him lean his head back and moan. “You don’t have to do that,” he whispers. “I don’t want you to feel dirty.”

  I run my hands up the ripped muscles that lead down to his prized possession and grab hold of his shaft as I continue licking, making a bead of cum ooze at the opening. I lick if off and it tastes like salt and chlorine, but somehow he makes it taste so damn good. "Nothing about you
can ever make me feel dirty. Everything about you makes me feel sexy."

  He swallows hard and places my hands on his jeans, silently telling me to pull them all the way off. I grip them in my trembling hands and pull them down, stopping at the top of his boots. I get ready to reach for his boots, but he gently guides me back to the bed and lays my head on a pillow. "You don't have to take my boots off. That's my job. Now your boots." He pauses and smiles. "That's also my job."

  He makes me so happy. What I wouldn't give to feel this every day. I lay back and relax as we works on his boots and then pulls mine off, throwing them beside the bed.

  Now, we're both naked. Nothing is separating our bodies from each other and there's nothing else in the world that can compare to this moment. He places one knee on the bed before sliding his body up mine so his erection is barely poking my entrance. His stomach is resting against my stomach, as he supports his upper body with his right arm.

  His lips softly, passionately, take mine, our tongues tangling as he steals my breath away. I can't breathe, but I would sacrifice every last bit of air in my lungs just to have this moment.

  His heartbeat quickens against my chest as he slides one arm under my neck and grips my head in his hand. "Do you want me to grab a condom? I didn't use one last time and I'm sorry for that. I didn't plan any of that to happen. I just had to have you. I wanted to feel you so bad I wasn’t thinking straight." His eyes search mine waiting for an answer. "I have never had sex bareback with a girl and I always pull out even with a condom. It’s different with you. With you, I want to feel all of you."

  I know my answer right away. There is no doubt in my mind that I want the same as him. I want to feel him completely. I take my pills. I'm safe and I've only had sex unprotected one other time besides with him. When I did that with Aiden, I felt guilty afterward. With Kellan, I just wanted more.

  I shake my head and bite my bottom lip. "I want to feel all of you as you make love to me. No condom. Not with you."

  His eyes take on a look filled with passion as he tightens his grip around my neck and grabs one of my legs, wrapping it around his waist. He looks deep into my eyes and slowly, pushes his hardness inside me, being sure I feel every inch on the way in. We both moan against each other's mouths before his lips claim mine again, both of us breathing heavily as he slowly begins to move in and out.

  In this moment, with our lips touching, our bodies connecting as one, I almost feel as if I can cry from the passion that is overwhelming me. This is what true love making feels like. I've never experienced so much passion from anyone in my entire life.

  He pulls me up with the arm that's cradling my neck and I wrap my arms around his body, softly scratching my nails up his hard back. He pushes deep into me, still taking it slow. His lips are now brushing next to my lips. "I love how wet I make you. You’re always ready for me. The thought of another man making you wet kills me. Does anyone else make you this wet, baby?" He thrusts inside me, stopping before he pulls back, takes it completely out and shoves it back in, slowly. I moan and scratch him harder. "Tell me I'm the only one that makes you wet."

  "You are. I've never been so wet for anyone." His thickness fills me, completely, until I feel as if I'm about to break in two. "No one does this to me. Only you. I want you. Every day and every night. I want you as mine, Kellan."

  He exhales a long, deep breath before pressing his lips into the crook of my neck and biting me. It hurts, but feels so good at the same time. He grips me harder, while thrusting deeper into me. We move together as one as he transitions to his knees, pulling me up with him so I can place my legs on either sides of his body. He pulls my body as close to his as he can and he tangles his fingers in my hair. "Can you feel me deep inside you, filling you to the max? Gah, you're so tight. If you keep squeezing my dick like that, I won’t be able to hold on. I want you to come with me inside of you. Have you done that before?"

  I shake my head. I've never been able to. I've only been able to have clitoral orgasms. "Never been able to."

  He smiles and changes his rhythm to a slower, almost torturing speed that gets my body shaking. He alters his angle slightly and each time he thrusts, I can feel it hit my wall. The sensation is new. He grabs my head and brings my lips down to meet his as he steadily increases his thrusts, causing my body to seize above him. I can feel myself clenching around his hard dick and all I want to do is scream out in ecstasy.

  "That's it. Don't hold back," he says against my lips. "I want to hear you."

  My legs shakes against him as he keeps up his motions and I find myself digging my nails into his back, screaming. "Fuck, Kellan! It feels so good with you inside me."

  He smiles and stills for a moment. "Damn, girl. You about snapped my cock off with that one." He kisses my neck and rubs his ring up to my ear. "Now it's my turn. I'm going to release my load deep inside you. I want you to feel it, filling you and coating you." He cups my face and forces me to look at him. "Watch me. I want you to see how you make me feel."

