Insatiable Hunger

by Yahrah St. John

  “Your résumé is stellar. And you know that my only surprise is your willingness to leave behind a large Manhattan firm in favor of a small-town company like Black Crescent.”

  “Like you, I grew up here. My family is here. And I could see myself planting roots in Falling Brook.”

  Allison rose and walked Ryan to the door. “We’ll be in touch, Ryan.”

  “I look forward to it.”

  Ryan marched out of the conference room full of swagger and feeling on top of the world.

  He was nearly to his car when he unsilenced his phone and looked at his text messages.

  Several were from his mother.

  Hugh O’Malley is back in town.

  Rumors say he’s planning on proposing to Jessie.

  Did you know?

  Ryan’s heart stopped. Now he knew why he hadn’t heard from Jessie. She was here in Falling Brook. With Hugh. And ready to become a member of the O’Malley family. He was done with Jessie. He refused to allow her any more space in his head, but his heart was another matter entirely.

  Opening the door, Ryan hopped inside, but once he did anger fueled him and he pummeled the steering wheel with his fists. Why couldn’t Jessie have told him? Been honest and not let him believe what they’d shared was something special?

  Well at least now he knew rather than hold out hope on something that would never be. What they’d shared was over. If he was lucky, Jessie would go back across the ocean with Hugh and he wouldn’t ever have to see her again.

  Would that hurt any less? Ryan doubted anything hurt this much. Because Jessie had just ripped his heart out and he would never be the same.

  Sixteen

  Ryan appreciated Adam allowing him to use the Hampton house for the night. He knew he was pouring salt in the wound by coming back to the scene of the crime, but there was a part of him that wanted to relive happier moments he’d spent with Jessie. He knew it was twisted, but he couldn’t help himself. He certainly hadn’t wanted to stay in Falling Brook to see Jessie and Hugh reunited. No thank you.

  He would stay here and lick his wounds in the privacy of Adam’s beach house. When Adam had asked if he wanted company, Ryan had declined. He needed time to think. Think about the direction of his life and figure out how he’d veered so far off course.

  Getting involved with Jessie when she was not over Hugh had been an epic mistake, but looking back, Ryan doubted he’d do things differently. The month he’d shared with Jessie had been exciting, thrilling and very passionate.

  Sitting on the terrace, Ryan thought back to the night he’d looked out on this very same beach. He’d been wondering if he’d gotten his signals crossed when he’d kissed Jessie in that restaurant, but then he’d turned around and seen her silhouette in the moonlight as she’d stood at the doorway. He recalled sucking in his breath at the significance of the moment. He remembered what it had felt like to hold Jessie in his arms and to know she’d wanted him as much as he’d wanted her.

  And she had.

  For that one moment in time.

  Ryan’s cell phone rang, prompting him from his musing. The display read Joshua Lowell. He was surprised to hear from the CEO of Black Crescent directly, but instantly knew the reason for his call.

  “Ryan Hathaway.”

  “Ryan, it’s Joshua Lowell. Is now a good time? I was hoping we could talk.”

  “As good a time as any,” Ryan responded.

  “Excellent, well...” There was a pause on the other end of the line. “I wanted to call you personally and tell you that you made a quite an impression on me. You’re exactly what Black Crescent needs, which is why I’m offering you the job of CEO. What do you say?”

  Ryan inhaled. He’d wanted this position so badly and had worked hard his entire life to get to the point in his career to make this shift, but it didn’t hold as much appeal as it once did. Being in Falling Brook wouldn’t give him the distance he craved, not if Jessie was back with Hugh. Given how small the town was, Ryan would surely run into them and he couldn’t stomach it. Why did she always go running back to Hugh when they not only lacked chemistry, which Ryan and Jessie had in abundance, but had absolutely nothing in common other than the fact that his father, Jack O’Malley, had helped her and Pete when they’d been younger. She didn’t owe them her life, but Jessie couldn’t or wouldn’t see beyond the past. And so she was destined to repeat her mistakes.

