Unraveling of Avery Snow, The

by Sloat, Christy

  “Ianni, I know now why I reincarnated so much. I know that it had nothing to do with Landon. It was about me.”

  “Who told you?” she asked as her eyes fell to the floor.

  “No one you know,” I answered. “I need to find myself and focus my energy on me. Dallas and I are not getting back together.”

  “You don’t know that. I see him; he is just as miserable as you.” I believed what she said to be true, but he would get over me in no time. I wasn’t going to fight for him if he didn’t want me to. He had ended it and he wasn’t willing to work it out.

  “If you just tell him who Sarah really was maybe he will understand,” she begged.

  “No, I can’t do that. He made the choice to end it. Even if she didn’t tell him, he would have anyway. It was only a matter of time.” I believed that in my very soul. I knew he loved me, but his goals and mine were conflicting. He wanted to move on and Sarafe was the little push he needed. The excuse to end things. It all started with Valentine’s Day, when he forgot about me, then escalated into more and more failed attempts to fix our relationship.

  “People break up all the time, Ianni. It’s part of life. But I refuse to let this ruin my chances at living the life I really want,” I told her.

  “So you’re running away and going to live in another state? That makes no sense.”

  “Oh but it does. You chose to leave your home, didn’t you? And look how that turned out!” She had no response because I spoke the truth. I saw her follow her own path and she was embracing it gracefully. Now I would do the same. The only difference was I would be coming home. We ordered lunch and she begged me to change my mind. I finally just didn’t give her a chance to say anymore. “It’s decided,” I told her firmly. And she was done. I hated hurting her, but I knew she would be fine without me for a few months. She had Kerri and Beau. She wasn’t alone at all. If she had been I would take her with me, but she was living her own life, and for that I was grateful. We ended lunch with happy moods. She felt hopeful for me now. And I needed it.

  

  Kerri arrived home from her honeymoon and she called me right after she landed. She told me how awesome the trip had been and asked me how work was. I filled her in on all of the new residents we had gained. I wasn’t planning on telling her about Dallas and I until later. We had plans to get together for dinner at their house the following night, so I had to tell her I would be coming alone.

  “What do you mean alone?” she asked in shock.

  “Alone as in only me. Dallas and I broke up, Kerri.” I had tried to say it as easy as I could. “He ended it the night after the wedding.” She was silent on the other end of the line. “Kerri, you still there?”

  “Yes. I’m just in shock. What happened?” I told her everything, laying it all on the table. Even though I didn’t want to tell her yet, it just sort of came out. The story flowed from me from beginning to end. Revealing all of our secrets and telling her about the dark evil that followed me around and hid in the shadows. I told her how Sarafe had tricked him, but he chose to end it anyways. She had no words except, “I am so sorry.”

  I needed to tell her that I was leaving, but it seemed harder to tell Kerri than it had been to tell Ianni.

  “I will be there tomorrow though, and we can talk then.” She agreed and I hung up with her. It was exhausting opening up to people. My dad had taken it the best so far. He knew that I needed to clear my head so he offered to help me out. Aunt Paulina cried and begged me to stay, but I eventually told her it wasn’t going to happen. I looked forward to a fresh start. A new beginning was what was best for me to heal.

  The next night I went to meet the newlyweds and have dinner. I hated that I had to talk to her about going away tonight. It seemed to put a damper on my mood, as if it wasn’t dampened enough. As the days went on my pain only increased. Being without Dallas left a hole inside me that was only growing bigger. It wasn’t like everyone tells you time heals all wounds. Bull! Time makes wounds worse. I only thought of him more and more. I was reminded of stupid things we did that didn’t seem to matter when they happened. Like when we would snuggle in bed and eat ice cream. Or once when he and I played video games, I beat him. Or little secrets we held between the two of us that we never told anyone. Stupid secrets that didn’t seem to matter at the time, but did now. They were things I would not forget.

