by Nicky James
Inside, I scanned the crowd frantically. His last dance set would have ended a while ago, I knew I wouldn’t find him, but I looked nonetheless. Three full scans of the lower level and I came up dry. He was nowhere to be seen.
I shoved my way through the congestion, uncaring that I was knocking into people and how much it would have bothered me if I was in a calmer state of mind. At the bar, I caught hold of the arm of one of the dancers I knew as A.J. A man Soren frequently danced with and who he spoke highly of.
When I grabbed him, he turned to me in confusion, but the moment he saw who it was, his face hardened.
“Where is Soren?” My chest hurt from the assault of my heart.
“Soren is unavailable this evening. Can I get you a drink? I’m sure I could find you a table somewhere. I know you are one of Donny’s VIPs”
Donny had those boys so trained it was frightening to watch how quickly they became shells of themselves. Acting so robotic and unnatural.
“I’m not a goddamned VIP. Where is he? Please.”
His stoned expression faltered and he dashed a look to the back doors. “Listen, man, Soren’s not around tonight. Just let it go. You cause a problem, Donny won’t let you come back.”
I followed his gaze, the cold wash of fear slicking my skin. “Is he back there?”
A.J’s gaze returned to mine and he shook his head. Narrowing my eyes, he spoke before I could answer. “I know you have a thing for Soren, but you have to remember, this is his job. He won’t always be available. Take a night off. Come back tomorrow.”
Those men didn’t know, because Soren hadn’t told them. They assumed I was no different than all the slime they dealt with every weekend.
A.J smiled apologetically and grabbed the tray of drinks he’d been given before disappearing into the crowd. I scanned the room, not knowing what to do. My panic escalated as I tried to think.
When I caught sight of Ashton, he stared back with wide brown eyes. The man he often danced with had his arms around his waist from behind, whispering something in his ear. When the man finished saying whatever he had to say, he too met my gaze and Ashton’s lips firmed. He nodded before averting his gaze to the floor.
Without a second thought, I dashed through the bar toward the secured entrance to the backroom. Before I got there, a hand snagged my arm, stopping me and pulling me to a halt. “Don’t do it.”
It was the man who’d been talking to Ashton.
“Let go of me.”
The guy was significantly more toned than the other dancers and his grip didn’t loosen.
“Who the hell do you think those bouncers over there work for? Idiot.”
He dragged me toward the front doors and when I resisted, he sneered.
Outside, the guy seemed completely unaffected by the cold air even though he wore nothing more than the typical dance wear; shorts and boots.
When I went to speak, he moved into my personal space so swiftly I stumbled back a few steps. There was no intimidation, just pure instinct to keep a distance from other people.
“I’m gonna say this fast, because I can’t be out here. You know well enough what our job entails. Ash tells me you are different. Now, I don’t know you and I don’t trust you, but I trust Ash, so listen to me. If you really care, then don’t go in there causing problems because Donny has a lot of connections. Soren knows how to handle this shit. He’s been here a long time.”
I stared into the man’s green eyes as they radiated their warning.
“But he’s not happy here. He’s miserable.”
“Buddy, we’re all miserable.” With that he turned and headed back inside, leaving me in the cold night.
I stood for a minute, stunned, unsure how to proceed. I pulled my phone out and checked the time. It was one thirty-five. Technically the club closed in less than a half and hour.
The green-eyed man’s words rolled around inside my head. “Soren knows how to handle his shit.” Maybe, but I also remembered that underlying fear I’d once seen in Soren’s eyes. It was enough to curdle my stomach.
I paced out front of the club, not knowing what else to do. Time ticked by at an insultingly slow rate and my worry increased with each passing minute.
Just shy of two, people began filtering out of the bar and staggering in all directions. They were loud and boisterous, mostly drunk, and without a care in the world.
Just when I was deciding to return inside because Soren would be technically done working, Ashton emerged and stood off to the side of the entrance, looking uneasy. His thin arms wrapped tight around his body, but it was the weariness in his eyes that nearly crushed me.
