She and I did take a mother daughter-trip together, one that took us straight through Brian’s hometown again. Todd was a little skeptical, but I assured him I was much better this time. Lilly had her own plans to vacation with one of her little girlfriends and I felt relieved knowing she wouldn’t be left behind. Besides, Chloe and I needed this time together.
Hours down the interstate, I decided to pull off for a moment. Surprisingly, it didn’t have the same effect on me as it had the time before. The exit was pretty populated with stores and restaurants so I knew I wouldn’t have any problem locating a grocery store. I needed to run inside to make a quick purchase.
I pulled the car into a spot and Chloe and I got out.
“Why did we stop here, mom?”
“I just need to get something. Do you need anything?”
“Just a bathroom,” Chloe joked. “You must’ve read my mind. I’ll catch up with you.” She tells me as I make my way over to the flower department.
Scanning over the different floral arrangements, I settle for a fresh cut bouquet of assorted flowers. I really didn’t know what kind of flowers I wanted to buy when I first decided to do this, but this arrangement will work just fine.
I catch up with Chloe over by the magazines and she picks up one she’d like to take with her on our trip. I pay for our things and it’s not until we get back into the car does Chloe question my purchase.
“What’s with the pretty flowers, mom?”
I feel a bit overwhelmed at the moment and reach for a tissue from the console. Maybe I’m making a mistake by doing this. I dab at my eyes and look over at my baby girl even though she is far from being my little baby anymore. She is my beautiful, young woman and I couldn’t be more proud of her.
“I just need to do something. It will only take a moment and then we can be on our way again.” I smile at her through watery eyes and hope she understands.
I make a few turns after pulling out of the parking lot and finally find what I’m looking for. Chloe looked confused, especially since I hadn’t mentioned anything to Todd about needing to make am additional stop. She looked over at me but I remained calm.
“Mom, where are we going?” she asked.
“Someone I used to know a long time ago recently had a death in the family. I just wanted to stop by the cemetery to pay my respects. It’s not often your father and I travel this way, so I thought I’d stop since we aren’t in any hurry.” I tried to keep my voice steady and not show any signs of nervousness. Stopping off to visit Brian’s father’s grave wasn’t something I had shared with Todd; I just wanted to do it on my own.
“Oh, okay.”
“I would like to ask, though,” I hesitate for a moment before continuing. “Could we please just keep this between me and you?”
After one final turn I spot the cemetery. I pull through the massive iron gates that are mostly for decorative purposes and turn down the paved path to the right. I had called ahead earlier in the week and spoken with the funeral home that had performed the graveside services for Mr. Collins last summer. They were able to give me directions for finding the plot once I turned off the main highway. I guide the car off to the side of the drive and switch off the ignition.
“You want me to come with you?” Chloe asks.
“It’s up to you, sweetie.” I reach over and pull the flowers out of the plastic bag and secure them in the crook of my arm before climbing out. I place my feet firmly on the ground and slowly walk towards the grave.
I locate the headstone and read the name engraved: John Carter Collins. The words “Our Beloved Father” are etched into the stone just below the dates of his birth and his death. Just to the right is an empty spot that I assume will be for Brian’s mother.
I kneel down to the ground and say a silent prayer. I don’t realize Chloe is behind me until I start to stand back up again and I feel her hand on my shoulder. I jump, then turn around to face her.
“It’s so peaceful here.” She says as she looks around at the rows and rows of headstones. “It’s so sad, though, that some of these graves don’t have any flowers at all.”
“I know. It is sad isn’t it?”
“I guess no one ever comes to visit them,” she says barely above a whisper. “They are just forgotten.” I can tell this has touched a special place in her heart. “I hope when I die someone makes sure I always have flowers on my grave.”
“That’s not something you need to be worried about. You are deeply loved and I’m sure you will always have beautiful flowers.”
“So does that mean these graves with no flowers are people that weren’t loved?” I can tell she is confused and I regret I’ve led her to think this way.
“No, baby. All of these people are loved. In some unique way or other.”
I place the flowers down and lean them against Mr. Collins’s headstone. I really wish there had been some sort of vase to put them in but I know fresh cut flowers won’t live for long once they are removed from water. It was the thought that mattered and I feel a peace within myself for stopping by. Chloe was able to visit with her grandfather; she just didn’t know it.
I reach for her hand and together we start to head back to the car.
“Look, Mom. There’s a tiny grave over here. I wonder if it was a baby.”
I look to where Chloe points and make my way over to the grave marker. She’s right. It is an infant. I step closer and read the name on the tiny headstone. “Infant Carter Collins” is written in an elegant design. And just below the name I read the following: “Son of Brian and Grace Collins”.
