“She’s elusive,” she said as she attempted to eat dry toast.
“Elusive? What does that mean?” Kerri asked. I wanted to know as well. I took a sip of coffee and braced for the answer. Elusive could mean her beauty was unreal.
“It’s hard to even talk to her or really get to know her. To be honest I have only seen her through the kitchen.” She set her toast down. “She talks to no one. Only Dallas. She barks orders and that’s it. Beau says she’s a real snob.” Great. Okay, so she isn’t nice to others, but nice to Dallas. Was this good or bad? I wasn’t sure.
“Hey, how is the Beau thing going anyway?” Kerri asked her. They changed the subject and I still had no idea what this woman was like, at all.
The drive home was quiet because they both slept. I was alone with my thoughts as the music played on the radio. Mostly I thought about my past lives with Landon. I couldn’t keep my thoughts on Dallas. It was hard to think about him when I was so unsure of what to think. So I focused on Lillith’s comment. What if I never wanted to be without him? What if I always wanted him and Ianni didn’t want me to be with him. Ianni would never lie to me, not about that, but there was something she wasn’t telling me. I had to try to find out the reason why I wanted to live without Henry’s soul. Why I chose to come back to Earth time and time again. Why I was here now, instead of with Adam at Home. I had died such a terrible death as Elsie. The cancer had been hard on Adam. Why hadn’t I stayed behind at Home and given him the wife he needed? Not the wife that constantly left him.
We pulled into Kerri’s and dropped her off. Justin waved from the doorway as she jumped into his arms. Did I have a relationship like that with Dallas? I thought I did, but lately it seemed that things were becoming confusing. We were starting to unravel a little. I didn’t know how to fix it.
“What’s on your mind?” Ianni asked me. I noticed I was chewing my fingernails. I stopped and looked her way.
“Things I guess.”
“Moving in with Dallas?” she asked. I nodded and she pulled her legs up to her chest.
“I don’t know a lot about this sort of thing, but what I do know is to go with your heart. You know, maybe if this isn’t what you want—”
“No, it’s what he wants. So he can keep me safe,” I interrupted. “Because he knows about Sarafe. He is only doing this because he is trying to be a good boyfriend. I don’t think he thought of doing this before my accident,” I admitted to her, and to myself as well. It was a true statement. He never mentioned this before. Not even when we talked about our future.
“You can’t think like that, Avery. He loves you.” She was right; he did love me. I knew that. Even though our arguments had increased lately, we still had passion for each other.
“I am just nervous, that’s all. It’s a huge step for me. I mean, he is my first love,” I said as we pulled into our parking garage. “I just don’t want to mess it up.”
She placed her warm hand on mine. I knew she was trying to tell me to calm down and stop being such a spaz.
We got out and walked towards the lobby when she stopped and grabbed me. Throwing me behind her she took a defensive stance. I looked around and saw nothing. I didn’t know what the hell she was doing.
“Don’t move,” she whispered. “She’s here.” Chills ran through me. I was frozen still and couldn’t move. I was too afraid to. How did she know Sarafe was here?
“Ianni, you are such a good friend, shielding her like that,” a thick voice said from the shadows of the garage. “But you know that you have no powers and you can’t do anything to defend her.”
Ianni stood straighter and pulled her hair into a knot. “Just try it bitch. I may not be an angel anymore, but I can still kick your ass.” Holy crap, my pure little Ianni was a tough chick. I silently gave three cheers for my friend.
“Oh big words for such a puny little human,” Sarafe said. She still stood in the shadows, and now I was angry. I came around Ianni; no more hiding. I could take her, too. Two against one.
“Come out of your hiding spot and face us,” I yelled.
“Nope, not going to give you the honor of seeing my face. For now I will leave you both with a warning.” Her voice had the hint of a Middle Eastern descent, though I couldn’t tell for sure. I hated not knowing what she looked like.
“Oh yeah? What’s your warning?” Ianni asked with venom.
