Out of Beat (Boys of Fallout Book 1)

by Cassandra Giovanni

  So much better without me.

  My chest tightens and I slip behind the stage and then head back to the bus. I’m almost done packing when the door to the bus swings open and Joey enters calling my name.

  “Sky, you in here? The guys sent me to get you. We’re going to get some ice cream across the street,” he says as he pokes his head down the hall. “What the fuck are you doing?”

  “Packing, what does it look like? I’m going home,” I reply, and the word home is barely audible because here on tour with them, with Danny, is the only place that’s truly felt like home since they left.

  “You can’t leave, Sky. We need you. I need you,” Joey says, grabbing my suitcase and dumping the contents I’ve shoved into it back out.

  “You don’t need me, Joey. You never did. The band just played like shit– every single one of you– all because of me. I love Danny, and I don’t want us being together to screw shit up with this band. This is what you guys have always dreamed of. I don’t have any dreams. I have no right to free-load on yours,” I reply, grabbing my stuff up.

  Joey kicks my suitcase down the hall and grabs my arms. “You’re not free-loading and you and Danny being together has nothing to do with the fight Danny, Aaron and I had on this bus after you went to talk to Zack. Him beating the shit out of his guitar might have had something to do with you–but he’ll get over it.”

  “If you weren’t fighting about Danny and I, what was it about?” I ask, caving and sitting on the bunk.

  Joey sits down, rubbing the back of his neck as he leans on his knees. “Two of the people I care about the most in the world haven’t told me some very important things from their life. I was pissed when I found out what fuck-face really did–what you went through all alone, but on top of that Danny’s mom was abusive? I didn’t have a fucking clue– and it stung to know he confided in you but never once said anything to me. Then let’s top it off with the fact Aaron knew about Danny and you. Oh, and let’s add the last and final person I’d give the world to save aside from Meredith — Zack deciding he’s in love with you, too. And, wait — Aaron knew about that too! I mean shit, does anyone tell me anything? Why didn’t any of you trust me with any of what you were going through?”

  “I don’t think it was that we didn’t trust you. We just didn’t want to say anything to anyone about those things, and I doubt Aaron felt it was his right to. You know how he is. I don’t want you guys to fight,” I say, sighing as I put my head on his shoulder.

  He leans over and kisses the top of my head. “I’m sorry to say it happens. Five years going on six, we’re going to have disputes. We have more than you probably know about. This life isn’t easy–we’re constantly making decisions that are tough.”

  I tilt my head so I can see his face, and his eyes are wet. He swallows hard, biting his lip.

  “So who’s not telling us something now?” I whisper, and he closes his eyes as his nostrils flare.

  He opens them and looks at his hands, pressed hard against his knees, so his knuckles turn white. He inhales before turning to face me. “I’m going to be a dad, Sky. Me. A dad.”

  “Holy shit,” I whisper as he nods his head.

  “And God knows where I’m going to be when the baby is born, which makes me wonder how much I’m going to miss out on because we’re going to be on the world tour for the first year of its life. We all took this job because we loved music, needed to escape small time life– or other things– but I don’t think any of us have stepped back and thought about what that means. None of us have houses– permanent roots anywhere. We’re twenty-two-year-olds with a dream and a wing and a prayer…and then life smacks you in the face.”

  “Did Meredith ask you to give this all up?” I ask, and he smirks, dropping his head back.

  “Of course, not. She’s Meredith. She’ll have her degree by the time the baby is born, and she fully intends on at least working part-time, and I’ll have the money to buy us a nice house somewhere. The question is where. I kind of was thinking Cali.” He looks over at me, his eyes sad again. “But I couldn’t bear to bring that up to her now. I mean, how can I yank her away from her family when I’m going to be absent off and on?”

  “Isn’t Cali where she’s going to school now?” I ask, cocking my head.

  He shrugs. “Yeah, but Meredith’s never said she wants to live there permanently.”

  “She hasn’t said she doesn’t want to,” I point out and his shoulders slump again.

  “What about mom and dad, though?”

