Diary of a Wildflower

by Ruth White

  We snuggle under the covers. She puts her arms around me.

  “What did he say when I left?” I ask.

  “He cried,” she says. “He ranted and raved. He cursed you. He said he didn’t want you to ever come back home. Oh, Lorie...”

  “It’s okay, Jewel. I’ll stay out of his way for a few days, and he’ll forget all about it. You’ll see.”

  “Do you really think so, Lorie?”

  I don’t really think so, but I say, “Yes.”

  “Where were you?”

  “I was in the woods.”

  “Back there in the pretty woods?”

  “At first. Then I sat at the edge of the tangled woods by Willy’s Road. I was waiting for Samuel.”

  “He didn’t come home.”

  “Do you know about the Old Thing that lives in those woods, Jewel?”

  “What old thing?”

  “There’s an old, old thing that lives there and cries away the years.”

  “Oh, Lorie. What are you talking about? What’s happened to you?”

  “Nothing, Jewel.”

  “But what you’re saying sounds crazy.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Jewel. The Old Thing is not going to hold us back. I’m going to beat it, and so will you.”

  Thirteen

  January, 1929

  Dad has not mentioned that awful night to me. He does not speak to me at all. He is a strange old man now. He moves slowly. He talks to himself. His beard has grown long and white like Grandpa Wallace’s. He goes about like a sleepwalker. Now Bea is more a mother to him than a wife.

  The reason Samuel did not come home that night is that Caroline persuaded him to see Dr. Wayne, and the doctor sent him to the hospital in Skylark. He spent three days there being treated for an unspecified lung ailment.

  When he found out what had happened between me and Dad, and that I had spent part of the night outside, he felt guilty for not being there to protect me.

  “It’s okay,” I told him. “You can’t always be there for me. When I go away, I will have to take care of myself.”

  “Yes, but I want to protect you as long as I can.”

  Before cold weather we met with Trula and her boys at Roxie’s Park on a pretty Sunday. For the first time Caroline came with Samuel. She and Trula hit it off. I think they will be friends.

  Uncle Green has moved his family to Granger, so Vic will be able to finish school there with the senior class at the highschool. Samuel says Uncle Green moved away because he was disgusted with Uncle Ben. He didn’t want to live where his own brother was the notorious bootlegger over the ridge.

  Caroline, however, had no qualms about renting Uncle Green’s house. It is as isolated as our house, so that Samuel can spend as much time as he wants with her, and nobody will know he’s there. I’m glad for the two of them that they can be together, but I miss Samuel when he’s gone.

  On my way out the door one morning, I see Dad’s pistol lying on the floor beside his bed. No one is around. Without a second thought I pick it up and shove it into my coat pocket. Outside I walk around the house to the back yard, open the cover to the well, and drop the gun into the black hole. I hear it hit the water. I close and latch the well cover, and hurry down the mountain to school.

  I listen to the radio as much as I can, and imitate the announcers. I have been doing this for almost a year now, and Samuel says I am beginning to sound like someone from elsewhere. I will be graduating the end of May, and I have been searching all the newspapers I can lay my hands on for possible jobs. Caroline gets a subscription to the Bluefield paper which she saves for me. Mr. Harmon brings a Roanoke paper to me every week, and Samuel has bought a six-month subscription to The Bristol Herald. The kids love reading the Katzenjammer Kids and Mutt and Jeff in the funny papers. But I have found nothing quite as interesting in the ads. Most of the jobs are for men. Occasionally there will be a listing for a Young Lady Secretary, a position which requires skills in typewriting and shorthand. Or I’ll see a listing for a teacher, which requires at least a year of college. Other ads call for laundresses or seamstresses. Samuel says I would not be able to live on the pay.

  “Be patient,” he says encouragingly. “Something will come along that is right for you. Some of the factories hire women, and their wages are the best. Give it a little time.”

  But the closer I get to graduation the more nervous I get. After all the years of dreaming of this time when I will be free to leave Dad’s house and Starr Mountain, now I find that it is not so easy to begin a new life, regardless of how much you want it.