  Ryan was certain he was the only man who could truly make her happy. He’d never seen her as alive and vibrant as she’d been with him. And because he loved her, there was no way Ryan could take a job that would hurt Jessie and her family. Even though they weren’t together, he couldn’t do it. He owed her his loyalty if nothing else than for their twenty-year friendship.

  “Ryan, are you there?” Joshua asked. “Did you hear me?”

  “I did. And the answer is no. I can’t accept the position.”

  * * *

  After calling in sick to work, Jessie sat parked outside the Hathaway house for several seconds. She had no idea where Ryan was, but she had to find him. It wouldn’t be easy. She’d put her and Ryan’s relationship on pause while she’d finally dealt with her past. But she had and now she was ready to move forward with the man she loved.

  Her call to Ryan went straight to voice mail, as had the others all morning. She wasn’t surprised. Had she honestly expected him to pick up because she’d suddenly had an epiphany? So she texted him. Again.

  No response.

  Damn.

  She had to tell him she’d realized he was the only man for her, but she couldn’t do that if he wouldn’t pick up the phone. She had to tell him she’d made her peace and put Hugh and the past firmly behind her. Glancing up the driveway, she recognized Mrs. Hathaway’s Audi and breathed a sigh of relief.

  Jessie raced across the short distance, climbed the steps of the porch, pressed the doorbell and wrung her hands as she waited.

  Marilyn Hathaway answered the door with a smile. “Jessie!” she cried. “What are you doing here?”

  “I’m sorry to disturb you so late, Mrs. Hathaway, but I... I was hoping you’d heard from Ryan? I haven’t been able to reach him and...” Her voice trailed off. She wasn’t ready to spill her feelings to his mother on their front porch.

  “Do you want to come in, dear?” his mother asked, but Jessie shook her head.

  “No, ma’am. It’s important that I find him. I have something to tell him.”

  “That you love him?” his mother asked quietly.

  Had everyone realized her feelings before she had? “I...if and when I say the words, Mrs. Hathaway, they have to be to Ryan first.”

  “I completely understand, but I’m afraid I haven’t heard from him. All I know is that he visited his brother Ben this weekend before his interview this morning at Black Crescent.”

  So he was still pursuing the job? That stuck in Jessie’s craw but they would have to figure it out somehow. She wouldn’t let that dissuade her from speaking her truth, which was that she was madly, deeply, in love with him.

  “Do you have Ben’s number?” Jessie reached inside her purse and took out her iPhone, ready to dial him. “Perhaps I could speak with him?”

  “Absolutely.” Marilyn Hathaway pulled her phone from her back pocket and rattled the number off.

  “Thank you so much.” Jessie moved a few steps in and gave Ryan’s mother a warm embrace. “You’re a lifesaver.”

  “I wish you luck.”

  Jessie nodded. “I have a feeling I’m going to need it.” She raced down the steps to her rental. Once inside, she called Ben immediately, but he wasn’t much help, either. He informed her that Ryan was over being jerked around and had gone away to get some peace of mind from the roller coaster ride she’d taken him on. He also told her that he had no idea where Ryan had gone.

  Jessie sat in th
e Hathaways’ driveway, racking her mind on where Ryan could have gone to clear his head. She thought back over the last month and when Ryan had been his most happiest. And she knew where he would go.

  It took her two hours to get to the Hamptons from Falling Brook, but Jessie was determined that this night wouldn’t end without her telling Ryan how sorry she was for putting them through the paces. She would tell him how much she loved him and wanted a future with him.

  But was she too late?

  Would he even hear her out after she’d hurt him?

  Thankfully, she had Tia’s cell and after speaking with Adam, he’d given her the address to his Hampton beach house and even told her where to find a second spare key. Following the instructions Adam had so graciously given, after she’d promised him she was going to make amends with Ryan, she pulled up the gravel driveway. When she saw Ryan’s Porsche 911 Carrera outside, she damn near wanted to weep with joy.

