Heart of the Matter (Coming Home Book 3)

by Stephens, Amy

  “Good. I hate seeing him…” I stall for time. “Suffer.” I can do this. I’m a grown man, and I can tell my mother anything. Right? Well, anything but…this.

  “I know. I always told your father I wanted to be the first one to go. I just didn’t think I could bare the pain knowing I would be left here all alone should something happen to him first.” She gets quiet for a moment before she continues. It’s one of the most painful conversations I’ve ever had with my mom. “I thank God every day that you and your father finally worked out your troubles.”

  “Me too, mom. Me too.” I barely get the words out before I start to choke up.

  It’s on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t make the words come out. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t do it. How can I confess I have a daughter that I’ve not contributed one bit of financial assistance for? It’s down-right embarrassing if you want to know the truth.

  While Grace and I were having breakfast this morning, I got the feeling she suspected something was up with me. She never came out and asked me, but every time I’d look up, she was always staring at me. Almost like she could see it in my eyes—like I was hiding something. The old Brian was pretty good at hiding things, but the Brian I am today, well, I felt terrible for not confiding in my wife or at least getting her opinion about what I should do.

  “Mom,” I begin.

  “You sure are acting strange this morning, son. You sure you’re not coming down with something?”

  “I’m fine. I just…” I hesitate for a moment before continuing. “I just have a lot on my mind.”

  “Are you and Grace okay?” she asks.

  “We’re great, Mom. Better than we’ve ever been.”

  “You know, I really do like Grace. Your father and I were so pleased when you brought her home to meet us for the first time. Now that you both have Brady, I can’t tell you how happy it makes us knowing we’ve got a grandson. I just hope your father gets to spend as much time as possible with Brady before… you know, it’s too late.”

  I’m at a loss for words. Hearing my mom talk about Grace, about Brady. What have I done keeping this from them? I want to scream, Mom, I have a daughter; Brady has a sister. You’ve got two grandchildren—a grandson and a granddaughter. But I can’t. I can’t form the words.

  The hospice nurse walks out on the porch and interrupts our conversation.

  “Mrs. Collins, I’m getting ready to leave now. Is there anything I can do for you?”

  I’m not sure if I’m angry at myself or if I’m relieved, but I’m just not ready to disclose my secret. Not yet. I need more time.

  Chapter 4

  Jennifer

  July 2nd

  “Mom, can Mindy spend the night tonight?”

  Lilly and I are in the middle of icing cupcakes. I’m adding green and red to the icing and Lilly is putting brown M&M candies on the top to represent seeds—watermelon cupcakes. I got the idea from a magazine and thought it would be cute to have them at the BBQ that we’re planning to have with Rick and Beth on the 4th.

  Ever since Todd and I married, we’ve always joined his parents for an Independence Day celebration, and this year is no different. Todd and his dad will do the cooking outside while Beth and I will take care of everything else in the kitchen. The weather is expected to be perfect so the kids will spend most of the day in the pool. Later that night, we’ll head into town for the fireworks. I’m looking forward to seeing them both since they’ve been gone for the last month.

  “Sure honey, I don’t mind. Why don’t you see if she’d like to stay through the weekend and join us for the cook-out?” I’ve always been generous when it comes to the girls having guests over. “Make sure she brings a swimsuit, too. The weather is supposed to be pretty so I know you’ll both want to go swimming.”

  “Thanks, mommy.” Lilly leans close into me. Her fingers are covered in icing and she’s careful not to get any on either of us.

  I miss the days when both my girls would join me in the kitchen for an afternoon of baking cookies or brownies. Chloe, being such a loving big sister, would stand next to Lilly at the counter making sure she followed the directions step-by-step. Now that Chloe’s older, it’s harder to keep track of her. She’s such a busy-bee, into everything with her many friends.

