“I’m pretty sure,” I said, resigned, thinking about how adamant Trevor had been. The look on his face when he’d told me to get out of his shop. “But that’s why I’m here. The baby. Well, and him. I’m concerned about their safety.”
“Naturally,” Jaxon said. “Of course you’d want to protect your mate and pup.” He and his mate had a two-year-old little girl, Lori, so he knew what he was talking about.
“It’s not just that,” I went on. “With everything that’s been going on with the dragon shifters, the hell they’ve been raising around town. Trevor’s already fallen victim to them once. I won’t let it happen again.”
Greer nodded. “We were actually just talking about that. As you know, the second man who attacked Trevor has been apprehended, so now they’re both behind bars, but I understand how you’d be concerned about the dragon shifters who are still out there.”
I sighed in relief. “Does that mean you’ll help me then? I want to make sure he and the baby are safe, protected at all times even if I can’t do it myself.”
God, I hated that. But I knew Trevor wouldn’t stand for me insisting on being around watching over him. And I wasn’t sure I could handle being close to him knowing I couldn’t actually be with him.
Greer and Jaxon exchanged a glance. “You know we will,” Greer said. “We can make sure someone is watching his house and business until we know the threat has been fully taken care of. But Jason—”
I shook my head, not wanting to hear what I knew he was going to say. That I should be the one with my mate, protecting him and our child. I couldn’t bring myself to go into all the details, though.
So I simply thanked them and told them I’d let them get back to business. I left the office, still feeling on edge. I didn’t like knowing Trevor was alone at the shop right now, and a huge part of me wanted to go back and check on him. Another part knew that wouldn’t do any good. He’d made his choice. I had to respect it.
Agitation worked its way through me, my wolf making itself known, angry I wasn’t going back to Trevor. I strode out of the Lodge, but instead of getting in my car, I headed for the tree line.
I needed to let my wolf out. Go for a run to clear my mind. To escape from the barrage of emotions warring for control of my mind and body. Breaking into a run, I headed straight into the woods, shifting from two legs to four as I went. However, even as I ran through the forest as fast as my strong wolf legs would carry me, thoughts of Trevor plagued me, and the ache in my heart only grew stronger.
Idiot. That’s what I was. I should have known better from the very beginning. I never should have let myself fall for Trevor, mates or not. I knew how this would end up—with one or both of us hurt. And it had all come to pass.
Only it hurt a thousand times more than I ever thought possible because I’d never loved someone like I loved Trevor. If only I’d listened to myself in the first place, neither of us would be in this position. I wouldn’t be hurting or hurting him. In spite of all that, I couldn’t bring myself to regret it entirely. Even though we had no chance at a future, I’d gotten to experience what it was like to find my fated mate.
I pushed myself harder, running deeper into the woods, trying to escape the sense of loss I wasn’t sure would ever go away because how did I come back from finding my fated mate, only to lose him?
16
Trevor
I opened my front door, letting Bonnie and Clyde go in before me. They padded inside slowly, like they weren’t any more excited to be home than I was.
Two weeks. That’s how long it had been since I’d sent Jason out of my shop and out of my life. The two longest weeks imaginable.
I kept replaying everything over and over in my head, looking for an indication that it could have gone differently. If I’d said something different. If Jason had. The twenty-four hours prior to our break up had been so intense, so emotional. Was that why things had ended the way they did? Emotions strung tight, nerves on edge? I shook my head, dismissing the thought as I followed Bonnie and Clyde into my living room. It would have happened at some point, I was sure. Maybe we’d been a bit frayed at the edges that morning, but I knew we’d both spoken the truth in the heat of the moment.
Jason had given me an ultimatum. Him or the dogs. Something I’d always feared, dreaded from the beginning of our relationship. I should have known from the start it was too good to be true—hell, I’d thought it on multiple occasions.
Turns out I was right.
