Sticks and Stones (Vista Falls #5)

by Cheryl Douglas

  “I’ll wait for you in the car,” Billy said, backing down the steps. “Nice meeting you, Gunnar. Hope you enjoy your stay here.”

  Gunnar ignored him, waiting until they were alone for Gi to unleash on him. He raised his hands, wiggling his fingers. “Okay, baby. Come on. Let me have it. I’m a son of a bitch, right? A dirt bag who’s trying to ruin your life?”

  “You’re my past,” she said, solemnly, slaying him with those three little words. “Why can’t you just accept that? Why did you have to come here when I’m on the verge of building a new life for myself?”

  “With that loser?” he sneered, gesturing to the late model Ford parked in her driveway. “You can’t be serious.”

  “Maybe he’s more my type than you ever were. Ever think of that?”

  He hated hearing that, mainly because it echoed with a ring of truth. “Keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep at night.”

  “You can’t believe you and I were right for each other.”

  She looked him over, taking in the torn jeans and T-shirt, with the colourful ink decorating his arms. He didn’t stand out in a crowd, nor did he want to. He wanted to blend in. Hell, more often than not now, he wanted to be invisible.

  “I’m small town. You’re big city. I’m country. You’re rock and roll. I’m a wife material. Mom material. You’re—”

  “A good dad,” he said, daring her dispute his claim. “I may not have been there as often as I should have been, but I’d lay down my life for either of those girls and you know it.”

  “I know you would,” she said, softly. “It’s not about them, Gunnar. This is about us.”

  “Why’d you leave me?”

  She shook her head, looking over her shoulder at Billy, who sat in the car waiting for her. “You know why.”

  “Because I couldn’t marry you? That’s a stupid reason and you know it. Plenty of people choose to live together.”

  “But that’s just it. They choose it. That wasn’t my choice. I made it clear from the start that I wanted a husband and a family.”

  “And I made it clear I couldn’t be that guy.”

  “Yet you cried when I told you I was pregnant with Keegan. I’d never seen you so happy.”

  He grew up a ward of the state. He’d never had a family and didn’t think he wanted or needed one until Gi and his girls came into his life and shook the foundation of his world, making him question everything he’d ever believed about himself.

  “Being a dad made me happier than anything ever has. Including my music. You knew that. Yet you took them away from me anyway.” He muttered a curse. “Why? To punish me for not marrying you?”

  She shook her head, looking so sad it broke his heart. “I didn’t do it to punish you. Or them. I would never do that. I always put them first. But I got tired of being alone. And lonely.”

  “I know I wasn’t home a lot, but—”

  “It wasn’t just that and you know it.” She looked at the car parked in her drive. “I can’t talk about this now. I have to go.”

  “So I can stay?”

  She looked through the living room window. The lights were on and the blinds were up, giving her a clear view inside. Their daughters were curled up on the sofa, but they cast anxious glances at them, obviously trying to gauge the situation.

  “I guess I don’t have a choice.”

  Chapter Two

  Gunnar knew he shouldn’t ask, but he couldn’t help himself. “So, what do you know about this guy your mom’s out with tonight?”

  “Not much,” Keegan said, reaching into the popcorn container her sister held between them. “I think Mom said he’s a photographer or something. They met at work.”

  “Does she go out a lot?” Gunnar asked, snagging his soft drink. “You know, on dates.”

  “She’s been on a few,” Ramsey said, staring at the TV screen.

  They’d talked him into some romantic comedy that hadn’t held his interest beyond the first few minutes. “A few? With the same guy?” Gunnar knew from experience that his ex didn’t subscribe to the three date rule, but that didn’t make him feel any better about her dating again.

  “No.” Ramsey frowned, glancing at him. “She’s been out with a few different guys. Why do you care so much all of a sudden? Kitty Morgan said her dad asked Mom out while you guys were living together and you didn’t object.”

