A smile crosses my face, and as I turn to look at Ati, she looks to me, reaching for my hand and threading her fingers with mine.
“Okay, food is all prepped, Bane’s just cleaning the grill,” Liam advises.
My father moves around my mother. “Maybe I should go check to see if Bane needs some help. You know, I was—,”
As if on cue, we all shout out, “the County Pitmaster Champion four years in a row.”
My father turns to us with a raised brow, “And don’t you all forget it.”
He walks off, and Thea turns to my mother. “I hope he doesn’t completely take over the grill. Bane was really excited about trying the rub he made for the steaks, and being able to cook them on his new barbeque.”
My mother shrugs. “Love, it’s in God’s hands now, because I sure as heck am not going to get between those two and a battle of, my grill is bigger than yours.”
Brock shoots up from his chair. “Now that I need to see.”
As he walks off, Ati instantly senses the release of the tension I’ve been holding. She’s just about to say something when Quinn and Abe walk in through the gate.
“Let the festivities begin. We have arrived, and we brought a crapload of wine,” Quinn calls out as he makes his way over to us.
“Now, those are my kind of party guests,” Ginny says. Quinn lets out a chuckle as Ginny frees up his arms so he can give a proper hello to everyone.
My mother sits up a little straighter. “Quinn, love, who’s the dashing young man at your side?”
Abe moves in closer, offering my mother his hand. “Abe Jefferies, ma’am.”
“Or, as we like to call him, Quinn’s better half,” Ati shouts out.
My mother’s eyes light up, and she shoos Abe’s hand away. “Well then, you’re almost like family, and in this family, we hug.” She opens up her arms to him, and he instantly obliges.
“Bet you didn’t think you were going to get this much action at a family picnic,” Gwen says.
Abe lets out a laugh. “My mother is one of five girls, and I was the only boy they had. There wasn’t a family get together that I wasn’t hunted down, cheeks squeezed, and the newest shade of rouge lipstick covered my forehead.”
“That’s how you know you come from a good family,” my mother says, tapping Abe on the arm. “Now, please, both of you grab some drinks and make yourselves comfortable because now that everyone is here, the games can begin.”
***
“Slow and steady wins the race, buddy. That’s it. Good job. Almost there. Almost there. A couple more feet. You did it. Cal, we won,” I call out as we cross the finish line.
My little nephew looks up to me with saucer-like eyes. “We did? We did, we did. Me and Uncle Ben won.”
I can’t help but smile at the excitement of my nephew, then shortly after the cheers of all the others crossing as well, followed by chuckles.
“Come on, Sammy, focus. You can finish your piece of watermelon when we get to the finish line,” Ati pleads with the three-year-old, but his focus remains on juicy bite after juicy bite.
“He’s actually got some excellent coordination. He’s managed to eat and keep that egg on that spoon without faltering once,” Kai calls out.
Ati looks up. “Great, now if I could just get him to not pause every time he takes a bite.”
“Sammy, love, look at Grams.” My nephew looks up to my mother, and she continues. “If you can get over here without dropping the egg, I’ll boil it up for you with some toast later.”
He looks up to Ati, down to the spoon, and without any further coercion, he quite gracefully and successfully makes his way across the finish line and over to my mother, placing the egg in her hands.
“Thank you, love.” He smiles up to my mother, then walks away happily, eating his watermelon.
“Why did I not think of that. We could have won the race,” Ati says.
Kai lets out a slow whistle. “Never mind the race. With his grace and the right kind of motivation. We may have a football player on our hands, ladies and gentlemen. Did you see that hustle?”
Gwen smiles. “Yep, that’s my boy. All we would need is the NFL to change the football to a hoagie and let Gram’s on the other end of the field promising to bake him cookies after.”
Everyone erupts in laughter, and as my father rounds the corner and shouts out, “Foods ready,” once again, Sammy dashes off.
“Seventeen more years and that kids going to be a goldmine,” Kai lets out as he pats my brother Liam on the back.
Liam scoffs, “Fantastic, then he can afford to pay for his own groceries because, at this rate, my boy is literally going to eat me out of house and home.”
***
After dinner, everyone helped clean up and package the leftovers, then Gwen Eugenia and Grace got the boys changed into some warmer clothes as the night air started to get a little chillier.
“Fire’s going,” I mention as I make my way into the kitchen of my sister’s house. “Is there anything else you need help with, Thea.”
My sister looks up to me and smiles. “No, it’s pretty much all done, thank you. Now, we can grab a seat and just relax.”
“Sounds perfect to me. So, Bane really loves this whole domesticated life.”
Thea chuckles. “You have no idea. He’s been looking at buying an RV so we can have family summer vacations down south.”
“Bane and RV, two words I can honestly say I would have never thought I would have heard in the same sentence, let alone with the word buying,” I remark.
“I know, right? But he’s really excited about the idea, so much so, that I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it’s going to be a couple of years before we do any traveling like that with a little one. Also that there is no way he is parking an RV in my driveway.”
I laugh. “Yeah, you may want to break that to him gently.”
Thea finishes up with the last of the dishes and leans up against the counter. “So, things are going well with Ati?”