  I’ve often wondered when the right time would be to tell Chloe the truth about Todd—that’s he’s not her biological father. He’s been her real father in every way imaginable, just not blood. Todd seemed to think that as long as she never questioned anything then why bother, but I’m just not sure I agree with him. I feel she deserves to know the truth, but when the time is right. I want to be able to explain everything and have her completely understand why I chose to leave her father. And now that I’ve been having the dreams, it’s been weighing heavily on me, more now than it ever has. Is Chloe old enough to know the truth?

  “Honey, why don’t you finish with the cupcakes and I’ll start cleaning up.” I suddenly feel a little lightheaded, just like I did the other day, and hope I’m not about to have another panic attack. That’s the last thing I want to have happen, especially in front of Lilly.

  “I don’t have much more.” She uses the back of her hand to push a strand of loose hair from her face. “You think daddy is going to like these?”

  “Why don’t you leave one out on the table?” I glance over at the time on the stove and see it’s nearing three o’clock. “He should be home any time now and you can let him try one.”

  I open the dishwasher and begin to load the dishes from the sink. I’m still feeling flushed but if I can get the last little bit cleaned up, I think I’ll make it. I’ve not even thought about fixing supper yet, but right now I just want to get out of the kitchen and hide out in my bedroom until this feeling subsides.

  Just as I shut the dishwasher, I look up and see Todd’s truck pulling in the drive. I quickly grab a towel from the drawer and pat my forehead. You can do this. You’re going to be okay, I tell myself.

  “Honey, I’m going to go run some bath water. Why don’t you get your dad a glass of tea, and you can let him try your cupcake?”

  “Mom, are you okay? You seem kind of funny?” Lilly asks.

  “Yeah, baby. I’m okay. The kitchen got a little warm with all of our baking.” I don’t want Lilly to worry about me so I tug at my shirt a few times. “I’m just a little sweaty is all. Give daddy a kiss for me.”

  As I walk back to our bedroom, I can’t help but notice our family portrait hanging above the fireplace in the den. Last Christmas we decided to have professional shots made with the girls. The photographer did such a superb job, we later had individual photos of the girls made. I’ve walked by this picture hundreds of times but for some reason, my gaze is drawn to Chloe.

  Over the years I’ve convinced myself that Chloe indeed resembles Todd. Today, though, she appears different in the photo and not so much like her father after all. Suddenly, I feel a tightness in my chest and I struggle to catch my breath.

  I run to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I lean back against the door, slowly breathing in and out. When I feel myself pulling together again, I lean over and turn on the bathwater. I pull out some scented bath salts from underneath the vanity and pour a tiny bit into the stream of water. The lavender aroma invades the room. I strip down to nothing, the bath steam already soothing my clammy skin. Before stepping into the tub, I twist my hair up into a bun and secure it with one of my hairclips. I look in the mirror and stare at my face. Thank goodness Todd believed me when I told him I had ran into the door and reopened my scar. When Lilly came home from Rick and Beth’s later than evening, I told her the same story, too. She looked at me like I was crazy for running into a door and hasn’t mentioned it since. It’s a little more prominent now than what it was before, but I hope the swelling will continue to go down over time.

  I run my fingers through the water, mixing the salt around before stepping into the tub. It’s a little warm but it’s jus
t what I need. When the tub is nearly full and almost at the top, I shut off the water and lean back to get comfortable. I reach over to grab a towel out of the basket and roll it up before placing it underneath my neck. I close my eyes and inhale the calming lavender.

  I’m not sure how much time passes, but before long, a knock at the door startles me.

  “Honey, you okay in there?”

  I blink a few times to adjust my eyes then sit up. The towel that I’d been using for a pillow drops down into the water. “Shit.” I mumble and lift it out. “Sure, I’m fine.”

  “Mind if I come in?”

  “No, not at all.” Todd and I have always been okay with seeing each other naked, whether it’s one of us taking a bath or just changing clothes in front of the other one. We’re also mirror hogs when it comes to getting ready in the mornings. For the most part, though, we share quality time in our bathroom and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

  Todd opens the door just as I put the wet towel back behind my head again. “What happened?” he asks.

