Crushed

by Pamela Ann

  “You know I love how convincing you can be, but let’s slow down a little, shall we? We can start by having coffee and maybe a conversation.” I didn’t want to set a serious tone so suddenly, yet I felt as though he and I needed to communicate in regards to ground rules.

  His tongue teasing stopped before he resorted to kissing my neck. “All right.” He kissed my skin again. “Coffee and conversation it is, then.”

  It couldn’t be helped; I had to laugh. It was obvious how much it took him to say those words, and I appreciated it.

  “Aww, you’re the best part-time sex fiend ever.”

  He snorted the got to his feet to go downstairs.

  When I rolled to my other side to look at him, he bestowed the sexiest of smiles on me. “Remember your words well, pretty lady. Someday, you’re going to miss this part-timer, and then you’ll change your mind about the whole part-time thing and upgrade me to a full-time position.” Then, with a quick kiss on my forehead, he left me to simmer in my own thoughts.

  Still staring at the door minutes after he had taken his temporarily leave towards the kitchen, I wondered why my life had been going on a fast lane as of late. I mean, it was only last night I had received a text from Rob and all the ugliness that came along with him had resurfaced with a vengeance. Then, less than twenty-fours later, there I was, moved into Brody’s bedroom, feeling elated and, well, pretty special. There were no other words to describe how I felt from how he had been treating me.

  It was Brody’s way of healing me, helping me recover from what Rob had tainted me with until I could rebound back to my old self. Looking at it from that perspective, it sort of made sense. Brody, though dickish and douchey when it came to certain areas in his life regarding women, was also a nurturer and a protector to those he cared about. It couldn’t be helped. It was in his nature. And it made it difficult not to fall even more in love with him.

  Maybe it was his agenda, maybe not, but it seemed like he was reversing the god awful bits that had happened to me as he was also reversing what my decision was about him. It was like hitting two birds with one stone. And if there was anyone to make me heal after the kind of trauma I’d had with Rob, Brody was the only answer, because I couldn’t think about trusting another man with myself except him. I needed someone to make me partially whole again, and Brody was the essential element.

  After that massive realization, I saw him differently, as if I was seeing him with my old and yet revived eyes.

  When he came back from the kitchen, armed with the requested goodies, he immediately sensed the change in me as he placed the tray in the middle of the bed, eyeing me suspiciously.

  “What did I do now? I feel as though I did something, and I don’t know what that is. You do like buttered toast, right? Or did I get that wrong?” he said, unsure of himself.

  “Nothing. I was just thinking, is all,” I finally said before sitting up on the bed, still reeling from my thoughts prior to his arrival. “I do love buttered toast,” I declared as I happily bit into one. “Love it, thank you.”

  For the rest of the day, we stayed in bed, enjoying each other’s company as we channel surfed. Our conversations were nothing life changing. It wasn’t anything heavy that involved our past and our feelings towards one another. Anything and everything came up but those subjects. In some ways, I was happy we hadn’t opened the emotional box, but at the same time, there was a part of me that would always question, would always wonder about the “what ifs.” I guessed it was going to be my normal, and I had to learn how to live with that.

  Later on that evening, after he practically carried me out in bed, arguing we needed some fresh air and were in dire need of a quiet walk on the beach, it was rather unexpected when he went all out to take me out on our first, “official” date as he called it.

  It began as a simple trek on the sandy shore, but before we reached a secluded alcove that few people visited since it was quite a walk, I was in for a treat.

  Unbeknownst to me, he had set up the spot prior to taking me outside. It was elaborate, cozy, and purely romantic. He had placed a great deal of effort and thought into it.

  There was a lemon-yellow, linen blanket on the sand with a tiny bonfire to the side of it, making everything glow in a dreamy fashion as the sound of the nearby waves hitting the shore drifted to our spot in a hush. Then there was the rustic, tiny, café two-seater table with some fresh made pasta, antipasto, wine, and some amazing, fresh-made garlic bread that melted in my mouth with each delicious bite.

