Chucklers: Laughter is Contagious

by Jeff Brackett

  Still, neither of them seemed ready to speak just yet. Charlie started to get pissed, and he felt his father grin. And that was enough to make him take a deep, calming, breath. If the old man thought getting pissed off was a good idea, then it was bound to be bad.

  That’s a hell of a thing to say about your dear old dad.

  Charlie stepped back and finally figured that if the man had wanted to do him harm, he’d already had plenty of opportunities. He nodded to the man. “Ah, I guess I should thank you.”

  With that simple acknowledgment, the man seemed to relax the slightest bit. “Not a problem.” He eased away from the door, still moving slowly and deliberately. He pointed to a chair. “Mind if I sit?”

  Odd thing to say. “Not my room,” Charlie replied.

  “Not mine either. I just opened the first door I saw once we got out of sight.”

  Charlie’s eyebrows arched. “How did you manage that? Every one I’ve tried has been locked.” But even as he asked, he knew what the answer would be. His brain finally began to kick into gear, and he began putting pieces of the puzzle together. The uniform, opening the door the way he had… “Oh yeah, you’re part of the ship’s crew, aren’t you?”

  The uniformed man sat down and nodded. “I am. But that’s not how I got in. My key would still only work on my own door and work areas.” He raised a plastic card, waving it in the faint sunlight. “But a steward’s key is different. And the steward I got this one from isn’t going to be needing it anymore.” He averted his eyes, looking uncomfortable for the first time since Charlie had met him.

  Charlie started to ask if the steward had already been dead when the man had lifted the card, then decided he probably didn’t really want to know. “Well, thanks anyway.”

  The man nodded. “No problem.” He slowly leaned forward and extended his hand, as if afraid of spooking Charlie. “I’m Chris. Chris Tallant.”

  Charlie hesitated, considering the hand before stepping forward and grasping it in his own. “Charles Griffe. Call me Charlie.”

  The man nodded. “All right, Charlie it is then.” They each stepped back after they shook, as if they still didn’t know whether or not to trust one another.

  Charlie cleared his throat nervously. “So, what did you mean back there?”

  Chris cocked his head quizzically. “Back where?”

  “You said something about a slick.”

  The other man nodded. “Yeah. That.” He rubbed his face in both hands before looking back up. “It’s going to sound pretty crazy.”

  “And a gang war on a cruise liner isn’t crazy enough?”

  Chris looked at Charlie as if trying to figure out where to start. Finally, he just shook his head. “I think it’s even crazier than that. You might want to sit down for this.”

  Charlie cocked an eyebrow, but sat on the edge of the bed opposite the crewman.

  “I was on the bridge yesterday when we saw a big phosphorescent slick in the Gulf,” Chris began.

  Charlie interrupted immediately. “You were on the bridge?”

  “Yeah, I’m a navigator.” He paused again. “Anyway, we saw this huge phosphorescent slick in the Gulf. Even the captain mentioned how unusual it looked. And there was this huge pod of dolphins. They were thrashing around like crazy, churning the water… it looked like they were fighting… killing each other. Never seen anything like it.”

  “Anyway, we were watching the dolphins through the binoculars when Jesse, he’s an apprentice, started pointing and laughing. He says something like ‘Flipper’s flipped.’ A couple of the other guys started laughing at his joke, and then Jesse pulled the binoculars away from his face. I got a good look at his eyes when he did, and I swear to God, he looked terrified. But it was like he couldn’t stop laughing.”

  Chris went silent for a moment, and Charlie thought he had finished. “Well, ah… that’s really—”

  He started up again as if Charlie hadn’t said a word. “Then Jesse smashed Captain Eckles in the face with the binoculars. And all the sudden, everyone else was either laughing or running.” Silhouetted shoulders rose in a slight shrug. “I ran.”