“Yeah, they are.” I move in beside my sister, leaning up against the counter. “It feels good, Thea—it feels right.”
She leans her head on my arm. “I’m happy for you, Benny. You deserve this. Now, if you can just get over whatever your hang-up with Brock is, your relationship will flourish.”
I step to the side and look to my sister. “I don’t have a hang-up with Brock.”
“Oh, really? So, that constant sneer you had plastered across your face when you were staring at him sitting beside Ati was nothing?”
“I wasn’t sneering.”
“Yeah, you were.” Thea looks to me. “Ben, you have to let it go. Brock’s a great guy.” She turns to grab the bowl to her side filled with marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate, then turns back to me. “Give him a chance.”
“But what if their relationship turns into something more?”
Thea lets out a chuckle. “If their hook-up didn’t lead into anything more, I don’t think you have to worry now.” Thea pats me on the shoulder as she walks past me to the back door and heads into the yard, leaving me completely frozen in my spot.
“Their hook-up?”
Anger, confusion, betrayal. I have no idea what I am feeling right now, but what I do know is that I don’t like it. I look out the kitchen window into the yard where all the men are setting up the chairs for the bonfire, and there he is smiling and laughing away. The heat in my body doubles.
“Hey, there you are.”
Her voice normally would give me a sense of calm, but right now, all I feel is anger. I turn to her, and she senses it right away.
“Ben, what’s wrong?”
“Is it true?”
She looks to me, confused. “Is what true?”
“Did you sleep with Brock?” The hesitant breath escaping her lips is all the answer I need. “Fantastic.”
Ati moves toward me, but I take a step back, stopping her. “Ben, it was a long time ago, there is nothing betwe
en us now.”
I look to her. “You didn’t think this was something you should tell me?”
“It was one time; we had been drinking.”
I laugh. “Well, well, I guess he hasn’t changed as much as you think.”
“It wasn’t like that, Ben, I knew what I was doing.”
“And you think that makes me feel better, Ati?”
She looks to me with pained eyes. “Ben, please, let’s talk this out.”
“There’s nothing to talk out, and even if there was, I don’t know that I could. This is not the type of drama I need right now.”
“Drama?” She questions in a heightened tone.
“You know what I mean. I have too much going on right now with work and the house. This was supposed to be easy. No obstacles in the way anymore, just the two of us together, but now I find out I’m contending with him...your first. A guy who apparently still plays a role in your life. I’m not doing it, Ati. I’m not going to go through this relationship second-guessing where I stand.”
Her eyes widen. “Oh my god, you are reading way too much into this, Ben. Did I sleep with Brock? Yes. Did it turn into something more? No, and it never will. But are we friends...family? Yes. I won’t turn my back on him because of your insecurities.”
“Wow, okay. Thank you for that clarification.” I give her a nod and turn to walk off.
She grabs my arm, stopping me.” Where are you going?”
I look to her. “I told you, I can’t. Ati—I just can’t.”
Chapter Nineteen
-Matilda-
“Ati, sweetie, are you okay?”
I can hear the voice calling out to me, but the haze I’m in isn’t allowing me to move, let alone see who is trying to get my attention.
I just can’t.
Is he serious?
Is he honestly, after all this, just going to walk away from us because of who I’ve been with before? It’s not like he’s a saint.
What the hell just really happened?
“Ati?” The voice calls to me again.
I turn away to try and gain some control over what composure I have remaining. I’m not going to fall apart here, not in front of all these people—in front of my sister. My sister—that’s all I need right now, an, ‘I told you so.
I take a deep breath and turn, but it’s no use; the pain is written all over my face.
“Shit. Ati, are you okay?”
Grace is standing before me, concern written all over her face. Does she know something? Did he run out there and mention to the whole family what just happened?
She steps toward me, resting a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Do you want me to get Gwen?”
That brings me out of my trance instantly. “No. Not my sister. Not anyone.”
“Ati, you’re scaring me. What’s going on? At least tell me. I promise I won’t say anything.”
I look up to her. Gentle Grace. It’s as though just by the pain she is reading on my face, her heart is breaking along with mine. “I think he just ended things with me.”
My words change her expression from concern to confusion. “Ben?” I nod in confirmation. “What? Why? Are you sure?”
Nodding, I take in another deep breath. “He knows.”
“About?”
“Brock and I. About us being together.”
Grace’s brow pinches. “Are you telling me he has an issue with the fact that you slept with Brock almost a decade ago. Like, for real?”
I nod. “Like, for real.”
“That idiot. And here I thought Ewan was the one that was the most oblivious of all those men. Apparently, I was mistaken.” When I look to her again, the once soft sympathetic expression has turned cold and weighty. Her hand gives my shoulder a squeeze. “Ati, don’t stress yourself out over this. He’s an asshat, and he’ll learn that he’s acting like a whiny little bitch soon enough, just like they all do.”
“Whiny little bitch?”
“Oh, yeah. Us Adair women have all experienced it at one time or another. It’s an ‘oh woe is me’ moment for the men. It can last for hours, sometimes even a couple of days, if they have a man cave to retreat to. But they eventually realize it’s not all about them, and come crawling back apologizing.”
