by Nicky James
Never once in his life had he been with a man because he wanted to. The idea seemed utterly unreal. And as a result, the very notion of sex left a bad taste in his mouth. All the negative connotations attached to it had destroyed his ability to even have a healthy sexual relationship. I didn’t even know how to process what he was telling me.
“Not anymore, Soren. Do you hear me? You are never going back to that place.”
I felt odd saying it, sounding somewhat as though I was telling him how to live his life, but the intensity of the emotions burning in my core overwhelmed me.
“You are a grown man. By no means am I telling you how to—”
“I don’t want to go back.” Fear swam back to the surface, making the blues of his eyes glisten with new tears.
“It’s over, Caro. Never again.” A single tear slid down his cheek and I caught it, wiping it away with my thumb. He blinked heavily, warding off more and sat straighter on the couch. He lifted his chin and made every effort to appear strong even when the truth behind his eyes told another story.
“Come on, you need rest.”
He took my hand when I offered it and stood. When I went to guide him down the hallway, he resisted and I immediately understood why.
“You sleep in my bed tonight, I’ll take the couch. You need to rest proper.”
The faintest hint of a smile curled his lip and I needed to look twice to ensure I saw it. “Won’t that make your head explode? I mean, I bet you’ve never slept on a couch in your life.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “I’ll never catch a break with you, will I? Even at your lowest you have to poke fun.”
The curve widened until it was almost a smile. “Someone has to keep you on your toes.”
I squeezed his hand and guided him to my room. He didn’t argue and crawled in once I pulled back the covers. The sheer act alone amused him since it was me that time messing up the bed. He wormed out of my robe and handed it to me to hang up behind the door, completely uncaring that he was wearing only a small pair of neon red underwear, but considering his job and what he wore at the club, his lack of bashfulness was in line with his character.
“Try to sleep. I’ll be in the living room if you need anything at all.”
He drew the covers up to his chin and wiggled until they were wrapped all around his body before he nodded.
On my way out, I flicked the light off and was about to close the door when he spoke.
“Remy?”
I turned and saw his eyes reflecting in the light from the hallway. “Yes, Caro.”
“Thank you.”
I closed the door to my bedroom until it clicked and returned to the living room. The undrunk tea needed cleaned up and after all that had happened, I needed something a little stronger to help me process what Soren had shared.
I felt ill. Physically ill.
It was worse than I’d suspected. Far, far worse. Not only was Donny running an illegal operation in the back of his nightclub, but he’d drawn in underage boys and brainwashed them into trusting him and believing he was helping them. In return they did what they did willingly, without even knowing how wrong it was. And he’d taken away more than their self-worth. I’d bet money that every one of those boys had lost a lot more to that slimeball.
With the kitchen tidied, I poured myself a glass of wine and walked quietly down the hall. Before heading into my office, I checked on Soren. His breathing was deep and he laid unmoving under a lump of blankets. He was asleep, for which I was grateful, because I needed to make a phone call and I’d rather he didn’t overhear.
I retreated to my office and closed the door. Once settled into the leather chair behind my desk, I drank a few sips of wine before finally feeling steady enough to put it down. I pulled out my phone and ran through my list of contacts until I found Alessio’s number. I didn’t care that it was once again the middle of the night; the conversation couldn’t wait until morning.
When Alessio’s voice mail picked up for a third time in a row, I blew out a frustrated breath.
“Prendi il tuo dannato telefono!”
I hit the call button again as I lifted my wine glass and drained a far bigger mouthful than was necessary. Enough my mother would have slapped my arm in disgust for not savoring it. Savoring was the furthest thing from my mind. I needed to calm down enough I didn’t go off on Alessio the minute he picked up his phone.
On the third ring, a gruff, sleep-muffled voice barked into the receiver. “You better be dying because if not, I’ll kill you.”
With coldness to my tone that would have froze the devil himself in his tracks, I spoke. “Get your ass out of bed and go somewhere we can talk. I’ve had a hell of a night and I’m in no mood to play games.”
We hadn’t talked since the last time I’d woken him in the middle of the night. I’d been too angry. If the new information I’d just learned didn’t faze him, I’d go over his head, brother or not.
There was grumbling and shuffling on the other end of the line. “Christ. I’m going, give me a sec. Why do your problems always happen in the middle of the night?”
I could faintly hear him making his way from his bedroom and down the stairs before he spoke again through a yawn. “This better be important.” A faucet turned on and I could hear him fill a glass.
“I need you to be straight with me about something. No bullshitting. I’m being very serious. How deeply are you involved with Donny?”
A large sigh came through the phone. “Not this again, Giuss, seriously? Why? Why do you care?”
“Because I have a twenty-two-year-old man in my bed right now who, for all intents and purposes, was raped by that man tonight. So, answer my question, because I’m ready to go over your head if I don’t get answers.”
The silence that followed was so absolute it was as though time itself had stopped.
“Giuss… raped? Are you sure? That’s a hell of an accusation.”
I put my wine glass down, in fear of breaking it in my clutches. “Yes. Now answer the question.” There was no more steel in my tone. My emotions won out and my voice cracked.
