by Sybil Smith
Vera clears her throat and pulls back. Being that close to Evelyn is just too damn distracting to think about anything else. "Yeah, um…we can go. Yeah. Let's…let's go."
Evelyn smirks as they start walking towards the door. She never imagined someone like Vera Banks could be turned into a blubbering mess so easily.
Vera laces their hands together as soon as they step outside. "I can't believe Darren let you borrow his truck. He has never even let me drive it. My family obviously likes you more."
"That's highly doubtful. Your family loves you very much."
Vera hops in the passenger seat and holds her hands up to the heater as soon as the truck starts in anticipation of the warmth. She can barely make out Evelyn's profile in the dark, but she can still tell how beautiful she is, even now. "They love you too, y'know."
Evelyn smiles, but Vera can still see the doubt on her face. "Really. You're family as far as they're concerned."
Evelyn briefly glances at her to see if Vera means it. Clearly, she does. She squeezes Vera's hand a little tighter as she looks back at the road. Even as a child she'd never really felt like part of a family. But here she is—being accepted and loved by people she had known for no more than six months.
They're already out of the city when Vera feels like Evelyn's been lost in thought long enough. She turns the heat up a little more before clearing her throat. Startled, Evelyn quickly snaps her attention over to Vera.
"Sorry. But where the hell are we going?" She makes sure to say it with a smile so it's not taken the wrong way.
Evelyn exaggeratedly rolls her eyes and looks back at the road. "Patience really is a virtue, Vera."
"Well, 'let's hurry the fuck up and get there' is a virtue in my book. So," she leans over and pokes Evelyn exactly where she's ticklish, "how about we stick to that one instead?"
Evelyn squeals as she tries to squirm away from Vera's assault on her ribs. "We're here! Vera, we're—stop! Stop, I can't—we're here!"
Laughing, Vera pulls back enough to look out the windshield as Evelyn pulls in an abandoned parking lot. If she wasn't a cop—and if she didn't trust Evelyn with her life—she'd probably think this was a little shady. She looks over to Evelyn and raises her eyebrows. "Exactly where is 'here'?"
Evelyn smirks. "Are you afraid? Or do you just have a strong dislike of parking lots?"
Vera feigns annoyance and crosses her arms. "Just for that, I'm not getting out of this vehicle. Have fun doing whatever you were going to do by yourself."
She puts her hand on Vera's thigh and squeezes. "What can I do to make it up to you?"
Her voice sounds like pure honey and Vera audibly swallows. She's going to do this right and take it slow because she knows they're not ready to go any further. But it's going to be pretty damn hard if Evelyn keeps looking at her like that.
She groans as she grabs the bags and opens the truck door. Ice cold air hits her face and she gasps. She has no idea what Evelyn's planning, but she hopes it doesn't involve freezing to death. She walks to the driver side and watches as Evelyn pulls out more blankets and pillows than she can count from the backseat—how had she missed those?—and throws them into the bed of the truck. Her teeth start chattering as Evelyn climbs up the tailgate and immaculately, but still quickly, starts arranging everything.
Evelyn takes the coolers from Vera so she can climb up more easily. There are four pillows pushed against the back and blankets and quilts lining the bottom. More are tossed on the side to pull around them after they settle in.
It's perfect. No one has ever gone to such great lengths to make her smile.
Vera wraps her arms around Evelyn and kisses the crown of her hair. She lets out an embarrassed laugh to hide how emotional she's getting. "We're, uh…we're not going to get hypothermia or anything are we?"
Evelyn shakes her head. "The cab will effectively block the wind, so we should be fine if we hurry up and lie down."
Vera waits until Evelyn is beside her before pulling at least three thick blankets over them and reclining back against the pillows. Under the blankets, Evelyn's arm wraps around her waist as she scoots closer and rests her cheek on Vera's chest.
"Is this your way of trying to get me into bed? Because you know it's a lot easier of than doing all of this."
Evelyn's laugh reverberates against her chest. "No. I want to show you something."