  Gunnar clenched his teeth as he remembered the argument he had with Gi over that. They’d been at a fundraiser for their daughters’ fancy private school when one of the divorced fathers started flirting with Gianna. She brushed him off, but when he asked Gunnar whether he’d mind if they went out for a coffee sometime, he claimed Gianna was a free agent. He didn’t own her.

  That was the last straw in their relationship apparently. She’d heard him say that one too many times, and according to her, she was done wasting her time with a man who could care less about her.

  “I didn’t think I had the right.”

  Gunnar was trying to be fair to Gi. He didn’t want to be one of those guys who refused to get married, but expected all of the perks that went with it. Like fidelity. Sure, they lived together and co-parented their children. They slept together and he’d never messed around on her, but he’d never asked the same of her.

  Truth be told, he didn’t want to know if she slept with other men.

  “Because you weren’t married?” Keegan asked, giving him a side-long glance that unnerved him.

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “So, why didn’t you marry her?” Ramsey asked. “You didn’t love her… or you just didn’t want to be tied down?”

  He found the courage to admit to them something he’s never even said to Gianna. “I loved her,” he said quietly, staring at the screen. “I never stopped loving her.”

  “Then how could you be okay with her going out with other guys while you two were living together?” Keegan asked, shaking her head. “It doesn’t make any sense, Dad.”

  “It made sense to me.”

  His bandmates agreed with his daughters. Every time they heard him tell Gianna she was free to do what she wanted, with whomever she wanted, they told him he was just asking for trouble. Gianna was the sexiest woman any of them had ever laid eyes on and they told him it was just a matter of time before she dumped his sorry ass for not being more invested in her and their relationship. He was invested. Too invested. That was the problem.

  “Yet you’re jealous that she’s out with someone else tonight,” Keegan said.

  Gunnar scowled as he reached into the popcorn bucket and shoved a handful in his mouth. “I am not jealous.”

  “God, you’re such a liar,” Ramsey said, rolling her eyes. The sisters shared a look before she asked, “Um, can we ask you something?”

  “Sure,” he said, knowing instinctively it would be a question he’d rather not answer.

  “Did you give Mom permission to mess around so you wouldn’t feel guilty about doing it?”

  Gunnar sputtered and coughed, prompting Keegan to slap him on the back while he reached for his soft drink. “What kind of question is that?”

  “It’s legit,” Keegan said. “No guy is going to be okay with his girlfriend messing around on him unless he’s doing the same.”

  Gunnar jumped up and started pacing. “We’re not having this conversation.”

  The girls shared a look of disappointment before sinking lower in the deep cushions. “Then it’s true. You did mess around on her.”

  “What? No! I didn’t say that!” Gunnar didn’t know where his daughters got the impression he was a lying, cheating asshole, but clearly that was their opinion of him. “What the hell, guys? Can’t you give me a little credit? I loved your mom. What makes you think I’d cheat on her?”

  “Dad,” Ramsey said, rolling her eyes, “you were okay with her cheating on you. That kind of says it all.”

  He was definitely not okay with another man sharing Gianna’s bed. Then or now. But he thoug
ht if he started making demands on her, she would do the same, and he would lose her.

  “Look, girls, it’s complicated.” He sank down on a bar stool at the kitchen island, which divided the two living spaces. “I know you have questions and you deserve answers, but this is a conversation I should be having with your mom. Not you.”

  “Why didn’t you fight for us?” Ramsey asked, looking bitter. “Why didn’t you fight to keep our family together? You just let her leave and take us with her. And if that wasn’t bad enough, you let her move us here, out in the middle of nowhere. Why?” Her hazel eyes filled with tears. “Didn’t you want us?”

  Gunnar jumped off the stool and walked over to the ottoman, sitting down in front of them. “I love you guys so much. Don’t ever doubt that. I did try to fight for you. As soon as I got home and got your mom’s note, I headed over to your grandparents house and asked her to come back.”

