Regina Blunder, Ghost Hunter: a short story

by Phil Skaggs Jr.

dogs and leaned forward to give them as much attention as humanly possible. She was seeking the perfect hot dog. While avoiding Gomez, of course.

  “Funny seeing you here, huh?” Gomez leaned in.

  “Yep. Sure. Hilarious.” Looks like someone’s mom from city hall was leaking information to her lonely, lonely son. Again.

  “So, what are you up to?”

  “Just looking at some rotating meat, Gomez.”

  “That’s it?”

  “Yep.” She frowned.

  “That’s all there is to do on this lovely Saturday?”

  “Yep.” Everyone was in a real subtle mood today. Reggie stood up and focused all of her energy onto the hot dog in the left corner.

  “Really?” Gomez’s voice went up an octave or two in a way that would have sounded cute on a two year old. But sad on a seventeen year old.

  “OH. MY. GAWD. GOMEZ. Do you want to know what I’m doing today? My whole schedule?” Reggie erupted. Gomez seemed to change his mind as he shook his head furiously. It was his coward gene kicking.

  “Well, you’re going to hear it, now. I’m off to a level two haunting by the old library where I will spend the next two hours of sunlight setting up equipment and then the next four hours after that. If I am lucky. Waiting for the ghosts to appear. And, no, you can’t go. And the reason is the same as always. You don’t know what you’re doing.” Reggie paused for a moment and pointed out the hot dog she was interested in to the STOP-N-GO cashier.

  “Just because my undead binding spell didn’t work that one time.” Gomez shrugged. “Just one time.”

  “You spilled a bucket of pig’s blood all over my shoes.”

  “It came off.”

  “Pig’s blood. Pig’s. Blood.” She added for emphasis. “Pig’s blood.”

  “But still. I mean-”

  “Gomez. It was pig’s blood.”

  “Well, I’ve been studying up on all the latest ghost capturing methods and I think that I would be a good asset to you.” Gomez had his arms folded across his chest and a proud smile across his face.

  Reggie smiled as nicely as possible. She knew any negativity from her at that point would end in tears. She tugged at her earlobe and continued to smile while Gomez waited for an answer. The tugging of an earlobe being the universal sign for help.

  Sam popped in between them and Reggie could swear Sam’s arms were filled up with more candy than before. “Hey there, Gomez. Looking good. I’m liking the shirt.”

  “Thanks.” He looked down at his plain grey t-shirt.

  “Later, Gomez.” Sam and Reggie made a beeline for the counter where Reggie’s hot dog was waiting. Getting cold.

  Gomez look up quickly. Then realized defeat. He nodded and waved. “Yep. Alright. Next time. I got some stuff to do anyway.” He turned and walked down the aisle looking for a weekend’s worth of energy drink and cheese puffs.

  “Yep. That’s mine.” Reggie pointed to the hot dog.

  “And these.” Sam spilled her armload out onto the counter.

  “Thanks.” The cashier added without sincerity.

  Sam grabbed a magazine and looked it over. “You’re always so hard on that guy, Regina.”

  “I know but he’s just so...” Reggie looked over her shoulder to make sure he wasn’t within earshot. She still whispered. “Intense. And weird.”

  “He just wants to do this stuff. You should let him. It’s pretty easy.”

  “It’s not pretty easy. It only seems pretty easy cause you don’t do anything.”

  “Alright. I was just suggesting. What crawled up your butt this morning?” Sam slid the magazine under some candy on the counter.

  “Nothing. Just been thinking about college.” Reggie grabbed the magazine. “The deal only applies to food.”

  Sam grabbed the magazine and gave a quick smile before throwing it back on the rack. “So you’re not applying now? Or you are? I forget where we are on the subject.”

  “I don’t know. That’s the problem. I get out of school in less than a year. Do I really want to go back right after the summer? Or ever?”

  “Well, you gotta make your mind up soon.” Sam added. “What did your parents say?”

  “That’s it’s up to me. Blah, blah, blah. Then they told me stories of how they travelled the world learning the mystic arts and being radicals and sleeping on couches.” Reggie sighed. “But then said it would be good for job security.”

  “Tough.”

  “Tell me about it.” Reggie replied.

  “Alright. Anything else?” The cashier looked back and forth between the two.

  “Yeah, give me another hot dog.” Reggie replied.

  “Any one in particular?” The cashier was pretty familiar with Reggie’s buying habits.

  “No. Just pick one.” Reggie shrugged. “Putting up with Gomez made me extra hungry.”