  “I guess I dozed off and when you knocked, I sat up. I’d forgotten all about the towel I was using for a pillow.”

  “Lilly said you were feeling bad. You aren’t getting sick again are you?”

  “I’m okay. I guess I just overdid it. She and I both have been baking all afternoon. I didn’t really eat much for lunch and I got a little lightheaded. That’s all, nothing for you to worry about. I’m feeling fine now.”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Todd takes a seat on the closed toilet and turns to face me. I see he’s already changed from his work clothes and into a t-shirt and pair of shorts. “Why don’t you let me prepare dinner tonight and you take it easy? I’ve got to go pick up Mindy, but I’ll get her and Lilly to help me and you can take the night off.”

  I look over at Todd and I’m reminded just how wonderful he is. He’s always looking out for me. “Oh, babe. Are you sure you don’t mind? You’ve worked all day and I know you’ve got to be tired.”

  “Lean up for me,” he says as he bends over towards me. Oh so gently, he begins to massage my shoulders. His hands are warm against my skin and his fingers feel like magic as they work the tightness from my muscles.

  “That feel good?” he asks, applying more pressure to my shoulders.

  “Mmm hmmm.” I bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I close my eyes and for a moment I feel like I’m in heaven. This massage is exactly what I needed. Todd works his hands back up towards my neck and stops for a moment to loosen the clip that is securing my hair in place. My hair falls over my shoulders, the ends dancing on the water’s surface. I can’t hide the fact I’m turned on—the feeling is incredible.

  I look down at my breasts and see my nipples are taut, pointing straight ahead and craving his touch. He pushes my hair so that it drapes over one shoulder then blows soft, tender kisses against my skin. I shudder, excited with where this is headed.

  “You like that, huh?” Todd whispers into my ear. A blanket of goosebumps covers my entire body.

  I attempt to stand up out of the tub and Todd extends his hand to me. I watch as his eyes roam over my wet, naked body. He reaches for a towel and wraps it around me. I try to pull my hair up again, but it’s no use. He’s too quick and pushes me up against the wall. His lips immediately find my shoulders and neck. He reaches for both my hands and slowly brings them above my head; the towel falls to the floor.

  I clear my throat to get his attention. “Um, are you aware you still have clothes on?” I tease then lower my hands down to his head. I work my fingers through his hair making it messy.

  “Oh, you have a problem with that do you?”

  “Yes,” I say in between breathy kisses. “I do.”

  “Why don’t we do something about that then?”

  He doesn’t have to tell me twice. I reach for the bottom of his t-shirt and start to lift it up. With hardly any effort, Todd pushes his shorts down and they land at his feet. He kicks them to the side and I toss his shirt over to the pile. His tanned skin, those muscles…oh God.

  “I think you forgot something.” I whisper and reach down to slide his boxers off.

  “Better?”

  “Much.” I begin kissing him until I’m struggling to breathe. I pull back long enough to take in a gulp of fresh air, then find his lips again. I lift my leg and wrap it around his hip while pulling him into me. I…I feel him, hard against me. I desperately want to feel him inside me.

  Grabbing onto my hips, our bodies are pressed firmly against one another. It doesn’t surprise me when he bites down on one of my nipples then runs his tongue over the delicate, sensitive area.

  “Mom, dad, are you in there?” Lilly calls out and lightly knocks on the door.

  I’m pretty certain we’ve been quiet, well, except for our heavy breathing. Knowing Lilly was concerned about me earlier, I know I should be the one to answer her. We have, after all, been missing for quite some time now.

  “Yes, baby. We’ll be out in just a minute,” I tell her, slightly embarrassed that she’s caught us.

  “Okay. Mindy’s all packed. She needs daddy to come pick her up.”

  “I’ll be right out, sweetie, and you and I can go get her. Tell her we’ll be there in ten minutes,” Todd calls out.

  Because our hallway is carpeted, I can’t tell if she’s walked away from the door or not. Not taking any chances, Todd gets dressed again while I slip on my robe. I glance at myself in the mirror, noting how badly I could use a hairbrush. My hair looks like one big, tangled knot. Todd walks out first, and I follow behind.