  Charlie waited again for him to continue, but this time, it looked like Chris had gotten lost in his thoughts. Charlie reflected on what the man said. It made a certain amount of sense. It was true that everyone Charlie had seen who had been attacking someone had been laughing. “So you think whatever is going on is making people laugh… and then kill each other?”

  “Yeah, I do.” The man sounded like he had already made up his mind. “Look, I know how it sounds, but you weren’t there. You didn’t see—”

  “I saw plenty,” Charlie interrupted. He stared at the carpet as he recalled some of the horror. “I saw kids killing an old woman and a bartender. I saw them laughing while they beat people to death on the basketball courts. While they chased me all over the upper decks.” He shuddered. “I saw them throw someone on a fire while he was still alive.”

  Chris was silent for a moment. “I guess everyone saw some pretty hellacious stuff.”

  Another shriek sounded outside. “They still are,” Charlie corrected.

  The two men were quiet for a bit. Then Chris turned back to Charlie. “Kids?” The question brought Charlie back.

  “What?”

  “You mentioned kids attacking?”

  “Yeah. Teenagers. They killed everyone in the bar I was in. I tried to sneak out, but they saw me. Chased me down the stairs and I’ve been running or hiding ever since.”

  “Huh. I hadn’t thought about the kids.” The man’s voice sounded sad.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I just hadn’t thought about the upper decks having all those kids on them. I suppose it makes sense. That’s where the pools and playgrounds are.”

  Charlie remembered the girl in the string bikini. Dentures flying from an old woman’s mouth. “I don’t know if it was drugs, a gang initiation, or what, but…”

  He trailed off, watching as Chris shook his head. “It’s not just kids.”

  “What?”

  “Remember those guys who chased us out of the bar upstairs? They weren’t kids.”

  That brought Charlie up short. Chris was right. They had been adults.

  “And the bridge crew certainly weren’t kids.”

  Somehow, that depressed Charlie even more. “That’s all I saw at first. The only adults I saw were getting the shit beat out of them. I just figured it was some kind of gang war. Wasn’t until I got down here to Deck Ten that I heard any adults laughing.”

  “Eleven.”

  “What?”

  “We’re on Eleven now. Twelve was where we met in the bar. We came down the stairs to Eleven.”

  “Does it really matter?”

  “Sorry. Guess I’m a bit of a stickler for that kind of stuff.” Chris rubbed the back of his neck as if it ached. “So what’s your story?”

  “What?”

  “I told you what happened to me. How did you end up in that bar?”

  “Got into a fight with my old lady at dinner…” He stopped to think, “I guess it was two nights ago now.” He shook his head. “It doesn’t seem that long ago, but I guess it has been.”

  “What happened?”

  “She’s a woman.”

  Chris cocked his head quizzically. “What?”

  “She was just being a bitch.” I really feel like dancing. In his mind, Felicia’s voice blended into his father’s. The old man laughed. Told you she was a fucking cow. Charlie clenched his jaw against his retort. “So I went to the bar on Seventeen.” He rubbed his eyes and sighed. “Had too much to drink and passed out in the bathroom. When I woke up, there was a gang of kids in the bar.” He went silent, remembering again. Dentures on the carpet.

  “I’m sorry, buddy. Is she dead?”

  “What? What the hell do you mean?”

  “Your wife. I figured since she wasn’t with you…”

  “We’re not married, but as far
as I know she’s still alive.” If he were perfectly honest with himself, Charlie hadn’t thought much beyond finding a place to hide. He had been too pissed at Felicia to even begin to think about her well-being. But that was something people tended to look down on you for saying.

  “So where is she?”

  Charlie didn’t like the shift in the other man’s tone. It sounded too judgmental for his liking. “I don’t know. Last time I saw her, she was running out of Le Trône de la Mer. Like I said, we had a fight.”

  Chris simply stared at him, patient and unflinching, waiting for Charlie to continue. It made him uncomfortable. “What?”

  “Aren’t you worried about her?”

  Nosy little prick, ain’t he?