  “We know,” Keegan said, looking sullen as she crossed her arms. “We were listening through the bedroom window while you guys talked on the front porch. We heard every word you said to her. You asked her to come back, but you didn’t beg her. You didn’t cry. You didn’t offer to change. You didn’t ask her to marry you. You didn’t do anything!” she cried, leaning into her sister as she started sobbing. “You just let her go.”

  Ramsey stroked her sister’s hair as she curled her arm around her head. “Why?” she asked. “You said you loved Mom and us, so why wouldn’t you…?” She shook her head. “Forget it, it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s too late.”

  ***

  “So, your ex is just in town for a visit?” Billy asked as they sat in her driveway.

  They’d carefully avoided the subject of Gunnar over dinner, but Gianna knew it would come up eventually. She suspected most men would have a hard time ignoring the fact a hot rock star had his ass planted firmly on her couch, entertaining their daughters.

  “Yeah. The sooner he’s gone, the better, as far as I’m concerned.” She didn’t want to sound bitter, but she was. She hated Gunnar for reminding her of the past and how much she’d once loved him.

  “Your daughters may not feel the same way though.”

  Billy was a single dad too. He shared custody of his eight-year-old son with his ex-wife and knew how hard it could be to juggle both roles.

  “I’m sure they won’t. They love their dad. They want to be with him.” She sighed, leaning her head against the headrest. “And they hate it here. They grew up in L.A. That life is all they know.”

  “So, why’d you move all the way out here?”

  “For a couple of reasons,” she admitted. “I needed to get away from Gunnar. It was the only way I could start over. And I didn’t like what that lifestyle was doing to the girls. Private schools, exotic vacations, big houses, fancy cars, privileged friends. They were becoming spoiled, entitled. I didn’t like it.”

  “That’s understandable.”

  “I grew up normal.” She ran a finger over her smooth, polished nail as she stared out the window at the soft glow of lights inside her house. “Working class family. Part-time jobs. Innocent fun. I wanted the same for my daughters.”

  “So, how’d you get drawn into that life?”

  She laughed. “Honestly? I ask myself that question all the time. I met Gunnar when I was eighteen. He and his band were on their first big headlining tour and my girlfriend and I won backstage passes. I never expected him to notice me, but he did.”

  “And one thing led to another?”

  She rested her head against the cool glass. “I fell for him, fast and hard. My parents were worried, but I assured them I knew what I was doing. I didn’t, of course. I had no idea the ways that man would change me, change my life.”

  “Were you happy with him?”

  “Sure, until I wasn’t anymore.” She finally gave up on the dream when she realized he didn’t really need her and never had. “That’s when I knew I had to leave him. I was miserable more than I was happy, wishing for things I could never have. That’s no way to live.”

  “It looks like he may still have feelings for you. He seemed jealous, seeing you with me tonight.”

  She laughed, though it tore from her throat like a sob. “Gunnar doesn’t have a jealous bone in his body. In fact, he encouraged me to go out with other men. He stood by and watched other men hit on me and didn’t even bat an eye.”

  “Really?”

  She didn’t blame Billy for sounding surprised. It was hard to believe anyone could share as many years as they had and care so little. “Really.” She tipped her head to look at him. “So, that’s why I had to leave. I decided I loved myself too much to stay.”

  “Maybe he’s had a change of heart.”

  “It’s too late for that,” she said sincerely. “I stopped loving that man a long time ago.”

  They talked a few more minutes before Billy walked her to the door and kissed her goodnight. There were no sparks, but she didn’t expect them anymore. Sex with Gunnar had been like the Fourth of July, yet still left her feeling cold and alone after the deed was done.

  “Hey,” Gunnar said when she stepped inside. “How was your date?”

  “It was good.”

  She set her keys and purse down on the hall table before stepping into the living room. Their home was a two-story Victorian, not too big or too small, though the girls claimed their bedrooms were the size of the closets in their dad’s house.