“You better tell that Watcher to back off before he gets hurt. My kind does not like being followed by things like him. So if you want to keep Avery safe, make him back off,” she spat.
“You back off of Avery, how about that?” Ianni offered. “And he won’t be following you.”
“Sweet Ianni, you know I can’t do that. But I can take someone she loves instead of her.” I had heard enough. My feet were walking towards her before it registered to my brain what I was doing. I was planning on wringing her neck. Before I got to her she flew up and away into the night sky. All I saw of her was hair like black ink and tan skin.
The first phone call I made was to Dallas, who didn’t answer. My message to him was a basic, “Okay, you win. I will move in.” The second call was to my father. He picked up. I didn’t tell him all the details of what happened, I just wanted to hear his voice. I had avoided my father and hadn’t been a very loving daughter. I had been so wrapped up in my relationship that I had neglected him. When death stares you in the face, you start to think about the people you have in your life. My father may have missed a great portion of my life, but he was here now.
“I promise to meet you for breakfast tomorrow, Dad,” I told him. He had been giving me a hard time about not going to breakfast with him. During the winter it had become tradition. Now that he lived closer, we should be doing more things together. To be honest, I missed my dad. It was time to mend the broken relationships for good. I didn’t know how much time I had with these people. Life could be shorter for me than I thought, considering Sarafe was trying to kill me.
“See you in the morning, kiddo,” he said.
I snuggled in bed with May and Ianni beside me. We were both frightened beyond belief. She snored lightly and I was happy she found sleep. I didn’t want to sleep with Sarafe knowing where I was. I lay down and stared at the screen of my phone wishing for a call from Dallas. I needed him right now. More than he could possibly know. Maybe I should have told him what happened in the message. I thought he would notice the tone of my voice and hurry over. I closed my eyes, quietly envisioning how it would go. He would rush over, knock the door down, and pull me into his arms. Call me his darling princess and shield me from the attacks of any violent dark evil forces.
“Come to me and let me hold you,” Landon said as he reached out for me, his tan arms enveloping me in the strongest, most comforting hug I have ever experienced. I rested my face near his heart and felt the strumming of it against my cheek, its beautiful rhythm soothing my fear.
“No one will hurt you if you stay here in my arms with me, I promise.” He bent down and lifted my chin, pulling me towards him. His lips meeting mine in an explosion of kisses that started slow and turned frantic. Wanting him more and more, I pulled him towards me, hoping to reach into his soul. My fingers splayed into his hair as he lifted me towards his bed. As he lay me down, he pulled off his shirt and tossed it to the floor, revealing his body in all its glory. I licked my lips in desperation. I needed his kiss; I needed him. No one else but him.
As he grabbed my hair gently he massaged it and kissed my cheek. He slowly moved towards my neck, sending a wave of heat through my body.
“I love you, Landon,” I said in his ear. “I have always loved you.”
My confession freed me. I had been carrying the burden of the truth for so long, careful not to hurt anyone with my words and deception.
“Avery, my love for you never ended. It has lasted lifetimes.” As he met my eyes tears pool
ed in them. “Don’t cry,” he whispered as he kissed me. “I will love you in every life. That is a promise you made me make. I do not go back on my promises.”
Chapter Seventeen
Clear
The dream from the night before nagged at me all morning. I walked to the café to meet my dad and all I could do was think about it. It wasn’t a vision or a memory, so what was it? I couldn’t think about it any longer. I would have to deal with it later, along with the fact that I still hadn’t heard from Dallas.
Ianni said she would be fine alone, but I had asked Kerri to come hang out with her anyway. She had the day off and was glad to help. Plus, they had wedding details to attend to. I only had the morning off, and then I had to work that afternoon. I officially was not going to call Dallas today. My mind was made up that if he didn’t call, neither would I.
