When Time Stood Still

by K. S. Adkins

  “You taught me a lot of things since we’ve met,” she whispers still tracing my face. “Can I tell you the most important lesson you taught me?” Nodding my agreement, she aligns our faces so that our eyes meets and says, “It’s that you don’t need sight to see.”

  For a solid thirty minutes my wife comforted me. Of course, I knew one day I’d eventually crack but I had assumed it would be stress related, that I’d hide myself in a closet until it passed. I certainly wasn’t expecting an emotional release in her lap on the kitchen floor. The harder I cried, the tighter she held me. She didn’t rush me or concern herself with breakfast, she focused solely on me. As it turns out, it’s exactly what I needed.

  Finally able to compose myself, we finish breakfast then I get ready to leave for the center knowing she’d be an hour behind me. Time had already scheduled the car service but had a phone interview she wanted to do from home first. Kissing her sound on the mouth, hesitantly, I head for the door. For some reason, my body refused to move, I couldn’t leave without her. Sensing my distress, she looks over her shoulder doing her best to ease me.

  “One hour,” she says softly. “I’ll be there before you know it.”

  I knew this, I did but it wasn’t making leaving any easier. “How about I just wait for you,” I offer ready to drop my brief case. “Any other day I would say yes but, you have a conference call in twenty minutes.” When the phone rings she raises her hand up to her ear to start her own call. But before she connects, she whispers “Drum, it’s okay, go.”

  With Time answering her call, I waited until she sat down before leaving for the center.

  I shouldn’t have left.

  Weeks ago, I received a call from a gentleman who created a portable device, much like a personal computer; only this one has a braille keyboard with speech output. He had one delivered to me to use as a trial. If I liked it (which I did) he wanted to partner with the center so our clients could use it. His device was easier to use than others I’ve tried recently and I told him as much. I was equally excited when he explained additional devices he planned to create. When I asked him how a seeing person was able to design such technology when most struggled to grasp our limitations, he blew me away when he said on a laugh, “Did I mention I was blind?”

  After several more minutes of chatting, we set up another meeting as well as training for the devices I just ordered. I should mention, I ordered fifty. Excited to share the news with Drum, I take Bella out to use the bathroom while I waited for the car service. When my driver gave me a honk, I locked the house up then climbed into the SUV with Bella in tow.

  My mind was in another place when it happened, the entire event probably lasted seconds. Naturally, I didn’t see it coming, but when the first car struck, my head met the window dazing me. Like a mother protecting her child, it was purely instinctual that I save Bella. Releasing my belt, I move closer to her, pulling her into my lap and wrapping my arms around her. I thought it was over, I thought it was safe to unbuckle. I thought wrong. With a sickening crunch, we were struck by another car, this time on my side.

  Bella, I told myself. Don’t let go of Bella.

  With her in my arms, I was thrown from my seat clear across the back of the SUV where my head and body met the other door. Seconds passed; minutes maybe, I honestly didn’t know or care. From a distance, I could hear yelling, sirens, and Bella whimpering too. Fighting to sit up, I was frustrated when I couldn’t. Using her nose, Bella continued to nudge me until my door was pried open.

  Men asked me my name, was I hurt, and so on. If I answered, I wasn’t aware that I did so. Then two men lifted me up and out of the SUV and on to a stretcher. Panic creeped in when I felt her being taken away from me. “Leave the dog with her,” someone said, possibly the driver. “Make room, the dog goes where she goes.” When she was placed next to me, the panic receded enough for me to muse that I hadn’t seen stars like this in years, but I was seeing them now and they were pretty.

  It gave me hope that maybe I hit my head hard enough to bring my sight back.

  Then my world went black.

  She was late.

  Only twenty minutes late, but still…

  I figured her call was running over like mine was, therefore I wouldn’t worry (much). When the guy on the line would not stop repeating himself and the other line continued to interrupt the call, I promised to call him later to follow up.

  Looking at my display, I didn’t recognize the number, but whoever it was called six times in ten minutes. Just as I set the phone down, it rang again at the same time my dad came crashing through the door. In slow motion I looked at the fear on my dad’s face while answering the call at the same time.