  He was here.

  She would get a chance to make things right. It would be the toughest sell of her life. Probably harder than any case she’d ever tried in mock court during law school, but Ryan was worth the fight.

  Girding her loins, Jessie walked up the steps and found the planter that held the other key. Ryan would be out back on the terrace, watching the stars, with a beer.

  She was right about the terrace.

  But not the beer.

  He was on the terrace, his eyes closed and head leaned back. He was wearing the same open shirt he’d worn that night she’d found him and had had the most exciting sexual encounter of her life. Stop it. Focus. That’s when she saw a bottle of dark liquid sitting on the side table along with the empty tumbler beside it. Half the bottle was empty.

  “Can I have one of those?” she asked softly.

  Ryan jerked upright. When he saw her, he blinked several times as if to be sure she was really there. “You don’t usually like dark liquor,” he finally said.

  “I feel like I need it.”

  He poured some from the bottle into his glass and handed it to Jessie.

  She downed the two thumbs in one gulp, coughing slightly.

  “That was meant to be sipped.”

  She shrugged. “Liquid courage.”

  “What the hell are you doing here, Jessie? The more important question is why.” He raised an eyebrow. “I assume Adam told you where to find me?”

  “Don’t be mad at him. He was only trying to help.”

  “He should have stayed out of it.”

  Jessie ran her fingers through her hair. This was going to be more difficult than she’d thought. Ryan’s eyes weren’t glassy but they were cold as ice. It was like he was looking right through her.

  “I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say.

  “Exactly what are you sorry about?” Ryan asked, folding his arms across his broad chest.

  “For ignoring you this week. I was so conflicted about so many things and I needed time to figure it all out. It was wrong of me not to return your calls or texts.”

  “But you’re not conflicted anymore?” He snorted.

  She nodded. “That’s right.”

  He threw back his head. “Really, Jessie? You figured this all out and it’s back in a nice, neat box? Well, guess what, life isn’t that easy.”

  “It is when you know what you want.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “You.”

  Seventeen

  Ryan had waited a long time to hear those words. For Jessie to tell him it was him she wanted. That it was him she hungered for. But that time had come and gone. Sitting out here in the dark, he’d picked up the pieces of his heart that she’d crumbled.

  He was never going to be the man she chose. He was always going to be second best. For his sanity and his pride, he’d accepted she was with Hugh O’Malley—and now she was here telling him exactly what he wanted to hear? It couldn’t be. Clearly, he’d had too much to drink tonight.

  “Don’t lie to me, Jessie. It’s cruel. What did you come here for? A roll in the hay? That’s all I was good for the last month, so are you ready for a repeat? If so—” he stood “—I think I can recreate our first escapade on this very same terrace.”

  “Stop it!” Jessie moved a few steps closer to him. “Don’t do this, Ryan. Don’t cheapen what we meant to each other. I mean, what we mean to each other.”

  “Me? I’m the one that’s been fighting for us this entire time while you’ve been conflicted, confused or whatever other adjective you want to use. I’ve been very clear from day one who I wanted. And that was you. But you made it abundantly clear that you are with Hugh.”

  Jessie shook her head. “You’re wrong. I’m not with Hugh. We broke up.”

  “Again?” Ryan laughed uproariously. “How many breaks is this now?”

  “Stop being so pig-headed, Ryan. This wasn’t a break. It was a breakup. I told my mom. And he told his parents. It’s over. It has been for a long time. I think Hugh and I were content to have each other as a backup plan, but that’s no way to live, and Hugh realized that, too.”

  “Bully for him.” He reached for the bottle and poured himself another drink. “But what’s that got to do with me?”

  “Everything. Ryan, I’m bungling this, but what I’m trying to say, very badly, is that I love you.”