Her arm moves off of Vera and out from the blankets. She points directly up above them. "Do you see the Big and Little Dipper?"
Vera looks up for the first time and barely keeps from gasping. Never has she seen the stars shine so brightly—or as many, for that matter. It’s like pinholes have been poked through a black paper for light to shine through. She follows Evelyn's finger and nods. "Yeah, I can see 'em."
Satisfied, she pulls her arm back under the blanket to be warmed by their body heat. "They're actually parts of two different constellations called the Ursa Major and the Ursa Minor." She tilts her head up slightly to look at Vera. "Those were always Tristan's favorites. Have you heard the mythology behind them before?"
Vera wraps her arms tighter around Evelyn. She could make a joke, but she can tell now isn't the time. She glances down and can barely see Evelyn's face in the dark as she shakes her head. "No."
Evelyn turns her attention back towards the sky and Vera does the same. "According to legend, Callisto was turned into a bear right after the birth of her firstborn son. Fifteen years later, her son—Arcas—went hunting in the forest and came across a bear. It was behaving strangely but he, of course, didn't recognize it was his mother since he hadn't seen her since birth. Right before he could take her life, he was transformed into a bear as well. They were then both taken into the sky by the gods—forever placed in the heavens as neighboring constellations…never to be separated again."
Her voice had dropped into a very low whisper by the time she was finished. Vera tried to pull her even closer. It was amazing how a story with an oddly happy ending could be so incredibly sad when put into perspective of Evelyn's life.
"Did you two used to do this?"
Evelyn shakes her head. "Sometimes in the summer, but not for these constellations. They're more visible in the northern hemisphere during winter, so it was always too cold for him. He did, however, become very well versed in using a telescope."
Vera can't help the smile on her face. She can imagine the tiny blonde standing on tiptoes to look at the stars while Evelyn tells him the different mythologies. She really wishes she could've met that little boy.
Evelyn's leg wraps over both of Vera's as she presses closer. Even though it's icy cold, Vera pulls her hand out from the blankets and runs her fingers through Evelyn's hair. "Tell me something happy…the happiest moment of your life."
* * *
Shaking from the fluctuation of hormones and fluid loss, she still somehow manages to steadily take the crying child into her arms. Almost instantly, the new baby calms and his eyes slowly blink open. He frowns as he gets used to the bright lights, but it's not long until he becomes accustomed to this new world.
The frown turns into a look that's almost…happy. His eyes are the same baby-gray as most newborns and his lips are perfectly pink. She knows he can't see much further than a few inches in front of him yet, but it almost looks like he's studying her as much as she's studying him.
He yawns and his lips form a tiny O. Seeing that—seeing how calm and beautiful and perfect he is—is when she finally lets a few tears fall down her cheeks. She reaches up to touch the velvety soft skin of his nose and it almost looks like he grins. She knows it's nothing more than a reflex at this age, but it just makes her cry even harder.
This is her son. She is his mother.
Before labor, she would cry from the fear of not being enough for him—of not being capable of loving her child as much as he deserved to be loved.
Now, though, she's crying because of how much she loves him.
Never in her life had she been so
overwhelmed by sheer emotions, especially not by love.
But in a matter of moments after laying eyes on her son, it feels like her chest—every fiber of her being— is filling with love and hope and joy.
She has always been so alone, but now she's someone's whole entire world. She's loved and needed and it's shocking how fulfilled this little crying creature has made her feel already.
When the nurse comes back to take him to the nursery, she clings tighter and doesn't let go. This is her son and she needs him and no one will be able to take him from her.
The nurse has to calm her, promise her he can come back in a few hours, and wipes the tears from her eyes before she lets go.
After the door shuts, she prepares to feel alone again.
But she doesn't.
She doesn't because even though he's not with her, she's still needed and she still loves him. Even though he's not in the room, she isn't alone no matter what, she never will be. He's a part of her life now. He is her life now.
And nothing, nothing, will be able to change that.
Vera smiles a watery grin, thankful that it's dark enough outside to hide it, before pulling Evelyn on top of her for a kiss. A kiss of comfort. Reassurance.
