Rebel Hard (Hard Play #2)

by Nalini Singh

  His stomach rumbled.

  “How about we eat something first?” She curled her fingers into the crispness of his chest hairs. “I’ve got microwave pasta or we can go down to one of the restaurants for a proper meal.”

  “I like pasta,” said the hunk in bed with her. “’I also like you mostly naked.”

  * * *

  She ended up wearing Raj’s T-shirt over her bra. Her panties were a lost cause, and she decided against pulling on a fresh pair when they’d certainly end up as damp. The decision made her feel naughty and sexy—she couldn’t wait for Raj to discover her small secret.

  Shivering inwardly, she stepped to the kitchenette with his large male presence by her side. He surprised her with how comfortable he was with the preparations. Unlike her father, he didn’t simply sit down and expect her to get everything on the table. He actively helped—and it made her wonder what he’d be like as a husband.

  Unsettled by the rogue thought, she said, “Will coming down to see me put you behind schedule?”

  “If it was for an entire week, yes, but a few days I can catch up over a weekend day or two.” After taking a sip of water he added, “I told my parents I was coming to see you.”

  Nayna winced. “Your folks are very traditional, Raj.” She was probably a fallen woman in their eyes now, branded a bright scarlet. “And they’ve undoubtedly told my parents.”

  “I’m sure both are deluding themselves that we’re just talking,” Raj said with that slow smile that made her stomach go into free fall. “That’s what I said I was coming to you to do—talk.”

  Nayna grinned. “Do you think they actually believe that for a second?”

  A masculine shrug, accompanied by an even deeper smile. “It doesn’t matter. We’re getting married anyway, so everyone’s going to look the other way.”

  A tightness in Nayna’s chest, her plastic fork falling to the table. “Raj, just because we were… together doesn’t mean I’ve decided I’m ready for marriage.”

  No scowl, no anger, just an intensity of eye contact from a man she already knew could be bullheaded when it suited him. “You waited twenty-eight years to sleep with a man. Do you truly believe you’re a woman who can take this anything but dead seriously?”

  The words shook her. Because they were on the mark.

  The idea of being naked with anyone but Raj, it made her stomach roil.

  She picked up the fork with care and took a bite, chewed, before answering. “I don’t know who and what I am.” The words poured out from where they’d been stored for fourteen long years. “All I’ve ever done is try not to be like my sister. Following the rules because she broke the rules. Fighting to make my parents happy because she made them so sad. Doing my best to be a good girl because she was a bad girl.”

  Her breath turned fast and shallow under the weight of a crushing realization she’d been struggling against for far too long. “I’m a negative of a person, Raj. I sometimes wonder who I would’ve become if Madhuri hadn’t run off at nineteen.”

  She squeezed the fork. “If she hadn’t, would I still be this Nayna? Would I be the woman who’s never left home even to go on a short trip to another country with her friends? Would I be the accountant who wears boring suits and dresses that aren’t too short?” Bandage dress excepted. “Would I be the Nayna everyone can rely on to do exactly as she should?”

  Her voice had risen with each word, until she couldn’t stand the pressure anymore and rose, began to pace around the room. Plastic fork still in hand, she gesticulated up at the ceiling. “Who the hell am I?” she yelled out to the heavens. “No one knows!” Her gaze connected with Raj’s. “Do you see me?” Harsh words, but fear tangled around her. “Or do you see the woman you want to see?”

  Raj’s face was impossible to read, his body held loosely—but she saw the rigidity of his biceps, heard the fierce control in his voice. “What are you going to do?” Soft words, emotion locked down tight.

  Nayna wanted to throw the lightweight fork at him, crack that shell. “I hate living alone,” she blurted out, gesturing around the cabin. “It’ll make me painfully unhappy long term, but I’m going to move out.” She hadn’t understood until right this instant that she’d made the call.

  “I’ve had the goddamn sword of Damocles hanging over my head my entire adult life! Break a rule and it’ll fall.” Her shoulders sagged, her next words a whisper. “So let it fall.” At least she’d know then. No more wariness, no more toeing the line to stave off rejection.