I stand in complete silence and drop Chloe’s hand. She notices this particular headstone has touched me in a special way and she steps away for a moment to give me some privacy. This infant son belonged to Brian and his wife and they named him after his father. I’m am so sorry for them. I am truly sorry that they lost a son. It’s terrible for any parent to have to lose a child, and for a moment I am saddened because Brian has lost two children in his lifetime, each in a different way.
“Baby, why don’t you take one of the flowers from the bouquet and place it here for this baby,” I tell Chloe because I feel it is the right thing to do. That baby was loved, too.
“Aww, Momma. That’s really sweet.” Chloe steps back and together we stand in silence and take in the single rose she selected to place on Carter Collins’s grave.
“Come on, baby girl. We’ve been here long enough.” I tell her when I feel this is becoming awkward.
As we walk back to the car I feel a huge weight lifted from my body. Right now this is the best that I can do for Chloe and for Brian.
The End
Be sure to check out
Falling for Him,
book one in the Falcon Club Series
by Amy Stephens.
Available now
Chapter One
As I stood in line to register for my upcoming classes for the fall semester, I couldn’t help but notice the different types of people I’d be having them with. The women were dressed in tailored business suits with their high-heel Manolo Blahniks while the men wore their Armani suits with matching ties.
I looked down at my sparkly Toms and wiggled my toes, knowing my feet were more comfortable than the lady’s standing directly in front of me, who continued to shift her weight from one side to the other. Sadly, I stuck out like a sore thumb while she blended in with the others.
We’d been standing in line now for the past hour, slowly advancing forward. I hadn’t tried to start a conversation with anyone simply because they all seemed to be caught up in their own worlds, chatting away on their phones or handling business on their iPads and tablets. Yes, I may have been on my phone too, but I was browsing through my Facebook page. These people probably didn’t even know what that was.
And something else that bothered me, they were all older than me. Some of them could easily be friends with my parents. I knew the chances of me running into any of my former high s
chool classmates were pretty slim, but from the looks of it, I’d be the only one there from my high school. I guessed that could be a good thing. Did I really want my friends knowing I was going to school there instead of away at State like I’d talked about nonstop my entire senior year? And the chances of finding a cute guy to date, well, the possibilities were slim to none from what I’d seen so far. I could just see my parents’ faces now if I brought home one of the guys who waited in line like me. Um, no, not happening. A year or two older than me, maybe, but these guys were more appropriate for my mother.
Two people advanced, and I noticed someone had opened another computer station at the registration table. Now, instead of there being six, there were seven people typing away on their computers, entering all the registration information just so we could move on to the next station. The line was moving, and that was the important thing. The sooner I could get out of there the better off I was.
No matter how hard I tried to like it, I still had a bitter taste in my mouth about this university. It wasn’t so much that the school itself was bad, in fact, it was known to be a pretty damn good one, but it just wasn’t what I’d planned for my freshman year of college to be like. Bishop University was more for working adults, and I still wanted to enjoy and experience college life to the fullest, just like my friends.
You see, everything about my first year of college had been planned since I’d entered my senior year of high school. My best friend, Monica, and I had been so excited that we’d be attending State together. Before graduation, we’d toured the campus and picked out a cute little two-bedroom apartment we’d planned to share, and had even picked out the classes we were going to take together the first semester. We were all ready to enjoy our freshman year of college just the way it was supposed to be.
All my plans for the fall came crashing down the week after I graduated high school.
My parents thought it’d been cool to make this big announcement that they were getting a divorce. Yes, a divorce. My sister, Beth, and I were floored by the news. Neither of us had seen that coming and still, four months later, really couldn’t understand why our parents couldn’t stay together any longer. It happened, I know, but it wasn’t supposed to happen to my parents.
The divorce had taken place regardless of what we’d thought and there was nothing Beth or I could do to change the way our parents felt about one another. According to them, they just didn’t love each other anymore. Why couldn’t they have waited until after I’d moved out? Why did it have to happen just as I was getting ready to live out my college dreams? My sister was hardly going to be affected by this since she was still in middle school, but I, on the other hand, didn’t deserve to have all my plans destroyed. I wasn’t the one getting divorced.
It was decided my mom would get an apartment closer to the city and to her job and my dad would keep the family home that was just on the outskirts of town. Beth and I were free to stay with either parent any time we wanted since we’d have rooms at both places, but there was more to the story than what I saw on the surface. At this point, I really didn’t care to know what or who had caused them to suddenly “fall out of love.” I wanted them to fall back in love, or at least pretend they loved each other so we could keep our family together and not have it ripped apart.