  Doing anything minimal was hard. Just brushing my teeth and getting dressed took all of my energy, so getting ready to see Justin and Kerri was probably the hardest thing I had ever done. I had skipped the make-up, deeming it totally unnecessary.

  As difficult as it was, I arrived at their house on time with a bottle of wine in hand. Kerri opened the door and hugged me right away. I didn’t realize the amount of emotions this simple hug would bring out until the bottle of wine had fallen to the floor and I fell into her arms. My eyes bled with tears and she held me until the flow stopped.

  Finally, once I dried my tears, we could relax and talk. I was a mess and I didn’t like it. I felt vulnerable, which was something I had tried not to be. I had kept my wall up around my heart so that things like this didn’t happen. Dallas swore he wouldn’t hurt me and he did. He was the reason my wall was now firmly back in place.

  “You can’t totally blame him, Avery,” Justin told me while we ate roast and potatoes. “He didn’t have all the correct information given to him.” I almost choked on my meat when he said it. He had been so quiet all night and then he came up with that. I shook my head. Boys stuck with their boys. That was apparent.

  “Justin, he broke her heart!” Kerri squealed. “You better not take his side.”

  “No sides should be taken. I should have told Dallas about his past. I just …” I paused. I did know why I didn’t tell him, but it was out of selfishness. I didn’t want him to get upset knowing what I did to him then. I didn’t think he could handle it. None of this was his fault, but nonetheless, my heart was ripped in two. I went on after composing myself. “I just didn’t know how to tell him. But no one should be mad at him.” I couldn’t handle everyone being angry at him. I hated when people broke up and everyone hated each other. There should be some peace between the couple and their friends. I wondered what Landon and I would say to each other. I hadn’t even thought about him since the break-up. I thought about him for the rest of the evening though.

  Kerri and I drank wine on the back patio and Justin watched baseball. That was when I told her. At first she spit out her wine all over herself. I couldn’t help but laugh and so did she. Then she cried. I hugged her and told her it would all be okay and I would be back soon. When I left it was me who gave her the hug that helped her on her feet.

  “You have a job when you get back,” she said as she walked me to the car. “So don’t like, fall in love with the place and move there permanently.” I laughed at her witty humor. It wasn’t possible that I would give up my home and stay there. What was possible was growth; mine.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  For All The Reasons

  Of course the day I left California it was sunny and beautiful. I left on the perfect day to sit in a beach chair. And where was I headed? Rainy Washington state, the dreariest state in the country, and I was going there to cheer up. It was sort of funny when you thought about it.

  I had everything packed and my car filled to the brim when my phone rang. I almost let it go to voicemail, but at the last minute I decided to pick it up.

  “This is Avery,” I answered.

  “It’s me,” Dallas said quietly. “I heard you’re moving.” Just hearing his voice on the line made that hole grow a few more inches.

  “I’m not moving. I am only going away for a few months. Who told you?” I had my guesses, the best one being Ianni. I knew he would find out anyway, I just didn’t want him calling me on the day I left. It made this move even harder.

  “Why?”

  “Why am I going away? Really?” He had some nerve to ask me this, but I too
k a deep breath and composed myself. “I need some time to myself. Nothing more. Nothing less.” There, an honest answer.

  “Well, I just called to tell you I got the New York building. I am leaving, too.” He sighed into the phone. “I am sorry that things happened the way they did. I … I wish you luck, Avery.”

  As I picked my jaw off the pavement I tried to think of a response. Now thinking back I could think of so many great things to say back. But I only said, “Thanks. Good luck to you, too.” The lamest thing I could think to say. It was something you said to a complete stranger. Not someone you loved.

  He hung up and that was it. It was done. I was alone and he was leaving too. He was slipping through my fingers only a few months ago and now he was gone.

  I let the tears fall where they wanted as I put May in her dog crate. She was coming with me on my new adventure; I was not about to leave her behind. We were venturing together to see what we could find in the Northwest.