  “Of course I am,” Charlie snapped. But to himself, he thought, “Why are people always worried about her? What about me? I’m the one who was almost killed.” He stopped himself mentally, torn when he realized what he’d been thinking. But it was her fault he was in this predicament. It was her who had insisted on the damned cruise in the first place, wasn’t it?

  That’s right, boy. Don’t forget who got you into this shit in the first place.

  "Sorry," Charlie stumbled over the word, momentarily unsure if he was speaking to Chris or Dad. He knew though, even as mixed up as he was, that agreeing with Dad was a sure sign he was on the wrong track.

  You should be, Dad growled.

  At the same time, Chris just nodded. “No problem.”

  Charlie grabbed his head. The conversation was getting too confusing.

  “So you’re going after her, I imagine.” Chris made it sound like a question.

  “Well, yeah. I guess.”

  “You guess?”

  This fucker’s really startin’ to piss me off.

  Charlie had to agree with his dad.

  “Yeah, of course I’m going to get her.”

  Sanctimonious prick is judging you, boy. He’s looking down at you just like those uptight sons of bitches at the dinner table.

  Looking in the other man’s eyes, Charlie couldn’t tell whether Chris was judging him, or if his view was being skewed by his father’s words. Either way, though, Charlie had dealt with that kind of person before. He knew how to deal with them. Tell him what he expects to hear. Wait for the right opportunity, and find a way to subtly prove just how wrong he was. Not in a gloating manner, but in a subtle, yet superior way. “I figure she probably headed down to our cabin on Seven.” It sounded reasonable. He expanded, “That’s where I’ve been trying to get to. I need to make sure she’s all right.” He looked away, trying to play the part of the worried paramour.

  “Well, let’s give it a few hours for things to calm down out there. We can get a little rest and then see about getting down there.”

  Charlie jerked his head back up. “We?” He didn’t like the way Chris was starting to take over. “Look, buddy. I appreciate you getting me in here and all, but I still don’t know you. And what makes you think I need your help getting to my cabin?”

  Chris arched an eyebrow. “You want to go back out there on your own?”

  “I was doing all right before I found you in the bar.”

  The man was silent for a moment before he spoke again. “Well, I suppose I can’t keep you here.” He waved at the door. “Good luck.”

  Charlie’s heart thudded, thoughts suddenly muddled as the man called his bluff. As long as Chris had that master key, Charlie had to admit that travel on the ship was much too dangerous. It had taken him two days to get from Seventeen to this cabin on Eleven. Two days!

  Frustrated for the moment, Charlie sighed. “All right. I guess I could use the help.”

  Chapter 33

  Forum Post from H-TownDate.net

  Harvey Corpseman - 9:16 AM

  WTF? Had some weird shit going down at the ER this morning. Quick rundown…

  06:00 Coast Guard brings in three victims. No word where they came from. All hush, hush. I get assigned one of them with instructions to keep him sedated.

  06:15 While pt was unconscious, I went to get some meds and equipment.

  06:17 turn around and see patient standing by the sliding glass door fixated on me with the weirdest grin. Totally freaky.

  06:18 I return to room, try to shake off the feeling. After all, the guy’s just smiling, right? I try to coax pt back to his bed, but he just cocks his head like a puppy would, and all the time he’s just grinning like it’s all some big joke to him. I try to get firm with him. You know, like you would with a kid who’s misbehaving. Pt started laughing and attacked me. I was in the military for two tours, and I know how to handle myself, so I punched him in the ribs in a way that almost always ended the fight in the past. Not this guy, he just bounces off the wall and jumps at me again. I hit him again, harder this time… nothing. This guy continues to look at me like I’m a damn cheeseburger. By now, the scuffle has attracted the attention of the other ER nurses and they come to help me. It took 12 of us to hold him down for long enough to get restraints on him. Added face net and a butt load of anti-psychotics and sedatives.