  Surely Aji would still love her, she comforted herself.

  A muscle throbbed in Raj’s jaw. “Is there room in this new life of yours for me? Or were you telling the truth the night we met and you only ever wanted me for my body?”

  He was angry, she realized. Very, very angry. She should’ve felt afraid but she didn’t. He had himself ruthlessly in check. And though she wanted to jump on the offer and never let him go, she had no right to stomp on his dreams. “You want a wife, Raj.” His assumption that their intimacy could have only one end underlined that searing truth. “You want tradition and marriage and a life rooted in community.”

  Her eyes burned. “I would make you so unhappy.” It sickened her to think of this beautiful bright thing between them going to rot in the face of divergent dreams; she couldn’t bear to see Raj look at her in resentment. “We should end this before it hurts any more.”

  Raj looked at her, all clenched muscles and fury before he rose and went to his duffel. Back to her and breath harsh, he pulled out a fresh T-shirt and shrugged into it. He had his feet in his sneakers and was walking out the door before she knew quite what was going on.

  The door shut behind him, leaving her in echoing silence.

  Only his scent remained, rich and masculine and clinging to her like a kiss.

  Nayna burst into tears.

  * * *

  Raj had no idea where he was going, but he turned left after he came out of the cabin and went down the path marked out by the beaten-down grass. A sign appeared about a hundred meters in. It indicated that this track led to a large waterfall and that it would take him an hour to make the return trip.

  He set off, more than willing to burn off his emotions with the physical. Native birds sang around him, and the sun speared through the forest, but he saw none of the beauty, felt none of the calm. His heart was thunder, his skin so tight he felt it would burst if he clenched his muscles any harder.

  Nayna had been a virgin. She hadn’t slept with anyone all this time—and he’d thought that she was choosing him. And she had, but only for her first time. Not forever. Fight for me, he’d begged her silently. But Nayna wasn’t trying to hold on to him any way she could; she was ready and willing to walk away.

  Fuck, his throat was closing up.

  Bending over with his hands on his thighs, he breathed through the burn at the backs of his irises, breathed through the tearing in two of his heart. He’d had to leave the cabin before he splintered right in front of her.

  So what are you going to do, Raj? asked the part of him that had come here with the secret, beautiful dream of taking her home as his bride. Leave her? Try to find another wife?

  Raj rose, shoved a hand through his hair. As if that was even an option. Nayna Sharma was his forever. No woman could make him so happy… or hurt him so badly. She was light and laughter and sinful smiles that held him captive. He couldn’t imagine doing with anyone else what he’d done in that cabin with her.

  The idea of waking up next to her for a lifetime, it filled all the hollow places inside him.

  But to Nayna, was he freedom and love and happiness… or was he a cage?

  29

  Nayna Sharma, the T-Shirt Thief

  Nayna didn’t know what to do.

  Her lower lip trembled every time she thought of Raj walking out.

  Desperate not to be here when he returned in case he just picked up his bag and left—like she’d told him to—she cleaned herself up and put
on a fresh pair of panties and her jeans, along with one of her own T-shirts. Raj’s T-shirt she folded and was about to put on the bed when she hesitated… and decided to hide it instead.

  She didn’t care if it was pathetic; she needed a piece of him, needed his scent around her.

  Lost afterward, she almost reached for her phone and called Ísa. But she wasn’t ready to talk about this, wasn’t ready to put this horrible sense of loss into words. Stuffing some money into her pocket, she walked out the door and toward Franz Josef town instead.

  Sugar and carbs would help.

  Wouldn’t they?

  * * *

  Raj returned to the cabin to find it empty. He wasn’t exactly surprised.

  Leaving the cabin, he didn’t try to call Nayna but decided to walk into the town instead and see if he could spot her. While it wasn’t a tiny place, it was small enough that he could theoretically find her if he went in the right direction.

