by Lauren Wood
“I have to go Amber. I will give you a call in the morning before I head out.”
“So that is it?”
Her red lips were pouting and for a moment I almost went with her because I needed the release that she would give me. Amber was many things, but she always was one to pleasure me well.
“For now. I just wouldn’t be any good the way I am feeling and you deserve better.”
It sounded good in my head, but reflected back in her eyes, I knew that it was a load of crap. She stormed off and if I was smart, I would have gone after her, told her that I was just feeling off and offer her a quiet night in with me. There were a lot of things I could have done, but I just let her go. She wasn’t the one that I wanted and now that I saw Mandy again, I remembered why no one else had done all of these years.
Driving back to the hotel, my mind slipped to Mandy. She looked the same as she always had. Her red hair was a bit longer and a bit more tamed, but it was still the same as when I had buried my fingers through her hair while we were making love. I had always loved her hair and there was a part of me that had ached to smell it, wondering if she still used the same shampoo as before. I would never admit to how long I had spent in grocery stores trying to find the right bottle, just so I could have that smell of her. I never found it and if I did get to see her again, I knew that I was going to have to find out what it was.
The room in the hotel was a lot smaller than I remembered and I was sure that it was because I was pacing before I went to bed. I couldn’t stop thinking about Mandy and all of the things that we had done together when we were young. She was the one that I thought of late at night when I was alone. Now I wondered if she was ever going to call me. Had I missed the only chance to see her that I was ever going to get? The idea was unsettling and I knew that there was a part of me that was never going to get her back. That sort of thing was only in my dreams.
***
“Morning sunshine.”
I smiled into the phone and wiped the sleep from my eyes. Looking at the clock, it had only been a couple of hours since I had lay down and though I was supposed to leave in a couple of hours, I was still debating what to do. It is what had kept me up all of this time and I was no closer to an answer than when I had started asking the question to myself last night.
“Did you get some rest before your flight?”
“Yeah.”
“Liar.”
I sat up and wiped my eyes until they were a little sore. I hadn’t really gotten any sleep, but that wasn’t any matter. I still had a million things to do and the only one that was going to get them done was me.
“I was going to bring over some breakfast before I left for the week. Do you have anything in particular that you would like?”
My Aunt Dawn told me that there wasn’t anything that she could think about and I was just going to have to pick something out for her. I knew that she wanted French toast, but she would never really ask for it because of her diabetes. She knew that I would tell her no, so she didn’t even ask anymore.
I hung up the phone and realized that it was still a little while before my flight and I was thankful that she woke me up instead of me waking up at the last minute and not getting to go see her. It had been a long time since I had missed a flight out of Watertown, but the last time I had been forced to rent a car and drive back to Chicago. It was easier to pay a little more and let someone else do the traveling.
I checked to see if there were any messages that I had somehow missed. I was waiting for Mandy to call me. I was sure she would, but then again, she had ghosted me so many years ago. There was no telling if she was just going to do it again. I tried to tell myself that I wouldn’t care like I had the last time, but I would have only been fooling myself. If I never heard from her again, I would be devastated like the last time.
CHAPTER 5
GREG
“I see that you are in a better mood today, but you haven’t gotten much sleep.”
Aunt Dawn was old, but she had keen eyes that seemed to pick everything up. I knew that it was futile to say otherwise, so I just kind of shook my head as much as I could to agree with her. I didn’t want to explain myself, but there was a part of me that kind of did. She was one of the only people that knew about Mandy and what happened. She was the one that I had stayed with over the summer to help out, so while I was getting over Mandy, or trying to, Aunt Dawn saw it all. Dawn would understand what it all meant to me. It was a big deal and she would appreciate it better than anyone else would have.
“I ran into someone that I haven’t seen in a long time. A ghost you might say.”
Her blue eyes met mine and for a moment I thought she was going to burst her name out. It was clear to me that she knew who it was that I was talking about, but there was part of me that knew that I was going to tell her anyways.
“Did you talk to her?”
I shook my head that we did. “Not as much as I would have wanted to, but we did get to talk for a little bit and I gave her my number.”
Dawn’s eyebrows went up and I would have given anything to have heard her actual thoughts on it, not just what her filter would let go of. I always felt like she always knew more than what she led on. Dawn was mysterious that way.
“I hope she calls you back. I know that she was the only woman that you ever really loved.”
“How have you not seen her in town?”
“I have a few times. She has the most darling son that is getting to be a man. Must be in his early teens I would say.”
That was a tidbit that I had never been told before. I wondered why she had never told me that before, but I figured that she was just trying to protect my feelings. Dawn knew that Mandy had destroyed me in more ways than one.
“I didn’t know that she had a kid.”
“It’s been a long time Greg. You need to make sure that is a road that you are willing to go down again.”
