Marrying My Childhood Sweetheart: A BWWM Christian Romance

by Shannon Gardener

  She had been pacing the whole time till he got there and she still had no idea how to tell him. She had been secretly sending out head shots to the big city and had gotten a response. An agent was interested and wanted to sign her on. She had been a good Christian girl to please all around her and she was done with it – it was time to think about her for a change.

  “I got an offer,” she blurted out.

  “An offer for what?” he asked her puzzled. He had been about to pull her into his arms and she evaded him. They had had sex for the first time for both of them when she turned eighteen and he considered her to be his girl.

  “From a modeling agency, I want to be a model.” She told him shakily. He stood there staring at her as if she had taken leave of her senses.

  “What about us? About church? About your father?” he asked her bewildered.

  “I will deal with my father later and church will always be there.” She took a deep breath. “I have to do this David and if you love me you will be happy for me.”

  “Don’t do that,” he told her heatedly, advancing towards her. “I love you and I want to spend my life with you so don’t expect me to be happy that you want to go.”

  “You don’t know what love really is,” she cried out in frustration, pulling away from him. “I don’t want to stay in this backwater town for the rest of my life. I want to see what’s out there and I want you to be happy for me.”

  There was silence for so long that Sara wondered if he was ever going to respond. Then he did. Reaching out he pulled her into his arms and took her lips with his; bruising her with his intensity. She dragged herself away from him; her breathing ragged. “I am going,” she told him shakily. “So deal with it.”

  “I love you Sara but if you leave don’t expect me to be here waiting for you.” He told her quietly and slammed out of the house. She had cried herself to sleep; almost going after him but she had made up her mind; she had to escape and no one was going to talk her out of it. Now she was back and she had seen him and she realized with a dull thud of her heart that she still had feelings for him. How was she going to go around this small town without bumping into him? And what if he was seeing someone, how was she going to deal with it?

  With a shudder, she gulped back tears and wished she had never come back.

  Chapter 2

  “I can see you are very busy, maybe I should come back later,” Sally Graham commented as she came inside the green house where her son was busy placing seeds into the newly dug ground. The place smell of freshly dug dirt mixed with the heady scent of many different flowers. It never ceased to amaze her how her son had turned the place in a veritable forest.

  “I am never too busy for my favorite mother,” he told her cheerfully, pulling off his gardening gloves and coming over to kiss her on the cheek.

  “Your only mother,” she told him dryly. She had brought him lunch in a picnic basket because she knew when he was working he did not have time to eat and she also wanted to see how he was doing; due to Sara coming back to town. No matter how old he was, he was still her one and only baby.

  “And you brought lunch,” David observed, glancing at his wristwatch in surprise to see that it was almost noon. He had started working at six a.m. and had not stopped. He had not slept very well the night before. She was back and all the old feelings were stirring up inside him, seeing her at the bookstore yesterday and how incredibly beautiful she had grown had not made it easy on him.

  “How are you?” she asked him bluntly, she was never one to beat around the bush. It always amazed her this giant of a man came from her petite frame but he had gotten the height from his father and the looks from her.

  “I'm fine,” he shrugged, going over to the small pipe to wash off the dirt before coming over to the table where his mother was seated with the intention of partaking of the food. He had set up the greenhouse in such a way that he could have somewhere he could eat and there was also an old hammock where if he felt like it, he could take a nap.

  “Have you seen her?” Sally persisted as he reached for a chicken sandwich.

  David thought about pretending he had no idea what or who she was referring to but knowing his mother; he decided against it. “I saw her yesterday,” he said casually, no one; not even his mother whom he loved so much was going to know the extent of what he was going through in regards to Sara – that was between him and God.

  “And?”

  “And nothing mother,” he said with a little impatience coloring his deep voice. “I went to the bookstore looking for Deacon Williams and she was there and we spoke briefly.”

  “So there was no apology or no explanation as to why she is back?” Sally was not letting up.

  “Mom,” David said wearily, placing the half eaten sandwich on the paper plate. “I don’t want to talk about Sara; she is my past and I want to move on from it so please drop it.”

  “Darling, the fact that you are having a warm time talking about her means she is not your past and you are going to have to deal with it sooner or later.” She stood up getting ready to leave. “You’re still in love with her son and what you plan on doing with that is entirely up to you.” She gave him a kiss and left. He sat there staring at nothing, his mother’s words reverberating through him and with a sinking heart he knew it was true, he was still in love with her.

  *****

  Callie called her on Wednesday and suggested they had lunch. Sara had a moment of hesitation but she accepted; after all if she was going to mend fences, she had better go about it the right way.

  She had not slept well on Monday night. She kept seeing David’s face and what was worst, she kept remembering what he felt like when they were together all those years ago. She had been with one other person apart from him; the man she had thought could and would replace David in her heart but he had turned out to be a real jerk who had only wanted her as long as she appeared to be going places and when the agency had dropped her; he'd also told her that he didn't think it was going to work out between them.

