I Knocked Him Out (Love at First Crime Book 2)

by Jessica Frances

  “That would be great. I’m going to wait until Friday. That way, we both have the weekend to sort through things and take some time to come to terms with it.”

  “Then I’ll be there Friday night to help you pack and take you to my place,” I promise.

  It’s time I moved back home, anyway. Just because I’m not living with Declan doesn’t mean he can’t stay over mine a little, and I will stay over his. It’s what normal couples do in this situation. Plus, I will feel better having Cynthia at home on any nights I’m not with Declan.

  “If you can’t change his diaper when he poops, then we obviously can’t have more kids like you want. I’m not changing diapers on my own for the next however many years!” Ava snaps into her phone before she hangs up on Zander.

  If she didn’t break out into giggles afterward, I might have thought that was a serious fight.

  “Zander is resisting changing Jensen’s diaper?” I guess.

  “He said he only noticed Jensen pooed because it leaked out of his diaper and all over the mat and the floor around the mat he placed down for Jensen to play on. Jensen is a wiggler, and he crawled all over it before Zander realized.”

  I laugh then, too. Knowing Zander’s office is full of shit is funny regardless, but also knowing he has some big new clients to meet with this afternoon, that becomes even funnier.

  “That’s not all. He picked him up and got it all over himself, too.”

  Cynthia giggles then, and soon we are laughing hard enough to bring tears to our eyes.

  “He’s annoyed that I knew he pooed and never said anything to him. But, if I had, he would have just demanded I change him before we left. How was I supposed to know that Jensen had such an explosive poo? Or that his diaper wouldn’t hold it all in? Or that Zander wouldn’t notice he had pooed until it was all over his office?” Ava cries between giggles.

  All this poo talk, while funny, means my appetite officially leaves. So, after an overly generous tip from Cynthia, we leave to go back to work.

  I send Declan another text, and this time I get a reply.

  Come see me in my office when you get back.

  I can’t read the mood of it. Is he annoyed at me since there wasn’t even a smiley face to soften it up, or is he still sexually frustrated and my talk earlier of breaking in his office is still on his mind? Or am I seriously overthinking this?

  Turns out, I’m not overthinking it at all.

  Chapter 14

  “Everything okay?” I ask Declan as I tap on his office door that has been left ajar.

  In the background, I hear Ava shrieking over the poo situation, which I think might have been made worse when Zander attempted to change him.

  “We need to talk.”

  Those ominous words hang between us, and a chill settles into my bones. I have an undeniable feeling I am not going to like this talk.

  “Okay, so talk.” I sit on the edge of the seat in front of his desk while leaning my arms on his desk. I give him my blankest expression as I stare him down, trying not to jump to the worst conclusions, but he’s not giving me much hope.

  “I think …” He glances down at his hands resting over his desk, unable to even meet my eyes. “I think maybe we need to take a step back and think about what we’re doing.”

  I count to ten in my mind, reminding myself to not jump to conclusions. I could be reading this wrong, or maybe Declan is just messing with me …

  “You mean, about tonight?”

  He gulps and a flash of desire lights his eyes before he looks away from me again. “I mean about us.”

  “Where is this coming from?” I demand, though I don’t know why. I already know the answer. “What did Zander say to you?”

  There is another hesitation from him as his shoulders seem to hunch together. I’m not sure I have ever seen Declan like this. What the hell happened in the hour I was gone?

  “He just pointed out that we have a lot of history between us, and asked if I really wanted to ruin our friendship if this doesn’t work out.” He sounds robotic, like he isn’t really saying what he believes himself. I know I can’t believe he’s saying this. Just yesterday he assured me that we were good. How can one conversation with Zander change all that? We were making progress these past two weeks. Were they not as meaningful for him as they were for me?

  “You’re forgetting something, Dec. We weren’t friends. We could barely stand each other. I didn’t even know you were living with a woman for a year. I didn’t know what you did with your spare time. I certainly didn’t care either way if I even saw you or not. We orbited each other because of work and mutual friends, but we were never friends.”

  “That’s not what I meant,” he says before clearing his throat.

  “What did you mean, then?” I snap, trying to calm myself down and recall what he said to me, but I can’t see what else he could have meant.

  “Zander asked if I was willing to ruin our friendship if this doesn’t work out.”

  I get ready to snap that I was right then, but I hold my breath as his words filter through slower.

  “Zander threatened you with your friendship with him?” I finally catch on, my anger shifting to an entirely new level.

  He looks up at me desperately now. “I didn’t think he would … I knew he wouldn’t like this, but to …” He seems to take a huge gulp as he runs his hands haphazardly through his hair. “I can’t lose Zander.”

  I’m hurt he can’t say the same words about me, but I have to reiterate to myself that we are new and Zander is his brother. After what happened with his parents and losing Artie and Maude in the past few years, this is understandable.

  Except, I’m still pissed at him. I might not have the exact same situation as him, but I only have the family I have chosen for myself, too.

  And right now, I’m ready to strangle Zander.

  Rational or not, I’m still angry Declan couldn’t feel the same for me. We might have hated each other for a long time, but we have also been family for just as long. Just the type of family you are stuck with, like a smelly aunt or a mooching cousin.

