“Trevor!” His voice was full of concern. “Hey, are you okay? I just heard the cops had been called to your shop.”
“It’s fine,” I said, but I began to cry again as I filled him in on what happened.
“I’m coming over there. Just stay put.”
“No, please don’t. You have baby Raina to look after.”
“She can come with me. But it’s a good thing Jason has you set up with the security system. That man is determined to keep you safe.”
Speak of the devil. Jason walked in the front door at that moment, his brows furrowed. He strode over to me, lines etched into his face as he studied me.
“What happened. Are you okay?”
I couldn’t tell if Jason was worried or aggravated. He was wearing the same face he used to when he stood on the other side of the back fence and glared at me and the dogs.
“Kyle, I need to go. Jason’s here now. Everything is fine. Thanks for checking on me.” I ended the call, suddenly irritated that Kyle had known something happened and Jason hadn’t even bothered to answer his phone when I called.
“About time you showed up,” I remarked.
“What’s that supposed to mean? I saw the police when I pulled up and came running straight over.” He put his hands on my shoulders and looked me up and down. “Are you okay?”
“No, I’m not okay, Jason. I needed you and you weren’t here. All because you didn’t want to be around the dogs.”
“What are you talking about?” He looked completely flabbergasted, as well as upset. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here, but I told you I wanted to see Stacia.” He closed his eyes and took a breath, and then he looked at me. “Trevor, I’m sorry. Please tell me what happened,” he said, his voice softer now.
“I heard noises, out the back, and I was afraid because I was all alone. I tried to call you but you didn’t answer, so then I called the police.”
At least he managed to look chagrined at that. “I had no idea that’s why you were calling. I was saying goodbye to Stacia when my phone rang.”
Was he, or was that just another excuse? I didn’t know what to think anymore. I wanted to believe that was the truth, but he’d also ignored me most of the morning. What if he was starting to second-guess if he wanted to be with me? Just like I’d feared.
“Then what happened?” he asked, his hands tight on my arms.
Just as I started to tell him about the raccoon, the dogs started barking excitedly in the backroom. A client was arriving, no doubt. They were ready to greet their friend.
Jason didn’t seem to get that, however. He turned toward the playroom. “Shut up for one fucking minute!”
I gasped. “Jason!”
“What? Here I am worried sick about you and trying to get answers, and I can’t even think, much less hear you over that racket.”
“Oh, now you’re worried about me.” Anger flushed my cheeks in a rush. “Too bad you didn’t feel that way this morning when you didn’t even want to be around the dogs long enough to ride to work. Nope, you weren’t worried about me then. You weren’t worried about me last night either when you left me alone at the house after a really traumatic night.”
“Trevor, please…” he said, his eyes pleading for me not to go there right now.
“No. I’m tired of it. All of it. Pretending like this isn’t an issue when it obviously has been from the very first minute.” I was practically shaking now.
“Trevor—”
“Do you not get it? The dogs and I, we’re a package deal. End of story.” My gut clenched at the words. Was I really putting this out there? It felt a hell of a lot like an ultimatum—one I was giving myself. I didn’t want to choose between Jason and my dogs. Just the thought of it was impossible to comprehend. I would have said nothing could make me choose between them. Yet here I was, needing to make it abundantly clear my dogs came right along with me, and they were something I wouldn’t budge on.
He didn’t say anything for a moment, and my throat started to close up. When he just stared at me silently, waiting, I wondered if that was my answer.
I fought back my tears with difficulty but was determined not to cry in front of him. “It’s obvious you can’t accept—or hell, even compromise on—all the many things that make me who I am.”
I wasn’t just talking about the dogs now. All my insecurities were coming home to roost as I thought how Jason was proving all my fears correct. He didn’t love me unconditionally. Not like Bonnie and Clyde did.
I swallowed around the lump in my throat. I’d never believed someone would love me and accept me as I was. Until Jason. But now it was clear I’d been right all along.
“You’re just trying to push me away, Jason. Admit it. You’ve changed your mind, and now you’re using the dogs as an excuse to not be with me.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
But I didn’t want to hear it. “I won’t do this. I won’t accept your animosity toward Bonnie and Clyde. I never should have gotten involved with you in the first place. I should have known better, knowing how you felt about dogs.”
Jason looked as if he’d been slapped, his eyes wide with shock. In that moment I wondered if I was wrong about him. If I was wrong about everything. I had no idea what to think.
But from the look on Jason’s face, I was about to find out.
15
Jason
I was reeling, trying to process the words coming out of Trevor’s mouth. I couldn’t believe this.
“You can’t be serious right now, Trevor,” I said, trying to tamp down my anger and frustration. “You know better than that.”
“Do I, Jason? Do I really?”
I didn’t think I’d ever seen him this worked up before. There was a fire in his eyes that I didn’t like. Normally I found his willingness to stand up to me attractive, something that had drawn me to him in the first place. But this was too much. He was being ridiculous. He thought I was using the dogs as an excuse? Because I didn’t want to be with him?
“You ought to after all this time,” I replied, barely reining in my frustration.
