“So you’re crazy in love with me?” Kate said, kissing her back.
“Totally.” She sucked at Kate’s top lip.
“I’m pretty crazy about you, too, kid.”
“Let me freshen up, and we can get crazy on each other under the moonlight.”
“That sounds lovely,” Kate said, stroking Jordan’s forearm.
Jordan leapt up and bounded inside, leaving her phone face down on the table.
Kate stared at it, trying to dismiss the shameful compulsion that popped into her head. Don’t do it, she admonished herself. Don’t let yourself sink into the abyss.
On the other hand, Jordan was her girlfriend. Would it really be such a crime to take a quick peek at it? It wasn’t that Kate distrusted her, but it seemed like Jordan hadn’t wanted her to know she’d received texts from Alexandra and Andie. Why hadn’t she mentioned either of them sooner? If Kate hadn’t brought them up, would Jordan have ever told her? Maybe Jordan had a sketchy side. Musicians didn’t usually have the most promising history with fidelity. If she was so inclined, she certainly wasn’t going to reveal that to Kate. Wasn’t that something she should find out sooner rather than later?
She lifted the phone without turning it over, then placed it down again. What was wrong with her? Jordan hadn’t an ounce of deceitfulness in her; she knew that.
So if that was the case, there shouldn’t be any moral dilemma in taking a little peek, just to alleviate her concerns. She picked up the phone again and swiped it. She opened the text from Alexandra and scanned up until she’d found the beginning.
Don’t be discouraged, J. This happens all the time. I’m serious about you moving out here. A and R peeps are always around the clubs.
J? She’s got a nickname for her now?
Don’t think I can just move across the country. I’m close to NYC. Isn’t it kinda the same?
No way. I’m out here ;-) lol. Seriously, think about it. U can stay w me until you get settled.
Aww, wasn’t that generous of Alexandra to offer free housing to Jordan while she waited to be discovered? That old hoe was itching to get her claws into Jordan and wasn’t even trying to be sly about it.
“Aren’t you coming in, baby?” Jordan called from the living room.
Kate closed the text and replaced the phone on the table as Jordan appeared at the French doors. “Uh, yes, just cleaning up.” She collected their wineglasses and stacked the small plates and forks.
“I’ll finish with that later,” Jordan said as she nudged Kate toward the door. “Meet me under the sheets, and don’t keep me waiting.”
“Roger that.” Kate smiled as she fought the distraction of Jordan summoning her in a peachy camisole and bikini underwear. She needed to know Jordan’s reply to Alexandra’s offer. Now. How was she supposed to concentrate on the worldly pleasures Jordan was about to lavish upon her if her mind raced with all kinds of dreadful, apocalyptic relationship scenarios?
As she trailed Jordan and her tight, incredibly appetizing rear end up the spiral staircase, she hadn’t lost sight of the urgency in getting her hands on that phone. But a butt on the stairs is worth two in the bush.
After Jordan had fallen asleep in her arms, Kate lay watching the night breeze off the sound tango with the curtains through the open doors. Now would’ve been the perfect time to slip out of bed and finish reading Alexandra’s text, but after such a steamy interlude, Kate wanted nothing more than to lie skin on skin, lulled by the rhythms of high tide and Jordan’s breathing. Besides, like her Grandma Winnie used to say, “Don’t go lookin’ for nothin’ you’d rather not find.”
* * *
The night before they were to leave for a cozy, historic inn in Newport, Kate packed items into an overnight bag. As she rifled through drawers, she discovered a black lace bra with the tags on it, purchased as a symbol of hope not long after her breakup with Lydia. Twirling the bra on her finger, she smiled. She’d come full circle. She was finally over Lydia and the fear and self-doubt that had crippled her emotionally. And it was all thanks to Jordan, the woman who’d come along with her caring heart and fiery passion and blowtorched her way through the walls Kate had built to freeze out everyone.
