Way to Go

by Tom Ryan

  Ken continued to rub me the wrong way. He wasn’t friendly to me at all, although he flirted constantly with Lisa and Maisie. He was totally full of himself and would ramble on and on about pretentious crap like the bouquet of a charming Zinfandel. Worst of all, he was constantly making suggestions to JP in the kitchen.

  “You know,” he said, “if you chop up some parsley to sprinkle over the bruschetta when it comes out of the oven, it will really improve the presentation.”

  JP smiled and nodded. “That’s an idea. I’ll think about that.” He didn’t follow Ken’s advice on that or anything else. The customers didn’t seem to mind that the bruschetta didn’t have parsley on it; they ordered tons of it, and the plates always came back empty.

  Sometimes, when I was hard at work in the kitchen and the music was playing, I could almost forget that I was counting down the days till I could leave Deep Cove forever and start a new life somewhere else.

  TWELVE

  I was in the middle of chopping a pile of onions one night almost three weeks after the Sandbar opened, when Denise came over to my workstation. “You’ve got a couple of admirers out in the dining room,” she told me. “Go ahead, take a break.”

  Kierce and Jay were sitting by a window at a table for two. I grabbed a seat from an empty table and pulled it over to sit with them.

  “Nice apron, Chef Boyardee,” said Kierce, reaching over to grab the strap.

  “What are you guys doing here?”

  “Don’t be tho thilly,” he said, flopping his wrist around. “Me and Jay-Jay wanted to have a thekthy date night, jutht the two of uth.” He reached over the table and tried to grab Jay’s hand.

  “Cut it out, you freak!” said Jay, swatting him away. “We wanted to see what this place was all about.” He looked down at his plate of pasta. “It’s no BS, but it’s pretty good.”

  “Besides,” said Kierce, “we wondered if we were ever going to see you again.”

  “Yeah, I know,” I said. “It’s been really busy.”

  “No problemo, man,” said Kierce. “Gotta make a dollar, right?” He lowered his voice. “Who’s our waitress? She’s like a linebacker or something.”

  “That’s Denise, my boss. She’s cool.”

  “Yeah, cool like a cold shower. She’s gotta be a dyke.”

  I felt sickness and rage start to boil in my stomach. Couldn’t he just forget about that stuff for ten seconds?

  “Cut it out, Kierce,” I said. “You’re being a dick.”

  “Thorry.” He looked past me, and his eyes widened. “Who the hell is that? I wish she was our waitress.”

  I turned around, already knowing who he was looking at.

  “That’s Lisa.”

  “Are you banging her yet?” asked Kierce.

  “No,” I said, “we’re just friends. She drives me home after work sometimes, that’s all.”

  Jay shot me a quick look that I assumed meant, What are you doing, man? I shrugged at him.

  Kierce reached over and gave me a shot in the arm. “Dibs on that fine ass, man. Rule Thirty-nine: You snooze, you lose.” He put his hand up and waved at her. “Excuse me, miss!” he said.

  “Kierce, what the hell are you doing?” I asked him.

  “Relax,” he said. “Watch and learn from the master, boys.”

  “Would that be Master Bates?” asked Jay.

  Lisa walked over to the table. “Hey, can I help you guys?”

  Kierce stood up and stuck out his hand. “Since Danny won’t introduce us, I figured I’d have to do it myself. I’m Kierce, and this is Jay. We’re Danny’s crew. His boys. His posse.”

  “Ooh, Dan,” she said, shaking Kierce’s hand, “I didn’t know you had a posse!” She smiled at them. “I’m Lisa.”

  “You’re obviously very busy, Lisa,” Kierce went on, “but we wanted to ask if you would be willing to hang out with us sometime.”

  I glared at him across the table.

  “That sounds great,” she said. “How about tomorrow after D and I finish our shift?”

  “Rule Fourteen, boys,” said Kierce, after she’d moved on to another table. “When opportunity knocks, open the door and invite her in.”