  “You going to see him again?”

  “I think so.”

  She stepped out of her flip-flops and crossed the hardwood floor before sinking down on the sofa, with a full-sized cushion between her and Gunnar. She could have sat on one of the two chairs, but didn’t want it to seem she was uncomfortable being near him.

  “The girls are in bed?” she asked, reaching for the remote and turning on the evening news.

  “Yeah, they went up a little while ago.”

  “Did they show you to your room?”

  “Yeah, I left my duffle bag in there.”

  A person could fit a lot of clothes in a duffle bag, which concerned her. She’d hoped he would stay a day or two, get caught up with the girls, then disappear for a few more months.

  “Tell me about your life, Gi,” he said, holding a pillow against his chest. “You like it here?”

  “Sure.” She bit her lip, wondering how much she should reveal. “It reminds me of Frazier Park.”

  “Without the mountains.”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “We could have lived there, you know. In Frazier Park. We didn’t have to live in Beverly Hills.”

  “Frazier Park was too far. You said so yourself.” She’d suggested it when they found out she was pregnant. She was young and wanted to be close to her mom. He wanted to hire a nanny and stay in L.A. He got his way and she learned to settle for monthly visits with her parents when Gunnar was on the road.

  “I was a selfish ass,” he said, curling his hand into the pillow. “I know that now. It was my world and everyone else just lived in it.”

  She didn’t know how to respond to that. “I knew who you were and what you did when we met. I never asked you to change.”

  “Didn’t you?” He tipped his head to look at her. “You asked me to be something I couldn’t. Not then.”

  Not then? “Right… a husband.” A life partner. A best friend.

  “I never really thought you’d leave me.”

  It had taken her a long time to work up the courage, but by the time she finally did, she had no regrets about leaving. “It was for the best, Gunnar. I’m sure you can see that now. You have your life and I have mine, here, with the girls.”

  “My life is empty without all of you.”

  She never expected to see a glimmer of vulnerability from him. “I find that hard to believe. You still have your friends, your music, adoring fans, enough money to satisfy any desire. What more could you want, right?”

  Gunnar had always been the outgoing on
e in their relationship. He needed to go where the action was, to see and be seen. She was the homebody who loved a good book and the occasional glass of wine. They couldn’t have been more different, which should have been reason enough for her to avoid his advances. But she was young and naïve and he was rich and famous and used to getting what he wanted.

  “All of that gets old after a while.” He rested his head on the back of the sofa and stared at the original chandelier centered on the high ceiling.

  “Even the music?” she asked, staring at him.

  He was still ridiculously handsome with that caramel skin and those hazel eyes framed by thick, long lashes that would have made any woman envious. His long legs were stretched out in front of him, his body as tight and lean as ever, thanks to his penchant for running—to clear his head, he claimed.

  “Even the music,” he confirmed, tilting his head to look her in the eye. “I’m supposed to be at home working on a new album right now. I was sitting at my piano this afternoon, staring at a photo of you and the girls and it hit me. What the hell am I doing? I shouldn’t be there. I should be here. With you guys.”

  She considered feigning a yawn and ending the conversation before he could explain, but heard herself ask, “Since when do you let anything come before your music? Besides, you have commitments, right? A band to think of, a manager and record label who’ll be riding you if you don’t produce.” She sighed, getting tired just thinking about all of the demands on his time. “Then there’ll be the tour to promote the album. It’ll take you around the world, no doubt.”

  “What if I just stopped, told them I was done?”

  “Like that would ever happen.” She used to believe it would. She’d try to imagine what their lives would be like when Gunnar was finally ready to slow down. A nice, quiet life in some little seaside town where she’d have him all to herself, finally.

  “I realized something today.”

  “Oh yeah? What’s that?” She could hear the edge to her voice and hated the bitterness. She wasn’t a vindictive person and didn’t hold grudges, but she couldn’t help being resentful where Gunnar was concerned.