CHAPTER 6
MANDY
I toyed with the number that I had written down off of my palm. I had done it as soon as I had gotten home from Alise dropping me off. She had a lot of questions, many that I had no answer to and I tried to ignore some of them. It was too much to think about if I had a say in it.
I wanted to call Greg, but I didn’t know what for. Could I really just call him and see how he was? Did he give me the number because he wanted to talk again or was just being nice? I didn’t think that he was just being nice about it, but I wasn’t really sure and I didn’t want to be wrong.
Staring at the number for far too long, it was a while before I realized that I was going to have to get Alfie and go to work. I had sat and thought about it for several hours and even though my day was just starting, it felt like I had been up all day. It was too much thinking and it was wearing my head out at the moment.
Instead I got dressed and started my day like I was supposed to. Just because I had seen Greg and he put my head in a tailspin, didn’t mean that I was going to be able to leave it like that. I had things to do and Alfie had already texted me wondering where I was. I was never late, but that day I almost was. Instead of being early, I was running only a couple of minutes early, which was late for me.
Alfie was ready to go when I got there and it was then that I realized the similarities. It was not just in the crystal green eyes that seemed to see everything, but in the mannerism as well. Those were not supposed to be the same, but there were many times that my heart had clenched because all I could think about was who Alfie always reminded me of.
“What took you so long Mom?”
I kind of shrugged and told him that I slept in. He didn’t believe me, but didn’t say much else. I was supposed to be the one that worried about the truth, but it was Alfie that was such a fan. I always knew that some things were better left unsaid or unknown. The truth was not always the best thing.
“I just have been a little more tired than usual. I got a lot going on at work. So how was the sleepover?”
> He didn’t like that I called it that, but I didn’t know what else to call it. I don’t think there was a cool teenage version that I could use, though I was sure it was best just to not talk to him all together to help my coolness. Teenage boys had their own issues to worry about and I was still getting used to my baby growing up and getting an attitude. It was a hard thing to deal with.
“It’s not a sleepover.”
“Oh, okay, sorry hon.”
He made a deep sigh that told me that he was already sick of talking to me. I was still trying to navigate what I could and couldn’t say, but I would have to be honest if I didn’t say that I wasn’t still as confused as when I started.
“Well I can see it didn’t do anything to improve your mood Alfie. Do we really have to be like this?”
He shrugged and it reminded me of myself. I know exactly where he got his stubbornness from and it didn’t take long for him to tell me what it was that was wrong with him. I could tell it was something, but I wasn’t sure what it was all about.
“Do you want to tell me what is going on with you?”
“I want to know who my dad is. You and Grams keep putting it off, but I am older now and I want to know. I have a right to know mom.”
It was not the first time that he had wanted to know more, and it was not the first time that I was at a loss of what I was supposed to say. I know that I should tell him the truth, but my hands were not unclean and I was afraid that he would never forgive me. I felt guilt for not telling him all of these years, but could I really tell him now? Something inside of me said that I should hold it in a little longer, even if that was going to make him more upset with me. I was okay with that, as long as I convinced myself that it was the best way to go about all of it.
“You need to get to school and I need to get to work. Maybe we can talk about it tonight and I will tell you all that you want to know, okay?”
Alfie wanted to believe me, but it wasn’t the first time that I had backed out of telling him about his father. It was procrastination and fear on my part, but I could tell now that I wasn’t going to be able to put it off anymore. It was time for the truth to come out. I knew that it wasn’t just Alfie that I was going to have to tell some hard truths to, but someone else as well.
I dropped him off at school with a sinking feeling in my heart that was impossible to ignore. I knew that there was part of me that was never going to be able make it up to him, but it was time for him to at least learn the truth.
My mind was elsewhere as I drove the few miles to the animal sanctuary for work. It was my last day for the week and though I loved my job, I was ready for the freedom that came with a little time off. I told myself that I wasn’t going to spend all of my time thinking about Greg, but I knew I was going to do that very thing until I just broke down and called him like I needed to. I made it a point that I was going to call him when I got home from work. There was a lot to talk about and it wasn’t like I didn’t have a very good reason to make that call.
CHAPTER 7
MANDY
“How are you doing today Mrs. Dawn?”
Dawn looked behind her and smiled at me. She was one of our regulars and if I didn’t know any better, I would say that she was a big donor as well, though she would never admit to such a thing if I ever got the nerve to ask her about it. Nonetheless, Dawn Whitaker was there a lot. I knew that she was related to Greg, but I figured that when he left town, he left the rest of his family behind because until the night before, I had never ran into him.
“I am good Mandy, how are you?”
She was looking at me with those clear eyes and I could feel her trying to read me. It was impossible to keep her gaze for too long because I was sure that she could read my mind or something like that. She was just too calm, too much of the time. While Dawn was rather old, her eyes were that of someone much younger and it was like she was watching everything. It was a trait that had always reminded me of Greg because he had always been the same way. I didn’t think that she knew that I knew her nephew, which was helpful with such an awkward situation ahead.