  Time was in a car accident, she was being treated at the DMC.

  My heart.

  It quit beating.

  My lungs.

  Had no air.

  My eyes.

  Saw nothing.

  Where was Time? Was she okay? Did she need me? Where the fuck was I? Why was I on my back? I needed to get to my wife. “Thank God,” dad says from beside me.

  “Dad? What the fuck happened?” Jesus, I was on a gurney with an IV in my arm. Time was right, my stress finally caught up to me, I stroked out.

  “You had a massive—” he tries.

  “I had a heart attack!”

  “No, you idiot, you had a massive panic attack.”

  “Where’s Time? Is she okay? I need to see her now.”

  “Son,” he says resting his hand on my shoulder to calm me. Oh fuck no, no no no… Not my wife. Not my fucking wife! We had plans, adventures to take and life without her wasn’t a life I wanted to live. I should have stayed, this was my fault. “Drummond!” he yells followed by slapping me across the face. “She is resting down the hall.”

  Breaking down in tears, I attempt to rip the tube out of my arm to get to her but my dad wasn’t having it. Getting in my face he grabs my chin and growls. “The longer you allow the panic to take control of you, the longer it will take to see your wife. Listen to me, she’s resting, alright? I just came from her room and she was sleeping with Bella next to her. If you don’t calm your ass down, they’ll knock you out again, now breathe…”

  “Time…” it was a whimper, a plea.

  Lowering his voice and taking my hand (which he has never done before) he starts to explain it to me. “The SUV was hit twice. She has a concussion, a couple of bruised ribs and a serious black eye, but she will be fine. Look at me, son, do you hear me? Time is fine.”

  “Bella?”

  “No worse for the wear, according to the medics, she used her body to protect Bella. Are you good? You want to sit up?”

  “I want my wife,” I snap.

  Dad was about to smother me with a pillow when we both heard it. Time was in the hall and Time was pissed.

  “From the sounds of it she wants you too,” he smiles. Then kicking back in his chair, he puts his feet up prepared to watch the show. My wife did not disappoint.

  Bella was in bed next to me while I fought this headache and the urge to kill people. The nurses, although doing their job, wouldn’t allow me to call Drum, they insisted he’d been notified. The assholes wouldn’t even give me pain meds despite my complaints and it was pissing me off. A fucking aspirin wasn’t helping and I wanted my husband. When the staff realized I was blind, they started speaking to me like a child, slowly, careful not to use big words. Yeah, that was helping my mood. Over the last few hours, I’ve had so many people in and out of my room that I stopped listening, choosing to close my eyes and zone out instead. Nurses, aides and even my doctor tried engaging me but I just nodded pretending I understood, when in truth, I didn’t hear a word.

  Keeping them closed, because the dimmed lighting was bothering me, two women who I assume were nurses were outside my door when I heard it. “Poor thing,” she said. “Her husband came in by ambulance.”

  “Oh no,” says the other. Jolting upright, I forgot about my headache and
my ribs. “That’s terrible, I mean, she’s blind, you know?”

  “I know, right? They want her calm while they run tests. but I think he had a heart attack.”

  Jesus fucking Christ! Later, I would pat myself on the back for not breaking down into hysterics. Right now, my mission was to find Drum. “Bella up,” I command her. Literally jumping out of the bed and taking the pole with me, I don’t bother testing out my legs. Fuck that, I’d crawl if I had to. “Find the door,” I command her again and sensing my distress she leads me to it. The second I cleared it, I heard beeps, dings and numerous conversations. Turning to the voice closest to me, I start barking orders and planned to do so until someone took me to my husband.

  “Drummond Green,” I snap. “He’s my husband; he was brought in by ambulance. Take me to him. Now.”

  “Uh…” the unknown sputters.

  “I said now!”

  “Mrs. Green,” a new person to yell at, perfect.

  “You have three seconds to tell me where my husband is before I drag you with me.”