  AFTER WORK THE NEXT NIGHT, we picked the guys up in Lisa’s car. They were standing outside Jay’s house when we showed up, and she surprised all of us by veering Old Bessie directly toward them and leaning on the horn. She slammed on the brakes and came to an abrupt stop a good ten feet away, but not before they’d both leaped out of the way, looks of shock plastered across their faces. Lisa burst out laughing and stuck her head out of the window as they sheepishly approached the car.

  They climbed into the backseat, and she turned around to face them. “Sorry about that, guys,” she said, “I couldn’t help it. You both looked so keen and cheerful, like you were waiting for the school bus or something.”

  “Hey, no sweat,” said Kierce, picking up a rock-hard, half-eaten burger, loosely wrapped in waxed paper, and dropping it on Jay’s lap, “I usually pretend to be a murderous psychopath when I hang out with people for the first time too.”

  “So what’s the plan?” She looked at me expectantly.

  “I dunno,” I said, shrugging. Deep Cove suddenly seemed more boring than ever. How were we supposed to compete with New York?

  “Seriously guys, I’m easy,” she said. “What do people do for fun around here? Should we kidnap a tourist or something? C’mon, you guys must do something to kill time.”

  “Not really,” Jay said.

  “Well,” she said, “I guess we could just sit here all night. You guys wanna split that burger back there? It’s only a few days old. I might have a deck of cards here somewhere. We could play Crazy Eights.”

  “Or we could hit up the Spot,” said Jay, after a pause.

  “She doesn’t want to go to the Spot, Jay,” said Kierce. “We might as well take her to the dump and get her to fish for old clothes.”

  “What do you mean, the Spot?” she asked.

  “It’s kind of hard to describe,” I said. “It’s just this place we go to hang out sometimes.”

  “We hardly ever go there anymore,” said Kierce.

  “So do you guys, like, take imaginary girls there and have imaginary sex with them?” she asked. “Hide your Batmobiles? Stuff like that?”

  Jay laughed. “It’s just a place to chill. There’s not much else to do around here, unless you wanna drive in circles all night.”

  “I’m in, then,” said Lisa. “Take me to the Spot.”

  “All right,” said Kierce. “Why the hell not?”

  We told Lisa where to drive and got her to park near the path that led onto the tracks. As she got out of the car, she grabbed her bag and then skipped over to us and curtsied.

  “Lead the way, guys.”

  It was a beautiful night, and an almost-full moon lit the old railway tracks. We followed Jay and Kierce through the woods for a while, and then the trees thinned and we were walking along a ledge that looked out past some overgrown fields and a swampy thicket of buckwheat. In the distance, we could make out the thin line of the two-lane highway that moved away from town toward the causeway, the only route off the island. Every so often the concentrated yellow glow of headlights would work its way along the road before disappearing around a bend.

  “You don’t find this in New York City.” Lisa stopped and gestured dramatically, arms stretched wide as she turned in a circle. She said that kind of thing a lot. I felt like asking her if she wanted a list of things that she couldn’t find in Deep Cove.

  Kierce laughed. “It’s just a shitty old road. The tracks aren’t even here anymore. It doesn’t lead anywhere.”

  “Does it need to?” she asked.

  When we reached the trestle, Kierce went first, reaching back to help Lisa negotiate the steep incline. Jay followed, ready to reach out and grab her if she slipped.

  “Guys,” she said, “I’m not a china doll. I can handle it.”

 
She scurried easily under the bridge, and we followed her one at a time. Once we were all in the Spot, we jockeyed for space until everyone was comfortable.

  The moon cast a million shadows, so everything was either totally clear or completely obscured. Through the cracks of the railway ties above us, we could make out thin lines of stars. Down below, the river burbled past under the shimmering stillness of the leaves on the overhanging trees.

  “I can see why you guys come here,” Lisa said. “It’s impossible to find anyplace this quiet and peaceful in the city.”

  She rummaged in her bag and pulled out her of skinny cigarettes.

  “Anyone mind if I smoke?”

  “No, of course not,” Kierce lied. Jay pulled a lighter out of his pocket and leaned toward her in one slick motion. Cigarettes were disgusting to me, but I had to envy the smoothness of his gesture.

