Chucklers: Laughter is Contagious
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CHUCKLERS
Laughter is Contagious
Jeff Brackett
Copyright 2016 by Jeff Brackett
www.severedpress.com
Dedication
Prologue
Prelude
November 4
November 7
November 8
November 17
November 18
November 20
November 22
November 23
November 24
November 25
November 26 - Epilogue
Authors note
Authors Bio
Dedication -
Edward Lorn is a horror author whose work will keep you up at night listening for the things that go bump. We first met in 2012 while using the same editing company, and for some reason, we quickly became fast friends. I suppose it was because we had both just published our first novels, and perhaps we were high on the possibilities of what might lay in the future. For whatever reason, Ed is one of only two people close enough to me that I consider him a brother in all but blood.
In February of 2013, Ed asked if I would be interested in collaborating with him on a project. He wanted to develop an idea from one of his short stories and turn it into a novel. The original short story was "He Who Laughs Last" and you can find it in his story collection "What the Dark Brings".
Our project would be an apocalyptic / horror tale, and since my first novel was post-apocalyptic, while his was horror, he thought we would make the perfect team for the book. Several conversations and chat sessions later, we had developed a basic premise and quickly realized that the story was too big and too dark to tell in a single book.
So we went back to the drawing board. We gave the characters more room to develop, encompassed a much larger setting, and gave our tale free rein to wander as we felt it should. In no time, we were nearly half way done with the first book.
That was when things started to go sideways.
My day job became shaky when the company I worked for put our division up for purchase. At the same time, my father's health was beginning to falter (he'd been battling cancer for a few years), and my writing began to suffer.
In the meantime, Ed (who was already a much faster writer than I was) began work on another project, and Chucklers was temporarily left by the wayside. We kept after it as we could, but the momentum was gone.
Ed ended up with some pretty lucrative offers on other projects, and in late 2014 told me that he needed to dedicate all of his time to the new work. He said he needed to step out of the project completely, and graciously let me know that if I wanted it, Chucklers was mine for the writing.
That was almost two years ago, at the time of this writing. I didn't feel right about using his characters, or any of the manuscript he had written, so I went back and pulled out what he had done. Once again, it was back to the drawing board. It was painful to do, because Ed wrote some pretty fantastic characters and scenes that will likely never see the light of day now. Gone now are Ross's stoner roommate, Felix, and his dysfunctional family, as is an amazing scene where Ross, Felix, and Felix's family get caught at a Walmart Black Friday Blowout sale when the outbreak begins.
There were scenes with crazed clowns, attacks in trailer parks, and a military tank training exercise that went horribly awry. And there was the television evangelist who sold "holy water" that spread the virus in pretty glass vials. All of these elements will likely never exist outside of my hard drive or Ed's.
But the deed is finally done. The idea that started with that insane and inspired evening chat session is born and you, dear reader, now hold it in your hands.
Thank you Ed, for trusting me with our demented love child. I hope it's turned out as twisted as you envisioned.
Jeff Brackett, July 19, 2016
And now for a few words from Edward Lorn…
"What he said." – Edward Lorn, 2016
Prologue
Synopsis of events at and around McMurdo Station on August 26
Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica
At 2:15 PM on August 26, McMurdo station in Antarctica detected unusual seismic activity near the Ross Ice Shelf. It was speculated that the shelf was undergoing an unusual amount of shifting, and a two-man team was sent out by helicopter (flight ANTEX 101) to investigate.
The following is a transcribed excerpt from the recovered flight recorder.
ANTEX 101 — McMurdo, this is ANTEX 101. We’re at the edge of the shelf and we can confirm that there has been considerable calving.
McMurdo Station — Understood. Any danger to upcoming supply shipments? We’ve got a fuel ship coming in next week.
ANTEX — It’s possible, McMurdo. These are some of the biggest ‘bergs I’ve ever seen. It’s like… (undecipherable)
McMurdo Station — ANTEX 101, please say again?
ANTEX — I say, it’s possible that Cape Bird is going to have some trouble. We’re gonna take some pictures and then head back.
McMurdo — Roger that, ANTEX. Watch your time. Sunset’s at fifteen-thirty. That’s just a few minutes away.
ANTEX — Ah, yeah. It’s already pretty dim. Gonna grab some pictures and head home. Keep the lights on for us.
McMurdo — Roger that, ANTEX.
(Three and a half minutes of silence.)
ANTEX — McMurdo, we’re seeing something pretty strange up here. It looks (undecipherable).
McMurdo — Say again, ANTEX. You broke up there.
ANTEX — (undecipherable) …terfall pouring out of a huge cave in the shelf. Looks like calving has opened it up and water’s coming down the side of the shelf and…
McMurdo — Lost part of that again. Did you say there’s a waterfall coming out of the ice shelf?
ANTEX — Affirmative, McMurdo. And you’re not gonna believe this, but the water is glowing.
(pause)
ANTEX — McMurdo, are you there?
McMurdo — Roger that, we’re here. Just to confirm, did you say the waterfall is glowing?