“I can’t complain. The weather has been cooperating and I am just thankful for that.”
Dawn agreed, but I could tell that she had something on her mind. When I asked her about it, she got quiet and then it was like she was preparing herself for something. I don’t know why, but the woman’s demeanor made me nervous. What was it that she was thinking about to make her look at me in such a way?
“How long have we known each other Mandy?”
I thought about it for a moment and then told her that it must have been ten years. That was when I had come back to town and started working for the sanctuary. It was almost immediately that I met her in the butterfly enclosure. It was her favorite place and not long after that we had started to talk. One thing led to another and she had invited me out for lunch and the rest was as they say it, history.
“In all of that time Mandy, why have I never heard of you dating someone?”
It was not a question that I was prepared for and if I was honest with myself, I didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t out of her nature to be so blunt, but it was never about my love life or lack thereof. It wasn’t that she asked, just that I had nothing good to tell her.
“Between here and Alfie, I stay pretty busy.” It was another lame excuse, but I had nothing else, really.
“I see. Here I was thinking that you must be pining for some man or something like that. I hate to be so nosy, but I was just curious because you are a beautiful girl.”
I thanked her, but I hadn’t felt like a girl in a long time, and certainly not a beautiful one. I had never seen myself that way, even when others would say such things, I wouldn’t know what to say, sure that they were just pulling my leg or something like that.
“There is someone that I was in love with a long time ago, but you know how life is Mrs. Dawn, it never quite turns out the way you want it to.”
The older woman smiled at me and told me that it may not turn out the way I wanted it to, but it would always turn out the way it was meant to be. If only I could have that much faith in what was going on in my life. I certainly didn’t feel like there was much to her words, but it made me think of Greg and though I didn’t want to, I knew that he was the one that I had told her about. But what I hadn’t told Mrs. Dawn was that it was her nephew that I was in love with and I was still in love with him, a fact that I didn’t really understand until I ran into him and all of the old feelings came back to me.
Could she have meant Greg? Was he the one that I was supposed to be with and that was why I had seen him again? It was wishful thinking that I couldn’t help and it kept my mind occupied most of the day with it.
CHAPTER 8
GREG
I didn’t recognize the number on the phone and since it had been such a long time since I had seen Mandy, I didn’t even think that it could have been her. Instead of answering, which I would have done if I would have known, I let it go to voicemail and turned my phone off for the meeting that I had with Darryl and his lawyers. I was there for a merger, but it was starting to look like me and the old man was not on the same page. It was one of those days that I wasn’t too interested in being there, my mind back in Watertown and the weekly trip that I was going to make to see my Aunt.
“Good morning gentleman. It is good to see that everyone was able to make it today.”
Darryl was the first to get up and shake my hand. I had worked with him for years on similar projects for other companies, but now it was his own company that he wanted to sell. I was the one to do it and though I was going to make a tidy sum, there was no pleasure in the end of such a long working relationship. There weren’t that many more businessmen to work with like Darryl. He was honest and I always knew what to expect from him because he always kept his word. To me, that was priceless.
“Good to see you as well Greg. It looks like you had a long week.”
I kind of chu
ckled and though I knew it was a woman on my mind that had created the bags under my eyes. I blamed my lack of sleep on construction that was going on across the street. It didn’t bother me of course, I could sleep through the end of the world, but with Mandy constantly on my mind, it is harder than ever to actually even get to sleep in the first place.
“If that is your way of saying I look like shit, I would have to agree, though you are not looking too good yourself.”
Carter stood up and shook my hand as well, though the grip was light and quick. I didn’t really care for Carter, never have and the fact that he was even there was kind of irksome to me. I liked things to be less formal, but this was a big deal and the old man must have felt better to have someone there that was looking out for his best interest only.
“Oh come on Greg. I am almost sixty seven years old. I think I have earned the right to look a little tired.”
I kind of nodded that it was a lot better excuse than the one I had. I wasn’t going to tell him what I thought of all of it. It was a lot easier to just go with it.
“So what are we all doing here? I thought we had ironed everything out Darryl?” I was never one for small talk. I liked to do it afterwards, when you knew if it was going to be easier to be nice to them or not. If the deal went well, there were no pleasantries to make it a little more personal. Business first in my eyes.
“Well Greg, I was going over some of the numbers and…”
I just kind of sighed and sat down. I should have known that Darryl hadn’t wanted to go over it again. It was his lawyer that wanted to sweeten the pot or do something. I was under the impression that he was just worried about keeping himself and his ridiculous salary relevant, but it didn’t matter the motives, I didn’t want him putting a wrench into our plans. It was a great deal and I didn’t want him to derail it with his opinions of numbers.