  “You’re not going to lose Zander,” I finally say. He has to know somewhere deep that Zander would never cut him out. He’s bluffing.

  “I will because I can’t win in this!” he snaps, pulling his hand down to the front of his hair. Declan only ever messes with his hair if he is stressed. “The only ways this can go are: we either stay together forever, get married, and I never upset you, which means I get to keep you both. Or, we have a fight, which you know is us. It’ll happen, and it will be often. Maybe not big, but I’ll easily piss you off on the regular. And then I lose you both.” He sounds so forlorn, like this is already a done deal. This is already over.

  I gape at him, taking a minute to get the words past the ball of emotion lodged in my throat.

  “First of all, if we’re fighting, then we’ll also be making up. So, you losing me doesn’t fly, unless things are really messed up. And nothing in the past two weeks says that is in the cards. Or, at least it wasn’t in the cards before today.”

  He winces at my words before opening his mouth to say something, but I continue.

  “And why would you think us being a couple has anything to do with Zander? He’s been a brother to both of us for years while we’ve fought constantly. Why would this be any different?”

  “Because he told me that, if I even so much as caused you to shed a tear, he’ll cut me out.”

  “He said that to you?” I gasp as my anger, which has been slowly building this entire conversation, grows until I’m shaking with it.

  “Zander loves you, and he made it clear that no matter what, he sides with you.” Declan’s voice is small, and even though my eyesight is turning red, I still make out the clear hurt written all over him.

  Unbelievable!

  I’m fuming, but after a few shaky breaths, I shelve my fury at Zander and focus on Declan. I need to get this over with and preferably before
any tears happen. I don’t want to break down here. In fact, I refuse.

  “So, you’re okay with this? You’re not going to fight him on this?” I confirm. If I had been given the chance yesterday to put money on this, I would have paid big that Declan at the very least would have fought for us. But to give up? I was only gone an hour; is that all it took for Zander to talk him around? What does that say about us? About what we were heading toward?

  “Sash …” Declan leans forward, his tone pleading. “Zander is my only family left. He and Joey are my brothers. I can’t … I need them in my life. And I won’t be losing you. We just …”

  “We can’t fuck,” I bluntly snap. My rage feels like a physical entity, thrashing through my body now. “Right, well, okay.” I sound a mix of hysterical and sarcastic now. “Just as long as you’ve made your decision.”

  “Sash …” He reaches out for me, but I pull my hands away and stand, already heading for the door.

  “I get why you’re doing this, and honestly, I’m not even mad at you.” Okay, I’m pissed at him, but I already know I will get over that someday. He doesn’t need to know that I still need to make that step. “But, since you’ve made this decision, then we go back to how it was. We aren’t friends; we aren’t part of each other’s lives—unless we have to be—and we don’t talk to each other unless we have no other choice. Got it?”

  Each word looks like a blow to him. I don’t know why. He must have suspected as much when he started this conversation. How else would it be between us? Best friends? Should I welcome any future girlfriends with open arms? Should he be pleased when I announce one day I am marrying someone else?

  “It doesn’t have to—”

  “It does. Because, before the wedding, I couldn’t stand you. You were an asshole and couldn’t wait to piss me off. But now I actually care about you, more than I ever could have realized was possible. I think maybe I could have fallen in love with you. So now we go back to how it was, because I need to begin getting over you, and I can’t do that if we’re going to pretend to be friends and hang around each other.” I stick to honesty, unable to find it in myself to make this easier on either of us with a lie.

  “Sash …” He steps around his desk.

  I hate how much it appears my words have hurt him. But fuck, his words have hurt me, so I guess we are even.

  “I’ll get my things from your place later today and leave your key on the kitchen counter.” Now I’m the one sounding robotic, but it helps keep my tears at bay.

  “No, it’s not safe—”

  “That excuse doesn’t fly anymore. Just yesterday, you told me that my house is basically Fort Knox. And for all we know, this stalking thing is about you and not me. So, with me out of the picture, I’m sure I’ll be left alone now.” I storm out of his office and head directly toward Zander’s, which stinks like shit.

  Standing at his door, I face away to get myself some air and to catch my breath and calm down.

  “What the hell are you feeding this kid?” I demand, waving my hand in front of my face when I turn back around.

  Ava might have been laughing about this before, but now that she’s on her hands and knees, helping Zander clean up, I don’t think she sees the funny side anymore.

  Jensen is clueless to his parents’ misery while he happily chews on one of his toys in the corner. He’s dressed in a new outfit and is sitting on what I have to assume in a brand new, poo-free mat.

  “How can so much come out of a baby so small?” Ava whines.

  “I need to break a window. Who has windows that can’t open?” Zander is also whining, and while I fear passing out from the stench, it does please me a little that he’s suffering right now.

  “You here to help?” Ava asks me hopefully.

  Does she not know me at all? No way am I cleaning up poop. Best friend or not.

  “No, I’m just letting Zander know I’m heading out early today,” I say carefully, watching for his reaction. I’m not sure exactly how to start this conversation, but asking for some time off work sounds like a good enough plan to me.