I stood in the middle of the living room, looking around. Even though I’d lived here for years, it didn’t feel nearly as homey since I’d moved back. It felt almost empty. Which was ridiculous because it had always just been the dogs and me. But I’d gotten used to living like a family.
It had been easy and natural, falling into that rhythm with Jason. Going to and from work together. Having breakfast together. Coming home in the evenings and spending time laughing and playing with Stacia, talking late into the night. Even just hanging out on the couch and watching movies. It had felt perfect.
So maybe it wasn’t so strange it felt extra lonely here now. There wasn’t the sound of Stacia’s laughter, Jason’s teasing, music playing as we danced and made dinner together.
I sighed and headed toward the kitchen. I needed to make dinner now. As I moved through the house, I noticed for the first time it actually looked emptier too. I hadn’t gone to Jason’s to get my things. While I had most of my furniture still here, all my personal items had been moved out to the homestead. I hadn’t been able to face the thought of seeing Jason again, knowing it would be too painful so I’d left them there.
I knew we’d have to see each other eventually. We’d somehow avoided seeing each other over the fence at work, but it wasn’t like I could avoid him forever. I was carrying his baby, after all.
I rested my hands on my stomach, which was finally starting to look more like a baby bump than another spare tire. I could feel the baby moving inside me, growing stronger every day.
My mind jumped back to a conversation I’d had with Jason not too long ago. We’d been lying on the couch, Stacia up in bed, and he had his arms around me, caressing my stomach.
“The baby is so strong,” I’d commented.
Jason had chuckled. “It’s because he’s a shifter.”
“He? How do you know it’s a boy?”
“Just have a feeling.” He’d leaned in and kissed my neck, his hand still on my belly.
When he’d ran his teeth along my neck, I’d moaned then spoken the words that had been floating in my mind for weeks. “I want to be a shifter too, Jason. Like you and the baby.”
He’d pulled his head back and looked me in the eyes, bringing his hand up to cup my cheek. “You’d be a beautiful wolf.”
Then he’d kissed me and we’d made love, never getting around to finishing that particular conversation.
My throat tightened now, thinking about it. I’d been so excited about the possibility. I truly wanted to be part of Jason’s life in every way. His mate, the father of his child, a member of his pack. And now, all of that was gone. I’d never have that chance. My chest ached at the loss, and not just at missing out on being a shifter. I missed Jason. I missed our life together. Everything we had and everything ahead of us. Like raising our baby. He moved inside me then, perhaps stretching in response to my thought of him. I loved feeling my baby move, but the bigger he got, the stronger he got, and it got a bit uncomfortable at times.
Because he was a shifter. I sighed. At least I would have a wolf baby, even if I would never be a wolf myself.
I rolled my head on my shoulders, trying to loosen my tight muscles, and then I started gathering food from the fridge. I needed to eat for the baby, even if I wasn’t enjoying food nearly as much as I once had.
I kicked off my shoes then got to work cooking. “You guys hungry?” I asked Bonnie and Clyde as I chopped vegetables.
They didn’t even lift their heads from the floor where the
y were sprawled out. Bonnie’s ear twitched, and Clyde huffed out a breath, but that was it.
“Lazier than ever,” I told them, trying to keep my mind off the fact that they seemed just as depressed as I did since we’d left Jason’s. Even though he didn’t care for them, they loved him and Stacia. They’d never been happier or more active than when we were living out on the homestead.
More than anything, I wished it wasn’t like this, but I still stood firmly by my choice. I hated there even had to be a choice because truly, how did you choose something like that? But over the past couple weeks, having replayed all our time together, I’d realized at least some of my fears had been unfounded.
Jason had loved me for who I was, accepting my weight—not caring at all, actually. He’d loved who I was. Made me feel secure in my own skin like I never had before. Made me feel safe and protected. The truth of that was bittersweet because I couldn’t blame the end of our relationship on him not actually accepting me, the way I’d accused him of.