“He’s around back.” His voice was small and once the words spilled from his mouth he shot around and returned inside.
I didn’t wait, my feet ran before my mind had time to even fully process. The back exit was where I departed every night. I was familiar with the alley and rounded the corner in no time.
He wasn’t alone.
A.J, the green-eyed man with the muscles, and another man with black spiked hair whose name I didn’t know were with him. The first thing I saw was A.J pinning him to the wall and Soren frantically struggling, clearly trying to push him off. The black-haired guy I didn’t know was yelling at A.J.
“Just give him something to calm him the fuck down before Donny comes out here and we all get in shit.”
A.J shoved the man out of his face and again slammed Soren against the brick wall. That time Soren grabbed two fists full of his own hair and screamed. His words unclear. “Take a deep breath and look at me, Sor. Relax. Relax,” A.J was saying.
Soren struggled against him and tried to fight.
I couldn’t run fast enough.
“Let go of him,” I yelled before I made it all the way down the alley.
Three heads shot in my direction, everyone except Soren who was too busy fighting A.J’s hold.
A.J let go of Soren and moved toward me a few paces. “Not tonight, man. Seriously, take off. He’s not good.”
As he spoke the green-eyed man grabbed Soren’s arm and pulled his head around to see me. The moment Soren’s eyes landed on mine, he shot off the wall and barreled through A.J, pushing him aside.
I only had a fraction of a second to register the venom in Soren’s eyes before he slammed into me, shoving me with all his might.
“You fucking left me!” he screamed. Two fists pounded into my chest repeatedly as he cried and yelled. “You promised me. You fucking promised me. Where were you? You fucking left me here after you promised.” Each slam of his fists and raw hollered rage had me backing up while I tried to maintain my footing.
He threw himself at me again, every ounce of his strength and emotions at their peak and aimed in my direction.
Tears poured down his cheeks as he continued to beat on my chest, begging to know why I’d left him alone when I’d promised I’d be there. Behind him, his friends stood stunned. I grabbed Soren’s wrists to prevent further attack and pulled him backward into my arms even when he resisted. I held him tight to my body, his shaking radiating through to my core.
“Caro, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He fought and tried to pull free, head thrashing back and slamming into my shoulder. I shushed in his ear, his hysteria shattering my heart. “Caro, breathe. I’m here now, I’m so sorry. It was out of my control. Shh.”
His body convulsed with his anguish, but as I spoke to him and stroked his head, his fight lessened. Eventually all that remained were blubbered words, barely understandable around his tears. “You didn’t come. You left me here. You promised.”
All I could do was hold him as the shuddering remains of his anguish slowly petered off. Eventually, he turned in my arms and clung to me, the trembling through his body all that remained of his mania. “I’m so sorry, Caro. I’m so sorry.”
I didn’t know what else to say. The overwhelming sensation of having been gutted was too much to bare. I’d failed him. I’d promi
sed.
His skin was cold against me and his trembling soon turned to shivers. He wasn’t dressed for the weather. I peered up. Three men had become four. Ash had joined them and they looked on with uncertainty.
“Does he have clothes? A bag? Something?”
Ash spoke cautiously, not taking his eyes from me. “I need his locker combination. I can’t get in it.”
I nodded and turned Soren’s head so he looked at me. His blue eyes were vacant and staring, like he’d crawled inside himself and shut out the world.
“Mio tesoro,” I said, stroking his cheek, “what is your locker combination?”
His lips moved and his words whispered across his lips. “Two. Sixteen. Twenty-One”
I repeated it to Ash who then flew back inside. As I waited, I held Soren tighter, trying to cover his bare arms and prevent the chatter that had taken over his body.
“Here.” I held him back a moment and removed my coat before wrapping it around his shoulders.
He barely registered, but the instant it was secured, he returned to my arms. His next breath shuddered out and he buried himself deeper into my chest. He was so small in my arms, smaller than I ever remembered him being and I felt so helpless. Without a second thought, I picked him up and his legs automatically wrapped around my waist. He didn’t resist and rested his head on my shoulder.