  “Man, you’re really trying to impress me,” I observed, grinning from ear to ear because this idiot had taken the time to do something out of the ordinary. Who would have considered this guy a romantic at heart? This is what I have been missing out on for all these years, I thought as my eyes feasted on the beautiful set up before me.

  “Hey, this might be the first and last, so I have to make sure you’re never going to forget it,” he said as he stood right beside me.

  Not wanting to ruin the amazing vibe this evening, I went back to feasting with my eyes before I strolled towards the table, ready to taste tonight’s dinner.

  “How in the world did you manage to get all of this done when you practically haven’t let my side all afternoon?” I wondered out loud, still beaming like an idiot.

  Striding towards me, he matched my idiotic grin. “Cooper had to help me out, or this wouldn’t have come as a surprise.” He pulled a chair out for me.

  Once I was happily seated, he then sat opposite from me.

  “Really? That’s sweet of him.” Still beaming from the rush of his sweet surprise, I couldn’t help feeling the butterflies somersault in my stomach, reminding me how helplessly in love I was with the man.

  “Not really. The bastard kept teasing me until it drove me nuts. Other than that, I was grateful he was willing to lend a hand.”

  After pouring us both a glass of wine, he plucked his off the table then raised it. “Here’s to us. May we have the most extraordinary sex affair that will rival no man, and you’ll forever be mine. Amen.”

  I had to take a moment, blinking as I stared back at him, not sure if I should drink or throw the wine in his face. Why did he have to make tacky references about our situation? We had an agreement, and I didn’t want that to be slapped on me whenever possible. Instead of choosing the latter, I opted to compose myself before making a tight smile.

  “Let’s eat, shall we?” I said.

  My apparent rebuke of his toast didn’t even faze him, though.

  “Let’s, because I can’t wait until it’s time for dessert and all that comes with it once I have you happily sated underneath me,” he stated with a disarming grin that indicated what he had in store for me once all of this sweetness was over and done with.

  He sure did know how to keep me interested and wanting. I knew what I was up against when it came to him, but with myself, I wasn’t so sure or secure. Sometimes, the battle I had with myself was pointless. After all, in the end, I would give in to one or two of these urges.

  An addiction could be cured with another addiction. And that was the damn truth.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  For the duration of our arrangement, I feared he would eventually resort to pushing the issue about prolonging this impulsive arrangement between us, but thankfully, he had been quite amazing at sticking to our plan. It was just the two of us, living each day without the thought of tomorrow. He even ditched partying with his friends, and if he did mingle downstairs with Cooper and the usual party crew, he would always have me somewhere close by. He didn’t want to be too obvious to everyone, because I had warned him that it was between us and Cooper, and as much as possible, I would rather pretend nothing was going on between us once there were people around us. He didn’t argue, and I was thankful for that.

  One thing I noted with Brody was how he easily he would give me what I wanted just so we didn’t have to keep arguing about something he found irrelevant. It was as though
he needed to keep me happy at all times.

  It was bittersweet to think that was the kind of relationship I had always yearned for with him, yet I knew I had to let this dream go in a few days, because we weren’t living in the real world. No, in the real world, there lived a girl named Lindsey, and though he hadn’t spoken about her, she had been persistent in my mind.

  The best part of sleeping next to him on a nightly basis was the amazing feeling of waking up with him holding me close before he would slowly have his wicked way with me. He would go from rough to slow to intense, all in a span of a minute, and I loved every second of it. He was a lovemaking machine, and I could not utter the word no when he was doing his tongue thing while his cock was busy rubbing and tickling my nether region.

  My vagina was a testament to itself. It was always so damn conveniently wet and ready for him whenever he felt like ravishing me. It didn’t even need enticing, sadly. One look from him—the one with a glimmering wickedness to it—and my pussy would start doing what God created it for, which was the sole purpose of being Brody’s little minx.

