by Amy DeMeritt
“Don’t you dare remove that collar. Are you in pain?” She nods and whimpers out a “yes”. I smile and ask, “Do you like it?” She shakes her head. “No, maybe, I don’t know. Can I take it off?”
“No.” I look at Shane. “What did she do after you asked her to take it off?” Shane is staring at Vic with a very blank look. “She whipped me.” Vic looks at me with a little fear in her eyes. “Give me your whip.” She shakes her head. “Please, no.”
“Are you disobeying me?” She gives me a small smile and chokes back a whimper of pain. She opens the top drawer of her dresser and pulls out a black handle with a bunch of thick leather tassels on it and hands it to me. “Remove your shirt and turn around.” She obeys immediately and whimpers and tenses. “Ask me to whip you.”
“Please.”
“Please, what?”
“Whip me.”
I swing the whip through the air and the leather tassels lash against her skin, making her gasp and whimper. She reaches for the collar, but then drops her hands. The whip leaves only light pink markings on her pale white skin.
“Whip me.”
I strike her harder and she bends forward and releases a small cry of pain.
“Ask me to strike harder.”
“Whip me harder.” I strike her harder and she bends forward releasing a gasping cry. Before she straightens, she whimpers, “Again.”
I strike her even harder and she drops to her knees with a whimpering gasp and grabs the front of the collar. She cries for almost a full minute. Her back is stripped with red and pink lashes, but they still don’t look as painful as Shane’s.
“Do you want more?”
“Yes.” Without warning, I strike her hard across her shoulders. She tenses and shudders with a small cry. “Again.” I repeat the strike harder. “Again.”
She asks me to strike her over and over again for several minutes. Her back is becoming increasingly red and swollen with some small cuts with small beads of blood peppering them. She’s bent forward on her hands and knees crying and panting for air.
“Have you had enough?”
“Yes, please, no more.”
“Did you enjoy this?”
“Yes.”
“Was it painful?”
“Yes.”
“Does Shane ever enjoy this?” She sobs and shakes her head. “No.”
“Why do you put her through this pain if she doesn’t enjoy it?” She sits up on her heels and shuffles to face us. She looks up at Shane with pain and sadness in her eyes. “Can I remove the collar?”
Shane nods and Vic immediately takes the collar off and releases an exhale of relief. Her neck has red dots around the ring the collar had been poking in. It’s nauseating to look at. She looks up at Shane and her face pinches with emotion and she breaks down crying hard.
“I’m so sorry, Shane. I shouldn’t have done that to you, knowing you didn’t enjoy it. I’m so sorry.”
“I asked you why you put her through this pain if she doesn’t enjoy it.” She looks up at me and shakes her head. “I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do.” She looks down at her hands and then looks up with regret and sadness on her face. “I like it.”
“You like causing her pain that she doesn’t enjoy?” She shakes her head. “No, I like causing pain. It ruins it that she doesn’t enjoy it.”
“Do you care about Shane?”
“I love her.” I shake my head. “How can you say you love her when you don’t care that you’re causing her pain she doesn’t want?”
“I do care. I just have needs and I know she wants me to have what I want. I guess I took advantage of that. I try to make her feel good too. I try to take care of her back afterwards.”
“That doesn’t make up for making her do something she doesn’t like. Get up.” She stands up and I grab her shirt off the floor. “Put this back on and sit down.”
When she’s sitting on her bed, I pull over the desk chairs and Shane and I sit down in front of her.
“Look, I’m not judging you for liking to inflict pain, but I am going to judge your ass for inflicting pain when your girlfriend doesn’t want it. That’s physical abuse. And threatening to withhold sex and kisses if she doesn’t allow you to beat her is mental and emotional abuse. Notice how I told you to ask me to strike you and asked you if you had enough and let you ask me for more?” She blushes and nods. “I didn’t just start beating on you and kept going till I was satisfied. That is how this is supposed to work. The person receiving the strikes should want it and have the control over how much they receive. There should be a point that the person can tell you to stop and that they’ve reached their limits.”
“I’m really sorry. I don’t know what happened. I guess I got so caught up in it that I just didn’t realize I was being abusive. Shane, can you please forgive me? I love you so much and I don’t want to lose you.” Shane looks down and starts crying. “I can’t take the beatings anymore. I don’t like it at all. I won’t be able to give you what you want and need.”
“I want and need you.”
“Can you really give up doing this?” Vic looks down and shakes her head. “I don’t know. Can I try? I love you, Shane. I’m so sorry I took advantage of you like that.”
“What are you going to do if you have those urges again?”
“I won’t strike you.”
“Will you cheat on me to find someone that will let you do that to them?” She shakes her head. “No, not with sex. Would you be ok with it if I do what she just did to me to another person?”
“How would you refrain from having sex with them? Doing that turns you on so much. Can you really resist sex?”
“Yes, I will just come home to you to finish.”
“I don’t know if I can be ok with that. I don’t like the idea of someone else getting you turned on and then you coming home to finish with me. That’s like foreplay for you. It would still feel like cheating.”
“Can we try just giving it up then and still be together?”
“Under one condition.”
“Anything.”