  “They’ve always encouraged our dreams– if your dream leads you to Cali, then I’m sure they’ll be fine with it.”

  He nods and then looks over at me, leaning back against the frame of the bunk. “Speaking of dreams, you don’t have any now? I kind of thought this was a dream come true for you– finally being with Danny and finding something you loved to do– finding a direction. Even if your dream was simply to find direction, if this is it– you’ve accomplished it.”

  “I do love it,” I say, my chest rising as I inhale.

  Joey squeezes my knee. “Then don’t lessen that by saying you’re free-loading off of this band’s dream. I’m amazed and ecstatic that our dream has helped you accomplish yours. What more can a big brother ask for?”

  “What in the hell happened in here?” Zack asks as he walks into the hall, picking one of my bras off the ground with a raised eyebrow.

  Danny stops, grabs my bra, smacks him upside the head and then his jaw drops as his eyes find my clothes everywhere and my suitcase cracked open and mangled at the entrance to the lounge.

  “You going somewhere, Sky?” Danny asks, his voice low. “Without telling me– or any of us?”

  Joey stands and then gives me a hand up. “She’s not going anywhere now.”

  Danny shakes his head, throwing my bra at me before getting off the bus again.

  “I feel like I’m just going to be chasing everyone to explain myself today,” I mutter to myself, and Joey squeezes my shoulder before I jog off the bus to find Danny leaning against the outside of it, staring at his feet.

  “Why would you leave?” he asks without looking up.

  I come to the front of him and put my hands on his face, leaning up on my toes so I can press my forehead against his.

  “I don’t want to wreck this band, and I felt like I was.”

  “You ran off before we got our groove back,” Danny says as he puts his hands on my wrists. “I can’t even…”

  “What?” I ask, and his eyes come up to mine, his lips in a flat line that makes my stomach flip.

  “I just can’t imagine you not being here with us. For once in my life, I stopped feeling like I was running the second you were with us. When you said yes, it was like everything shifted to the way it should be. Thinking about you leaving — about coming onto that bus and you not being there…without telling me–without talking to me.”

  “I’m sorry, Danny. I just never want to be the thing that comes in between you guys.”

  “You’re no Yoko Ono,” Zack says from behind us, and I turn. “You’re amazing, Sky — but nothing’s going to break us up.”

  “Dicks before chicks,” Joey says, holding his hand up to Zack.

  Zack frowns, his eyes narrowing for a second before he nods and high-fives Joey.

  “Dicks before chicks,” Zack repeats, and Danny shrugs before giving him a high five. “Now, speaking of dicks. I need a banana split.”

  “We totally need to get you laid, man,” Danny says, putting his arm around Zack’s shoulders.

  Zack jumps up into Danny’s arms. “Why? I have you.”

  Aaron nods over his shoulders to his back, and I gladly jump on.

  “How did I get left out of this love fest?” Joey asks, crossing his arms and pouting.

  “I could probably carry both of you,” Aaron says, and Joey jumps onto his front, wrapping his legs on top of mine.

  Aaron manages to walk somehow, but Joey’s fa
ce is legit right in mine.

  “This is a little weird, isn’t it?” Joey asks me.

  “You have your legs wrapped around my girlfriend,” Danny calls over his shoulder with wide eyes. “Who’s also your sister.”

  Joey gags and then drops off to race ahead.

  “Giddy up!” I say to Aaron, and he runs after Danny and Joey, catching up and overtaking them quickly. When the rest of them get into the restaurant, we’re already ordering our ice cream through laughter.

  Once we’re all seated, and Zack has consumed half of his banana split he smiles.

  “You know how many bras I got thrown at me today?” he asks.

  I point my spoon at him. “Mine doesn’t count.”

  “I got more than you,” Aaron replies and settles back in his chair, wiggling his eyebrows with that toothless smile.

  I look over at Zack. “I told you he wasn’t asexual.”

  Aaron’s head jerks back. “You thought I was asexual? You realize I’m the bassist, right?”

  “So I’m the guitarist,” Zack replies, narrowing his eyes at him.