  “Why don’t you grab a book or something? When we get back, I’ll make sure the girls stay quiet then let you know when dinner is ready.”

  I honestly do feel better now that I’ve had a nice, hot bath and a pretty heated make-out session with my husband. I’m a little disappointed we didn’t do something else, though, but with the kids here, well, there’s always later tonight.

  I remove my tablet from its charger and crawl in the bed. I’m all warm and cozy now. I tighten the belt of my robe in case the girls come in to see me when they get back and fluff the pillows before leaning back to get comfortable.

  I scroll through Facebook for a while before getting bored and switching it off. With everyone gearing up for the Fourth of July festivities, there’s little activity going on online. I swap over to my kindle and look through the many books in my library. When I find one that sounds interesting, I open it up and begin reading. Within a few minutes, though, I feel myself nodding. I bookmark my page, turn off my tablet, and roll over on my side. My bed feels so good but would feel even better if Todd were here with me. I shut my eyes, just for a moment.

  When I wake, the room is dark. I’m pretty sure I’ve been asleep far longer than I really wanted to. I hear light chatter coming from the kitchen area and almost immediately the smell of something really wonderful meets my nose. I’m curious as to what they’re cooking.

  I stop at the end of the hallway and peer inside the kitchen. Todd, Lilly, and Mindy are all pretending to be master chefs wearing aprons and oven mittens.

  “Something smells delicious,” I announce, startling them from their busy tasks.

  Lilly runs over to me with her arms open wide. “I hope you’re feeling better, mommy.” I give her a squeeze. Mindy walks over to give me a light hug and to thank me for letting her stay the weekend.

  “Mindy, you know you’re welcome here anytime.” I walk over and stand beside Todd, draping my arm around his waist. “Looks like everything’s under control in here. I’m dying to know what you all are fixing.” I lift the lid off the pot on the stove and my stomach growls when I see the homemade pasta sauce simmering. Spaghetti has always been one of my favorites.

  “Mindy did the salad stuff, and I helped daddy with the noodles.” Lilly is quick to chime in. “We’ve also got garlic bread in the oven.”

  Todd rinses off his hands in the
sink and dries them on the kitchen towel that’s draped over his shoulder. “You were sleeping so soundly we didn’t want to wake you. I hope we weren’t too loud.”

  “No, not at all. I actually woke up on my own. It’s probably a good thing I got up when I did because if I’d slept much longer I might have trouble sleeping tonight.”

  “I told the girls I’d run them into town after dinner and let them pick out some movies. Maybe I’ll grab a few for us, too.”

  Todd turns off the stove and removes the bread from the oven just as the timer starts to beep. Mindy takes the salad over to the table along with several varieties of salad dressing while Lilly and Todd combine the pasta noodles and sauce together.

  It’s Lilly’s turn to say the blessing and we make small conversation while we eat. Everyone seems excited about going over to Todd’s parent’s house for the big cookout. I only wish my parents were coming, too. At the last minute they decided to drive up to Maine to visit with some old friends. They promised they’d be back in time to see the girls before they started back to school next month.

  “Did Chloe decide to stay up at your parent’s house?” I ask Todd and wipe a bit of sauce from my chin.

  “She and mom went to have their nails done this evening. Then, they were planning to go grocery shopping. Mom said she could use an extra set of hands with all the groceries she needed for the weekend, and Chloe said she didn’t mind. I think she’s missed seeing her grandmother.”

  When we’ve all stuffed ourselves to the point none of us can eat another bite, I volunteer to clean up the dishes and kitchen. It’s the least I can do since everyone else did such a great job on dinner.

  Todd grabs his keys from the counter and the girls put on their flip flops before heading out the backdoor. “We’ll be back in a few minutes. Is there a particular movie you’d like me to get?”

  “How about that new pirate movie? You know, it’s the one with Tom Hanks in it. I’ve heard it’s really good,” I suggest.