  “So, Lisa,” Kierce said, turning toward her and crossing his legs in a ridiculous-looking yoga pose. “Tell us all about yourself.”

  “Oooh! Am I being interviewed for your club newspaper?” she asked with mock excitement.

  “No,” he said, “but it’s not every day that a beautiful woman like you shows up in boring old Deep Cove and agrees to hang out with a bunch of losers like us. We just want to make the most of it.”

  She turned to me. “You didn’t tell me what a piece of work this guy is.”

  “Rule Four: Kierce is totally full of shit,” I said, earning a shot in the arm from him.

  It was weird for us to be hanging out with a girl this way—weird for us to be hanging out with anybody else at the Spot. Lisa fit right in though. Watching the way she and Kierce flirted with each other, I wondered if she wasn’t enjoying herself a bit too much.

  Eventually it was time to go home, and we climbed back up into the real world. I turned away from the bridge and started walking back along the tracks to the car, but Lisa ran out onto the trestle. Skipping lightly over the inch-wide gaps between the heavy tar-smelling railway ties, she stopped somewhere in the middle, yodeled into the darkness and waited for the echo.

  Kierce and Jay both followed her out, but I stayed on solid ground. The trestle was scary enough in the daytime. At night, it was a hundred times more frightening. So I stood at a safe distance, watching them as they yelled into the emptiness, listening as three distinct voices called out into the night and came spinning back through the darkness as one big echo.

  On the way back to the car, Jay and I walked up ahead while Kierce and Lisa lagged behind, chatting and laughing.

  “Why the hell didn’t you tell Kierce that you have the hots for her?” Jay asked as we listened to them flirting behind us.

  I turned around and looked back at them. They definitely seemed to be hitting it off.

  I shrugged. “Dunno. It’s complicated.”

  He laughed at me. “Well, it looks like he beat you to it, man. Easy come, easy go, right?”

  “THAT WAS FUN!” Lisa said after she dropped them off and we were heading to my place. Kierce had taken forever to get out of the car, making her laugh with one stupid story after another. I’d just sat there trying not to gag.

  “Yeah.”

  “Kierce is funny and super cute. I think I’m going to call him. Do you think that’s a good idea?”

  My heart sank a little. “Yeah, sure. He’d love that.”

  “Man, you’re quiet tonight.”

  “Sorry,” I said. “I’m just exhausted.”

  “Well, who knows,” she said as she pulled into my driveway. “The summer might have just gotten interesting!”

  Weren’t things interesting enough when it was just the two of us? I got out of the car and walked into my house without turning to wave goodbye.

  THIRTEEN

  The next morning, my mom knocked on my door to tell me Kierce was on the phone.

  “Oh my god, Danny,” he said, practically squealing. “She called me! Lisa called me! She asked if I want to do something with her after she gets off work today! Is that a date? I think that’s a date!”

  “Wow. Great.” Just great.

  “Man oh man, Dan the man, I owe you big-time. This is so awesome!”

  Awesome. Right. I knew it was stupid, but I was jealous.

  “So listen, man. Is this going to bother you? Did you like her or something?”

  What could I say? Actually, Kierce, you were right, I’m totally queer. I have no interest in screwing Lisa, but I’d prefer you didn’t either, because I saw her first. So back off, or I’ll bitch slap you.

  “It’s cool, man,” I forced myself to say. “I’m not interested. Have at it.”

  “Awesome, D-man! I’ll give you a call tomorrow and fill you in on the details!”

  As far as I was concerned, he could keep his details to himself.

  That night we had a busy shift, but during a brief lull, Lisa sidled up to me and gave me a hip bump.

  “Hey, sexy. Thanks for the good time last night.”

  “Huh? Oh yeah, sure, no problem.”

  “Your friends are cool. And the Spot is so great! I want to go back again soon. Maybe we can sneak a bottle of wine from out front. I’ll pay for it out of my tips.”

  “Yeah, sounds good.” I kept my head down, concentrating intently on the cheese I was grating.

  “So I called Kierce,” she said.