“What I know is that you obviously can’t stand my dogs. But they’re part of who I am, Jason. You should know this. If you can’t accept me for who I am then I don’t even know how this can work.”
I took a step back, his words literally making me falter. Was he saying he didn’t know if we could be together? Yes, last night had been one huge clusterfuck, and I hadn’t handled it the best way. I knew that, but if he thought we couldn’t work through it… Well, it left me questioning everything.
Perhaps I’d hurt him further this morning by suggesting we ride to work separately. Fuck. I felt absolutely terrible he’d had another scare and I wasn’t here for him, but I hadn’t wanted to hurt him even more by telling him why I wanted to get Stacia on my own.
Keifer had told me Stacia was upset when she found out Bonnie and Clyde had destroyed her favorite shoes—Trevor had called her last night and told her. She’d wanted to wear a special dress to school this morning—her new favorite that Trevor had bought for her just last week—and she didn’t want it to get messed up on the ride to school.
I hadn’t argued, not wanting to be around the dogs any more than I had to, especially after what happened last night. I was at the end of my rope when it came to the dogs and their antics. Now Trevor was taking it personally, when it really didn’t have anything to do with him. It was all about the dogs. But he was right about one thing. The dogs came right along with Trevor.
I’d thought I could handle it, that it was worth it to have Trevor in my life. But what if this was how it was going to be from here on out? What if I never got used to having them in my house?
They were putting a strain on everything.
I knew I was hurting him, but he was hurting me right now as well. He obviously didn’t care enough about me to consider my feelings on the matter. He just expected me to deal with the dogs, to accept them as part
of our lives, when I really didn’t want to. I’d spent months and months pushing aside my concerns and uneasiness when it came to having them in the house. And he didn’t seem to care at all about how that affected me.
“What? You have nothing to say to that?” Trevor threw his hands up and pushed past me, muttering, “I should have known better.”
I grabbed his arm and spun him around. “Don’t walk away from me,” I told him, unease settling in my chest. I was afraid he might be irrational right now. I didn’t want him to say or do something we wouldn’t be able to get past.
He jerked his arm away from me and glared. “You don’t get to tell me what to do, Jason. You don’t control me. You may be my mate—” He said the word like it left a bitter taste in his mouth. “But that doesn’t give you the right to dictate my life.”
“Doesn’t it?” I asked, incensed. How could he throw the fact that we were mates around so loosely, like it didn’t mean anything to him? A knot formed in the pit of my stomach, and I felt sick.
My wolf prowled at the edges of my consciousness, uneasy and restless, and it only had me more worked up. The alpha in me surged to the surface.
“You’re my mate, Trevor. That’s how this works. I’m your alpha.”
He narrowed his eyes. “You haven’t claimed me, so no, you aren’t my alpha. And maybe that’s a good thing.”
“Is that how you really feel?” I asked, my voice dropping low. My alpha instincts pressed me to tell him he was wrong. That he belonged to me. He was mine. But I was also growing angrier by the second as he continued to silently stare at me, his body vibrating with tension. Then he nodded curtly.
“Yes. You’ve made it all too clear you can’t accept me, and I vowed long ago I would never be with someone who didn’t truly love me for who I am, and I’m tired of it being your way. I have a say in all this too, and I refuse to be a doormat.”
I shook my head. How could he think I didn’t love him for who he was? I loved every single thing about him. I growled in frustration, raking a hand through my hair. “I never said you didn’t have a say.” Did he honestly think I was making demands of him and forcing him not to be true to himself?
He straightened his shoulders and stood taller. “Good, then I’m having my say right now. I won’t keep pretending this is okay, Jason. I’m done playing this game. You don’t want the dogs around? Okay, fine. I’ve made up my mind then. You don’t have to worry about them any longer. How’s that sound? I’ll take them and move out, take them back to my house.”
I didn’t want to accept what he was saying, but there wasn’t any denying it. Trevor was showing me right now where his loyalties lay. And they weren’t with me. Hurt and denial came out in a burst of anger. “You do not give me an ultimatum, Trevor. I do, and it’s me or the dogs.”
Trevor’s face turned a deep shade of red, a vein in his forehead bulging. He clenched his jaw, staring back at me with more anger than I’d ever seen before from him.
“That’s an easy one. It’s the dogs.” He glared at me and pointed toward the door. “There you have it. You can go now. Get out of my daycare.”
I stared at him for several seconds that felt like much longer, unable to believe this. Then I spun on my heel and stalked from the shop. I stormed down the sidewalk and around the corner to my flower shop, my emotions churning.
How the hell could he say that? Do that? He was choosing the dogs over me, and he hadn’t even had to think twice. I hadn’t wanted it to come to this, hadn’t wanted to give him an ultimatum. And now I knew why. Because deep down I knew he would always choose the dogs over me. I’d never even been a contender for first place in his heart. His loyalty wasn’t to me.
And that hurt more than I could have possibly imagined. I pushed open the door of the shop and went straight to the back room to grab up some supplies to get to work. I didn’t want to think about this. I needed a distraction because if I sat around and really thought about what just happened, I might totally lose it.