This getaway was important, their first real chance to spend time alone connecting and getting fully reacquainted with all the aspects of each other that had attracted them in the first place. It pleased her to imagine the smile on Jordan’s face when she told her she was ready to entertain whatever future possibilities Jordan had in mind. She smiled at the peace washing over her from the mere thought of the words future and possibilities in the same sentence.
As she cut the tags off her sexy brassiere, her phone chimed with a text. She grabbed it, thinking it was Jordan. But it was Didi.
What are u doing?
Packing. Leaving for Newport tomorrow.
Lucky. Have fun.
You ok?
Yeah. Saw Rhea tonite. She came over.
Did you talk things out?
Not exactly. We were a little busy.
All night? You couldn’t talk after?
She had to leave. Early staff meeting tomorrow.
Lol. I used that excuse when I panicked the first time I slept w Jordan.
It’s not an excuse!!!!
Ok ok. But you really need to get to the bottom of this!!
You’re right. I’ll call her tomorrow!
Good girl. Now let me finish packing <3
She felt bad for Didi, but if she always insisted on fighting uphill battles, she’d have to fight some of them alone. After all, the sexy apparel she planned to wear to seduce Jordan wasn’t going to pack itself.
Suddenly, her cell phone rang.
“Hey. I was just about to call you to say good night,” Kate said.
Jordan hesitated.
“What’s the matter, babe?” Kate asked.
“Kate, please don’t be mad at me.”
“For what?”
“I, uh, I have to postpone our weekend. I’m so sorry, honey.”
“Why? What happened?”
“Well, um, there’s this talent showcase in New York tomorrow night, and Alexandra called in some favors and got me a performance slot. All the big A and R people will be there, as well as talent agents.”
Kate’s disappointment overwhelmed her.
“Kate, are you furious?” Jordan asked. “Do you hate me?”
“No, no, of course not.” More silence. It was the only way to handle the news with grace.
“Come with me,” Jordan said. “We can stay overnight in the City and spend the day—”
“I don’t think so. I’ll just be in the way.”
“No, you won’t.”
“Yes, Jordan. It’ll be like it was when you were in LA. It’ll be better if you just do what you need to do.”
“But Kate, I want you to—”
“I said no, Jordan,” she snapped. “I’m not gonna follow you all over like some groupie.”
It was Jordan’s turn to be silent. She was quiet for so long, Kate thought for a moment she’d hung up on her.
“I’ll cancel it then,” Jordan finally said. “I’ll just wait for the next one to come around.”
“When will that be?”
“I don’t know,” she said, her voice hollow with defeat.
Kate was about to hold her to the offer until her conscience rose up and slapped her ego down.
“You can’t cancel this, Jordan. Just go.”
“Are you sure?”
With life infused back into Jordan’s voice, Kate couldn’t stop the “yes, I’m sure” from spilling out even if she’d tried. The least Jordan could’ve done was resist a little more.
“Thank you, baby,” Jordan gushed. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
As they ended the conversation, Kate wondered how many more times Jordan would have to make up for broken promises. And how many more times she’d be willing to wait.
After ending the call, she
launched her phone, aiming for the bed, but sent it rocketing into the side of her dresser, cracking the screen. Before her eyes completely clouded with tears, she glanced at her open suitcase. The clothing and sexy lingerie folded neatly for a romantic getaway were now covered in the trail of exhaust left by Jordan’s rising star.
Chapter Sixteen
The Good-bye Girl
After the defunct weekend getaway that was supposed to symbolize their move into semi-permanence, Kate still hadn’t rebounded from the disillusionment. Fancy dinners for two, making love, and a night at the theater hadn’t recalibrated the off-kilter feel between them like she’d hoped.
She felt Jordan’s body heat radiate against her back as she trailed her into the darkness of her house. Like a scene in a slasher film right before someone gets a machete to the face, her heels slowly, eerily clicked on the hardwood floor on their way to the nearest light switch.
“I loved that play,” Jordan said, as the lamp illuminated the room. “It was a Broadway-quality show.”