  They met for lunch at the little restaurant at the corner of the street down from the bookstore. She'd told her father she was going to get lunch and she would be back in the next half an hour. He had waved her away with a smile and told her to go and get out of the bookstore, stretch her legs a little.

  The restaurant was a little crowded as it was lunch hour but Callie was already seated; her eyes brightening as soon as she saw Sara. “I have already ordered for you,” she told her as Sara slid into the booth next to her.

  “You did?” Sara raised a brow questioningly.

  “I remember how much you used to like the chicken salad in this place,” she answered, and then her brow creased uncertainly. “Unless of course, your tastes have changed.”

  “No of course not,” Sara hastened to assure her.

  “You look like you just stepped from the pages of a fashion magazine,” Callie sighed, eyeing the girl’s chic and graceful appearance. She had chosen to wear tailored black pants and a sleeveless red blouse with buttons at the front.

  “One of the advantages of working in the modeling industry,” Sara said with a wry smile.

  “Why did you leave Sara?” Callie asked suddenly, there were the usual background noises in the restaurant, muted chatters, utensils banging against glassware but at the table the silence was evident.

  “I had to get away,” Sara answered finally, her large eyes sparkling with unshed tears. “I had to see what else was out there and I did not want to turn out like my mother who married my father and found out she could not cut it as a Deacon’s wife and a stay at home mom. I could not do that to David.”

  “So instead you left and broke his heart in little pieces.” Callie said grimly, shaking her head. “You were my best friend Sara and you did not share any of those things with me; you just left.”

  “I was not thinking straight,” Sara told her miserably. “I just bolted without thinking of the consequences and what I was doi
ng to the people I care about.”

  Just then their food arrived and further conversations ceased for a little bit.

  “Is he seeing anyone?” Sara asked casually as she put some of the crunchy delicious salad into her mouth.

  Callie looked at her speculatively, dipping her bread into her beef soup. “You still love him,” she said shrewdly.

  “No,” Sara shook her head furiously.

  “Then why are you asking?”

  “I am just hoping he's found someone; that’s all,” Sara was busy sprinkling salt on her salad and avoiding Callie’s eyes.

  “He was going out with Patrice for a little bit but it's been over for a while now,” Callie told her. “You might have gone for several years Sara but I still know you. You’re still in love with David and for you to be feeling that way about him still, means that he is the one. You will have to find a way of getting back with him.”

  Sara opened her mouth to deny everything the closed it abruptly – she did not know what to say because Callie was right – she was still in love with him.

  “So you’re married to Paul,” Sara commented, changing the subject.

  “Yes, he would not stop asking so I just had to say yes,” Callie told her with a wicked grin. Sara was taken back to when they had been teenagers and Callie had always been the one daring her to try out new things. Callie had always been there for her; encouraging her when her mother had left – she had adopted Callie’s mother and had gone to her when she needed advice. And the woman had died a year ago and she had not even come back home for the funeral. She hated herself for what she did.

  “I am sorry about Mommy Paulette,” Sara murmured ducking her head in shame.

  “She talked about you so much, often praying that you would find your way,” Callie told her soberly. “She never hated you, Sara,” she reached out a hand to close over Sara’s. “She loved you till the end; always saying she had two daughters, not one. And even when I was cussing you out, she always told me you had to have had a very good reason for leaving.”

  “She was always such a beautiful person,” Sara said huskily, the tears threatening. “I often found myself wishing that she had been my mother instead of – you know.” She gave a shrug.

  “You can’t blame yourself for what your mother did Sara, it’s all on her.” Callie said sympathetically. “It’s her loss.”

  “Thanks,” Sara smiled and squeezed the girl’s hand. “You’re your mother’s daughter.”

  Callie smiled at her and they continued eating.

  Sara left soon after, exclaiming in surprise to know that she had gone over the half hour she had told her father and with a quick wave she told the other girl she would call her.

  *****

  Her father was stocking books when she got back. “Dad, why didn’t you leave that for me to do?” she rushed over and took the box from him.

  “I am not an old doddering man that I cannot manage a box of books girl,” he reproached her with a fond smile.

  “I know it’s just that I want to pull my weight around here,” she told him sheepishly. There was only a teenage girl sitting in the corner on the computer, a text book opened in front of her.

  “You are,” he glanced at her shrewdly. “You don’t have to prove anything to me you know Sara. You are my daughter and I have no judgment or opinion as to why you left. I accept you for who you are.”

  “Thanks Dad,” she said huskily, tears clogging her throat.

  “That young man David has some books he wants delivered and I was wondering if you would save an old man the trip and take them over to his place. He writes for the local newspaper and he needs some books to do his work.”

  Sara fought the impulse to shout out no. She could not face him at his place; she didn’t even know where he lived.

  “The address is on the parcel right there,” Her father told her as if reading her thoughts.

  She had to go; there was no getting out of it.