There was another pause. I couldn’t wait for him to man-up and come clean. The spiral of information inside my head made me dizzy. I washed a hand over my face and just started talking.
“Donny is running some kind of underground sex operation… Jesus, I don’t know what you call it… His dancers are expected to service men of Donny’s choosing each night they are there. Whether they want to or not. If they don’t follow his rules, Donny disciplines them, and I don’t mean days off without pay, Lessie. He houses them, pays a lot of their bills, and gives them jobs. But in return, he expects them to comply with his every demand. If they don’t then they’re out and they wind up on the streets. He has them so filled with fear, they fall over themselves so they don’t piss him off.”
Alessio didn’t speak, so I didn’t stop. Momentum pressed me onward, but I lowered my voice, realizing in the intensity of the moment I’d become louder. “But it gets worse. Soren has been under Donny’s influence since he was sixteen years old. Sixteen. Donny had men lining up to fuck him at sixteen, but not before Donny got his piece first. I can’t speak for the other men there, but I’d wager a guess their stories aren’t any different.”
I blew out a breath and reached a shaky hand for my wine, draining the glass before I kept going. “Lessie, you are my brother. I love you and I want to have respect for you, but it’s so far gone right now. I know you’re involved. I know you cover for him and I can’t sort it out. Tell me the truth. I need to know just how deeply involved you are?”
For a full minute, there was only breathing on Alessio’s end of the line. The reality that my own brother had been aiding a man like Donny turned my stomach to ash.
When Alessio finally spoke, he was barely audible. “I knew he allowed his dancers to take men into the back to fuck. I knew many, if not all of them would charge those men for the service. I was led to believ
e Donny turned a blind eye to it and simply allowed it to happen. I ensured Donny slipped under the radar because it was innocent fun and like I told you, that shit happens all over the place. Giuss, I was always given the impression it was done willingly. Donny was just allowing those boys to have a good time and gave them a safe place to do it. That’s why I razzed you about wanting to get laid when I found out where that boy worked. I… Jesus, Giuss, are you sure?”
“Donny violated Soren tonight to remind him of his place, because I think he saw Soren getting comfortable with my presence there. I’ve been going every weekend for over a month.”
“Jesus, Giuss—”
“I haven’t slept with him. Donny doesn’t know that though. He assumes I’ve been a paying customer and I’ve kept Soren from having to do all that shit he makes his dancers do. We’ve been… just getting close. Getting to know each other. He confided in me right from the start how much he hates his job, but that he couldn’t get away. I’ve been trying to help him escape that hell. I was late showing up tonight. Lessie, when I got there, Soren was hysterical. I don’t care how you define it, and Soren will not call it what it is because he’s been brainwashed to think he deserved no less and that it was normal, but he was raped. Donny took him against his will. And I don’t think it’s the first time either.”
“Okay.” The sound of a paper being torn came through the line. “Listen, do you think he will come make a report? If he comes and tells me all the things you’ve told me, along with what happened to him tonight and includes being a victim to Donny since he was sixteen, I can shut that place down, at least until it’s properly investigated. If it’s fact, Donny will go away for a long time. Soren talking might be enough to get some of the other boys to come forward as well. Enough matching stories the better.”
I shifted upright in my seat, turning my wine glass in my hand, staring at the small pool of burgundy that remained in the bottom. Barely a drop. “I’ll try. He doesn’t want to go back there and I’ll do anything I can to ensure he’s safe.”
“Giuss, I honestly had no idea. I’m so sorry. He’s played me and a lot of other guys on the force too. I’ll fix this. Have Soren come make a report. I’ll make it top priority.”
“Can he come to the house? I’m not sure I’ll convince him to go to the station.”
“Yeah. I’ll need to call Ricky and have him present too. Will that be a problem?”
“No.”
“Giuss,” he paused, his voice laced with the big-brother concern I recognized.
“Just fix it, Lessie. Fix it and I’ll try to look past what you did. I can’t even tell you how disgusted I am with you right now. I just…” I shook my head, too angry and consumed with worry to go on.
“You really like this guy, don’t you?”
I lifted my gaze to the closed door to my office and envisioned Soren asleep on my bed. With clarity, I saw the same look in his eyes when I’d found him behind the club. My heart’s response was immediate. “Yeah. A whole lot.”
“Bring him by tomorrow afternoon. Text me first so I know you’re on your way.”
“Thank you.”
The call disconnected and I remained staring at the wooden surface of my office door a long time. Until that night, I hadn’t realized how intense my feelings for Soren had become. The moment I’d seen the devastation and betrayal in his eyes when he’d come at me, my heart had broken. Never did I ever want to see that look again. And knowing I’d caused it… I couldn’t forgive myself.
I clicked off the desk lamp and retrieved my wine glass. In the kitchen, I contemplated a second glass, but decided against it. Once I washed it and returned it to the cabinet, I did my usual sweep of the apartment before settling in on the couch. I didn’t want to disturb Soren by finding lounge pants, so I remained clothed.