  “Yeah, I heard.” I turned away to grab a bowl from the shelf. “He called me this morning. That’s cool.”

  When I turned back, she was looking at me with her head tilted sideways as if she was trying to figure something out. Before she could say anything, JP called out her order, and she took off to the dining room.

  After we closed for the night, I was cleaning up my workstation and she came back to see me again. “So Kierce and I kind of have plans tonight.”

  “Yeah, no sweat. I’ll ask Maisie or Denise to give me a ride home.”

  “Don’t be crazy. I’ll totally still drive you. I just won’t be able to hang out for long.”

  I shrugged. “If you really don’t mind.”

  “Of course I don’t mind. You know I love hanging out with you after work.”

  Before driving me home, she drove down the hill to the beach parking lot to have a smoke. I didn’t say much, just stared out the car window at the lighthouse in the distance.

  “What’s bothering you, big guy?” she finally said.

  “Nothing.”

  “C’mon, D. I’m not stupid. You’ve been ignoring me all day, and now you’re acting like the saddest little boy on earth.”

  “Okay, fine. I just don’t understand this thing with Kierce. It just came out of nowhere. What the hell do you see in him anyway?”

  She pulled back and looked at me with surprise. “Okay, hold on a minute. What do you mean, what do I see in him? I thought he was one of your best friends.”

  “He is,” I said. “But it’s not like you guys have anything in common.” Not like you and me.

  “It’s not as if I’m interested in him,” she said. “It’s not like it’s some big thing, or whatever. I told you last night, I just think he’s cool and funny and cute.”

  “Cute, great.”

  She turned her head and blew smoke out of the window. “Yeah, cute. I hate to break it to you, Danny, but you’re not the only cute guy in Deep Cove. Don’t tell me you’re jealous.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It doesn’t mean anything! I just wondered—shit, I don’t know—I kind of thought maybe you weren’t interested, you know, in girls.”

  “What?”

  “I’m sorry, I just—it felt like—I don’t know. I didn’t think anything was going to happen between us. But then that night on the hill, I really thought maybe you were going to try to kiss me, and then you didn’t, and it got me thinking that you might be gay…”

  I stared at her with no idea what to say. My brain scrambled, trying to find the right words. She made it sound so normal, like being gay
was just an everyday thing. I felt my heart drop into my stomach, and I had a powerful urge to tell her everything. My brain immediately fought against it, screaming, No! Tell her she’s wrong! Nobody can know! My brain won.

  “Well, you were wrong,” I said. I knew I sounded cold and mean, but I didn’t care. “Maybe some guys don’t think you’re very hot. I know I don’t. Maybe that’s hard for you to believe.”

  She flinched as if I’d slapped her. “Of course it isn’t,” she said. “I don’t think I’m perfect or anything. I don’t understand. I didn’t think you’d care about the Kierce thing, I just thought it might be fun…”

  “You know what?” I said. “Fuck you, Lisa. I’m not some stupid faggot you can just toy around with, okay?”

  Neither of us said anything for a moment. She just sat there staring at me with her mouth hanging open. I got out of the car, slammed the door behind me and ran into the shadows of the sand dunes as fast as I could, dropping to hide behind some tall grass. I heard her car door open. Then she was yelling.

  “Danny! Come on! I’m sorry! Really!”

  I didn’t move. I didn’t want her to drive me home, and I didn’t want her pity. Most of all, I wanted to be alone. I didn’t know why I’d exploded at her. I felt like I was losing my mind.

  I was happy that she didn’t try to find me. I felt stupid enough already without being chased through the dunes. Finally, after about ten minutes, I heard her get back into her car and drive away. I backtracked through the dunes to the parking lot, walked up to the road and made my way home. It took me over an hour, and when I finally got there, the lights were out and everyone was asleep.

  THE NEXT MORNING, I woke up in a foul, depressed mood. I couldn’t believe that Lisa, of all people, was now on the Danny must be gay bandwagon. At the same time, I felt like a complete idiot for freaking out at her. I’d been pretty nasty. I doubted she’d ever want to talk to me again. She’d probably tell Kierce everything, and I’d be a laughing stock.