  “Chicks dig the quiet ones,” Aaron replies, and his lips tip up in one corner. “Because I don’t kiss and tell.”

  Aaron elbows Danny, who’s hand is on my thigh beneath the table and Danny laughs, nodding.

  “So you’re keeping something else from us?” Joey asks through a mouthful of whip cream and hot fudge. I cock my head at him.

  Aaron shakes his head. “Just saying Zack’s probably the one who hasn’t gotten any recently.”

  Zack blinks at him a few times before taking an oversized bite of banana. We all laugh.

  “So I have some news,” Joey says, running his hand through a matted handful of concert-sweat hair.

  “We already know you got laid at Hershey Park,” Zack replies, leaning back and putting his arm on the back of the seat. “Tell us something we don’t know.”

  “I’m going to be a dad,” Joey replies, a matter of fact and the guys all freeze mid bite of ice cream.

  Danny curses as he leans forward. “Brain freeze.”

  “Congrats, man! Who would’ve thought you’d be the first one!” Zack says, clapping him on the back. “I figured we’d have little mini-Danny-Sky’s before!”

  “Sure as hell wasn’t going to be you,” Danny says, laughing as Zack shrugs.

  “At least not legitimately,” Aaron adds, and Zack purses his lips before nodding yes.

  We’re all quiet as it sinks in.

  “So does this change things?” Zack finally asks.

  “This is still the job that pays the bills,” Joey replies with a shrug. “I’m sure it changes things a bit, like being on the road 360 days a year.”

  Zack leans forward on his elbows. “I don’t know that’s a bad thing, though. I think we’re all ready for some roots we can go back to.”

  “Who would’ve thought you’d want roots?” Danny asks nodding over at Zack.

  “We’re getting old,” Aaron replies. “Roots would be good. I think I like Baltimore the best.”

  I glance over at him, and he heaves a sad sigh, shaking his head. It’s not Hawaii.

  “I was thinking Cali,” Joey replies, chewing on his lip.

  “At least one of us should be in Cali,” Zack agrees. “That’s where the studio is, after all. I think I want to buy a bar or something crazy.”

  Danny smiles over at me, and my insides tighten as I wonder where we’ll live.

  “To where ever we end up and never letting distance split us up,” Danny says, holding up his spoon.

  “Here, here!” We all chime, our spoons mingling together before we each take bites and then settle into laughter.

  Zack looks down at his ice cream and swirls the chocolate into the melted vanilla. His head comes up and he looks between Danny and me.

  “So what about you guys? I assume you don’t really want to go back to Mass, right, Danny?” he asks, and his spoon has stopped moving.

  “I hate going to Mass. Probably why I had no problem avoiding it for the last three years.” Danny glances over at me. “Staying away from you was hard, though.”

  I lean over and kiss his cheek before resting my head on his shoulder. “Cali sounds nice.”

  Danny smiles down at me and then turns to look at the guys. “I still worry, though — that she’s going to keep trying to get a hold of me…that eventually she’d try to go through you guys.”

  “We won’t let her,” Joey says, shaking his head. “Sky can block her emails if she tries, and if she ever gets savvy enough for social media we’ll all block her on there.”

  “And Sky can do that drop her phone thing again if she tries the radio again,” Aaron adds, his lips pursed as he looks at us.

  I narrow my eyes at him. “How did you?”

  “Highly observant,” he replies with a shrug. “I didn’t realize it was her until all the shit came out last week. I just figured it was some chick you didn’t want talking to Danny. Could’ve been a jealousy thing.”

  I blink at him a few times. “I’m not the jealous type.”

  “Seriously?” Joey says, his head jerking back. “I seem to remember smoke pouring out of your ears when that Alternative Sound chick I screwed him.”

  I huff in response and Danny chuckles.

  “Point is,” Zack says, leaning forward. “We have your back, Danny. If you don’t want to hear from her, we’ll make sure you don’t.”

  “Thanks,” Danny says, and I squeeze his hand beneath the table. The guys give soft smiles before Zack starts picking on Joey about being a father. Danny glances down at me. “Cali?”