  Mr. Harmon tells me, “If anybody was ever meant to go to college, it’s you.”

  “Sure! I’ll go out and pick some money off that money tree of mine,” I say sarcastically, “and skip on off to Harvard.”

  “They don’t admit women,” he comes right back at me. “I was thinking more along the lines of Radford Teacher’s College.”

  “They want money too,” I say with a sigh.

  “Don’t be blue,” he says sweetly. “Fate has to smile kindly upon someone as special as you.”

  March, 1929

  Coming out of the school house on a Saturday afternoon, I see a beautiful black horse tied to the hitching post on the back side of Call’s. It’s Raven of course. That means Dr. Wayne is inside. I will wait for him to come out. Maybe he can help me. I pat Raven on the neck, and

  he turns large dark eyes to me. Shortly, Dr. Wayne comes out of the store and greets me warmly.

  “Haven’t seen you for awhile,” I say. “Have you been away again?”

  “No. I’ve been very busy. My schedule has been grueling.”

  “I have to wonder,” I say, “why you chose to come here and practice medicine. Why didn’t you stay in Charlottesville?”

  “My family wonders the same thing, but it’s simple. I came here to serve.”

  “To serve?”

  “Yes. I wanted to go where I could do the most good, and this is where God sent me.”

  “God sent you to the most god-forsaken place in the country?” I say.

  He laughs.

  “I know you could make a better living elsewhere,” I say.

  “Yes I could, but you see, Lorelei, I have always had money, and I wanted to do more with my life than simply add to my fortune. I want to use my skills to help others who are struggling. These good mountain folk are in great need of a physician. So I am here to serve.”

  “And does your wife share this desire to serve?” I ask.

  “Indeed she does. She’s my partner in every way.”

  “That’s interesting,” I say. “And why doesn’t she go on calls with you?”

  “She has a crippled foot,” he says, “from a childhood accident, which makes it difficult for her to traverse these hills. So she takes care of our home patients and does the paper work.”

  “You see patients in your home?” I ask.

  “Yes. We have also started construction on a small infirmary to be attached to our house where we can care for a few bedridden patients.”

  “I think that’s wonderful,” I say. And I really am impressed. “You and Mrs. Wayne could go anywhere and do anything, but you choose to stay here and help people in need.”

  “Don’t make us sound like saints,” he says with a chuckle. “This work gives us much satisfaction. So you see, our motives are entirely selfish.” Then he mounts Raven and looks down at me. “Are you finished with highschool yet?”

  “Two more months,” I say. “Dr. Wayne, you said I could come to you if I needed help.”

  “I did say that. Are you in need?”

  “I want to get away. I want to find a job somewhere. I wonder if you know someone, perhaps a friend in Charlottesville, who might be interested in hiring me. I am a hard worker, and I’m willing to do anything – within reason.”

  “Well, now,” he says and looks away toward the hill tops. “Let me think.”

  “I don’t expect an answer right
now,” I say. “Just think about it when you have the time, and let me know. You can drop me a note in the mail.”

  “I will certainly check into this,” he says. “I promise.”

  ********************

  Two and a half weeks pass with no word from Dr. Wayne. He was just being nice. He can’t help me. He may try, but who would hire a girl, sight unseen, right out of the hills with nothing to recommend her? Then one day, Jewel, who is in the eighth grade this year, comes in from school and tosses a letter on my lap.

  “From Dr. Wayne,” she says.

  I just stare at it. I can’t believe he has actually written to me.

  “Mrs. Call had something nasty to say about it,” Jewel says. “She said Dr. Wayne is quite a catch for a Starr girl.”

  I barely hear what Jewel is saying as I rip the envelope open.

  Dear Lorelei:

  I have made inquiries on your behalf, and now have a response from a good lady in Charlottesville who is in need of a live-in servant girl. She must be at least eighteen years of age. I am assuming you qualify. The lady is of good character and belongs to a fine old Virginia family that has been friends with my own family for many years. Her name is Mrs. Broderick Myles, and she would like to have a letter of introduction from you. You will find her address below.