  As the time closed in on us, my heart felt it. On our last night, I felt as though he was packed with emotions that he couldn’t put to words, as if he was so overwhelmed with everything he could only convey his thoughts through his actions, starting by ceaselessly kissing me.

  We were in bed, surrounded by darkness, while the other side of the room was cast in light from the moon, a perfect backdrop to the perfect end to our relationship, like any short, summer fling.

  Our naked bodies were entangled as we kissed, and I felt his heart heavily thud against my palm as my body languished from what would come afterwards. Tomorrow. I knew I had made a decision, and I would never get to have him this way. The only time I could was right then … in that instant.

  Silently saying goodbye to someone I had loved all my life felt like death. I could taste it on my tongue, seeping way deep into my bones, into my heart, leaving a hollowed sensation that hadn’t been there before.

  Knowing what tomorrow would bring, I vowed to consume him as much as I could until I was out of breath, passed out from too much consumption of memories, of his lovemaking, of his kisses.

  “Make love to me…” I whispered, begging against his lips. “Touch me as if you’re in love with me, please … Just for tonight, I need you to pretend you do.” It was the lowest I had ever been in my life, yet I didn’t feel a drop of embarrassment from the request. If choosing to let go of him and my love for him was death, then I would rather have it with the sweetest memories of him, of tonight, to keep me warm on the nights that would test me the most. The nights where I would cry myself to sleep thinking of him as I willed myself to believe I was doing the right thing, that moving on was the best thing I could ever do for myself.

  My wish was granted with him saying my name in a way that was loaded with emotion, throaty with words left unsaid, yet I knew he was going to give me everything I asked of him tonight—even borrowing his heart.

  It brought me to tears due to immense sadness and joy.

  This was our last night, our last goodbye.

  ~A~

  Trista was arriving sometime in the afternoon, so I decided it was best to leave sometime before noon because I had to do a week’s worth of laundry and other errands, like filling the fridge with groceries.

  Brody was fast asleep when I decided to get up and get ready. Since I had packed most of my belongings the night prior, I had little else to do but leave.

  For a moment, I contemplated if I was doing the right thing or if I should even wake him up to say goodbye, but then I stopped myself. It seemed like a silly notion, knowing I lived only five minutes from him. Instead, I opted in giving him a slight kiss on the back of his neck, enough to content my conscience without having to wake him. I supposed it was easier with him asleep. After all, had he been awake, I would have probably resorted to tears, and quite frankly, I didn’t want to shed any more of those suckers. I’d had enough of those from the past week to last me a lifetime.

  Upon arriving home, I didn’t have much time to dwell on my feelings, and for that small blessing, I was grateful.

  Since it was her first day back and I had no doubt Taylor was going to come and sleepover, I decided to order in for dinner.

  The food barely arrived before Trista and Taylor came through the door. However, the usual sunny, annoying personality that I was so accustomed to seeing was lost on Trista’s rather sullen face.

  “Welcome home?” I frowned as I strolled towards her before giving her a tight hug. Something was up with her, and I wondered what it was.

  “Hey, boo. I know I look like crap, and I seriously feel it, too. Would you two mind if I leave you guys for a quick shower? I feel icky.”

  She did looked way past exhausted. The jet lag was catching up to her.

  “Yeah, go on ahead. I ordered Chinese for dinner.”

  “Do you need me to come up with you?” Taylor asked her, but she instantly declined, looking as if it pained her to even smile at him.

  Okay. She was acting weird.

  Both Taylor and I watched her go. Once she was out of sight, we both quietly went into the kitchen where he then proceeded to sit behind the counter while I took the takeout boxes out of the bag.

  “Did you two fight?” Raising my brow at him, I noted his casual shrug.

  “No, not that I’m aware of.” Though he stated that, it was rather obvious he wasn’t confident in his answer and just as confused as I was by Trista’s odd behavior. It was so unlike her.