My brain resisted that decision and when I laid down, I couldn’t get comfortable or relax enough to sleep. Everything about being fully dressed on the couch wreaked havoc in my brain and I hated that I couldn’t just let it go and be normal for once.
Since sleep wouldn’t find me, I thought about how I might suggest to Soren that he talk with Alessio. One thing led to another and I inevitably wound up consumed by what he’d told me. Sixteen. He’d never experienced a healthy relationship in his life. He didn’t even know any different.
Maybe I was out of line, or being dragged unwittingly down a road of feelings I couldn’t ignore, but I desperately wanted to show him a different life.
Chapter Sixteen
SOREN
The early morning sun bled through the blind covered windows as I opened sleep heavy eyes. Squinting against the assault, I peered around the strange room, confused, before memories of last night surfaced. I shuffled onto my back and moved my hair from my eyes. The door was closed and the apartment was quiet. I didn’t know what time it was, but it felt early and I was still tired.
Pulling the covers up around my shoulders, I snuggled into the silky-smooth sheets and closed my eyes again, trying to ignore the oddness of sleeping in a bed that wasn’t my own. I was surrounded in Remy’s scent and had been all night. It was soothing, yet the harder I worked at forcing sleep again, the further it retracted, until I was wide awake with a sinking loneliness, making me restless.
It was a foreign feeling for me. I’d spent years accustomed to being my own strength, and providing it to Ash when he needed it during low moments. With the sudden onset, I sat up in bed and dart my gaze around the shadowed room. I didn’t like that feeling, and I wormed around unsettled.
Where was Remy? Did he really give up his bed for me?
Knowing him well enough, I couldn’t fathom him sleeping comfortably on a couch, if at all. Without the cover of blankets, I shivered and hugged my arms around my body. Flashes of the previous night entered my mind and I curled my knees up to my chest. How was it that I could so easily do a job for years and never once flinch at the prospect of what I was asked to endure. Then, suddenly one day have it all become the vilest act that I could barely fake my way through.
The previous night was the worse one yet. No matter how hard I’d tried to retract into my mind and make it no big deal, I couldn’t. I’d had to take it and grit my teeth until Donny decided he was finished with me.
Re-living the moment brought my heartrate back up and my shivering turned to trembles of disgust and fear.
I shimmied off the bed and crossed the dark room before creaking the door open as silently as I could. The apartment was in darkness save for the small bits of sunlight escaping the window coverings.
Padding along the carpeted hallway, I made my way into the living room. Remy lay across the couch, fully dressed in the same clothes he’d worn the previous night, with an arm covering his eyes. I couldn’t tell if he was asleep, but he was unmoving.
I hesitated and walked into the room further, arms still tightly around my own mostly naked body and teeth chattering. Even though I didn’t make a noise, he must have sensed my presence because his head lifted and his arm fell away from his face.
“Soren, you aren’t sleeping?”
I shook my head, not knowing how to express the gaping hollowness inside preventing me from wanting to be alone.
He shifted, leaning up on an arm, and even in the darkness, his concern could be easily read on his face. “Are you okay, Caro?”
Again, I shook my head.
Then, my feet carried me across the room where I fell into his arms. He drew me close and encased me in his strong hold, squeezing me tight. I laid beside him, half on top, and buried my face in his neck, trying to be as close as possible.
“You’re shaking.” He shuffled and reached for a throw that was draped over the back of his couch and pulled it around both of us.
His arms continued to hold me tight as he smoothed a hand up and down my back. Eventually, my body calmed and warmth found its way back into my bones.
“Were you sleeping?” I asked, moving my head to lay on his chest.
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“No. I was just thinking.”
“Me too.”
His hand brushed the hair from my eyes and travelled down my cheek to cradle my face. “What were you thinking?”
“What am I going to do? If I don’t go to work tonight, I’ll get fired and then I’ll have nowhere to live. My interviews aren’t even until next week and what if I don’t get those jobs? I haven’t even started to look for somewhere else to live yet.”
His head lifted and he pulled my face around, thumb caressing my jawline. “I will help you sort it all out. I promise. Until then, you are welcome to stay under my roof.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but the thumb moved to my lips and he continued. “I know it isn’t what you want. I know you are a strong individual and are more than capable of making a life on your own, but until the pieces fall in the right spot, let me help you out.”
I felt so helpless and small. Ever since my brother had taken me in when I’d first been kicked out of my parent’s home, I’d done nothing but rely on one person or another to survive and I hated it. First Abel, then Donny, and now Remy. When was I ever going to get the chance to stand on my own?
I nodded and lowered my head again. His other hand continued to trail over my bare back, up and down, calming my tumultuous mind.
“Caro, I called my brother.”
His words, whispered across the silent room, gave me pause and I held my breath. “Why?”
“To sort this out. Would you be willing to make a report this afternoon? Explain to him all that goes on at the club, what is expected of you nightly, and when you started there?”
A shot of adrenaline released through my body and a wash of panic coated my skin like a bucket of ice water had been dumped over my head. I went to fly off the couch, but he stopped me.