  I breathe heavily, trying to catch my breath as he rocks our bodies, thrusting himself deep inside me, while never taking his eyes away from mine. His grip around me tightens as if he can't get me close enough. Then I feel him let go. His dick pulses inside my walls. He sucks in his bottom lip and moans while filling me with his warm semen. The thought sends my body into a frenzy and suddenly, I feel myself clenching around him again as I fall into another mind blowing orgasm.

  "Kellan! Oh, you feel so good inside me. It feels amazing."

  He smiles against my neck, both of us breathing heavily. "Holy shit! Just the thought of filling you with my cum makes me want to bust another load just sitting here idly. Do you know what you do to me? You do things to me I can't explain."

  He rubs his hands over his face before grabbing mine and pulling it to his. He softly presses his lips to mine, before resting his forehead on mine, transferring the sheen of sweat that has perspired during our love making.

  It feels so good being here in his arms. I've waited for too long to get this moment, and knowing that it's almost over saddens me. I don't know whether to be happy for this moment or cry. I'm so torn. I definitely don't want him to think something’s wrong, so I'll have to keep it together.

  I run my finger over his lip, taking in the softness as he reaches out to caress my cheek. "I should get cleaned up now."

  The muscles in his jaw bounce as he picks me up, guides me off his penis and sets me on the bed. He stretches out on the bed and runs his hands up his face and then through his hair. "Let me go run you a bath in the hot tub. You can relax a bit while I cook you dinner. You deserve that. I won't disturb you while you're in there."

  He stands up and walks away, still naked. Oh my, his ass looks so firm and sexy. Everything on him is sexy and perfect. To me at least. I would give anything to get this moment every day. Just with him. I still can't even believe I'm here with him. The feeling is surreal.

  I stand up on shaky legs and bend down to reach for my clothes, but quickly remember that my bra and shirt are still in the pool. Crap! So much for leaving tomorrow morning like nothing happened.

  I get ready to look for something to cover up with when, from the corner of my eye, I notice Kellan's guitar leaning against the wall. My stomach does a happy dance just remembering the sight of him with it. Now, I can't help but to want to touch it. To feel what he feels while holding it.

  I walk over to it and pick it up, running my hands over it, admiring it. It's so beautiful. I place the strap around my neck and hold it like I've seen Adric hold it a million times and how Kellan held it a few days ago. An unstoppable smile forms on my lips as I close my eyes and picture Kellan playing it and singing at the bar. His performance stunned me. His passion about brought me to my knees.

  Lost in thought, I feel Kellan's arms wrap tightly around me as his lips smile against my neck, and the hardness of his naked body presses against my back. "Damn . . . you look sexy as hell, naked, holding a guitar. What
I wouldn't give to see this every day." His hands reach around and he softly rubs his fingers over the strings, making a melody. This excites me and I'm turned on once again.

  I lean my neck back as he starts playing a somewhat familiar tune, his fingers gently strumming the guitar, with me in the middle. This is so hot. Both of us naked, him showing me his skills while I hold the guitar. I would have never imagined I'd be so lucky. "I remember what it was like playing for the first time. It was so damn frustrating that I wanted to break this damn thing." He laughs softly, then kisses my shoulder. "Adric kept me together, telling me I could do it if I put my heart into it. It took a while to finally get what he was saying, but, eventually I did."

  "You played beautifully," I admit. "The beauty of your passion stole my breath away." I turn my neck and he kisses me on the lips, sighs and pulls away.

  I can feel the heat radiating from his body, but his arms no longer hold me. His body just barely brushes mine. Somehow, that makes me feel cold inside.

  It's silent for a moment before he speaks. "Do you remember this guitar, Phoenix?"

  "No," I hesitate. "Should I?" I don't remember it other than him playing it on the roof and at the bar, but somehow, I don't think he means either.

  He takes a deep breath and holds it in for a minute before releasing it. "It was Adric's. After he passed, I had it restored. I took care of it because I knew how much it meant to him." His voice is laced with the pain I feel from his words.

  A single tear falls down my face, but I don't even bother with wiping it away. Hearing those words have made me both happy and sad. Kellan has done so much for Adric over the years and this gesture is by far the best. They were like brothers, inseparable. Adric loved him just as much as he loved me and that's another reason I believe Kellan left with good reason. He would never hurt anyone on purpose. He was never selfish; always giving. "I can't believe it. I thought it was missing," I breathe. "I freaked out and looked for it everywhere. This guitar was everything to him. His life line. He wanted nothing more than to have it restored." I stare down at the guitar as more tears flood my cheeks. "You were always so good to him. He loved you so much. He always told me that. You were the brother he never had."