“It was, and at an eighth of the ticket price.” Kate jingled her house keys in her hand, her insides in knots. This had to be one of the worst feelings in the world. If only Jordan was even an iota of the vixen her onstage persona suggested.
“Are you all right? You’ve been quiet all evening.” Jordan tossed her phone onto an end table and her light jacket on the sofa.
“Fine,” Kate muttered as she crossed the room and switched on a reading lamp.
“Okay.” Jordan flopped on the sofa, but her eyes seemed to be noting every movement, every gesture as Kate writhed with angst in the suffocating silence.
The air conditioner kicked on, startling Kate. “Actually, I want to talk to you about something, Jordan.” Her mouth remained open, but the words seemed to crawl back down.
As the color drained from her face, Jordan sloped forward, resting her forearms on her thighs. Kate could only stare at her like a stage actress going blank in the middle of a monologue.
“I know what this is,” Jordan finally said softly. “You’re breaking up with me.”
Was this chick clairvoyant or what?
Kate faltered. “Well, I, uh…”
“C’mon, Kate, say it.”
“It’s not necessarily a breakup per se.” She wandered away from Jordan, fearing the jury was about to become hostile. “I think we need to slow it down, you know cool it off for a bit, just until—”
“What? What does that even mean?” Jordan said. “Normally, when things are hot, people don’t just randomly decide they need to cool off. Unless what they really mean is break up but don’t have the balls to come out and say it.”
Kate’s big rebuttal was a meek shrug from across the room. “I guess that’s what I mean.”
Jordan bit her lip and gazed around the room, seemingly dazed. “I know it’s my turn to say something right now, but I don’t know what.”
“Look. This must feel like a surprise after—”
“After what? The way we make love? The connection we have that I’ve never felt with anyone else? It didn’t feel like it was only me.”
“It wasn’t only you,” Kate said as Jordan paced the room.
“Then why don’t you explain what this is really about?”
Kate was more upset than she’d anticipated being. She retreated to the window and watched the surf crash under the full moon, hoping to stem her emotions from rising over her protective wall.
“You know what?” Jordan flung her hair back with attitude. “I shouldn’t be surprised at all. I mean how stupid could I be not to see this coming. You’ve done such a shitty job hiding your neurotic obsession with our age difference. But I kept telling myself that if we loved each other…” Her voice began to crack. “That’s the reason, isn’t it?”
Kate couldn’t bring herself to look directly at her. “No, actually—”
“We’ve been together barely three months. You haven’t given us a chance.”
Jordan’s eyes flared with indignation, and Kate suddenly regretted invoking her fiery stage persona.
“Jordan, let’s be realistic. I’m seventeen years older than you. That’s practically an entire generation. My life is established, and you’re just coming into yours, especially with—”
“You said age didn’t matter on our first date. Was that a lie to get into my pants?”
“What? No,” Kate stammered. “I mean, honestly, I had no idea where this would go at the time. And as we grew closer, I didn’t want it to matter, but it’s something we can’t keep ignoring. We’re in two completely different places in our lives.”
“Kate, I moved back to Connecticut to settle down and build my business. I wanted to be closer to my family again and hopefully meet someone I could have a life with here.”
“Until Alexandra came calling. Jordan, how do you expect to settle down and build a life with someone if you’re off chasing your dream of a professional music career?”
“I don’t have dreams of pursuing a music career. I love writing songs and performing for small audiences here and there, but I haven’t dreamed of being a rock star since I was a kid.”
“Then why did you go to LA and that New York talent showcase?”
“They were amazing opportunities that fell in my lap, so I followed through for the fun of it. It was a wild experience, and I don’t regret going.”
“You canceled our romantic weekend together for something that doesn’t mean anything to you?”
“Kate, I didn’t cancel our weekend. I asked you to come with me. We could’ve stayed in the City. You’re the one who flipped out on me and said forget it.”
“Jordan, who are you kidding?” Kate said with understanding. “You want to cut a record. Who could blame you?”