ANTEX — Affirmative. It’s getting dark up here, and you can definitely see the water glowing. As a matter of fact, as we get closer to the fall, you can see that there’s a slick of the stuff on the surface of the ocean where it’s pouring in.
(approximately forty seconds of silence)
ANTEX — Base? You guys still there?
McMurdo — Ah, affirmative ANTEX. Sorry. We’ve got a bunch of the eggheads in the control room here, and they’re chomping at the bit (undecipherable) get your pictures. They’re arguing over whether the seismic activity let one of the subglacial rivers break through the shelf, or if the river shifting was what caused the sudden calving of icebergs.
ANTEX — Got yourself a real chicken or egg argument, do you?
McMurdo — (chuckle) Roger that, ANTEX.
ANTEX — Makes sense. Do they want samples? It’s getting pretty dark, but if they want, I think I can lower a sample container.
McMurdo — That’s a go for sample acquisition, ANTEX. Be careful, but if you can get a sample safely, Dr. Hough says he’ll trade you a bottle of scotch for a bottle of water.
ANTEX — Sounds like a hell of a deal to me.
(approximately ninety seconds of silence.)
McMurdo — McMurdo to ANTEX 101. What’s your status?
ANTEX — Just about in position for bucket drop. It’s actually kind of pre—holy shit! Dave, did you see that?
McMurdo — See what? What are you seeing, ANTEX?
ANTEX — (undecipherable raised voice)
McMurdo — Say again?
ANTEX — Sorry, McMurdo. There’s a pod of orcas churning the water down there. Looks lik
e they’ve got a minke whale. Poor bastard.
McMurdo — (chuckles) You had us worried for a second there.
ANTEX — Sorry about that. It’s not something you see every day.
McMurdo — Roger that. Real circle of life shit.
ANTEX — Ha. Yeah, that it is.
(approximately thirty seconds of silence)
ANTEX — We’re right above the falls now, McMurdo. This is amazing. It’s like some crazy special movie effect.
McMurdo — Roger that, ANTEX. Get plenty of pictures. Video, too. The doc says there’s another bottle for video.
ANTEX — I feel a party coming— (frantic - undecipherable) Dave! McMurdo, Dave’s lost it! He’s — (undecipherable shouting, followed by a mixture of laughter and screaming)
McMurdo — ANTEX 101, what is your situation?
(More laughter, followed by more screaming)
McMurdo — ANTEX 101. Please respond.
(Sound of anti-collision alert - “Whoop, whoop, collision alert. Whoop, whoop, collision alert.”)
ANTEX — (sound of two distinct voices over the collision warnings, one sobbing, one laughing)
McMurdo — ANTEX 101. Please resp—
(“…ision alert. Whoop, whoop, collision alert. Whoop, whoo…”)
[Sound of impact]
Prelude
If it bleeds, it leads. It’s a common saying with regards to news and entertainment. So while the headlines were filled with the latest celebrity scandals, there was little mention made of an anomalous slick flowing through the ocean. And while there was some minor excitement among some marine biologists about the reports, the news outlets were much too busy reporting which former child star had entered rehab and whose cell phone had been hacked and their nude photos released to the public.
It’s a shame really, that so few people were able to appreciate the silent beauty of that shimmering, phosphorescent ribbon that flowed serenely upon the ocean, making a leisurely escape from its Antarctic prison. Extremophiles, freed from their fourteen million year detention beneath the icecap, shone bright with a distinctive blue bioluminescence, spreading out into the Antarctic Circumpolar current. Over the course of several weeks, the glowing ribbon dispersed, breaking into a multitude of expanding patches.
One such slick flowed into the South Atlantic current where it eventually made landfall on the western coast of Africa. If anyone noticed that the beaches of the Congo Basin were unusually stunning, it was never mentioned anywhere. People in that part of the world were too busy worrying about what guerrilla warlord they had to pay fealty to from one week to the next. It was only when those warlords went on a bloody campaign of mindless genocide on a level previously unprecedented that the news agencies had anything to say, and luminescent beaches were not high on the reporters’ lists of potential headlines.
Meanwhile, Nature did as she always had. Fish ate plankton. Birds ate fish. The food chain continued to deliver its beautiful bounty from the lowliest of life forms, to the topmost rungs of the evolutionary ladder. Life went on as it always had.
And the only constant in life, is change.
FRIDAY
NOVEMBER 4
Chapter 1
Charles Griffe
Mystery Song Challenge
Charlie was just about to hang up when the phone finally clicked and a voice spoke to him. “Congratulations, you’re the one-hundredth caller! What’s your name?”
“Charles. Charles Griffe.” He smiled and gave Felicia a thumbs-up. She squealed and ran to turn up the radio. They had been trying to call in for hours and had either gotten a busy signal, or the one other time they had managed to get through, they had been the wrong caller.
“Hello, Charles, I’m Johnny Jay, and it’s time to see if you can guess this week’s WROK mystery song challenge. Are you ready to try?”
“I’m ready.”
“Okay, first, can I get you to turn down your radio? It causes an echo effect when we’re on the air.”