Evelyn slowly pulls back and opens her eyes. Despite the tears, she's happy. All those years ago, she was right. Even though he's gone, he's still with her. Even death couldn't change that.
She strokes Vera's cheeks before pulling back. "Oh! I almost forgot." She manages to reach across the truck bed without falling off Vera and grabs the coolers.
Her hands wrap around a thermos and she frowns. "I suppose whether something is insulated or not, things can only stay warm for so long in temperatures like this."
Vera manages to hold back an 'I told you so' as Evelyn unzips the other one. It's supposed to be cold so she doesn't worry when her fingers hit the cool plastic wrap. She picks it up and holds it out to Vera with a shy smile on her face.
Vera eyebrows shoot up in amazement. "How did you…Is this the recipe? The one I've tried to get from Ma since I was 19?"
Evelyn nods smugly.
Vera pinches her side that elicits another shriek of laughter before she takes the torrone and shakes her head. "I told you my family liked you more."
Evelyn helps her find the edge of the plastic so she can unwrap it. "That's highly unlikely. I simply asked your mother for a recipe that you enjoyed. She could've given me this one without thinking about it."
Vera rolls her eyes. "That's about as likely as Hell freezing over. Ma doesn't give out recipes. Ever. She likes you more."
She breaks off a piece of the honey-sweet nougat dessert and almost moans as it hits her tongue. She's pretty sure Evelyn makes it even better than her Ma can. She breaks off another piece and holds it up to Evelyn's lips. She tentatively takes it from Vera's fingers and does moan.
"That's amazing. I…I can't believe I've never had it before."
Vera laughs as she eats some more. "Pretty damn good, right? That's why she never gives out the recipe. It wouldn't be as good if you could have it all the time."
Evelyn grins. "So you're saying that if you could have me all of the time—all of me—it wouldn't be as good?"
Vera's eyes flick to Evelyn's lips and then back to her eyes. "No. That's different. Each time with you would be just as good, if not better, than the last."
Evelyn's eyebrow rises. "How do you know? We haven't done anything. It could be terrible. We could be completely incompatible."
Vera wastes no time pulling Evelyn against her, tasting the honey on her lips. Their mouths open against each other, teeth nipping, and tongues clashing.
It's not sloppy or dominating. It's a constant give and take between them. It's a physical manifestation of the love they had—even if Evelyn hadn't professed hers yet. Vera makes her gasp, elicits a moan just from the way her long fingers slightly curled into Evelyn's hair. She’s able to make Evelyn's heart pound in her chest just by brushing a hand over her cheek, her thigh.
She slowly starts rocking her hips against Vera and Vera's hands drop down her back and squeeze her ass to pull her closer. Her hands then travel upwards and push under Evelyn's shirt.
As soon as the coldness of Vera's hands touches her stomach, she gasps and pulls back from Vera's mouth. She looks into Vera's eyes as she strokes her cheeks. "What are we?"
Not expecting that, Vera's hands drop down to rest on the tops of Evelyn's jeans. "We're…we're whatever you want us to be."
Evelyn shakes her head. "No. This is about us, Vera. I can't be the one to decide what we are."
Vera gives her another quick, reassuring kiss. "Yes you can. I want you to tell me what you're ready for. We can take it slow if you want, we can go on dates…hell, I'll even court you if that's what you want to call it." She lightly laughs before becoming more somber as her heart starts racing. Her voice drops to a whisper. "I'll even be your girlfriend if that's what you want. I'm in for it all, Evelyn, so you get to decide the pace. I'm ready for whatever you're ready for."
Evelyn searches Vera's face for an answer she isn't going to find. "What if I don't know what I'm ready for?"
Vera pulls Evelyn down against her chest. "Then I'll be here waiting until you figure it out."
Chapter 13
Around midnight, the emptiness that she's managed to halfway hold at bay for the past couple of weeks creeps back in full force. It encroaches, wrapping so tightly around her chest it brings tears to her eyes. She rolls on her back and tries to take deep, even breaths to calm herself, but it doesn't help anything at all.