I let out a soft chuckle, but then, the look on Ben’s face before he walked away flashes before my eyes. “I don’t think this is one of those moments, Grace. You didn’t see him. You didn’t see the brokenness. He was hurt.”
She closes her eyes, letting out a sigh. “That’s why he left.”
“Great, now they’re all going to know something is up.”
“No, I think I was the only one that saw him sneak away. But he wasn’t heading to his car. Ati, I think he may have just gone for a walk to clear his head.” I look to her, and she gives me a reassuring smile.
“Yeah, maybe,” I reply, but we both know this is more than Ben just trying to clear his head.
Grace gives me a little tug. “Come on, the fire’s going. Just sit back, relax, and try to enjoy the rest of the evening. He’ll be back soon enough, having had time to think things through, then you guys can fix this. Okay?”
I nod and follow her out—I really hope she’s right.
***
Grace wasn’t right. Ben never returned that evening, at least, not before everyone packed it in for the night, with Abe and Quinn finally convincing me to head home with them. Thankfully, no one else noticed there was anything going on. If they did, they knew better than to ask me what was up. I was on the verge of falling apart that night, just as I have been doing for the past three days; that is when I don’t have to put on a ‘my life is peachy’ front for work.
Quinn walks into the breakroom sitting across from me at the table. “How are you holding up?”
I look to him, trying to offer a reassuring smile. “On the outside, just fine. The inside, that’s a completely different story. I want to crawl into that bunk there, and just fall apart.”
“Has he returned any of your calls?”
“No. No returned calls. No returned texts. My next step is to send a carrier pigeon, just to see if it would throw him off enough to get him to open his eyes and see he’s being stupid.”
Quinn lets out a chuckle. “Well, at least you haven’t lost your sense of humor.”
“At this point, it’s the only thing I have left to keep me going. I lose that, and I will most definitely fall apart, inside and out.” I take a deep breath. “It’s different this time than it was the last; when he ended things that is.”
“Ati, he didn’t end things.”
“‘I just can’t do it’—those were his exact words. That sounds pretty final to me.”
“Okay, maybe. But he was angry. Upset. He thought you were intentionally holding something back from him about someone he’s jealous of.”
“Jealous?” I shake my head at Quinn’s word choice.”
He lets out a laugh. “Did you think it was something else?”
I take into consideration what he is saying, but Ben’s not the jealous type. Is he?
“He’s angry, sure, and doesn’t like the idea that I’m still friends with Brock, and even less that I refuse to end it, just because he doesn’t like him. I mean, that’s not wrong, right? Brock hasn’t done anything to warrant that kind of treatment. He doesn’t deserve to be outcast because Ben doesn’t like him. We are all he has, all of us, not just me. He has no other family. He’s as close with Gracie and Thea as he is with me. We just relate better because of work.”
“Are you serious right now? You don’t see it, do you? Ben is jealous. Insecure and jealous. And honestly, in a way, I can see why. When you’re with Brock, you’re relaxed, and it’s as though the relationship takes you no effort. With Ben, it’s different. It’s as though you always have to be in alert mode. Like you’re waiting for the shoe to fall.”
I’m lost. What is Quinn implying? “Are you saying that Ben and I aren’t a good fit?”
“No. Not at all. I think you two are perfect for each other, and you know you are. But Ben’s a man. All that he notices is that you seem to be more comfortable around the guy who he still has reservations about, then with him. And on top of that, he comes to find out the said man has more of a connection with you than he had thought,” Quinn explains.
“It’s not more of a connection. We slept together because I was mooning over how tragic my life was. Actually, not even tragic, more like non-existent. All I did was school, sleep, more school then more sleep. For real, Quinn, when that all happened, I felt like I was frozen in time. I was a twenty-two-year-old virgin who saw that she had another six to ten years of the same lifestyle. He joked around that he could help me out. But when I thought about it, it didn’t sound like a half-bad idea. The perfect transaction. He was a friend, far better than hooking up with some random.”
“Wow, okay. You just made sex sound so mechanical and clinical.”
I shrug. “At the time for me, it was. You don’t get it, Quinn. After my first go around with Ben at a relationship, I knew there would never be another chance to feel what I felt with him. To me, it didn’t really matter that my first time should have been with someone I truly loved because, at the time, I didn’t think it would ever happen. So, instead, I settled for someone I trusted.”
“Ati, I think you need to tell Ben that.”
I let out a muffled groan. “That’s what I’ve been trying to do, but he won’t answer any of my calls.”
“Then don’t give him a choice. Corner him. Go to his work and nail him down...figuratively speaking. Well, unless you're into that whole workplace office hanky-panky.”
I look to Quinn. “Hanky-panky? Really?”
“What? That’s what my nan used to call it when she would give me the talk about the birds and the bees,” Quinn defends.
“Your nan gave you the sex talk?”
Quinn nods his head proudly. “Sure did. When I first told my parents about being gay, it’s not so much that they shunned me or anything, but it did take some time for them to fully understand and come around. However, my nan jumped right in feet first, even went out and found all the research she could, then sat me down and gave me the talk.”
Ben & Matilda- Infinite Promise Page 17