“If you ever feel like you get the urge and you just have to have it, break up with me first. Don’t cheat on me.”
“I’m not going to cheat on you.”
“Promise me that you’ll break up with me first.” Vic frowns and looks down for a moment, but then looks up and nods. “I promise. I guess you wouldn’t be interested in delivering like she just did?” Shane shakes her head. “No, I couldn’t do that to you.”
“Ok, I understand. Thank you for giving me another chance. Do you still love me?” Shane smiles and takes her hand. “I do.” Vic smiles and leans forward to kiss. “Thank you.”
“There’s one more thing.” Vic looks at me and she takes a deep breath through her nose as her jaw tenses. “What else did I do wrong?”
“The clothes. Let Shane dress how she wants. Don’t try to make her into something she’s not.” She nods and looks down. “Ok, I’m sorry about that too.”
I stand up and shoulder my bookbag.
“Ok, I’m going to hit the road. We’ll get ice cream another time.” Shane stands up and gives me a tight hug. “Thank you, Kayla.” When she releases me, Vic stands and holds her whip out to me. I look at her confused and take it from her. “Why are you giving me this?”
“I won’t be needing it anymore.” I shake my head and hold it back out to her. “I’m not into these.” She laughs a little. “I figured, but it’s kind of my peace offering. For someone like me, giving up my whip is like stripping me of my power, so you should take it and get rid of it.” I nod and stuff it in my bookbag, before I head for the door. “I’ll get rid of this. Now, you two work on yourselves. Love isn’t selfish. You can’t just take what you want when you want it.”
“Thanks for helping me see what I was doing. I really am sorry.”
“You don’t need to convince me that you’re sorry. Convince Shane.”
When I get h
ome, Madison and Shannon leap up from the sofa and come over to me looking worried. Their eyes scan over me, looking for injuries.
“What happened?”
I pull my bookbag off and pull out the whip. Both of them look at it with disgust and shock. I quickly tell them about everything that happened and when I get to the part of playing the role of dominance and whipping the shit out of Vic, they look at me in shock, but then smile affectionately when I tell them about Vic realizing what she did was wrong.
“Baby, can you get me a trash bag so I can get rid of this thing?” Shannon nods and quickly gets me a bag from the kitchen. I toss it in the bag and wrap it up tightly. “Ok, I’m going to go throw this in the dumpster and then I need a shower. I feel disgusting after having to do that.”
I turn to walk out, but then turn back to look at them with anxiety sitting heavy in my chest.
“I’m sorry I did that today.” They look at me confused, and Madison asks, “Why are you apologizing to us?”
“Because, doing that is considered sexual for some people and she really enjoyed it.”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“No, not at all. I felt sick the whole time. The only thing I enjoyed was the end when we talked and I got her to understand how badly she had messed up.”
“If you didn’t enjoy it, then there’s no reason for us to be upset. I don’t view what you did as being sexual.”
“Ok, thanks. That makes me feel a little better, but I still feel gross. Do you mind if I take a shower before we go furniture shopping?”
“Why don’t we do that another night? How about we have some pizza and ice cream and just snuggle?” I smile at Shannon and wrap my arms around both of them. “That would be great. Thanks, babes.”
Chapter Nineteen
I can’t believe we never thought to do this before Sam suggested it so they can get to know Awenasa, especially when I have been doing this for months with Sam. I can’t stop smiling as Awenasa smiles back at me on my computer. Her long dark hair is in a long braid draped over her shoulder. Her bright green eyes are shining like stars, and her brilliant white smile is mesmerizing. Her high cheekbones are made more prominent and beautiful with her big smile. She is stunning. Awenasa has a higher percentage of Native American in her than I do, so her skin tone is a few shades darker than mine. She glows like warm cinnamon and it makes me feel warm to see and feel her skin.
“Hey, puppy. How are you doing?”
“Good. I took my last final yesterday and I think I did pretty good. We’re all packed and ready to head back home tomorrow for Christmas break. How are you?”
“The only way I could be better is if I was in your arms right now.” I smile really big and her smile widens. “I wish I could fly you up to spend Christmas with us.”
“I thought about it, but I don’t know if I could get myself to come back if I came there. Once I see you in the summer, I don’t plan on coming back here.” I smile really big and sit forward some. “You’re going to come straight home with me?”
“That’s the plan. Is Madison and Shannon home?” I shake my head and she smiles. “Did you finish working out how you’re going to present them with the promise rings?”
“Yeah, it’s been hard to work out the choreography because I don’t have much time here without one of them being home, but I think I have it down pretty good.”
“Will you record it so I can see it?” I
“Yeah, I’ll have my dad record it.”
“Thank you. When are you posting a new video to your channel? The wolf dance is still getting a ton of hits, but people are begging for more in the comments.” I smile and run my fingers through my hair. “I know. I’ve just been too busy with finals, packing to move in a couple weeks, and planning my ring presentation to the girls. Sara and I have to start working on some dance routines for the dance competition, so I may post some short videos of us working on choreography. I can’t wait to do a dance with you to post online.”