  After reaching the edge of the commercial area, he saw that the restaurants and cafés were bustling. Plenty of people, most of them tourists and hikers. Way more people than he’d expected, but none of them a slender woman with sleek black hair and subtle curves, her eyes sparkling and her lips generous.

  A moment’s thought before he went with his first instinct and aimed himself toward the bakery he’d seen as he drove in. Its sign—painted a bright pink—stood out against the dark green of the forest all around them. Nayna said he didn’t see her, didn’t know her, but Raj listened to everything she said—and the things she didn’t.

  He found her seated outside, finishing off a mug of frothy chocolate. When he slid into the seat across from her, she gave him an unreadable look.

  “So, when are you leaving?”

  Raj’s gut clenched. “I’m not that easy to get rid of,” he said, ready to battle for her.

  Lower lip quivering, she ducked her head and his heart, it kicked hard.

  “Nayna, jaan.” Ignoring the others around them and driven by raw protectiveness, he moved faster than he’d ever before done. He hauled her up into his arms and cradled her tight, one of his hands cupping the back of her head and his other arm locking around her.

  “Don’t cry. Please, Nayna. I’m sorry I left like that.” He’d apologize for anything she wanted if she’d just stop sobbing against him as if he’d walked on her heart with steel-toed boots. “I won’t ever do it again.” He’d been protecting himself, and in so doing, he’d hurt her. “I’ll stay and fight with you.”

  A shuddering sniff, words mumbled out against his chest that he had no hope of understanding, she was still crying so much. Raj held her even tighter, shielding her from the curious gazes of others walking in or out of the bakery. It wasn’t too busy, but he didn’t like anyone seeing his tough Nayna brought down so low.

  “I told you to go,” she said, and this time he heard. “I was being self-sacrificing.” A hiccup, more tears. “It was stupid.”

  Wrecked though he was, he felt a smile burn to life on his lips. “You don’t want me to go?”

  A fierce shake of her heard. “I want to keep you forever.”

  With those words, she sealed the break in his heart, made it stronger than new. That was the only thing he’d ever needed from her. “Then we figure this out,” he rasped against her ear, stroking his hand over her hair. “We make it work. Our way. No one else’s.”

  Another sniff, Nayna rubbing her face against his T-shirt. “I can’t walk through town like this.”

  “Just tuck yourself against me. I’ll protect you.” Always he’d protect her.

  * * *

  Nayna’s ravaged face ripped at him when they reached the cabin.

  She took one look at his own face and said, “One minute” in a voice that had gone husky as a result of the emotional storm.

  A few steps and she closed the bathroom door behind herself.

  When she emerged, he was seated in one of the lived-in armchairs in front of what looked to be a gas fireplace but might’ve been electrical. He hadn’t ever put in one of these models on a project, didn’t know the brand name. But he’d worked out how to turn it on, and it was running when Nayna stepped out of the bathroom, as, despite it being summer, the rainforest air was cool.

  She’d washed her face, brushed her hair back, and looked bright-eyed.

  For him. Because she’d seen what it was doing to him to watch her in distress.

  Lifting an arm in invitation, Raj said, “Come here.”

  She came, curling onto his lap, a small armful of woman who fit him perfectly. The fire crackled next to them in an excellent imitation of a wood-burning unit.

  “This cabin is very well built,” he told her, finding his anchor in the familiar. “Look at how carefully the beams have been placed, the metal brackets they’ve used. It was done by a master carpenter on-site, not prefabricated in a warehouse somewhere.”

  “I’ve been here over a week and I never noticed any of that,” Nayna murmured. “Tell me more of what you see.”

  So he did, and she asked questions that told him she was really listening and appreciating his point of view. He’d never actually thought about the conversations they might have after marriage—when he’d been hell-bent on marriage—but he should have; Nayna was a white-collar professional, Raj a blue-collar tradesman at heart. He ran the family business, but his passion was in the work itself.

  “It doesn’t bore you?” he asked.