  

  Ianni and I had our last cup of coffee together that day before I left. She hated saying goodbye, I could tell. I hated it more.

  “Lillith is here,” she said looking past me. I turned to see Lillith walking up to us in the street. Her wings were hidden from view since people were out and about today. They were all enjoying the sunshine. Lillith actually looked sad to see me go. But knowing her she would drop in on me anywhere I went.

  “So, ditching the Cali scene, huh?” she joked.

  “Yeah, I suppose I am. For now, anyway.”

  “Well, I will watch Ianni for you,” Lillith reassured me.

  “Hey!” Ianni said. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

  “Not anymore, but you did at first,” Lillith informed her. We all laughed and it almost, for a second, felt like leaving was a mistake. But there were so many reasons I was going. Not just because of Dallas, but for everything that had happened to me lately. I was leaving behind the darkness and hoping to find some light in Washington.

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  Once I hit the interstate I could relax and let the windows down. May fell asleep in her crate and I sped along the highway towards Sequim. I listened to all the songs on my iPod and then switched over to the radio once I reached the Oregon line. The trip would take me over 10 hours just to get me to Washington. I had a lot of driving to do. I made a few stops along the way to eat and see some of the sights. I stopped in Eugene, Oregon to sleep. I found a hotel near the 101 that seemed nice enough for the night.

  Just being in Eugene was a nice break from California. I could have stayed there, with its lush green hills and friendly people, but I had to keep moving. So after breakfast May and I hit the road. I did a lot of thinking just on the drive alone. I could write a book on the experiences I had in my puny little life. It was so bizarre. I wondered where Landon would be living, too. I had been thinking about him lately, especially on the drive. When you drive you tend to think about everything you shouldn’t. Landon hadn’t called me since my breakup so I guess we were no longer friends. I wondered what life would be like without him in it anymore.

  I had seen the sign for Interstate 5 and was entering Washington.

  “We made it, May!” I had turned to talking to my dog, but she let out a little bark and I knew she was happy to be with me as I took this new path.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Light

  Sequim, Washington was the most beautiful place I had ever seen in my life. I had seen beauty in California. With the redwoods, the ocean, Dallas’ eyes, and my future life with him, I had seen splendor and touched it. I lived it and now I was ready to let the beauty of my past go. I found my new place that night and settled in just fine. Once the day had come I woke up to a different world out my window. I still had a patio to watch the sunrise, but seeing it rise over the trees here wasn’t so bad. I didn’t once miss the bay. I did miss my friends though. I Skyped with Ianni as soon as I could and showed her my new place. She was ready to come visit me. She was jealous of my new surroundings. We talked and caught up on life in California even though only one day had passed. She seemed to feel it necessary to tell me all the gossip around.

  “Beau and I are going out to dinner tonight,” she said.

  “That’s good, where is he taking you?” I asked as I sipped my coffee.

  “He won’t tell me, but he says it’s an hour drive. I can’t wait!” She smiled and did a little dance. Seeing her on Skype was just as good as sitting with her at the kitchen table. We ended the call with lots of tears and kisses blown. I knew she would be fine; she was in good hands.

  

  I took a walk that morning and checked out the town. On the way in I saw a herd of Elk. I froze and was in awe of their massive size. I had never seen one this up close and personal. There were definitely possibilities here in this place. The lavender farm was where Astrid met me that day. We talked about everything except my paranormal life. She told me she had broken up with someone recently, too. I quickly learned that it was a woman named Holly. Astrid was a lesbian and I was the first friend she had told. She hadn’t even told Kerri. Turns out she was afraid of what everyone would think. I felt for her; she was holding onto a secret that she was dying to let go of.

  “You need to tell her,” I told Astrid as she chewed her fingernails. “She will not judge you.”

  “You’re right. I am super happy you’re here, Avery. You’re going to love it.” I knew then that what she said was true. I would love it. We made plans on taking a drive to the HOH River Trail. She told me it was the best place to get over someone. “Once you have hiked that trail, and let out all of that negative energy, you will reach the top and be over him.” I hoped she was right. I needed to do the hike.

