BEAST

by Pace, Pepper

  She opened her eyes and unclenched her fist, taking in a soothing breath. Yes…better. Have faith in Christopher. He’ll get you out.

  Time stood still, becoming endless to her. The only thing she could do was to think about pleasant things; Christopher and her friends, the love fest that she’d had this past week...Her head was buried in her hands when the elevator door finally did open. She jumped to her feet immediately only to be surprised by a man wearing army fatigues standing in the entrance with a concerned look on his face.

  It wasn’t Christopher but she’d seen him before. He had been one of the men present when she had fainted; some type of commander. It didn’t matter to her, he was in Christopher’s troop and she recognized him. She gripped him in relief, clinging to him as if he was a lifeline.

  “The doors didn’t open. I was trapped,” She explained nearly hysterically while physically shaking. She felt his hand patting her shoulder stiffly.

  “Yes, Ma’am.” He cleared his throat, seeming uncomfortable. “There was an incident at The Federal Courthouse.”

  “Is Christopher okay?!”

  The man gave her back another awkward pat. “He’s okay. Everything is okay. Shots were fired but we controlled the situation. Everyone is okay with no casualties.”

  She looked past him out into the empty corridor. He had somehow caused the doors to be frozen open and she wanted to be on the outside of this elevator, but more than that she didn’t understand why Christopher wasn’t here now. “Where is he?”

  “Lt Jameson came to me earlier today and requested that I take him off this mission and that I give him another.” Her eyes got big, hopeful. Bruce resisted his urge to smile as he continued to stare down at her. He didn’t think that she was aware that she was touching his shirt fronts, but he was…very aware.

  “I complied with his request.” Bruce didn’t feel as if it was his place to give her the details. That was between her and Beast. “I spoke to him right before he shipped out and he asked me to tell you that he explained everything in a message on your phone and that everything is going to be okay…” Bruce cleared his throat and blushed, “and that he loved you. I’m sorry that he couldn’t give you the message himself but has already shipped out. Once I notified his new team of the change they were able to assemble quickly. They’ll be able to get started later this evening.”

  She stared at him in horror. Christopher…was gone?

  “I didn’t say goodbye to him…” She stared at him and the anguish in her eyes melted his military stiffness. Bruce rubbed her shoulders gently and gave her a sympathetic look. When he spoke again his voice was gentle.

  “Lieut--Christopher was going to explain everything during lunch with you and due to the incident at the Federal Courthouse he missed that lunch. He did ask me personally to tell you not to worry and that he is going to be okay and that he loved you. Unfortunately, that’s all I have. I need to prepare my men to ship out…but I want to tell you personally.”

  Ashleigh came to attention. “I have to get upstairs! I left my phone on my desk. And may I have your name please?”

  “Chief Warrant Officer Bruce Koepke, Ma’am.” He used a card to scan into the security box and pressed the 7th floor, surprising her that he knew which floor she worked on. He made no attempt to leave the elevator, riding up with her and she was thankful. He must have seen the panic on her face.

  Once the doors opened she dashed out and remembered to thank him just as they began to close. He was big, gruff but his expression softened momentarily before he nodded and disappeared behind the closing doors.

  Ashleigh hurried into the office. Lance craned his neck at her and Kendra came out of her office.

  “God, Ashleigh…if you and Christopher are going to do it at work can you at least clean yourself up afterwards?”

  She paused long enough to yell over her shoulder. “I was trapped in the elevator!”

  Lance and Kendra came into her office while she was searching for her cell phone.

  “You’ve been gone for nearly two hours.” Lance said. “Gloria called asking if the fire drill was over. I told her yeah but we had to attend a safety meeting—what are you doing?”

  Ashleigh looked at him frantically as she pulled items from her purse. “I missed seeing Christopher! He shipped out already!”

  “Oh no…” Kendra said.

  She located her phone and quickly dialed into her voicemail. She heard Christopher’s voice and held up her finger for her friend’s to be quiet.

  “Babe?” The reception was cutting in and out, which is the reason they normally texted. The subbasement just couldn’t get a clear signal. “Call me back as soon as you get this!” Then the phone went dead. She went to the next message which was just a minute later.

  “Sweetheart, where are you?” He was cutting out bad. “Babe…emergency Federal C…house. Ashleigh…mission! Baby, DON’T WORRY! OKAY? I got my mission…so you don’t have to worry. I…active. Can you…me, Sweetheart? I’M NOT…! I gotta go, they…my phone. I love…and sorr…you! Two…okay? I love you!”

  Ashleigh was squeezing the phone tight. She replayed the message three times but didn’t make much more sense out of the string of words that she could make out. Lance and Kendra listened and Lance thought he was saying that he got his mission changed.

  And then Ashleigh remembered that is exactly what his Commander had said. “I need to talk to the guy that got me out of the elevator!” They offered to go with her but she was already back out of the room and heading for the elevator, completely forgetting that she had just recently sworn herself off them.

