Not Until You (Hope Springs Book 3)

by Valerie M. Bodden

  “Mine are always about Cade. Except it’s never about a car accident. There’s always something else, some danger that I see just before it happens―a cliff he’s about to fall off, a current that’s about to sweep him away. I try to get to him, to warn him, but I’m always too late.” Violet’s throat burned just talking about it, and she tried to swallow, but her mouth was too dry.

  “Sometimes I wake up before he dies. But sometimes I have to watch it. Have to go through the whole funeral, too. Every little detail of it is in place, except it’s like it’s in slow motion and it’s never going to end.” She almost choked on the last words, and yet she was grateful for the release of telling him. She’d never even told Sophie about the dreams. But knowing she wasn’t the only one with nightmares had given her courage to share, especially if it might help Nate.

  A warm hand gripped her fingers and squeezed. Before he could let go, Violet squeezed back. She needed this connection, this moment to tell her she wasn’t alone, she wasn’t the only one who hurt and didn’t know what to do with it.

  They sat like that, their breaths slowly matching one another, until Violet’s head started to droop. “I’d better get back to bed.”

  Nate gave one last squeeze and let go of her hand. Violet fought off the wave of emptiness.

  When she was to the door, she turned to look at Nate. He had lain down, his breathing now slow and even.

  “Thank you,” he said, his eyes closed.

  Violet nodded. “Thank you,” she whispered.

  She fell back to sleep within seconds of climbing back into her own bed.

  By the time she woke, a bright line of sunlight streamed in through the slight gap in the curtains.

  She stretched, her heart lighter than it had been in ages. Something had happened during the night. The weight of memories hadn’t been lifted, but it had changed so that she could start to see the light in them instead of only the dark.

  She sat up and folded her hands, bowing her head.

  Dear Jesus, You are a great and a mighty God, and I thank you for this new day, for a renewed life, for the promise that you know all my hurts and have the ability to take them from me, maybe in ways I haven’t seen or planned. Please bring the same healing you’ve brought me to Nate’s heart, whatever his troubles may be. In your name I ask it. Amen.

  Violet sat and just breathed for a minute, paying attention to the air going into and out of her lungs. Somewhere along the line she’d forgotten that each day was a gift from the Lord and had started to look at the days as something to simply survive.

  But not anymore.

  As she got out of bed, she gave herself a cursory glance in the mirror. Her clothes from yesterday were rumpled but not too much worse for the wear. Her hair, on the other hand, stuck out in every direction. She ran a hand across her curls, attempting fruitlessly to tame them, then gave up. If unruly hair was the worst thing she had to worry about today, she’d count herself fortunate.

  Homey smells and muted conversation drifted up the stairs, and Violet followed them to the kitchen. Nate was already there, chuckling at something Gladys had said as he scooped a forkful of eggs off his plate. The moment she walked into the room, his eyes went to hers, and he smiled, not that haunted, half-there smile from yesterday, but a genuine, heart-melting smile that Violet couldn’t help but return.

  “Good morning,” she said softly.

  He nodded and finished chewing, never taking his eyes from hers. “Good morning.” Was it her imagination or did his voice have a new, tender note to it?

  Violet scolded herself. Just because she’d had a revelation last night didn’t mean he had. To him, she was still just his neighbor.

  She slid her gaze to the table. Gladys obviously loved to cook. She’d laid out eggs, bacon, biscuits and gravy, and a pile of pancakes. “Wow, Gladys, you didn’t have to do all this for us.”

  Gladys’s smile was both wistful and filled with joy. “I haven’t had anyone to cook for in a long time. Barney’s diabetic, so no more pancakes for us.” She passed Violet a plate. “Cooking’s one of the things I’m going to miss most when we move into the new place. We have a meal plan there, so I won’t even need to pour Barney his cereal.”

  Violet observed the older woman as she filled her plate. Somehow it had never occurred to her that she wasn’t the only one entering a new chapter of her life―and there would be plenty more new chapters along the way. Perhaps it wasn’t the changing of chapters that was so important but more what you did with the pages in them that mattered.