  “If you’ll just wait a moment…”

  Fuck that. Tapping my foot, Bella begins leading me. With my right hand on her harness and my left on the God damn pole, I decided to find him myself. “Drum!” I shouted after taking five steps.

  “Drum!” I screech after ten more.

  “Ma’am,” someone says approaching. “Please, we’re doing what we can to—”

  “Come closer, please,” I ask politely. When I felt her close, I release the pole extending my hand. “Take my hand, it’s how I communicate.”

  I’ll give her credit, she was smart enough to be apprehensive, but still, she slid her fingers into my palm like I had asked. Tightening my grip, I yank her to me giving her no choice but to be face to face with me. “You will take me to my husband or I promise you, I will break your fucking hand and even then…I won’t let go. I will not ask again, Drummond Green. Which room is he in?”

  “402 b,” she quakes.

  “You’ll take me there,” I demand while tightening my grip. “Or do you want to share a room with me?”

  “You—” she tries.

  “Spit it out!” I scream in her face. “I just want my fucking husband!”

  “You’re in front of his door,” she says and I realize she’s crying. Well, fuck her. Tossing her hand away, I focus on my dog.

  “Bella, find the door.” Turning me to my right then guiding me two steps forward, I was in fact at his door. Searching for the handle, I finally found it, was just about to turn it when I was approached by security.

  “Ma’am,” he says reaching for my elbow.

  “You touch me, you even think to keep me out of this room, I’ll beat you to death with this pole. Now be useful and opened the God damn door for me.”

  “You were attempting to enter another patient’s room,” he says moving slightly to the left. “This is his room. I’m asking politely that you calm yourself and your voice as a courtesy to the other patients.” Shouldering past him, I try bursting through the door but that fucking pole was stuck. “Allow me,” he says freeing me which given my current state, sent me flying into the room.

  “Drum?”

  “Follow my voice, Time.”

  With every part of me threatening to turn to Jell-O, Bella, the little life saver, followed his voice for me. When I bumped the bed with my shins I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Easy,” he says guiding up further to Drum.

  “Dad?” it came out as a whisper. Oh God, he had to be freaking out.

  “It’s me,” he says touching my face. Turning, I do the same hoping to comfort him too. “Drum’s fine, you’re fine. We’re all fine just, breathe for me.”

  Taking a deep breath, I reach for the metal rail that separates me from Drum. When I feel his hand cover mine, I let out a wail running my hand up his arm to get to the rest of him. “Easy, Time,” says dad helping me crawl in bed next to him. Moving my pole for me, he also scoots Bella over so I don’t step on her. Drum was touching my face but I was too distraught to touch his. I wasn’t sure if I would hurt him, if I would trip a wire…

  “Talk to me,” he urges as he traces my brow.

  “I gave you a heart attack,” I blurt. “Oh my God, I am so sorry!”

  “Time…”

  “I can’t even hug you! Does it hurt? What did they do? A double or a triple?”

  “Time…”

  “They wouldn’t tell me where you were, I panicked, I—”

  “Jesus Christ,” dad yells startling me. “He had a panic attack not a heart attack, he’s fine, Time. He just woke up five minutes before you took on the hospital staff. He’s fiiiine.”

  “Don’t yell at her,” Drum growls.

  “She’s almost as bad as you are, almost.” He grunts.

  “Panic attack?” I whisper.

  “When I got the call, I lost it. Dad called for an ambulance but to be fair, I really thought it was the big one.”

  “I gave you a panic attack?” the flood gates opened, the guilt came rushing in and I just wanted to hug him.

  “I gave myself the attack,” he says low. “How are you? They told me you had a concussion, bruised ribs, and that they found you holding onto Bella.”

  The second he said ribs they started screaming. “It’s just a headache and some soreness, I’m fine. Can I lay with you?”

  “You are not fine,” dad cuts in. “You bashed your head twice and they thought you had internal bleeding for one. Also, you didn’t just bruise a rib, you bruised three. Don’t even ask about your face.”

  Ignoring him in favor of Drum, he helps me nestle into him where I placed my head on his chest. Almost instantly, my eyes started to get heavy.

  “Drum?”