“You are never coming back here, Caro. This is over. That I can promise you.”
Ashton came out the back door with Soren’s backpack which he promptly handed over. My gaze fell from one man to the next in turn. None of them were very old and each one of them carried an element of distrust for me in their eyes. I could hardly blame them.
“He’s safe with me. I swear it.”
Ashton’s hand slipped into the green-eyed man’s, the one who I’d had a word with out front earlier. That man was the one who answered for them all. “He better be,” he warned.
With Soren wrapped around me, I fit his bag onto my shoulder and retraced my steps out front and down the road to my car.
He’d fallen silent. No more tears fell from his eyes and he hung limp in my arms.
The drive to my apartment was endless. It was the middle of the night, so traffic was minimal but the need to just get Soren inside and see if he’d talk made everything feel as though it were happening in slow motion.
He stared out the window, still lost in himself. He hadn’t uttered a single word since we’d left the alley. Halfway home, he leaned his head against the side of the car and closed his eyes. By the time I parked, his breathing was deep and I was sure he’d fallen asleep. I was wrong. The instant the engine fell silent, he lifted his head and looked around.
I got out and met him at his door. He was already getting out and had snagged his backpack. Unsure how to approach him, I offered my hand and he took it without hesitation and let himself be guided toward the entrance.
“The elevator is out. We need to take the stairs.”
He didn’t respond, simply followed in step beside me, gripping tight to my hand.
Once upstairs, I unlocked the door and ushered him inside. He stood statue-still in the front hallway as I removed my shoes. He made no effort to do the same.
His blue eyes stared at the wall in front of him. I removed the backpack from his shoulder and turned his chin up.
“Caro,” I whispered, “come have a shower, okay?”
His vision came into focus for the first time and the man looking back at me was surrounded in an aura of misery.
“Okay,” he said, the single word nothing more than a breath of air.
He balanced himself with a hand on the wall and slowly worked to unbuckle his boots. I hesitated leaving him, but went to the bathroom to arrange some toiletries.
From the hall closet, I chose a fluffy grey towel and washcloth and set them on the counter in the bathroom. Then, I retrieved a bathrobe from my bedroom closet since any of the clothes I had would be miles to big for his slender frame. I hung it on a hook for him behind the door.
Only then did I notice how badly my hands shook. I braced myself on the edge of the counter and took a few deep breaths of my own to try and center myself. I needed to know what had happened. Watching the way those other men had reacted, and finding Soren the way I had, left a bad taste in my mouth and my imagination was getting away from me.
When I lifted from where I leaned, I startled to find Soren in the doorway.
His gaze found mine and held. He was regaining himself. I wanted to touch him, but feared it may not be a good idea. “Shower, Caro. Is there anything I can get for you?”
He scanned the bathroom before finding my face again. “Tea?”
I expected him to want something stronger, but I didn’t argue.
While he showered, I boiled a kettle and prepared two mugs of tea. Never in my life had I felt so scattered. The spoon I collected from a drawer, in case he wanted sugar, dropped from my hands twice, clattering to the counter before I managed to place it on the tray. When I poured the boiled water into the teapot, my trembling caused it to splash and drip down the edge of the pot.
By the time everything was transferred to a tray and moved to the coffee table in the living room, I needed to pace.
Soren emerged from his shower with my robe tied around his waist and he shuffled into the room seeming uncomfortable.
“Please, sit.” I motioned to the couch, and he hesitated before taking up residence in the far corner with his feet tucked under his bottom.
I sat beside him, but ensured I gave enough space he wouldn’t be overwhelmed. I poured us both a mug of tea and placed his on a coaster close to him. He watched silently. When I had nothing more to occupy my hands, I faced him.
“I’m so sorry, Caro. The elevator broke while I was in it, I spent over two hours trying to get to you. I hope you know I would never have left you like that. When I make promises, I keep them.”