  Sam nodded. She was getting pretty hungry, too.

  “The extra wiener brings it to $47.13.” The cashier smirked. Wiener.

  Reggie looked at Sam then pulled out her wallet shaking her head. “Why haven’t your teeth fallen out yet?”

  “Good genetics I guess.” Sam grabbed the bags as Reggie signed the receipt.

  “Thanks.” The cashier added, “Enjoy your double wiener.” As Reggie and Sam walked out the door.

  “Did you hear that?” Reggie groaned. “Every time.”

  “Hahahaha...double wiener. Oh yeah. You enjoy that double wiener.” Sam did a little dance.

  “And I must now reevaluate our friendship once again.” Reggie hopped into the van. Sam continued laughing to herself as she popped some chocolate in her mouth and got behind the steering wheel.

  “At least you’ve got a choice.” Sam added with a mouthful of licorice rope.

  “Huh?” Reggie took a bite of her hot dog.

  “You’ve got a choice about going to college or not.” Sam clarified. “I’m stuck in high school for another year and then who knows what I’ll be doing.”

  Reggie took another bite of her hot dog and slid back in her seat. She looked out the window.

  “My choices are work a crap job or the army.” Sam counted on her fingers. “And I’m not keen on either.”

  “Just get a loan. That’s what I’ll be doing or would be doing. Depending on if I go or not.”

  “With my family’s credit history? Yeah. I’ll just walk into the bank. And they’ll be all,” Sam put a finger over her top lip and said in her manliest voice, “I’m Mr. Banker. How much do you need? Take all you want. It’s for the education. Let me know when you’re ready to pay it back.”

  “Oh yeah. I forgot about that. Sorry.” Reggie finished off hot dog one and went for number two.

  “Meh, it’s all right. I’ll just bum around til I find something I’m amazing at like Annie Cooke.”

  “Didn’t she get busted for meth dealing or meth making? Something to do with meth?” Reggie raised an eyebrow.

  “No. You’re thinking of someone else.” Sam waved it off. “This is the girl that made ties or soap or something. And sold them online. You know who I’m talking about.”

  “Yeeeaaahhh... That was meth, Samantha.”

  “Really?”

  “Yep.”

  “Dammit.”

  “Sorry.” Reggie finished off her hot dog number two.

  “Whatever. I got a while before I need to get serious. I just turned 17 for crying out loud!” Sam shouted that last point out the window.

  “Yea, you did!” Reggie added for a boost.

  “Regina knows what I’m talking about!” Sam continued out the window.

  “Why are we shouting?”

  “To hide me fear! Oh yeah!” Sam gave a silent trucker honk.

  “Is it working?”

  “Eh. I feel better.” Sam settled back into the van.

  “Ugh.” Reggie rubbed her stomach. “I shouldn’t have let that cashier pick out the hot dog.”

  “Didn’t enjoy the double wiener?” Sam grinn
ed widely.

  “No I didn’t” Reggie noticed the trees beginning to vanish and the sidewalk started to crack and warp. Tale-tell signs that the new part of Betterton was ending and Old Town was beginning.

  Sam look around as if afraid someone or something would jump out into the street. The buildings were a mish-mash of style from the twenties to the eighties as parts of buildings were destroyed and rebuilt throughout Old Town’s history.

  “Pull up over there.” Reggie pointed to the old library just within in the city limits. The renovation crews had made little progress on this side of town. “They’re reporting ghosts in the parking lot.” Reggie added.

  In the last four years very little progress has been made on much of Old Town. The mayor at first just tried to bulldoze everything down until construction workers started reporting flying tools and home hauntings. Exorcists and ghost hunters were called in to rid the area of its hauntings. But nothing happened except a few psychics were dragged to the Old Town center and never heard from again.

  A few years later, city hall decided to try again. This time the Blunders were called in. They were the leading experts on helping spirits pass over and returning property to its natural state. They always made sure that both parties, the ghosts and the living, were happy with the outcome.

  After a lot of consulting with spirits and the land, the Blunders decided that there was no way to aid the spirits peacefully. So they walked away from the project to focus on teaching and their instructional book series. Well, the parents walked away. Reggie saw an opportunity.

  Reggie came from a long line of mudangs, Korean shamans, from her mother’s side. And a few talented deserters of the Golden Dawn from her father’s side. As such, she was pretty well versed in the supernatural at an early age. Reggie, however, felt that ghosts needed a firmer handling