  I would have probably known what was going on with her had I not been busy with Brody and his rather remarkable traits and anatomy, and I was now regretting my decision to stay with him. I mean, how many missed calls and text messages had I ignored because I was too “busy” getting it on?

  After I had texted her that I had moved into Carter’s home, I had practically stopped communicating with her, with Emma, too.

  This odd behavior of mine wasn’t uncommon. My mercurial personality was one of the hated ones which they liked to point out, but I couldn’t help it; I simply had days where I couldn’t deal with anyone. My emotional capacity couldn’t handle an emotional overload, so it was my method of dealing with things without going bonkers. If the heat got too much after that… Well, I had ways to sort that out, which was one of the main reasons I had always gotten in trouble in the past with drugs. Of course, after this time with Rob, I sure as hell wouldn’t be touching any illegal narcotics, guaranteed.

  Since we didn’t know what was going on with her, I knew I had to deviate from Trista to a different subject, something neutral.

  “How’s it going, Tay-Tay?” I asked him as I sat next to him, my eyes openly admiring his longer hair. I didn’t know why there was always something compelling about men with confidence and sexy, long, rugged hair. I didn’t want to say it out loud, but it was such a vast contrast to Trista’s rotten Harry who was a poor excuse for a human being. Good riddance.

  Taylor, just like Bass Cole his best bud, was pretty laid back, though they always gave off that endearing yet hot, sexy swag. I wasn’t sure if it was due to them being schooled in Europe, but it was very interesting indeed.

  “Not much on my end, really, just school and whatnot. Quite frankly, it’s nice to have Trista back stateside. As crazy as she is, she’s the reason I’m sane,” he replied.

  I admired that trait about him, that he didn’t have a filter. He didn’t hold back when it came to Trista and how much he adored her, no matter how annoying she could be when she didn’t know how to shut her mouth. I supposed that was when you knew it was true love—when a man could love you amidst it all. What more could a girl want?

  “I’m glad she’s back, too. It’s good to have someone to bitch to about something, you know? We’re both selfish, aren’t we?” I beamed at him, slightly laughing at ourselves just as Trista strolled into the kitchen with her wet hair tied into a tight bun atop her head.<
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  “I feel like shit,” she declared, giving us a look that shut us both up from our laughter. “But more importantly, I feel like shit because some guy kissed me on my last night in Athens, and I didn’t tell you about it.” Her sorrow-filled face was now openly directed to Taylor who seemed composed yet speechless about what his girlfriend had just confessed out of nowhere.

  Okay, I thought to myself as I watched this episode play before me. I wasn’t sure if Taylor was about to combust in anger or if Trista was going to burst into waterworks; however, I felt flighty while, at the same time, my stems were frozen on the spot.

  “What else happened, Trista?” Taylor used a cautious tone, though it took a lot out of him to say the words aloud.

  My head said this should be discussed between the two of them, without me watching the drama play out, while my mouth watered at the smell of Mongolian Beef that had been wafting it’s aroma from the moment the cute delivery boy had dropped it off. In the end, biting the bottom of my lip, I mumbled an excuse about needing to dash to Carter’s house, but I didn’t think the two even heard me or noticed that I exited the kitchen.

  Once out of the house, I took a deep breath before grasping my phone just as my legs directed me towards my destination—back into Brody’s arms.

  Maybe for another night…

  Sighing, I wasn’t sure what to think of the scene I had witnessed back there. Whatever Trista had done, I knew they could overcome it. I mean, those two adored each other, and it wasn’t like it was premeditated or intentional. Knowing Trista, she’d probably had a little too much to drink before some cute guy decided to kiss her, tongue and all. There was nothing to worry about, really. Those two were solid; I was sure of it.

  About a couple of minutes into my trek towards Brody’s place, I was taken aback when I saw him leaning against the side of the entrance door to the house, animatedly talking to Joanna with no one else around.