“Of course I would if I got the chance, but either way, it’s not gonna change who I am or what I want.”
“You’re thirty. How can you know what you want?”
Jordan raged at her. “Could you be any more condescending? This isn’t about age at all, is it? Act like you’re under oath, Attorney Randall, and admit that you’re scared to commit to anyone. Been there, done that. No complicated emotional entanglements for you. You just want to party with your friends and throw Viv’s money around on expensive cocktails and use her father’s private jet.”
“What?” Kate exclaimed.
“Or maybe it’s just about you not wanting to commit to someone like me, an unsophisticated underachiever who’ll never fit into your world of elitists. It’s not about how old I am. It’s about who I am, and who you are.”
Taken aback, Kate stammered. “Jordan, I don’t know what you’re—”
“That’s why you didn’t take me to that charity event at the St. Regis in Greenwich, and that’s why you’re dumping me now. Our little affair has finally lost its savor.”
Kate moved toward her. “Jordan, that has absolutely nothing to do with this.”
“You’re so full of it. I may not have the wealth of life experience you’ve had, but I’m not an idiot.” She stomped toward the door.
“Jordan, wait. My decision has nothing to do with status or any of that crap you said. I think you’re a remarkable young woman with so much going for you. I don’t want to stand in your way. I’m doing this for you.”
“For me?” Jordan laughed in disgust. “Wow, Kate. I never would’ve expected something so entirely unoriginal from you.”
“Jordan, that’s how I feel, like lately I’ve been an obstacle for you to go around whenever some new opportunity comes along. Look, let’s just throw it on hold while you explore where this music stuff is going.”
“And then what? When I fall on my face and come crawling back, you’ll be gracious enough to take me back?”
“That’s the thing, Jordan,” Kate said through a sad smile. “You’re not going to fall.”
Jordan smirked. “So, did Columbia U give away a free crystal ball with every law degree? Save the ‘It’s not you, it
’s me’ defense for your next negotiation, Counselor.”
Kate grabbed her by the arm. “Jordan, please don’t leave like this. Let’s talk about this calmly like…”
“Like what, adults?” Jordan’s voice was shaking. “Sorry, but according to some people, I’m not capable of doing anything like an adult.”
“I never said you were incapable of—”
“I can’t believe you’re doing this, Kate.” She turned away and rested her forehead against the door as she cried.
Kate gently touched her shoulder. “Jordan, listen to me. I’m upset, too. Believe me, I am, but it’s better to end it now before anyone gets really hurt.”
Jordan wheeled around to face her. “I got news for you, Kate. You’re too late.” She shook Kate’s hand off, yanked open the door, and stormed down the steps.
Kate followed her across the driveway to her car.
“Leave me alone, Kate, or you’ll be the next one in your group to need a defense lawyer.” Jordan slammed the door, threw the gearshift in reverse, and gunned the gas. Kate flinched at the stones and dust kicked up from her spinning tires.
“Jordan,” Kate shouted into the night, but when the dust cleared, her car was already gone. She sat on the front porch steps absorbed in a perversely liberating state of sadness and relief. Time seemed dead as she sat, numb and vacated, in the dark.
When she went inside, she poured a glass of white wine and drank it too fast, forcing down the image of Jordan’s disheartened face. As the wine slowed the reeling in her mind, she relaxed in the notion that she was regaining control. Life would become manageable and orderly again with nothing to distract her from the thoughts she preferred to think. No more sweeping surges of passion carrying her beyond the safety of her comfort zone.
Although she’d never anticipated such a dramatic scene, she found solace in the fact that Jordan was young and beautiful and would get over her. Why should she feel guilty? Jordan should’ve known that Kate needed to ease her way back into romance after so many years spent languishing in dry dock. She should’ve been more understanding of her need for a break, too. That’s all she wanted, some time to regroup from the whirlwind. She hadn’t intended to end it completely, but with Jordan overreacting the way she did, an end was the inevitable outcome.
Summer Fling Page 19