  *****

  She got to the address and sat in her car for several minutes. It was a nice place; as a matter of fact it was more than that – it was beautiful and the garden was rioting with summer flowers, he always did love nature, she thought with a whimsical smile. The house was set back a little from the road and it was a simple one story building with stucco roof. She could see the green house; a large building with glass all around it and she caught a glimpse of him inside.

  Taking a deep breath, she alighted from the car with his package and headed towards the white picket fence. She stood there uncertainly for a while wondering if she should just go on in. The decision was made for her as she saw him come out and stood there staring at her before he beckoned for her to come in. Her heels were not appropriate for the uneven ground and Sara found herself stepping gingerly until she reached him. “Your father called and said you were coming,” he told her. He was in faded jeans and an old T-shirt and there was a smudge of dirt on his cheek. “Come on in,” he told her; heading back inside. Sara gritted her teeth and followed him; she had wanted to just give him the package and leave.

  The interior of the greenhouse took her breath away and Sara found herself breathing in the aroma. There were vegetables of all description and they looked so healthy. “This is nice,” she murmured.

  “Thank you,” he murmured in amusement, his eyes taking in her outfit. “You’re not exactly dressed for this,” he waved a hand at the bags of soil near her.

  “Not exactly,” she agreed.

  “I’m surprised you offered to bring the package to me,” he continued, his eyes quizzical.

  “I did not offer, I was told,” she told him coolly.

  “I see,” he put aside the trowel and turned to face her, leaning against the table filled with seedlings. “Afraid I am going to pick up where we left off?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” she avoided his eyes.

  “Yes, that would be ridiculous wouldn’t it?” he walked over to her. Sara forced herself to remain where she was. “You left me and broke my heart in two, so it would be ridiculous of me to want to have anything to do with you. Only a fool would venture where the greatest hurt has been done to him, don’t you think?”

  “David I-“ she hated herself for showing signs of weakness.

  “What are you going to say Sara? You’re sorry? You didn't mean to hurt me? You’re sorry that when you left I could not function for months; no years? Is that what you want to say?” He was too near, she thought in panic, so near that she could smell the fresh dirt and spicy cologne he always used. He was so near that she could feel his breath on her.

  “I need to leave,” she was not breathing properly.

  “So go ahead and leave, I am not holding you,” he still stood in front of her and she could not move. “Do you want to?” he asked her huskily. “Or do you want to know what it feels like again? To feel my lips on yours?”

  “No,” she whispered, her eyes on his mouth.

  “You were pretty before, but now you’re so damned beautiful it hurts the eyes.” He reached up a hand and pushed back a curl that had blown unto her forehead. “When you left I wanted to die; I kept thinking about you being with someone else and I couldn’t bear it, I didn’t sleep and I wanted to come and find you, to convince you we belong together and I would do anything you wanted.” His tone was mesmerizing and Sara found herself trembling. “Your lips always drove me crazy and they still do,” he murmured huskily as he tilted her chin to look into her eyes; eyes that had gone smoky gray with need. “You broke me and I still want you; there must be something wrong with me.” His lips came down as if in slow motion and Sara’s lips parted in anticipation. He took her lips with his; his mouth moving hers slowly; his tongue delving inside her mouth. He tasted of peppermint and candy, an odd combination but he secretly had a sweet tooth and could not resist sweets. She touched him, her hand going to his chest which had hardened with manual labor and she felt his muscles flexing. She whimpered softly and sagged into his ar
ms; wanting more, needing more but with a savage oath he pushed her away from him; combing his hands through his hair.

  “Go,” he told her through gritted teeth.

  “David?” her voice was bewildered as she put a finger to her throbbing lips.

  “Just go Sara, please,” he muttered wearily, his back still turned to her, his shoulders hunched. “I can’t do this, not now.”

  Sara left on shaky legs and when she reached the car she got in and just sat there; her hands on the steering wheel; her heart was still pounding and she could not put the car in drive. She needed time to calm down; time to settle herself before going back to the bookstore. She still felt him; his mouth on hers –he was the only man who could turn her to jelly with just a kiss. He hated her and she couldn't blame him but now she realized with a thud, she would do anything to right the wrong she had done him. He was no longer the sweet David she had known who had allowed her to walk all over him; the David who had told her constantly that he would do anything for her. The David who had told her everything about him.

  She fired up the engine and drove off, her mind in a turmoil; she remembered how excited she had been when she had gotten her first modeling gig and how confident she had been that she was going to make it big and then she had met Michael who had seemed so glamorous and confident with his three piece suit and tie and his fancy apartment and the way he took her out to fancy restaurants. She had been so caught up with the sophistication that she never saw him for who he really was – she had been such a fool. She had left a wonderful life in a small town and the love of a wonderful man to go off and gotten involved in a life, so superficial and meaningless. She parked the car a little distance away from the bookstore, staring at a couple holding hands and crossing the road. The man said something and the girl laughed and hugged him. She'd had that with David and she had not been satisfied and now it was gone from her. Sara felt the tears coming and she did not stop them; until she realized they were pouring down in torrents and her shoulders were shaking with the sobs racking her body.