Her hand shakes as she reaches over to the nightstand and gropes around for her phone. She finally grabs it and squints through blurry vision to dial the number she already has memorized. She holds her breath as the phone rings once, twice, three times.
She finally forces herself to breathe when she hears a loud noise on the other end.
"Banks," the sleep-induced raspy voice gruffs out.
Evelyn's fingers grip tighter around her phone. "Vera?"
Vera clears her throat. "Oh. Hey. Is everything okay?"
Evelyn shakes her head even though she knows Vera can't see her. "No, I'm…I miss you."
"I miss you too. Do you want me to come over? It won't take me long to get there."
Evelyn rolls on her side and pulls the comforter tighter around her body, pretending it was actually Vera. "No, I don't want to inconvenience you."
Vera laughs and she drops her legs off the side of the bed, fully prepared to get up and get dressed. "Evelyn, it's not an inconvenience if I offered to do it."
Evelyn wants her to, but it just feels like too much to ask. She's already used up almost every moment of Vera's spare time; she doesn't want to ask this of her, too. Besides, the more nights she spends with Vera, the more she'll get used to it, and the more she'll need it. That doesn't sound so bad to her, but she isn't sure if that's something Vera would be willing to put up with. "No, it's okay. Can you…can you just stay on the phone until I fall asleep?"
Reluctantly, Vera crawls back in bed on her end of the conversation. She'd much rather be with Evelyn than alone in her apartment. "Yeah, I can do that. What do you want me to talk about?"
Evelyn pushes further down into her pillow and closes her eyes. "Anything."
Vera thinks for a moment before finally settling on what to say. Maybe she's getting soft. Maybe she feels safer baring her soul late at night…like the words won't be remembered in the morning. It will all have been a dream, a hallucination never to be remembered again. It usually happens like that. The later it gets, the more someone reveals—Vera included. She lies on her back and rests her forearm across her eyes.
"You…you amaze me, Evelyn. Even with the smallest things that no one else picks up on. Like the way you tap your pen against the desk twice in a row when you're thinking. Or the way you bite your lip when you want something but don't know how to ask for it."
Vera takes a deep breath a
nd rolls over on her side. "You know you can ask me for anything though, don't you? I promise I'll try to get it for you. Even though though everyone has always let you down, I won't. I really do love you, Evelyn. And…and you don't have to say it yet. I'm not going anywhere. I'll wait until you can say it back because I feel it. Every day, I feel how much I love you. And I'll be here waiting when you feel that about me, too."
Evelyn lies in silence for a few moments, letting everything sink in. How she managed to find someone so patient and kind and someone who gave everything while expecting nothing in return, she'll never know. She exhales a shaky breath. "Thank you," she whispers, not even sure if it was loud enough for Vera to hear.
Vera does, though, and smiles before going on to talk about baseball and hockey and things she knows Evelyn isn't interested in until Evelyn is asleep. She hangs up the phone and stares through the darkness around her.
Maybe tomorrow will be the day Evelyn goes all in or maybe it won't. It doesn't really matter to her as long as they'd get there eventually. And she is almost positive that they will.
Chapter 14
Evelyn’s emergency phone rings sharply around ten the next morning, despite being her one day off this week. She contemplates ignoring it briefly, but realizes it would only do more harm than good.
“Hello,” she says, hastily stirring up her morning coffee and heading towards her room to get dressed. “Evelyn speaking.”
“Evelyn,” Dante greets. Vera’s partner never calls her specifically. She gets the horrible, tingling feeling that something isn’t right.
She pauses in the frame of her bedroom doorway. Her voice comes out in a higher pitch than usual. “Is everything okay?”
“Well,” he starts. He pauses as he tries to find the words. “It’s Vera. She’s in the hospital…”
Her whole body trembles and she fights the nausea settling in her stomach. The rest of his sentence trails into oblivion as she hastily dresses on autopilot. She breaks out in a cold sweat as she drives, breaking every traffic law to get to the hospital.