  Please let me know how this turns out for you.

  With all best wishes,

  Your friend, Dr. Blake Wayne

  I run as fast as I can to Samuel who is chopping wood in the back yard, and show him the letter.

  “A servant?” I say. “Is that the same as a maid? Do I want to be a maid?”

  “Yes,” he says. “The doctor says it’s a good family. And you won’t have to worry about where you’re going to sleep and if you’re going to eat. Go there and work at least for awhile. You can come home if you’re not happy.”

  “But she says I have to be eighteen, Samuel. I’m only seventeen and a half.”

  “You can pass for eighteen.”

  “But it’s a lie. I could get into trouble.”

  “How will they find out? This one time it’s okay to lie. Go, Lorelei. It’s your chance to get away from here. Go.”

  “If I’m going to be a servant I might as well stay here,” I say.

  “You won’t have to be a servant forever. These are obviously wealthy, educated people. Learn all you can learn from them. Save your wages. Then maybe go to a bigger city.”

  “Oh, Samuel, I can’t leave Jewel. Dad will work her to death.”

  “I’ll take care of Jewel. I will help her with her work. I will also make sure she attends her highschool classes.”

  “Dad won’t let you do woman’s work,” I say.

  Samuel laughs. “Why are you making all these excuses? Stop it! You wanted to go, and now you have the chance. Fear is the only thing standing in your way. Go. I will cut wood and bring it in for Jewel and keep the fires going, haul water from the well, work in the garden, look after Lawrence. There are many things a mere man can do around the house.”

  “Washing clothes is the hardest part,” I say. “Jewel can’t do all that laundry. She’s too delicate.”

  “Bea helps with the laundry, and you know it. I will help too. Dad can’t stop me. I promise, Lorelei. You don’t have to worry about Jewel. And when she’s old enough she can come to you.”

  With no more excuses, I have Jewel pick up some nice stationery for me at Call’s the next day, and I write a letter to Mrs. Myles. Yes, I tell her, I would like to come. I write two whole pages about myself, my education, my life. I hold the letter to my heart and say a little prayer before I hand it to Jewel to put in the mail for me. It feels like the last day of my childhood.

  April, 1929

  I am almost finished with Anna Karenina. Next I will begin Les Miserables, my last assignment in highschool literature. I have loved it with all my heart, and I hope I will always have access to good books.

  Most of April is gone, with no word from Mrs. Broderick Myles of Charlottesville. Again I am losing hope. Maybe that lady is interviewing a lot of girls for this job. Maybe she doesn’t like my letter. Or maybe she’s changed her mind, and has decided she doesn’t need anybody after all. With a heavy heart I start searching the ads again, but there seems to be nothing out there in the world for me.

  ********************

  Since Vic has gone to Granger, there are only four members left in the senior class. After helping us prepare for the Virginia standardized test for graduating seniors, Mr. Harmon holds a private conference with each of us, in the cloakroom where he has established an office of sorts for himself. I am the last to go in. I sit in a chair beside him while he tells me not to worry about the test. He knows I will pass it easily.

  “It’s been such a delight to teach you, Lorie,” he says. “You are without exception the best student I have ever had.”

  “I’ll bet you said that to Opal and the twins too, didn’t you?” I tease him.

  “No, you are the special one, Lorie. Now, I have something to say.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “I know it’s your dream to leave here and make your own money and your own way in the world. But somewhere in your heart, don’t you also dream of going to college?”

  “It’s just one dream too many, Mr. Harmon. It’s too farfetched.”

  He places a hand over mine where it rests on the arm of my chair. “Suppose I go with you?” he says very softly.

  “I don’t know what you mean, sir,” I say, and ease my hand away from him.

  “I am jumping off a cliff here, Lorie,” he says, and I can see little beads of sweat around his temple. “Please help me.”

  I’m beginning to understand. But I can’t help him. I don’t say anything.