But as I tried to work, all I could think about was Trevor. There was no getting him out of my mind, and knowing I’d just lost my mate stuck daggers through my heart. He’d chosen them over me. In that moment I knew I’d made a huge mistake by letting my guard down. I should have trusted my initial instincts when it came to falling in love, mate or not.
This was just the way things seemed to go for me. I was never anyone’s final choice. What made me think this time would turn out any differently? It had happened before, with Gary. He’d chosen someone else over me.
I’d thought it would be different because Trevor was my fated mate. They were supposed to be destined, but it looked like the only thing I was destined for was heartbreak. Trevor may not have cheated on me like Gary did, but he’d most certainly chosen another canine.
I should have seen it coming. Should never have let my walls down. Should have listened when that inner voice told me I’d never truly find someone I could trust. But I’d put all my trust in Trevor. In my mate. Thinking that if it came down to it, he would choose me.
I’d never been more wrong in my entire life.
Frustrated, I tossed the shears I was holding back into a drawer then paced the room. So much for distracting myself with work. How the hell was I supposed to get through this day when all I could think about was Trevor and the searing pain burning through my chest?
I could still sense him, just across the alley, my wolf connected to him, drawn to him. But he didn’t want to be my mate. He’d made that much clear. He’d tossed me aside in favor of his dogs.
The sting of that truth had me making up my mind. I had to get out of here. I couldn’t be here all day knowing he was just a hundred feet away. I shot off a quick text to Sarah to let her know I wasn’t opening up the shop today, and then I locked up and headed to my car.
I didn’t know where I was going, just that I had to get away, put distance between my mate and me. Because despite my hurt and anger, I still felt that pull. My wolf wanting to go to our mate, to fix this and make it right.
But there was no making it right. He’d made his choice.
I blasted music while I drove, trying to drown out my thoughts, but they wouldn’t go away. I kept driving, hoping the further away I got, the less I’d be able to sense him. It didn’t help. He was still right there, under my skin, deep in my heart. Part of my very soul. My wolf whined, begging me to go back to Trevor. I was bound to him, even if I hadn’t claimed him. He was having my baby. We were fated, meant to be. Yet we weren’t going to be able to make it work. That didn’t make the need to take care of him, protect and provide for him, any less. It was instinctive to want to take care of my omega, even if I’d never be able to truly claim him as mine.
Just then, a memory hit me. Stacia telling us how she didn’t want the baby to have to split its time between two dads like she did. My stomach clenched. It looked like I was going to fail in that department yet again. What did it say about me that I had two kids with two different men and couldn’t make a relationship work?
That I wasn’t good enough. That’s what it said.
Some of my anger subsided, the hurt and pain I’d tried to suppress coming up in its place. Maybe I wasn’t good enough to have someone as wonderful as Trevor, but I’d be damned if I didn’t do my job as an alpha and a father as best as I could, even if we weren’t together.
I turned my car onto the road that led north out of town toward the homestead, knowing what I had to do. In less time than it should have taken, I came to a stop in front of the Lodge in the center of the wolf compound. My heart thrummed painfully, dreading what I had to do next, but also knowing it was the right thing. I had to protect Trevor and the baby no matter what.
I climbed out of the car and headed straight inside to Jaxon’s office. If there was anyone who could help me here, it was my pack alpha.
I burst in without knocking, and Jaxon looked up at me in surprise. He was sitting on a sofa off to the side of the room, talking
to his father, who frowned in concern as he took in what had to be a pretty disheveled appearance.
They both stood, coming to me.
“Jason, what’s wrong?” Jaxon asked, his eyebrows drawn together in worry.
“Come, sit down,” Greer said, gesturing toward the sofas. “We were just talking about some pack business, but it can wait.”
Though Jaxon was our leader, he still consulted with Greer on a lot of things, doing just as fine a job as his father could have hoped.
“It’s good you’re both here,” I said with a sigh. “I need to talk to you.”
“You look like hell, man,” Jaxon said, reaching out and putting an arm around my shoulders. “Come sit down. Do you want some coffee or something?”
I shook my head and let him lead me over to the sofas. “No.” I wasn’t sure I could stomach it right now anyway. I already felt acid churning in my gut.
I sat and just stared at my hands on my knees for a minute, collecting my thoughts, trying to keep my cool. I didn’t want to break down in front of my former and current leaders.
“It’s over between Trevor and me. He’s moving out.”
Silence greeted my words, and when I looked up, Jaxon looked shocked. “What happened? You’re obviously not okay about this.”
I didn’t want to get into too much detail, but Jaxon already knew what happened last night. “There’s just some things we can’t move past,” I said.
He frowned, catching my meaning, and looked at his dad.
“Are you sure about that?” Greer asked. “Trevor seems like a great guy. And I’ve never seen you happier since you found him. And now you’re having a pup. Surely you can work it out.”
He looked just as worried as Jaxon, but his eyes held wisdom that only came from years of experience. Greer had raised Jaxon on his own, a single dad. I could see in his gaze he didn’t want that for Trevor and me. Though I co-parented Stacia with Keifer, I was still technically a single dad. I didn’t think I could do it again.
Doggone Daddy Page 13