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  I had moved here on a Saturday and started work at my new job that Monday. It wasn’t like Sunrise Estates at all. The feel was all wrong. The residents were now patients. They were not treated like people. They didn’t have their freedom like they should. I decided to stick it out and see how it went. I didn’t want to stay here long term, but I did need a paycheck. So until I found something better, I had to stay.

  That night as I was eating dinner and looking for a job in the local paper, I saw a familiar car pull into my driveway.

  “Hey, Astrid,” I called to her as I opened the front door. “What are you doing here?”

  “Came to plan our hike.” She came in and set down a bottle of wine on my kitchen table. “Man, you need to decorate in here.” She was commenting on my bare walls and plain house. I didn’t feel the need to hang anything up or paint the walls. If I did that would mean that I planned on staying here longer. I only wanted to use this place for a temporary home.

  “I think it’s perfect for me,” I admitted, grabbing the wine and getting the

  opener out. “It sort of explains my mood now.”

  “What, dull and boring?” she joked. I threw the cork at her and laughed.

  “No. I feel empty.” Her smile faded as she helped me with the glasses.

  “Which is why we need to go to the HOH. Once you go there you will come out a different woman, I promise.”

  “When did you go there?” Now I was curious what the HOH Rainforest did to change her life. I poured the wine and we sat on the couch.

  “Well, it’s sort of a boring story, but I wasn’t happy in a relationship I was in,” she paused. “With a man.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah, so I went on the hike and came out of the forest sweaty and tired. And I realized it was time to literally ‘come out’ and let my parents know that I was gay.” I smiled and lifted my glass.

  “Cheers to you for embracing who you are,” I said. We clinked glasses and we drank her wine. She was a good person and she wanted to help me find myself. I was in desperate need for it, too.

  “O
kay, how about tomorrow? You’re off work and so am I, so let’s go!”

  “Yes, let’s do it!”

  

  The drive to the HOH Rainforest was foggy and mysterious. A few times I would look down, out the passenger side of Astrid’s car, and see the drop below us. We were going up a seriously steep mountainside. As we went in deeper the moss on the trees started to get thicker and thicker. I could see why it was called the ‘Rainforest’. It resembled the real rainforest with its huge canopies that draped the trees above. We stopped a few times to look at some of the rivers that ran through the state forest. It was like being in heaven here.

  We finally reached the busy trail site that was bustling with tourists. I didn’t realize this place was so popular, but it was. People from all over came to see this river trail that I was about to embark on. Maybe they also wanted to achieve something. I thought about what I wanted to get out of today; to let go of Dallas just like he let me go, to let go of my past lives, to strive to focus on my future.

  I also wanted to forgive my dad for leaving me, and my mom for dying. I didn’t want to feel this way about them anymore.

  “Here it is, the HOH River Trail. Are you ready?” Astrid asked as she tightened her backpack around her shoulders. I checked mine as well and nodded. I was ready to start my new life, one step at a time.

  The trail started out slippery and wet, but as we walked deeper in it became dry. The canopy above us acted as an umbrella, shielding us from the rain. I had walked my first mile when I started really thinking about Dallas. I wasn’t mad at him for breaking up with me. I only wanted what was best for him because I loved him. He and I had a great relationship that started fast and furious, but we had burnt out too quickly. He was right when he said we fell in love too soon. We did. We should have dated longer before getting so serious.

  By mile three I didn’t think about him any longer. I was now thinking about Dedrick and Benjamin. I thought about how they were so miserable in the most peaceful, loving, and blissful place. Heaven. If they couldn’t be happy there then they couldn’t be anywhere. I decided it was time to forgive their miserable souls because they were not going to hurt me anymore. Neither would Sarafe. I sort of pitied her. I felt bad that she found love in someone like Dedrick, and now she had to go around making everyone pay. She got my pity and nothing more.