  “I am asking you to go away with me,” he says. “To a college town if you wish, where I will pay for your education. Or to any other place you choose to go. I have some money saved.”

  Why did I not see this coming?

  “I can work as a teacher anywhere,” he goes on. “We can be together.”

  “But you have a wife and children, Mr. Harmon,” I blurt out.

  He stares at his hands. “Joyce and I were never in love,” he says. “It was a marriage between friends. She’ll get over it quickly. I’ve thought it all out, Lorie. I’ll send her what I can until the boys are grown. Then she can take care of herself. She has an income.”

  He would leave his wife and children to take me away to a place of my choice.

  “I love you, Lorie, and with you by my side, I will be a better man.”

  He loves me. He would be my familiar face in a strange land. I would not be alone. He would be my rock. He would take care of me. But what – what would he expect of me in return? Of course. I’m not that naïve.

  “Lorie, you don’t know how I have struggled.”

  “Struggled with what?”

  “With my feelings for you. I thought you returned those feelings. Did I imagine that?”

  “I like you, Mr. Harmon.”

  “You like me?”

  “Yes, I like you very much.”

  “You like me very much?” He laughs softly. “And can you honestly say you had no idea whatsoever how I felt about you?”

  “Honestly, I had no idea, sir.”

  “Then you really are innocent. That’s part of your appeal. You are sweet and innocent, but so desirable at the same time.”

  “Please stop,” I say.

  “Sorry,” he mumbles.

  We are silent for a few moments. His breathing is irregular. We do not look at each other. Apparently I’m not so innocent either, because the idea of doing intimate things with Mr. Harmon actually excites me. But not..not every night – forever.

  “I will give you this much, Mr. Harmon,” I manage to say at last, “your offer is tempting. But I simply can’t do it. I don’t love you, and I won’t steal you from your family.”

  “Oh, Lorie, my sweet girl, when schoo
l is over next month, we may never see each other again. Maybe you will miss me a little, but I...I will be in great pain.”

  “I am sorry to cause pain to anyone,” I say, “but it was certainly unconsciously done and I hope it will be of short duration.”

  At this Mr. Harmon gives me a startled look, then buries his face in his hands. Oh, Lord, is he going to cry? But no, thank heavens – he comes up laughing!

  “Elizabeth Bennett,” he says. “Pride and Prejudice.”

  Yes indeed, those were Elizabeth Bennett’s words when she refused Mr. Darcy. I am embarrassed.

  “God, Lorie!” he says, “I have taught you too well.”

  “I may appear to take you lightly, sir,” I say. “But I really don’t. I am more than flattered. I am honored.”

  “Flattered and honored?” he says. “But not elated?”

  I shake my head. “But you can count on me, Mr. Harmon, to keep this a secret. I would not have others ridicule you.”

  “So I’m a ridiculous man then?” he says sadly.

  “Not at all. I think you’re a wonderful man,” I say in all seriousness. “But you know how people gossip. I promise you, they will hear nothing from me.”

  He gives me the ghost of a smile. “Thank you for that. Just let me say this, and I’ll be done. You’re a beautiful girl, and I envy the man who wins your heart. But your mind is beautiful too, and I couldn’t bear to see you waste it on someone who does not appreciate you. You are very much like Elizabeth Bennett – scrappy and fiesty, and I know you won’t let anybody run over you.”

  “I won’t, sir,” I say. “And no matter what the future holds for me, I will always remember this moment when I had an offer from a man as special as you are.”

  Fourteen

  May 1929

  With May slipping away, and not a word from Mrs. Myles, I am almost resigned to my fate – living at home. I have known for a long time there is no handsome prince on a white horse coming to carry me off and save me. More likely, he wants to give me chills in my tum and make me have his babies, whether I want them or not. That’s nature’s trick to insure the survival of the species. But what does a mountain woman do with her life if she doesn’t have a husband and children? She becomes a dependent. She works for her dad planting the garden, canning, cooking, sewing, cleaning, taking care of his children. Or she becomes a beggar.