  Violet pulled out the chair across from Nate and sat, bowing her head to give thanks for the food. When she lifted her head, Nate was watching her.

  “Sorry I woke you last night.”

  Violet shoveled a forkful of pancake into her mouth, closing her eyes in bliss as the sweet tang of maple syrup and lightly browned pancakes hit her tongue. She waved her hand at Nate. She wanted to tell him that she was glad he had woken her, glad she had been there with him, glad they had shared that moment.

  But with Gladys hovering over them, she said simply, “It was no problem.”

  The doorbell rang, and Gladys clapped as she had yesterday, making Violet grin. Someone had forgotten to tell the woman she was eighty-seven. “That’ll be Sylvia’s grandson. You finish up, and I’ll get the door.”

  Nate stood and carried his plate to the sink. Violet started to follow, giving a remorseful look at her half-finished pancakes.

  Nate waved her back into her seat. “You finish eating. I’ve got this.”

  Violet knew she should argue. But the pancakes were too good.

  She kept an ear tuned to the other room as she ate. By the time she’d finished and entered the dining room, Nate and Sylvia’s grandson were carrying the hutch toward the front door.

  “Easy.” She heard Nate’s voice from the other side of the room.

  She considered following him outside but changed her mind. He had this under control.

  Instead, she approached Gladys, who was wrapping the last of the china. “Thank you again for allowing us to stay last night. That was more than was necessary. In fact―” She reached into her purse for her checkbook.

  Gladys waved the checkbook off. “I did it as much for me as for you, dear. One last chance to entertain before saying goodbye to this house.” To Violet’s surprise, Gladys swiped at a tear.

  Violet rubbed the woman’s arm. “I thought you were happy to be moving somewhere more manageable.”

  “I am, dear, I am.” Gladys patted Violet’s hand. “But just because we’re happy about the next part of our life doesn’t mean we’re not sad about leaving the last part behind.”

  Violet blinked hard so she wouldn’t have to wipe away her own tears. Somehow Gladys had expressed exactly what she’d been feeling.

  “All loaded up.”

  Violet and Gladys both jumped at the voice behind them.

  Nate eyed them with concern. “Everything okay?”

  Violet nodded.

  “Perfect,” Gladys said. “But I wonder if you could do me one more favor?”

  Nate patted the older woman on the back. “After a breakfast like that, I’ll do anything you ask.”

  Gladys rested her hand on the box of china she’d so lovingly wrapped. “Could you load this into your car as well, please?”

  Violet already had stacks of unsold china in her shop, but she couldn’t say no to a woman who had been so generous to them. “How much would you like for it?”

  Gladys reached a leathery hand to stroke her hair, then let her arm drop. “I don’t want you to buy it, dear. I want to give it to you.” She looked at Nate, then at Violet. “To both of you.”

  “Oh, but―” That was too generous, on top of everything else. Plus, Violet didn’t want to assume the older woman was getting forgetful, but they’d already told her they weren’t a couple.

  “I won’t take no for an answer,” Gladys cut in. “And before you think I’m senile, I know y
ou aren’t together. So you can each take half of the china. Who knows, maybe you’ll join the set back together someday. But this way you can each remember the little old couple you brought joy for an evening.”

  Violet pretended not to know what Gladys meant about putting the set back together. “That’s very kind, but―”

  “I told you, I won’t accept no. You’ll be doing me a favor, anyway. Otherwise, I have to haul this to the thrift store, and it’s mighty heavy.”

  “You could sell it.”

  “It’s not worth anything. Just the cheapest set Barney’s grandmother could find.” She snapped her fingers toward Nate, then pointed to the box. “Now. Load it up.”

  Nate looked from Gladys to Violet. Violet gave a subtle shake of her head, but apparently Nate decided Gladys was the more formidable of the two because he crossed the room and picked up the box with a grunt.

  Gladys winked at him. “That’s a good boy.”

  Nate studiously avoided Violet’s eyes as he slid past them and out the front door. Violet let her gaze follow him for a moment, trying to decide whether she should be angry or amused.