“Me too, puppy. I love dancing with you. I’m glad you’re making dancing a bigger part of your life. You are an amazing dancer and you are so happy when you dance. Especially, when you dance in our traditional style.” I smile really big and feel my chest swell with happiness. “I really do love dancing in our traditional style, especially with you.”
“Have you taught your girls how to dance in our style yet?” I shake my head and she smiles. “Why not?” I smile a little and look down a moment, shrugging my shoulders. “I don’t know. Mostly because we haven’t had time.”
“And?” I laugh a little and her smile gets bigger. “I will eventually, but not till I can dance with my wife again and bring her home.” Awenasa smiles really big. “I love hearing you call me your wife.”
“I love calling you my wife. Every time I talk to my mom, she tells me how happy she is that you finally said you want more from me. She wishes we didn’t get married in secret, but she’s really happy we’re together.”
“We’ll make it up to them with a big feast in the summer.”
“Definitely. And lots of dancing. God, I can’t wait to see you. Since you told me you’re ready to start building our life together, I’ve felt like, well it’s hard to explain. You know when you’re waiting for someone or something and you’re on the edge of your seat with your adrenaline pumping and your heart racing? It’s like that. I have this surge of excited energy that’s making me so restless and impatient.” She smiles affectionately. “Me too, my love. That feeling was actually worse for me before I finally told you. Keeping a wonderful secret is so hard to do, especially from the person you want to share it with the most.”
“Do you remember that time we climbed up that waterfall and laid on our backs to look up at the stars and moon with water flowing next to us and trailing down the rocks?”
“I will never forget that night. That’s the night we talked about our dreams of having a big family together. It was so hard not to kiss you that night. Especially, when you rolled over and placed a hand on my bare stomach and said you couldn’t wait to be able to place your hand there and talk to our growing child. Sometimes, I can still feel your hand there and your head on my chest.”
“Have you ever, I mean, you know?” She laughs a little with an affectionate smile and a glimmer in her eyes. “What are you trying to ask me, puppy?” I blush and look down, picking at the edge of the table nervously. “Have you ever been with anyone?” She smiles and shakes her head as she lifts her hand to show me her promise ring I gave her. “Never. I’ve been spoken for since I was ten years old.” I smile really big and feel my heart burst with heat and happiness. But then blush and look down. “I’m sorry I…”
“Kayla, don’t apologize. I know you would have waited for me if I had asked you to. After my grandmother died, I had a responsibility to help find and groom the next generation of tribal leaders so our people would be in good hands. I didn’t know how long that would take and I didn’t want to make you have to wait to experience life if it was going to be years. I had faith in our love and knew that you’d still want to be with me when I was ready.”
“You’re incredible. Is it silly that I almost just asked you to marry me again?” She smiles and laughs a little in a happy way. “No, my love, that’s not silly. I marry you in my heart every day.”
“So, you’ve never even kissed someone before?” She smiles really big and shakes her head. “I’ve been waiting for over eight years for my first kiss.” I release a small moan and her smile widens. “God, you are so perfect.”
“So are you. Oh, before I forget, I sent you a box to your parent’s house so you’d have it to open on Christmas.” I smile really big and hop in my seat a little, making her giggle. “I can’t wait to open it. Yours should be there tomorrow.”
I hear the door open and look over to see Shannon walking in. She smiles really big when she sees me and skips over. She practically tackles me with a tight embrace and presses her lips to mine, making me laugh a lit
tle. Shannon doesn’t normally tackle me like Sam does. She pulls back to look in my eyes and her smile is just amazing.
“Hey, babe. What’s up?” She starts to move to straddle my lap, but then freezes and grabs her chest in shock. “Oh, god. I’m sorry, Awenasa. I didn’t realize you’re here.” Awenasa smiles and laughs a little. “It’s ok. How are you doing?”
“Great, actually. I had that follow-up meeting about my annual review before I left work today. They didn’t find anything in their investigation. They were so happy with my performance and reviews from my supervisors and patients that I’m receiving a really good raise this year.”
“Wow, baby, that’s amazing.”
I stand up, lift her off her feet, and spin her around, making her laugh and lay her head in my neck. When I set her down, she firmly kisses my lips, but then quickly pulls back and glances at the computer with blushing cheeks.
“Sorry.” Awenasa laughs again and shakes her head. “You don’t need to apologize, Shannon. I know what you are to Kayla and it doesn’t bother me.”
“Ok, well, thank you. I’ll give you some privacy so you can finish your conversation.”
Just as she gets it out, the door opens again and Madison comes in. She drops her bookbag by the door and starts to walk passed us, but I grab her hand and pull her back.
“Maddi, what’s wrong?”
She shakes her head and starts to pull back, but I don’t release her. I place a hand on her cheek to turn her face to look at me and as soon as our eyes meet, she breaks down in tears and wraps her arms around me. I hold her close and Shannon and Awenasa watch with concern, but none of us say anything.
After a couple minutes, Madison lifts her head off my chest and wipes at her eyes. She looks in my eyes and her bottom lip trembles, as if she’s about to break down again. I kiss her lips for a moment and as I pull back, she takes a deep breath and clears her throat.
“My mom called. I’ve officially been kicked out.” I feel my heart sink and caress her cheek. “What happened?”