“Avery,” Dad called to me as I spotted him in the café. Standing up, he grabbed me in a tight hug when I reached him. He looked older somehow, the gray turning white in his hair. Since when did my dad turn into an old man?
“You look tired,” he commented. I shrugged and smiled. My dad knew what I had gone through last year. He only wanted to make sure I was getting along well. I couldn’t tell him anything yet, not unless I needed to involve him. One thing we did have in common was we were both Affinity’s. Like me, he was a twin soul; his twin was my mother. They were drawn to each other like I am to Landon. They tried with all their hearts to make it work, but for some Affinity’s it can be very hard to be with each other due to the fact that you share a soul. It’s like dealing with yourself all the time.
Needless to say, it didn’t work despite their efforts. He knew what it was like for me to be around Landon and to share a past with him. He loved my mom all of his life and he still does. Actually, I think he mourns her more than I do. His mourning is that of a lost chance at love. When I look at it that way, I think to myself, Will I be like this without Landon? Will I wish I chose him instead?
I tried to push thoughts like this out of my head as fast as I could. They only haunt me and make me weak, like the dream last night. That dream made me feeble.
“More coffee, hun?” the waitress asked, holding the steaming carafe over my cup.
“Oh, yes please.” I had to focus on my father. He had been talking this whole time while my head was in the clouds.
“So what do you think?” he asked. Uh oh, I needed to answer him and I had no idea on what.
I smiled and nodded my head. “Sounds good to me.”
“Great, I can’t wait to start on the project. I think the house would look good with a bit of color.”
Thankfully it wasn’t a life altering decision I had helped him make. It was only about painting his new house.
“So how is Dallas? You two need to come by more often.”
“Yeah, I know. I hardly see him anymore myself,” I admitted. I clenched my jaw, wishing I had not let that slip. For some reason I wanted my dad to think that my relationship was perfect, even though it wasn’t.
“Avery, I want to tell you something. Something I haven’t told anyone. Ever,” he admitted as he held my hand.
“Okay,” I mumbled. I was afraid he was letting me in on some horrible secret.
He sat back in his chair and released my hands. He took a sip of water and began, “Right after I left you and your mom, things seemed to be going perfectly fine with Rachel. We got along great and we were in love. Now this is hard to tell you because I don’t want you to think that I didn’t love your mother.” He paused, waiting for my approval to go on.
“I understand, Dad. You can tell me,” I said. I had no idea where this was going, but he wanted to tell me, so I sat back and let him.
“Being with Rachel was different than being with your mom. Rachel freed me almost. She was fun and wanted to travel; basically she wanted to spend my money.” I laughed abruptly at his terrible joke. It wasn’t funny that she stole from him, but the way he could kid around about it now seemed somehow hilarious.
“One night Rachel and I had been fighting about money, as weird as that seems now. Such a trivial thing to fight about nowadays, but every couple fights about it.
She wanted to spend it and I wanted to save it. So we had a terrible argument and I left.” The way he spoke about this was almost like he was there at the time and place, reliving it and giving me all the nasty details. “I went to a bar and drank away my sorrows. I was too drunk to drive so I called the only person I knew who would come get me; your mother.” I sat up straight, listening with more intent. “You were at a sleep over, so she came and got me. As I stumbled in the parking lot she helped me into her car. She drove me home to Rachel, but I didn’t want to go home to her. I begged your mother to give me another chance. I promised her that I would never make that terrible mistake again.
“I missed you and her so badly that I ached at night to be in your home and to sleep in your mother’s arms, not Rachel’s. Do you know what your mother told me?”
I shook my head because I had no clue. I know what I would have done if he came to me and asked to come back as my daddy. I would have jumped into his arms and never let him go again.
“She told me no. She said that I had to stay with Rachel because I would only end up hurting her again. Your mother told me that my leaving her had killed her heart and she couldn’t handle that kind of hurt ever again.” His voice quivered, and he was close to tears while he talked. I saw his eyes turn red and he looked away for a moment, just long enough to wipe a tear away without me seeing. But I saw his hurt.