  Ashleigh’s heart was beating a mile a minute and she wanted to cry. She couldn’t believe that she had missed him! She didn’t get a chance to tell him goodbye and how much she loved him, how much he meant to her. She had saved it all for when she would see him at lunch. She felt tears stinging her eyes. He’d changed his mission for her. She would have never asked him to do that. He shouldn’t have changed anything! Maybe that is what gets soldiers killed…what if her stupid fear and needy attitude got him hurt?

  Ashleigh was openly weeping when she got back down to the subbasement. She hurried to one of the security doors and began knocking on it frantically.

  “Commander! I need to talk to you, please!” Ashleigh knocked and looked around for one of the security cameras. She waved at it frantically trying to capture someone’s attention. But after ten minutes it was evident that no one was coming.

  Ashleigh replayed Christopher’s message again as she headed back upstairs and to the canteen. She went to the vending machine and got a candy bar and ate it while she replayed his message, trying to understand or maybe just wanting to hear his voice.

  ~***~

  Lance watched Ashleigh pick at her salad. “Honey, if you don’t eat you’re going to get sick. You have to eat when you have diabetes.”

  Ashleigh shook her head and offered him a smile. “Sorry. I guess I was daydreaming.” She took a bite of the wilting salad and felt like gagging.

  Kendra cleared her throat. “Do you want us to come over tonight?”

  Ashleigh shook her head. “You two came over Monday and Tuesday.” Now it was Friday.

  “You don’t have to spend the weekend alone.” Lance said while sipping a glass of wine. “Rick and I were thinking about throwing some steaks on the grill…”

  Ashleigh shook her head. She wouldn’t be good company and she didn’t want her friend’s to think that she couldn’t manage her first weekend alone without Christopher. She was not going to turn into a basket case. “I’m going to hang out at Christopher’s place and maybe take care of some yard work.”

  “You?” Lance’s eyebrow quirked up.

  “Yes me. I’m not going to mow or anything. Christopher already took care of that. A lawn guy is coming over every other week to do that. But I can make sure no weeds pop up in the garden,” even though the garden was perfect with not a weed in sight. During the week it would
be easy. She could come in to work, finish up cases, hang out with her friends but on the weekend she knew that she’d be lonely. So she was going to fill it by searching for a weed to pick.

  Ashleigh had learned more about the shadow crew that had replaced Christopher’s team. They were brought in by the Federal Protective Service whenever the men went out on missions. Also, she had learned that you didn’t just go around announcing that the secret marine crew stationed in the subbasement was currently out on a mission. She learned all of this from the guards who were more than a little reluctant to speak to her about security issues—but who did anyways because they had seen the odd couple together long enough to know that they were in a relationship. Eventually Ashleigh stopped the questioning when it became obvious that the guards knew less than she did. She would just have to do what every other wife and girlfriend had to do; wait.

  Ashleigh ‘unofficially’ moved in to Christopher’s house. She had been going over there every day in order to feed the cat but during that first weekend without Christopher she had returned to the neat house with enough clothes to last her several weeks—not to mention what was already over there. She hadn’t made plans on exactly how long she was going to stay, but when she packed she just didn’t stop until she had two suit cases and a tote filled with her personal care products.

  “Hello?” She announced when she arrived, not wanting to alarm the cat and get jumped. “Maggie?” The cat evidently knew that it wasn’t her Daddy coming in through the door because she was hidden, just as she had done all week long. Ashleigh immediately placed fresh food and water in her dishes and waited a few feet way to see if the cat would become interested. But there was no sign of the little feline that still didn’t like her.

  Ashleigh put her things away neatly. She didn’t think Christopher would mind that she emptied two of his drawers and pushed some of the items aside in the closet. She wasn’t planning to redecorate or anything, although she didn’t think he would mind if she did. She turned on the stereo and smiled when she recognized some of the music that he’d just recently listened to.

  She took a deep breath and felt suddenly good. It felt like Christopher was still here; the house, the sound of the music, the faint smell of the food that he cooked—this was all Christopher.

  ~***~

  “Ash…have you been working out?” Ashleigh looked up from her computer. Lance was standing in the door to her office looking as if he’d rather be somewhere else.

  “What?” She said, trying to replay what he’d just said. Working out. “No. Why?” She swept her bangs out of her eyes and pushed them behind her ears. Her hair really had gotten too long to be considered short and cute. It was more like long and scraggily.

  Lance stared at her. “You kind of picked up some of your weight again and…I know how hard you worked on it…”

  She hadn’t worked out in the entire three weeks that Christopher had been gone. It had been fun because Christopher was there. But now she didn’t even want to go into the subbasement. Ashleigh scratched her thigh where the material of her pants seemed tight and itchy. She sighed. “Yeah…I guess I slacked off over the last few weeks. I’ll get back on track.” Lance lingered and then nodded and left her office.