I grabbed some leftover cooked chicken from the fridge then moved to the stove to sauté the vegetables I’d chopped, my mind on all the little things Jason had done over the months we’d been together. Things that showed me he truly cared.
The more I thought about it, the more my heart ached. Though I missed him, and I knew he loved me, ultimately it had come down to the dogs, and that hurt. If only he’d been able to love them and accept them…
“How about some chicken, guys?” I asked my huskies, needing to distract myself and not go down that route. I grabbed a few pieces of the cold chicken then set it down in their bowls. I flipped on the radio on my way past. Maybe music would help distract me.
It was set to Kyle’s love songs show, The Nightlight Love Lounge. Before I could change the station, the strains of “Wonderful Tonight” came through my speakers. I swallowed hard, remembering the night Jason and I had danced to it in our room—his room now. How he’d looked at me like he loved me more than anything in the world. How in that moment, I’d had no doubts whatsoever.
Tears flooded my eyes, and I turned the radio back off. I rushed through the rest of making dinner, and then scarfed it down as quickly as possible before going to take a shower.
Maybe I could relax and go to sleep early and avoid all these thoughts that seemed to be plaguing me even more than usual. When I got out of the shower, I found the dogs on my bed. Well, at least there was that. I’d missed sleeping with the dogs, something Jason had never allowed in his house.
“Hey guys,” I said softly, climbing into bed with them. It should have been perfect, but all I could think of was how much I really wanted Jason by my side as well. Tears welled up again, this time overflowing in hard sobs. Sensing my grief, Bonnie and Clyde cuddled in close, trying to comfort me.
“Soon we’ll have a new addition,” I said to them when I finally calmed down a bit. My emotions seemed to get the best of me even more these days. I rested my hands on my belly, feeling the baby moving again. “You two are going to have a little nephew.”
A pang of worry filled my chest—not for the first time. I’d been nothing but thrilled about the baby my entire pregnancy. Now I was scared. Scared of being a single dad, of raising this baby on my own, but also scared of being alone. Yeah, I’d have the baby and the dogs, and I’d always thought myself strong and independent, but I actually longed to have someone take care of me. An alpha, protecting and caring for his omega.
A sudden crack of thunder had me jumping and a scream tearing from my throat. Bonnie and Clyde whined and nuzzled up against me.
“Just a storm,” I whispered, smoothing along their heads like I was trying to reassure them. But they were the ones reassuring me. Fuck, I was afraid of everything now. The baby, being alone—I still had lingering fears from the attack, making me jumpier than I’d ever been—even a fucking thunderstorm.
I sighed, rolling to my side, snuggling up with the dogs, but all I wanted was Jason. As I closed my eyes I wondered if there was a way we could work this out. I wanted to think so. After all, in replaying all the times we’d had together, I’d realized he hadn’t been as terrible as I’d made him out to be when it came to the dogs.
Sure, he could get riled up unnecessarily, not understanding them and what they needed, but in spite of his own fears, he’d brought them into his home and his life. He’d given it an honest shot, tried to make it work. Could it still work?
I shook my head. Don’t go there.
He’d made his stance clear. I’d just have to figure out how to move forward. There had to be a light at the end of this dark tunnel at some point, right?
But the ache in my heart, the very real need to still have Jason in my life, made me doubt it. I just didn’t know how to go forward from here because how did I move on from the love of my life?
17
Jason
Everything’s good, man. Same as usual.
I read Jaxon’s text letting me know that Trevor had made it safely through another night.
Thanks for letting me know.
I was about to shove my phone in my back pocket when I noticed the bubbles jumping on my screen. Jaxon was typing something else.
How long are you going to keep this up? I thought you’d come to your senses by now.
With a sigh, I did put my phone away. I didn’t feel like replying to that because it was right on the mark.