“I begged her to change her mind. I had sobered up a little by now and I knew what I was asking. I wanted to be with you both again. I wanted her to forgive me. She said, ‘Richard, I forgive you for what you did to Avery and me.’ I felt so free and elated that she forgave me. I thought she would take me back but she told me to get out and go home.”
“I don’t understand why?” I was angry that we had a chance at getting my dad back and my mom turned him down. I could have had my dad in my life instead of living all those years without him. When she died he could have been the one to catch my tears.
“Well, I will tell you why I left the car that night. The only reason I got out was because she made me promise to leave town and never come back. She said that I had to stay away from her, and you.”
“What did you say?” I asked, now on the edge of my seat.
“I told her no way, but she retaliated and told me that if I didn’t she would tell you horrible lies about me. Lies so putrid that you would never want to get to know me.” My mouth fell open. Why would my mom do something like that to him? Why me? “I didn’t know what to say. I sat there in shock. She was going to tell you lies about me and make you hate me forever if I didn’t move away. She was going to ruin my chance at getting to know you later in life. Not to punish me, but to keep you safe, Avery. She didn’t want me to try to come back to you and her. She thought I would mess up again. Your mother couldn’t handle me hurting you again. At this point you were healing and living a normal life without me.” He reached across the table and took my trembling hands in his once more. “So I promised her I would stay away for good so that you would never have to be hurt again. Even though when she drove away from me that night I knew I wouldn’t have ever left you guys again. I made that mistake once. I fell to my knees and cried. I didn’t want to live without her and I didn’t want to live with Rachel either. I was stuck.”
“So what did you do?” I asked him.
“I moved to Laguna Beach and focused my life on work. I married Rachel and we had Cora. But not one day went by that I did not regret my life’s decisions.”
“That’s horrible, Dad. You could have come back and she wouldn’t let you.” I was now feeling terrible things for my mom.
“I know why she did it. She did it to protect you both. I found out that she died, but by then I was such a coward that I didn’t want to fight for custody of you. Your mothe
r made it known in her will that Pauline was to raise you. So I didn’t fight for you, and I am so sorry.” Now the tears let loose and he let them fall on our bound hands. I had never known the truth about it. All these years and I was always thinking that he didn’t love me.
“She never spoke bad about you, Dad. Not ever,” I admitted.
“I knew she didn’t, but if I had tried to get her back, she would have.”
“Why did you tell me all of that?” I asked curiously. All this time and he never told me, so why now?
“Most people only meet their soul-mates once in their life. Sometimes never. But you have met him four times. That’s exceptional love, Avery. I met mine and I let her fall between my fingers.”
“It’s not like that, Dad. For some reason I wanted to be without him, I still don’t know why. But Ianni told me that I chose to reincarnate and try to live without him.” I had never told him that before. I felt like if he shared with me I would share as well. “I feel a bond to him, and it’s hard to ignore. But I love Dallas and I couldn’t hurt him again.”
“Avery, I thought the grass was greener, and let me tell you, it wasn’t. It was full of weeds that tore me up and left me for dead. Don’t think with your heart. Think with your soul.” Never before has my head been so clear. It was like my dad opened up my past and let all the secrets out from my childhood. He answered all of the questions that haunted me about him for years. But when it came to my love life, I was a mess.
“You give good advice, Dad, but Dallas is special. He isn’t like Rachel.” I felt a need to stick up for him, even though all he was doing was telling me to trust myself and have confidence in my decisions.
“This is your life, Avery. Dallas is a wonderful young man, but Landon is your soul’s mate. You will never know a greater love than that.”
Chapter Eighteen
Moving
I hugged my dad goodbye after breakfast. On the walk back to my place I took a detour to the park again. For some reason I wanted to always be here, surrounded by the beautiful trees and the bright blue sky above.
Unraveling of Avery Snow, The Page 10