His eyes fell to the cushion between us so I worked up the nerve to lift his chin with a careful finger. He didn’t resist.
“Tell me what happened, if you can. I need to know.”
He searched my face, gaze darting around with uncertainty and his mouth opened to speak a few times, but nothing came out. I cautiously stroked a thumb along his jaw and waited for him to be ready.
“You didn’t come. Donny wanted me to… he told me I needed to… work with other people tonight. I told him I didn’t want to, which I shouldn’t have done, because I know better than to be mouthy with him. So… he… he…” Soren pulled from my hold and lowered his gaze to his lap. “Donny likes to ensure we remember who’s in charge. Likes to remind us of our place and… and that he keeps us off the street.” He drew circles on his bare knee which poked out of the robe. “It’s been well over a year since I made him upset. I should have kept my mouth shut. I know better.”
The vile taste in my mouth was like poison and my face soured at the implications of what he was saying, but I needed to push through and get as much information as he would share.
“Did he put his hands on you?”
A small nod followed.
“Did he violate you?”
No movement, but there was a pause while he thought of his answer. “Not exactly. You don’t tell Donny no. The customers who come and get their special privileges behind closed doors, we allow them whatever they want with some freedom to draw a few boundaries if we choose. But then… there’s Donny. He… he keeps us employed with a roof over our heads… for a price. You don’t deny him if he asks… you just… don’t. Since day one, we all learn that and we all obey him.”
His words tumbled through my brain with enough violence, I wiped at my face to try and slow them.
He went along with it. He allowed it. Thinking he didn’t have a choice or a say.
But, I could tell from looking at him and hearing him speak, he’d wanted no part of it. “It’s been well over a year since I made that mistake.”
Wait… “Since day on
e, we all learn that and we all obey him.”
Alarm bells rang in my ears with almost enough shrillness as the one earlier inside the elevator.
“Soren.” His gaze travelled to mine. “How long have you worked there?”
My heart pounded faster with each second of silence that expanded between my question and his answer. His shoulders slumped and he dropped his head again.
“Since I was seventeen… ish… well, just before.”
I closed my eyes and pressed my lips together forcefully, glad he wasn’t looking, because I knew I wasn’t hiding my feelings at all.
“And how long has Donny been… reminding you and ensuring you obeyed?” The words were delivered through a clenched jaw with as much reserve as I could muster.
“Seventeen,” he whispered, “… ish”
How my teeth didn’t shatter under the pressure I applied was anybody’s guess. “And how long have you been,” finding the right words was difficult, and I paused again trying to remember Soren’s lingo and wording it similar. “Serving customers in the back?”
“Seventeen,” he mumbled. “I didn’t dance then or serve because I wasn’t legally old enough. I bussed tables and cleaned after hours mostly. Donny finds us other jobs until we are of age.”
He explained as though that information somehow nullified what he’d just shared.
After more silence, he reached for his tea and added a drop of milk to his cup. He wrapped his hands around the mug and sipped it, avoiding my gaze. When he put it down again, his shoulders fell and he peered back up. “I told you I’m nothing but a whore. I’ve been doing this a long time. It became more and more difficult a few months back. It took a lot of effort to find the right frame of mind and just get through the weekend. For whatever reason, tonight was just way worse, and I couldn’t take myself out of my head and…” he paused and shook his head in defeat. “I got comfortable with you coming around. I thought I was in the clear. I wasn’t mentally prepared.”
“Caro, stop.” I shuffled closer and brought a hand to his face to look him in the eyes. “Tell me something. Have you ever been with a man because you wanted it?”
His eyes searched mine as though I carried the answer to my own question. Then, he slowly shook his head. “Not really. I’ve had a few boyfriends but those were early days at Donny’s and those guys all knew what I did, and once I realized I was being used… for free… I quit dating. Ashton… sometimes we… He gets needy. He’s not cut out for this job and he needs… closeness sometimes and,” he shrugged, “but I do it for him.”