Every single day of the past two weeks had been more miserable than the last. I missed Trevor like crazy. I found myself wanting to talk to him about anything and everything. We’d fallen into such an easy, natural rhythm over the months we’d been together. It was comfortable, in the best of ways. I’d been content for the first time in my life, feeling like I had everything I could want.
Then I’d gone and tossed it all away.
If one thing had become clear in the weeks Trevor and I had been apart, it was that I was a complete and utter idiot.
I’d let the only man who ever truly loved me just walk right out of my life. I’d made him choose. And I was starting to wonder if I’d forced his hand unnecessarily.
Last night had been particularly hard as I’d lain in bed and thought of Trevor. The house had been so empty and silent. Stacia had been at Keifer’s, so I’d been all alone to wallow in my thoughts. Remembering what it was like to pull Trevor against me, to hold him in my arms all through the night, and how it felt when our baby moved.
I missed the sound of his laughter, his teasing remarks, the way he’d made my whole house—hell, my whole life—come alive in a way it never had before. Making each day brighter. And now I felt like I was living in the shadow of what could have been.
And all because of two dogs.
I huffed out a breath and grabbed my keys. I needed to get Stacia and take her to school then head in to work. I didn’t have time to stand around feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t get that privilege because I’d been the one to do this. I saw that now.
I’d tried to convince myself Trevor was the one at fault because he hadn’t chosen me, when really I’d been an ass for giving him the ultimatum in the first place.
On the drive over to Keifer’s, the silence in the car stood out starkly against the constant chatter that had been the norm when Trevor and I drove to work together. I wanted him with me.
At this point, I was having a hard time remembering just why I’d thought the dogs were so bad to begin with. If I was being honest, they were good dogs as dogs went. Well behaved almost always. Gentle and friendly, even submissive to me. I hadn’t felt afraid around them once they’d moved in, and I’d started to get used to them.
It was more the idea of them that had infuriated me. Not just Bonnie and Clyde, but dogs in general. I’d spent so much of my life afraid of them, hating them. And I’d let that cloud my judgment when it came to Trevor’s huskies.
Stacia absolutely loved them, and they obviously loved her. They looked after her, played with her, protected her. They’d become her con
stant companions when she was at my house, the best of friends. I’d never seen her happier—it was everything she’d ever hoped for to have dogs of her very own.
I hadn’t just hurt Trevor through all of this. I’d hurt my baby girl too. She’d been so angry when I’d told her, and then had sunk into a quiet, reserved state after that. I’d never known her to be so withdrawn, and it was starting to worry me. Worse, I was starting to realize I could have avoided all of this if I hadn’t let my fears rule me. I knew now I was just using the possibility of the dogs being dangerous to keep from facing my fears head on.
It was easier to dislike them. But not all dogs were like the one who’d attacked me when I was young. Bonnie and Clyde least of all. Sure, their fur got everywhere, but that was a small price to pay for the happiness they brought Trevor and Stacia. It was destroying the house that had made me question if they were dangerous. However, I, of all people, should know they’d acted out that night for a reason. My wolf instincts were sharply tuned to any sense of danger. It made sense the dogs’ instincts were as well. They’d known something was off with Trevor.
I didn’t like that they’d responded the way they had, destroying the house, but I understood it now I was thinking more clearly. Trevor had been scared that night, nearly to the point of panic. I’d seen it all over his face.
Bonnie and Clyde had sensed it. Who knows, maybe they’d thought he was in danger or even that I was hurting him, and they’d lashed out. It made more sense than them suddenly turning into feral, unpredictable animals.
I sighed as I pulled up in Keifer’s driveway. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I’d ruined this. The look on Trevor’s face when he’d told me to leave his shop that fateful morning was something I couldn’t forget. He’d been furious that I’d made him choose. I wasn’t sure he could ever forgive me for that.
But what if he did?
The thought came unbidden, along with a glimmer of hope in my chest. Was I seriously thinking this?
Doggone Daddy Page 14