  “You are? Why?” He doesn’t even give me the courtesy of glancing at me while he speaks, as if he can’t imagine a reason I might be angry or upset right now.

  That is all it takes to rip away the hold on my anger and let loose.

  “Well, since you are a complete bastard who just had to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong and threaten Declan with losing your friendship, it apparently put a bit of a strain between us. So, I need to pack up my shit from his place and take it home. I’d rather do that sooner rather than later.”

  “Wait, what?” Ava gasps, stopping her scrubbing as she glances over at Zander.

  “I didn’t threaten him, Sasha.” Zander finally gives me his full attention, and infuriatingly looks at me like I’m being dramatic. “I just reminded him that he needs to think about this before feelings get involved and you get hurt. Dec messing around with you is not on.”

  “You just assume he’s messing around with me? Is it so hard to believe there are feelings between us?” I yell, unable to keep my voice down.

  Zander gives me a look that I read perfectly.

  Okay, fine. We might have been at each other’s throats before the wedding, and for the almost twenty years leading up to that. So, maybe it is easy to believe this isn’t that serious, but that isn’t the point!

  “Okay, scratch that. So, he either had to assure you there was marriage in our future and he would never upset me for the rest of our lives, as if you don’t already fight loads with Ava, you fucking hypocrite,” I snap at him, my anger seriously boiling over now. “Or, you cut him off from you? You are his best friend! His brother! You mean the world to him. How the fuck do you think that would make him feel?” My hands bunch up at my hips. I’m so tempted to hit something or someone.

  “You’re important to me, Sasha. I want you happy—”

  “Who the hell put you in charge of my happiness?” I scream.

  “I did!” he bellows back, his own body looking charged now as he storms toward me.

  I hold my ground, knowing I’m not overreacting. Zander is in the wrong here, and I am not backing down.

  “Well, I never asked you for that,” I say, getting in his face and shoving him in the chest, not that the giant oaf even moves an inch. “And you know, if you had asked me before you decided to be an asshole, I would have told you I was happy. Declan made me happy. These past two weeks have been amazing. Sure, we’ve fought, and his no sex thing has driven me crazy, but I’ve laughed more in the past two weeks than I have in all my previous relationships put together. And that creepy dude who scared me at the wedding, I never felt more protected and safe than when I was with Declan. So, what exactly are you saving me from?”

  “What creepy guy? You never mentioned this!” Ava asks.

  From Zander’s lack of outrage, I know Declan must have already mentioned it to him, though Joey probably filled him in this morning when he let him in.

  “What do you mean?” he finally asks, staring at me so intently that I know he’s searching me for deceit or anything else I’m hiding. Like I’m some sort of suspect he’s interrogating! “No sex? At the wedding, you guys—”

  “Did not have sex!” I cut him off. “We were so drunk that we woke up still fully clothed the next day. And since we realized there was something happening between us, we decided to see where this went without complicating things with sex. And for two weeks, things have been great. And then you get home, sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong and is not wanted, and now it’s finished!”

  “It’s over?” Ava gasps. “Zander, what the hell!” She stands now, moving her hands to her hips as she takes a step closer to us.

  “I never told him to end it—”

  “No, you just told him that, no matter what, you had my back and not his. You made it clear that, if he messed this up, he’d lose not only me, but you, too.”

  “Sasha, I
love you—”

  “And I love you, too!” I shout, sounding too angry for the statement to be about love. “When you first brought Ava around here, I saw that she lit a spark inside you, one I’d not seen since your parents died. I saw you liven up before my eyes, and I loved that she brought that out in you. And I paid attention. You smiled more, you weren’t staying in the office until late at night, and you sure as hell had more closed meetings together in your office than we all needed to hear. I knew she was changing you for the better. I could see there was something amazing developing between you both, and I supported that. I would have expected at least the same courtesy from you.”

  “You guys fight like fucking cats and dogs!” Zander erupts. “You can barely be in the same room together without tearing each other down!” He is yelling, but he can’t hide the uncertainly in his expression. He’s grasping at straws now.

  “Something changed at that wedding.” Or likely, when I knocked him out in the gym here, but Zander doesn’t need to hear that. “And you didn’t allow yourself to see anything but your own misconceptions. You were barely here a few hours before you were threatening him.”

  “Look,” Zander growls, waving his hands around in front of me, “I might have overstepped—”

  “Might?” I snap.

  “—but I’m not sorry I tried to protect you. And fine, I wanted to protect us all. This goes bad, and that falls on all of us.” He taps his chest then, his shoulders dropping a little. I think he thinks he’s actually made a valid point.

  “So, this is about everyone now, is it? Should I have called a meeting to get every single person’s opinion on us? Should I have discussed when the appropriate time would have been to take things to the next level with Declan with you all, too?”

  Zander sighs, taking a step back from me now and shaking his head, still looking at me like I’m being overdramatic. “I know you need me to be the bad guy in this, but truthfully, there isn’t a bad guy. It’s just a sucky situation that feels like crap right now. But soon, you’ll realize that this was all for the best.”