  Ryan’s eyes blazed with anger. How dare she say those three words to him! “No, no.” He pointed his finger at her while holding on to his glass. “So suddenly you’re not with Hugh and you’re running here to me because you love me? Do you honestly expect me to believe that?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, I don’t. I don’t believe you. Do you have any idea what you’ve done? I’m broken, Jessie. You broke me. You gave me everything I’d always wanted, allowing me to be with you, and then you snatched it all away in the next heartbeat.”

  “Ryan, please—” Jessie moved toward him, but he stepped away from her. He couldn’t let her get any closer. It would be his undoing. He might falter and then where would he be? The sap who’d carried a torch for this woman for nearly two decades.

  Ryan shook his head. “No way am I going to go through this again. I’m not giving my heart to you again and end up broken.”

  “I—I never meant to hurt you, Ryan. I thought I was doing what was right for me. For my family. You know I’ve felt beholden to the O’Malleys. They’d helped my family so much. Mr. O’Malley gave my mom a job, which ensured we were able to keep the house. It was because of him Pete and I had a future worth dreaming of. Staying with Hugh seemed like the right thing to do—to... you know, honor him, and thank him.

  “Hugh was an O’Malley,” she continued. “He was going places, which meant I would never end up nearly destitute like my father. It made sense on paper. But Hugh and I never had any sparks or passion between us. As the years went by, we grew further and further apart, but I was afraid to let go of the safety net he represented. So I stayed instead of opening myself up to the possibilities of what was right in front of me.”

  Ryan pointed to himself. “Are you talking about me?”

  “Of course I am. The reaction I had to you on reunion night shook me to my core. It threw everything on its head about what I thought I wanted. Showed me I’d fooled myself into thinking love and passion didn’t matter. And then we came here to the Hamptons and I could no longer deny the obvious. I wanted you. And the attraction was mutual and so hot, I wasn’t ready for how powerful it was.”

  “Why are you telling me all this?” It hurt to hear and Ryan moved to the terrace sofa. His chest felt tight as he placed his drink on the table and took a seat.

  “Because I need you to understand that I was mixed up about my family and Hugh, and it colored my thinking. But what I have never been confused about is you. I love you, Ryan. I fell in love right here—” she pointed d
ownward to the deck “—in the Hamptons. I knew it wasn’t just an affair, but I didn’t really know what love was, so I didn’t recognize it. Or maybe I was too afraid to, but I’m not anymore.”

  Jessie came forward and knelt in front of him. She took his hand in hers. “You’re not second to Hugh, Ryan. You’re second to none. You’re the only man I want. I know I’ve been foolish for turning my back on the precious gift you gave me—your heart. But I promise you, if you give me another chance, a chance to make this right, I will show you in every way imaginable that I’m yours.”

  * * *

  Ryan slid his hand out of hers and cupped her face. Jessie rested her face in his palm. She prayed she hadn’t left it too late to tell him how much she loved him.

  “I’m yours, too,” Ryan stated. “I always have been, Jessie. No other woman has ever, or will ever, measure up to you. You’re it for me.”

  “Are you saying...?”

  “I love you, Jessie.”

  She smiled through her tears and lowered her head. “Oh, thank God. I haven’t lost you.”

  He lifted her chin and his brown eyes bore into her. “You haven’t lost me, but I did try to forget you. I tried to tell myself not to love you, but I was fighting a losing battle. From the moment you stood inside the doorway of our tree house when you were six years old and asked me if you could come play, you’ve bewitched me and I’ve been yours ever since.”

  Jessie couldn’t stop herself. She flung herself into his arms and he fell backward on the sofa. She sealed her lips against his and it was pure magic, sending the pit of her stomach free-falling into a wild swirl. She gave herself freely to Ryan because he was the only man she’d ever loved or ever would. There was a rightness in his kiss and it sang through her veins.

  When his lips left hers to nibble at her earlobe, Jessie couldn’t resist a low moan. When his lips returned to capture hers, he was more demanding. They kissed madly and deeply. It was wet and hot—so hot that Jessie surrendered any defenses she might have. Ryan took her weight, adjusting their position until she was sitting atop him and she could feel the press of his erection underneath her.