  She settled on grateful. “Thank you, Gladys, for everything.” She leaned down to give the small woman a hug.

  “I know your heart’s been broken,” Gladys whispered as she held her. “But that doesn’t mean it will never feel again. And when it does, you make sure that young man out there knows.”

  Violet scrunched her eyes shut and nodded against the huge lump that had formed in her throat.

  “All set?” Nate called from the doorway.

  Violet released her hold on Gladys and nodded. She wasn’t sure if she was yet.

  But she would be.

  Chapter 22

  Nate fastened the last button of his shirt and tucked it into the waist of his jeans. He couldn’t figure out exactly how he’d let himself get talked into the concert. It was the last place he wanted to go, the last place he told himself he’d ever go again. But when Violet had asked, the yes had come out in a nanosecond. In the few weeks that had passed since their trip to Barney and Gladys’s, something had shifted between him and Violet―in a good way. That night, as he’d clutched her hand after his nightmare and she’d shared her own horrifying dreams, they’d forged a connection.

  Since then, they’d stopped pretending that they weren’t seeking each other out. They spent nearly every evening together, and he’d taken her out for dinner to celebrate when she sold the hutch a week after they picked it up. It was only pizza, but still―it was something. He’d been spending more time with her friends, too. He couldn’t deny that it felt good to finally belong somewhere again. The last time he’d had that feeling was with his band.

  Nate shoved the memory away. He couldn’t let himself dwell on his lost dreams tonight.

  Tony followed at Nate’s feet as he padded into the kitchen. He gave the dog a scoop of food and waited absently for him to eat it. His eyes fell on the saucer from Barney and Gladys’s china set that Violet had compelled him to take. He had told her to keep the whole set, but she’d insisted that he take at least one piece because Gladys had wanted them to share it.

  He hadn’t mentioned that Gladys also wanted them to share more―a life together―since she didn’t seem to have picked up on that part of Gladys’s ploy. Or if she had, she had pretended not to. As had he. In the end, he’d agreed to take one saucer because he’d figured if her set were permanently one tiny plate short, it would be no great loss.

  And if they did happen to reunite the set someday―

  Tony nudged Nate’s hand with his cold nose, pulling Nate out of his daydreams before they could go too far.

  “Okay, buddy.” Nate locked Tony in his kennel. “I’ll probably be home late tonight. So no parties.” Nate almost bit his tongue as the words came out. They were exactly the same words his parents had said to him every time they went out. And he had always obeyed. Until that last night. When he hadn’t.

  Nate shoved a hand through his hair but then immediately tried to smooth it down.

  The knock at the door made him jump, and in spite of himself, his heart picked up speed. It shouldn’t react this way to a concert with a friend. But apparently no one had told it that.

  Nate threw a treat into Tony’s kennel and crossed to the door. He took two deep breaths before opening it.

  But the sight on the other side stole those breaths right back.

  Violet was wearing a flowing blue dress that hung longer on the sides than in the front and back. She’d gotten her cast off a few days ago, and her dark curls cascaded over her shoulders and onto her bare upper arms. Her lips glistened with a wine-colored gloss that made Nate want to touch them.

  “Hi,” Violet finally said, making Nate realize he’d been staring.

  “Hi. Sorry.” Nate swallowed. “You look great.”

  Violet’s smile grew, making her lips even more inviting. Nate glanced over his shoulder, pretending to check Tony’s kennel, before turning back to Violet.

  But that smile was still there.

  “Ready to go?” She sounded slightly breathless and excited.

  Nate nodded and followed her to her car.

  As Violet drove, they fell into the easy conversation that had become so familiar over the past few weeks.

  But ten minutes later, Nate threw Violet a quizzical look as they pulled into the parking lot of the church. The place was jammed with cars, and people dressed in everything from ripped jeans and t-shirts to formal dresses were pouring toward the building.

  “Are we picking Dan up?” Nate asked as Violet pulled into one of the few remaining parking spots at the far end of the lot, near Dan’s house.