  Ashleigh waited a few moments and then glanced at the door which was cracked open. When she was sure that no one was around she slipped a candy bar out of her desk drawer and quickly ate half of it.

  When Ashleigh got back to Christopher’s house that night she went through her nightly ritual. “Maggie? Mommy’s home.” The cat just didn’t come out for her. She knew that it was around because in the last three weeks she’d seen the litter box filling up and needing to be changed. And each night the food and water needed to be replaced.

  Ashleigh scowled as she changed the litter that night. “At least I could get a quick meow in thanks, Maggie.” She said. After dumping the offending article she washed her hands and changed out of her work clothes and into one of Christopher’s USMC shirts. It was like a dress on her but the main thing is that each of the shirts smelled of him even though they were freshly laundered and folded away neatly in his drawers.

  Still it was what he worked out in and still held a hint of his masculine smell. She had no problem picking up that smell and bathing in it. After changing she headed for the kitchen to check the pantry knowing that she wouldn’t find what she really wanted to eat. She wanted roasted Cornish hens and collard greens and baked sweet potatoes smothered in brown sugar and cornbread made from white cornmeal. And then maybe some jiffy cornbread for desert, smothered with butter and jam.

  She scowled again as her stomach tumbled. She was so hungry that she wanted to just shove food down her throat. She wanted to wallow in chocolate and drink buckets of syrup. She wanted pudding and and and…

  Ashleigh lowered her head into her hands. She couldn’t do this every day, if she did it would kill her…

  Every single day Ashleigh had been eating PF Chang’s and pizzas and pastries from her favorite bakery. Then she’d get sick when her blood sugar couldn’t regulate what she was pouring into her system. Sometimes she’d pray to god not to let her go into a diabetic coma as she lay in Christopher’s bed sweating with her heart beating a mile a minute. She’d promise to be good but the next day she’d begin the cycle all over again.

  Ashleigh slowly lifted her head and stared into the pantry. She reached for a bag of cookies.

  She ate until there wasn’t any more and when she reached the bottom of the bag it surprised her. She stood there at the counter panting at the empty bag of cookies. She quickly crumbled it and darted into the bathroom. She lifted the toilet seat and shoved her finger down her throat until she had regurgitated all that she’d eaten. When her stomach was empty all she could do was lay on the floor panting, she felt something warm and furry touching her foot. She pulled her head from the bathroom floor and saw Maggie rubbing against her before she darted away.

  Later that night Ashleigh went into Christopher’s weight room. She put music on and then stared at the treadmill. She hadn’t worked out in three weeks and in that time had gained over 10 pounds. Every day she felt sick and listless. Worse is that Christopher would be home in three weeks and she looked a hot mess. Ashleigh climbed onto the treadmill and began slow. She felt her body quiver as she pushed it but once she caught her second wind she remembered the way the endorphins would flood her system. She turned up the speed. She listened to the sound of her feet pounding on the deck of the treadmill. Her blood was racing through her body and her lungs burned. It felt good.

  Maggie jumped up on the weight bench and watched her. Ashleigh gave her a quick nod. This is the sound that both of them had missed; the pounding of feet on the deck of the treadmill.

  ~***~

  Ashleigh got out of her car Sunday afternoon. She had roamed around Christopher’s house missing him and had a desire to do something that would make her feel even closer to him. Now she was wondering what in the hell she had been thinking. She lingered there for a moment and considered getting back in though she said she wouldn’t do that. But she considered it. Then one of the kids called her name.

  “Miss Ashleigh!”

  She plastered on a smile and headed to the little girl; Rachel. “Hi Miss Ashleigh! Where’s Uncle Chris?” The other kids surrounded her in curiosity.

  “Your uncle is still on his mission.”

  “Aww.” They began to disburse. Rachel stuck with her and slipped her little hand into Ashleigh’s.

  “I don’t like when he goes away for a long time.” She said. Ashleigh gave her small hand a gentle squeeze.

  “I don’t either.” The two of them headed for the side door and Ashleigh took a deep breath and knocked briefly before poking her head in. “Hello?”

  Five sets of heads turned to her and each person gave her a pleased smile. Mrs. Jameson wiped her hand on a towel and hurried forward.

  “Come in, child.” Then she frowned. “Christopher’s not back
yet--?”

  “No, Ma’am….but I thought I’d come by and keep his place for dinner...if that’s okay.”

  Mrs. Jameson hugged her briefly and nodded. Her eyes were sad and happy both at the same time. It must be tough being Christopher’s mother. It must be tough being Mrs. Jameson with her husband and being poor for so long, losing one child already.

  Ashleigh rubbed her hands together after greeting the other ladies present. “I want to help cook, please. When Christopher comes home I want to know how to cook the food he likes.”

  Alma had her hand in a sink full of collard greens and she quickly picked up a towel and began drying them.

  “You can clean these greens then-”

  “Alma you are going to clean the greens.” Mrs. Jameson spoke.

  “Mama, she said she wants to help-”