Felicia’s eyes got wide as she realized what she had done. “Sorry,” she mouthed to him.
“Thank you, Charles. So have you been listening to the previous guesses?”
“Yeah, I have.”
“That’s awesome. Well for our listeners who might not have heard them, I’ll go over the previous clues again. Clue number one — This week’s mystery song was first released in 1961. Clue number two — The song has been a number one hit on US Billboard’s Hot R & B singles, on the UK singles chart, the Irish singles chart, US Billboard’s Hot Country Singles chart, and the US Billboard Hot Latin Tracks listings. Clue number three — There have been over four hundred recorded versions of the song released, including versions by Cassius Clay, John Lennon, and even The Muppets.
“So Charles, you got all that?”
“Yeah. Sure do.” He still wasn’t sure what the song was, but at least he’d had enough time to think about it and narrow it down to a handful of 1961 hits. If he got a good clue, he just might luck out and win.
“Okay then. Are you ready for the latest clue?”
“I sure am.”
“Excellent. Then for a mystery prize worth more than ten thousand dollars, here is clue number four. This mystery song was also recorded for a charity event in 1998 by a famous horror author, twelve years after the release of a movie bearing the same name as the song—a movie based on a story by this same author, though the story had a completely different title.”
Charlie blinked. He actually blinked at that clue, trying to follow the twists and turns of its varying layers. The song was released by some guy. The guy was a horror writer, and he had a song that had a movie that came out with a different title? No, he had a story that came out with a different title, but the movie had the same title? What the hell?
“Now I’m going to repeat this clue one more time…”
Thank God!
“…after which you’ll have ten seconds to give us your answer.”
But Charlie was already scanning his list of Billboard’s Top 100 hits for 1961, looking for a song title that could conceivably have been the title of a horror movie. His finger stopped almost immediately on the number three hit “Michael” by the Highwaymen. He remembered seeing a movie back in the nineties called Michael. But he immediately rejected it. It wasn’t a horror movie.
But he didn’t actually say the movie was a horror movie, did he? He said it was based on a story written by a famous horror author.
As he ran his finger on down the list, the radio DJ was just finishing up his repeat of the latest clue. “So, Charles Griffe… for the grand prize, can you name our mystery song? You have ten seconds starting now.”
“Ah…” He ran his finger frantically up and down the list. There was The Fly by Chubby Checker. That was the name of a horror movie. Maybe Runaway? Or Surrender? Those titles sounded like they could be horror.
“Five seconds.”
And suddenly he saw it. He nearly shouted into the phone, “Stand By Me! It was Stand By Me!”
There was silence on the line, and for a split second, Charlie thought they had been disconnected. That would be just my luck. Finally catch a break like this only to be cut off before I can collect on it.
But the voice of the DJ dispelled those thoughts with his sad sounding voice. “Oh Charles, I’m so sorry.”
Charlie’s heart dropped. Son of a bitch! I really thought I had it.
“I’m sorry, Charles, because you’re going to have to rearrange your vacation time at work. You’ve just won the WROK mystery song challenge!”
“I won?” he nearly shouted. Felicia did shout. She jumped up and down, screeching loud enough that he had trouble hearing the DJ on the phone.
“You did. Congratulations, Charles. Hang on the line and we’ll get your information off the air.” And Johnny Jay put him on hold without another word.
The WROK operator was a young woman who sounded bored to tears with her job. She took Charlie’s personal information
and had then asked him which prize he wanted.
“Sorry? Which prize? I didn’t know there was anything to choose.”
“Yes, sir. As the winner of the grand prize, you get your choice of a year’s worth of movie tickets for two with free popcorn and soft drinks, or a ten-day cruise for two on the new luxury liner, Bahama Queen.”
“A year’s worth of movie tickets?”
“Yes, sir. Plus refreshments.”
“Or a cruise on a luxury liner?”
Once again, his ears were tested to their limits as Felicia screamed behind him.
“A cruise? Oh, pick the cruise, Charlie. We’ve never been on a cruise before.”
“Hang on, baby.” He tried to keep the irritation out of his voice. Felicia was a bit simple-minded at times. Luckily, his needs from her were equally simple. And talking was not the most talented thing she used her mouth for. Still, if he wanted to use it for one, he had to tolerate the other.
The woman on the phone was explaining the details to him. “If you choose the movie tickets, you will receive a packet of 732 individual movie passes good at any CineScan Theater that will let you and one other person see any movie and get free popcorn and soft drinks on any day of the week beginning on January first. The passes will expire on December thirty-first next year.”
Charlie was beginning to get that old feeling. His dad had always warned him about watching for the strings attached to everything. It sounded to him like WROK had some sort of deal worked out with the theater chain. Those passes probably didn’t really cost the radio station anything. Cheap bastards.
“And the cruise?”
“That prize consists of two tickets to the Thanksgiving cruise aboard the Bahama Queen. It’s the newest luxury liner in the Regal Cruise Line fleet. You would have to be able to leave on the ten-day Thanksgiving cruise on November 18, and the cruise returns to port here in Fort Lauderdale the Monday after Thanksgiving.”