  Violet looked away and tapped her fingers against the steering wheel.

  Not good. She had something to tell him, and he wasn’t going to like it.

  “No.” She looked away and continued in a rush, “The concert is at the church.”

  All the air disappeared from the car. She had tricked him into coming. She knew how he felt about church, and she had deliberately not told him she was bringing him to one. Well, she could forget it. There was no way he was going in there.

  “Don’t be mad.” Violet gave him a pleading look.

  He told himself he wouldn’t be swayed by the genuine compassion in her eyes.

  “I didn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t come otherwise. And I really think you’ll like the music.”

  Nate tensed. It wasn’t a question of if he’d like the music. This kind of music had been his life once. But it had almost been his death, too.

  “If you don’t like it, we can leave.” Violet laid her hand, smooth and soft, on his. “Please. It would mean a lot to me.”

  Violet’s eyes hadn’t left his face, and he both dreaded and loved the hope he saw there.

  “Okay.” The word scraped up against his will.

  “Thank you.” Violet squeezed his hand, and in spite of himself, he let out a tight-lipped smile. Making her happy always did that to him.

  Violet popped her car door open and bounded out, greeting a young couple who had gotten out of the car next to them. She waved to an older man across the parking lot. Nate watched her in wonder. She seemed to genuinely fit in here, to enjoy and care about these people. And they seemed to return the sentiment.

  Of course, she hadn’t committed any big, public sin to earn their wrath and scorn.

  But as far as they knew, neither had he.

  Nate fell into step next to Violet, trying to ignore the churning in his stomach that intensified the closer they got to the door, until it felt like he had swallowed a whirlpool.

  An older man opened the church door for them, offering a cheerful hello. Nate mumbled a greeting, pushing past as fast as he could. He was in no mood to make small talk.

  Inside, groups of people mingled around the spacious lobby, and the sound of laughter filled the space.

  “The sanctuary is this way.” Violet steered him
past the people, and Nate was grateful when she only waved to a few groups but didn’t stop to talk.

  Inside, the church floor sloped toward the front, where a large open area held an assortment of instruments, from a drum set to half a dozen guitars and a baby grand piano.

  Nate’s fingers twitched. He could almost feel the smooth keys, feel the vibration of a perfect chord ringing out.

  He shoved his hands in his pockets and scanned the crowd with Violet.

  The seats were already half filled, but after a second Violet pointed. Sophie, Spencer, Tyler, Ethan, Ariana, Jared, Peyton, and Leah took up almost an entire row halfway to the front of the church, right in the center of the sanctuary.

  Nate followed Violet toward them, his feet heavier with every step. He kept his head down, eyes trained on the floor.

  When they reached their friends, everyone stood up to greet them. Their warmth helped Nate relax. This was just a night with friends. No one was going to grill him about his band or his failure. When Sophie leaned over to hug him, he hugged back. After a minute, they all settled into their seats. Nate jammed himself into the space between Violet and the end of the row. Their arms were pressed together, and her flowery scent wafted over him.

  “Are we going to have room for Dan?” Nate peered down the length of the row, but he was pretty sure they couldn’t cram in another person if they tried.

  Violet’s laugh startled him. “I don’t think he’s going to sit with us.”

  Nate felt his brow wrinkle. Clearly, there was some kind of joke going on here, but he wasn’t in on it. “Why not?”

  “Well, the pastor usually sits up front.” Violet was still chuckling.

  “The pastor?” Nate felt his mouth dip into a frown. This didn’t make any sense. “Dan is a pastor?”

  Violet stopped laughing. “I thought you realized. This is his church. He and his dad are co-pastors here.”

  Which would explain why he lived right next door. And was always talking about his members. Nate had figured he ran some sort of gym or something.

  At that moment, the man himself emerged from a hidden door behind the front wall of the sanctuary. He was dressed in simple khaki pants and a button up shirt without a tie. Not Nate’s typical image of a pastor. Dan scanned the crowd. When his eyes fell on their row, he made his way toward them.