  06:30 Patient is finally out

  06:55 pt moved to safe room n psych ward heavily medicated, and tied down.

  Notes: not one time did this guy tried to punch, slap, kick or strike me in any way. All he was trying to do was to bite. But here’s the REALLY weird part – this guy was giggling like a drunk school kid the whole damn time!

  I’m completely freaked out.

  Death Eater - 9:30 AM

  Lot of crazy crap going on out there. Stay safe HC

  Griggs - 9:36 AM

  What did tests show? Keep us posted.

  Harvey Corpseman - 11:01 AM

  They don’t even seem to know what to look for. Some folks are suggesting something like the old bath salts drugs from a few years back. Thing is, they’re telling me they don’t have the ability to test for it. Got a call from a buddy at UCSF in California, and he said they’ve got three more cases just like this one. Said they had Nat’l Guard roll in and they were starting to take over the place. That was the last thing he said before the line went dead.

  Whole damn hospital just went offline.

  What is this shit? Does the government know something we don’t? Is this a virus? A biological weapon that leaked? Who knows? What I do know is over the last week, we’ve started hearing about more and more of these cases. They keep telling us it’s drugs, but that just doesn’t ring true. Now, all over the country ER nurses and doctors like myself are wrestling these people unprotected, thinking its drug related.

  What if it’s really viral? How does it spread? Are we at risk? Bite, spit, breathing?? What does it take to get it? I’m getting sick to my stomach thinking about this.

  Gotta go. Pulling a double, and this place is getting weird.

  BARBIE GURL - 11:34 AM

  My suggestion is to have zombie kit on standby. LOL!

  STUD MUFFIN’ and Griggs like this post.

  Holy Roller - 11:43 AM

  Prolly high on some new designer drug. For now, you guys have him restrained. Just watch him and maybe when he comes down he can tell you what drugs he took… or not.

  Please keep us up to date.

  Stay safe, Harvey!

  G-DAWG - 11:55 AM

  I remember that bath salts scare. That was some scary shit.

  Who decides to grab mama’s bath salts and snort them to see what’s going to happen? Jeez… people really have too much time on their hands.

  Griggs - 12:10 PM

  You do realize they’re not really bath salts, right? That’s just the name someone slapped on a new drug.

  Internet says they’re made up of some substances that there’s supposedly no way to test for. That doesn’t sound right though. I mean, once you know what chemical you’re looking for, you should be able to test for it, right?

  OLE FOGEY - 12:16 PM

  Griggs, You are correct… There are ways to test for ANY Chemical Compounds… Wh
at the Talking Heads are saying, is that there is NOT a simple Idiot-proof Test Strip type Test for these compounds, so maybe not a kit test at your local hospital. But any Good Forensic Lab can determine if these compounds are present in a blood sample, fairly easily.

  NKOTB - 12:27 PM

  What Ole Fogey said is right. Tissue sample run through gas chromatography will find damn near anything.

  Tin Foil Joe - 3:02 PM

  I think the gooberment is experimenting again. They’re placing these new drugs out there to see what effect they have on us. Don’t rely on the CDC.

  I don’t envy you for working in an emergency room, you are basically on the front-lines when these odd illnesses appear. You do have your gut instinct and your knowledge of what is normal or not. Please keep us updated.

  G-DAWG - 4:14 PM

  QUOTE - Tin Foil Joe said:

  Don’t rely on the CDC.

  Smart… very smart.

  ADMIN - 5:38 PM

  Harvey Corpseman – How about an update? Did he come down from whatever it was?

  Harvey Corpseman - 9:19 PM

  Ok update! It turns out that my patient with the giggles was transferred to another section by military uniforms they told me. This freaked me out, there are only two people that can sign a transfer. The nursing house supervisor, and the ER charge nurse. I was the charge nurse and I know I didn’t sign him out. I spoke to the supervisor and he didn’t know anything about it, either. And there’s nothing in the log about any transfer.