  “Are you kidding?” Nayna smoothed her hand over his pecs. “I failed woodworking class in intermediate school. My custom jewelry box fell apart.” Laughter in her words. “I’m in awe of your ability to build things from the ground up.”

  Running his hand over her hair, Raj said, “Do you enjoy your work?” It was something he hadn’t thought to ask until she’d yelled about who she’d have become without Madhuri’s shadow over her life.

  “I’m an accounting nerd,” she said. “I like it. But… the firm mostly has established clients. I’d love to work with a start-up of some kind, help build it, you know?” She sat up in his lap, her eyes shining. “It would be a risk, with no guarantees, but the idea of being part of the genesis and growth of a company, that excites me.”

  Raj thought of his parents’ words the night of the introduction, how Nayna could work for the family business. That wasn’t going to happen. Theirs was a strong, stable company, but the accounting work was steady and nothing exciting. Great for them, but stultifying for an intelligent woman who wanted to make her mark.

  “Have you investigated possibilities already?” he asked, considering who he knew that might be able to offer her information that could help.

  Shaking her head, she leaned one arm on his shoulder. “My parents would’ve flipped,” she murmured with a lopsided smile. “Giving up a good paycheck for uncertainty.” Dropping her voice into deeper tones, she said, “We bring you up right, we give you room to study, and this is how you thank us? By throwing away a good job for this rubbish-schwubbish start-up that pays you in peanuts?”

  Raj chuckled at her impression of her father. “What else do you dream of?”

  “Hiking in the Amazon, climbing the Great Wall of China, spending a night in the Sahara Desert.” Laughter spilled out of her. “I want to taste the entire world, Raj!”

  A sense of unease fought to settle in Raj’s gut, but he nudged it out of his consciousness.

  Spotting a strand of hair sticking to her cheek, he pulled it gently away—and Nayna leaned in to nuzzle her nose against his. Her kiss was tender and unexpected, the way she cradled his face in her hands the sweetest touch. Sinking into the armchair, he wrapped her up in his arms and surrendered.

  Slow, soft kisses on his mouth, across the heavy dark of his stubble, down along his neck.

  “Nayna,” he groaned, fisting one hand in her hair.

  She slid her hands under his T-shirt, pushed up.

  Needing her skin-to-skin with him, he helped her strip him of the cotton, then did
the same to her. She was still wearing the pale peach bra that was both an invitation and a seduction. But when he would’ve bent his mouth to her, she pushed him back. “It’s my turn,” she murmured… and put her mouth on his skin.

  Raj had fantasized plenty during his celibate years. He was a traditional man who’d chosen to wait, not a monk who’d given up the idea of sex altogether. But not once had he dreamed about a woman kissing his chest with utter attention to detail, as if she didn’t want to miss an inch.

  A flick of her tongue over his nipple.

  Raj shuddered and wove his fingers into Nayna’s hair again. Then he let her do as she pleased. Because having Nayna adore him like this… Yeah, he could live with it. When she tugged away her head, he thought she wanted to stop, but she simply wanted to change position. To a kneeling one between his legs.

  The better to reach his abs.

  Dropping back his head, Raj didn’t look as she tasted him with small flicks and licks. If he did, he would probably lose it again. Because while Nayna was absorbed in his abdomen, she was also very close to his cock. And that part of his body didn’t understand patience. Not after so many years of being deprived.

  If he wasn’t careful, he’d come in his pants like a hormone-crazed teenager.

  * * *

  Nayna flicked up her lashes and saw that Raj’s head was thrown back, his jaw tightly clenched. The hand he’d thrust back in her hair was fisted, and every so often, he’d tug. She had the feeling it wasn’t on purpose, more an involuntary action when she hit a sensitive spot.

  Every part of her hummed at seeing him like this, so utterly open to her. The way he’d held her, the way he’d kept her protectively close when they walked back, the fact he’d been ready to fight for her even when she’d tried to be silly and give him up… All she wanted to do was show him what he was to her.

  Words worked. But for them, so did the physical.