  I shrug. “Wherever you are.”

  He tips my chin up and kisses me, but before we’re lost in the moment something cold smacks us on our cheeks. I turn slowly to see Zack with his spoon ready to launch more melted ice cream.

  “What? I’m just cooling you down. Keep it PG,” he replies, smirking at me.

  Chapter 30

  The days and venues begin to blur together as we make our way across the United States to California. The concerts after Missouri are smaller with only 2,500 fans, and it brings the guys back to the reality that they’re not quite there yet. There’s still room to grow. Arizona’s last venue is the smallest of the batch with 700 fans crammed in and screaming at the tops of their lungs. It may be small, but the energy is amazing. I’m glad to be able to catch more of the crowd with my camera, and the guys seem amped up, either by the fact they can actually see all the crowd or by the fact that we’re going to be in Cali in two days.

  Two days.

  My stomach clenches as the thought of singing in front of any of them comes to my mind. Danny and Joey have heard me in the shower, but I’ve never actually sung for them purposely. The thought is shoved out of my mind when Aaron comes off stage carrying Zack, both shirtless in bras, Zack cuddling into Aaron’s chest. I snap the shot with a smile on my face.

  “Did you sneak vodka into your water bottles?” I ask as Aaron places Zack back on his feet. He laughs, shaking his head, showing a rare full tooth grin. I catch it with my camera, and he narrows his eyes at me. “Not at all. Zack’s just a big baby; you should know that by now.”

  “You’re right,” I say, peeking around his shoulders to see Danny coming off stage with my brother on his back. “What’s Joey’s excuse?”

  “He’s just lazy,” Aaron replies, and I laugh as Joey dismounts.

  Danny gives me a quick kiss. “Any good shots?”

  I nod and lean up on my toes for another kiss. There’s something sexy about him sweating with his muscles rippling as he plays drums.

  Zack gags. “Thank God we’ll be in Cali soon, and you two can get a room.”

  “Room?” Danny asks as he puts his arm around my shoulders and we head backstage room to the showers. We’re all excited to take a shower with something that has some level of pressure and not have to worry about how long we’re in it.

  “Don’t get to
o excited,” Joey replies, narrowing his eyes at us as he opens the door for us. “Whatever the setup is, your room is next to mine.”

  “And what exactly do you think that’s going to prevent?” Aaron asks as he starts unbuttoning his pants.

  “Thin walls,” Joey says as if that makes the most sense ever.

  “So you want to hear it?” Zack cocks his head and widens his eyes. He points at Joey. “Or you want her to hear you and Meredith?”

  Joey blinks a few times before turning to Danny and me, now sitting on the couch. “I take that back. You get the room as far away from me as possible. And next to Aaron.”

  Aaron strips his skinny jeans off so he’s standing in his boxer briefs and puts his hands on his hips. “Why me?”

  “Can you wait until you get into the bathroom to strip?” I ask, closing my eyes because there isn’t much of Aaron I can’t see with the way his sweaty underwear sticks to him. All of him.

  “I’m not stripping. My junk’s still covered, and you’ve already seen my ass,” Aaron replies and when I open my eyes his ass is now in my line of vision. “And why do I get the room next to them?”

  I look over at Danny, and he’s smirking into his hand.

  “Because you can sleep through a hurricane, so you won’t notice anything– and Zack’s a perv,” Joey replies and then nods to the showers. “I’m taking the other one, but I’m going to keep my junk hidden from my sister.”

  Aaron shrugs, seeming to be satisfied by the answer and heads into the bathrooms with Joey following.

  “So are you excited for Cali?” Danny asks me, running his fingers over my bare shoulders.

  I sink deeper into the couch. “For a bit of a break, yeah — but not for the album production.”

  Zack flops down next to me and puts his head on my shoulder. “You know how you get over stage fright?”

  I glance down at him, pursing my lips. “How?”

  “You just do it! Peel the bandaid off!” He jumps to his feet and nods to Danny. “Give us a beat — Blame It on Me!”