  “I know,” he whispers running his fingers through my hair. “I couldn’t get to you either.”

  “I didn’t know what darkness really was until I couldn’t find you,” I whimper. “Love you, Drum.”

  He probably said he loved me too but I passed out and stayed that way for hours. When I finally woke up, it was to nurses wanting to take our vitals. Dad said they were making the bed next to his up for me so we could be together. Although I had a feeling he had something to do with it, as in he made it an order and they followed. Offering to take Bella outside for a break, I touch Drum everywhere. Emotionally, I was wrecked so I stayed quiet as long as possible. Since, for some reason, this joint was anti-pain killer, I fought through the headache as best I could. However, I was getting tired again so before crashing I asked him.

  “How is the driver?”

  “He’s fine,” he assures me. “A few bumps and bruises. He was sent home hours ago.”

  I was relieved to hear that and was able to fall asleep on Drum easily. I didn’t hear dad and Bella come in, nor did I hear our doctor’s entering, either. They spoke to Drum as not to wake me and how I slept through all of that I’d never know but, I did.

  But when I woke up…

  She was exhausted.

  Not only that, she was in pain but refused to admit it or move over to the bed made up for her. This suited me fine because I liked her right where she was. With me. So I laid here quietly listening to her breathe, feeling her skin against mine, embracing the calm only she can provide for me. The calm we provided for each other.

  Her nurse made it clear, Time refused to sleep until she saw me. She was careful when she explained what sent Time into a panic. Apparently, she overheard staff talking about me and said they thought I had a heart attack. Cue in Time charging down the halls screaming for me.

  When we were old and grey, we’d probably laugh about this but today, there was nothing funny about it. That phone call, I could have never prepared for it. Instantly, the fear shut me down. Because a life without Time wasn’t possible for me and it was the same for her. We needed each other in every way a man and a woman could.

  My dad demanded Time and I shared a room. No one argued with him. This was smart considering h
ow pissed we both were that Time overheard what she had, when she had. Moments ago, my doctor came in letting me know my tests came back fine, that it was nothing more than a severe case of anxiety and wrote me a script for pills to take as needed. He also said Time was being kept overnight for observation. I was allowed to stay with her and that her doctor would be in shortly.

  Despite being exhausted myself, I didn’t want to sleep. Whatever they gave me to relax me worked but underneath the surface I was still terrified. When she shifts a little, causing a grunt of pain, I couldn’t help but wince. Her side of the car wasn’t hit once, but twice. She walked away with injuries but they were minor compared to what could have been. It’s the, what could have been that had me holding onto her like a lifeline.

  Because, she was my lifeline.

  A light knock on the door caught my attention, looking up, the man standing at the foot of the bed was Time’s doctor. He was a bit older than me, taller and in much better shape too. None of that mattered though, finding out my wife was in the clear, was.

  “How is the patient?” he asks quietly.

  “Exhausted,” I smile down at her.

  “She was lucky,” he says pulling up a chair. “In this case, being visually impaired saved her life and kept her from serious injury.” He didn’t need to say it, I already knew why, but voiced it anyway.

  “Because she didn’t see it coming.”

  “Correct,” he says looking her over. “Her ribs were a result of direct impact, however, because she didn’t see danger approaching, her body didn’t tense like ours would. Time essentially absorbed both impacts in a semi relaxed state. Her instinct to protect her guide dog also played a part. By removing her belt to protect her, it also moved her away from the door and from further harm.”

  “Jesus…”

  “Like I said, she was lucky. Her tests results look good, Dr. Green. Please make sure she follows up with her OB for further care. Though we found no spotting or cause for alarm, it’s always best to err on the side of caution.”

  I was too busy trying to keep up after he said she removed her belt to protect Bella. Time didn’t see the first car and had no idea about the second. What if she hadn’t unbuckled? He was totally unaware he just rocked my world so he continued to talk. “She’ll make a wonderful mother,” he muses. “That’s clear by how, even in the face of danger, her instinct was to protect. I’ll stop back in before she’s discharged tomorrow. Do you have any questions?”