In the end, the divorce turned quite ugly instead of the nice way our parents had explained it to us in the beginning and accusations started being thrown at one another. Before long, I couldn’t tell which parent lied or told the truth, and it was evident that all my plans for the fall were now just a thing of the past. Nothing was going to change that.
The money that had been put aside in my college fund was used to pay for lawyers and legal fees, and in the end, if I was going to attend college at all in September, I needed a new plan. I couldn’t depend on my parents to assist me with preparing for my future while they were still fighting with one another. And, to make matters worse, my mom decided to change jobs to one that paid substantially less right before the divorce was finalized. I’m sure her lawyer was just trying to get more child support and alimony for her instead of looking at what was happening now.
So, instead of moving away to State with Monica, there I was enrolling in Bishop University. I really shouldn’t be so upset about it. I mean, after all, I was still going to college, but this was surely not the school I’d had in mind. By going to school there I was able to still live at home and work my part-time job. I wasn’t excited about the student loans I had to take out, but going this route would save me money in the long run. After all, according to what my parents tried to convince me, it didn’t matter where my degree came from. The certificate was the same regardless of the university I had attended.
Bishop was geared more to the student who was already in the workforce with a good job, just looking to get a promotion or make a career advancement. Most of the students were married with families of their own and needed a college schedule to work around their already busy lives. I didn’t exactly “fit” that criteria, but it was either Bishop or no college at all.
I might have felt a little better about coming there if I saw someone close to my own age, someone who was fresh out of high school, but so far, I was out of luck. Whether I liked it or not, I needed to accept the fact I was getting an education and that was what was most important.
“Next.”
Someone lightly tapped me on the shoulder, and I turned around to see what they wanted. I’d been so wrapped up in my thoughts I hadn’t noticed the open slot at the table in front of me.
“You’re next up,” the gentleman said as he pointed in the direction of the available representative.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I mumbled and slowly walked over to the table.
I handed my printout to the lady, and she placed it down beside her computer monitor as I tried to get comfortable in the chair.
“Good morning,” she said rather pleasantly.
“Morning.”
I had to get out of this mood I was in before everyone around me noticed. The last thing I wanted people to think was that I was a bitch or something. I’m really not, but I’ve just got to find something that makes me happy again.
The registrar busied herself behind her computer, typing in all sorts of information. I was amazed at how quickly she typed. The printer behind her started to spit out paperwork, and she slid her chair back to retrieve it. She grabbed a pen from the cup holder and then marked the different areas I needed to sign. Once I was finished, she handed me more paperwork and told me to look everything over, then proceed to the next line.
I couldn’t believe I’d waited all that time in line just to sign a few times and be directed to yet another line. I glanced down at the paperwork and noticed the page on top had suggested classes I should take for my first semester as a freshman. Of course English 101 was listed along with Western Civilization, but why would it suggest Principles of World Religions, Introduction to Philosophy, or Introduction to Geology? None of those even sounded remotely interesting or pertained to my degree in Business Management.
It was pretty broad, but I’d figured once I got a couple of my core business classes behind me, I’d be able to narrow it down to a more specific program. I was really looking forward to taking my first business class this semester too, but it didn’t look as if that was going to be happening according to their recommendations. I knew these were suggested classes for me, but hopefully my advisor would see those weren’t really related to business and he’d suggest something else.
I could only hope.
I pulled out my phone again and then picked up where I’d left off browsing the statuses of my friends on Facebook.
Ten minutes passed when the door opened and two men walked out. An older man dressed in a military uniform turned to shake hands with the other gentleman, who I assumed was the advisor, before he walked away. I’d never been around anyone in the military before, and for some reason, just seeing him intimidated me. It
wasn’t that they frightened me or anything, but seeing the decorated formal uniform gave off a different vibe than the customary camouflage I was used to seeing in the movies or on television.
“Hi, I’m Dan McDonald and I’m going to be your academic advisor,” he said as he walked toward me. I have to admit he appeared pleasant and sounded friendly enough, but wasn’t at all what I’d expected my advisor to look like. “Welcome to Bishop.”
I extended my hand to shake his and then followed him into the room. He shut the door behind us and instructed me to take a seat in one of the two chairs that surrounded his desk. I noticed he had several degrees framed and lined up on the wall, and I couldn’t help but wonder if they’d come from Bishop. On his desk were a couple small picture frames, but I wasn’t able to see who the pictures were of. No doubt, they were probably photos of his wife and kids, because he didn’t appear to be old enough for grandkids yet.
Dan asked me a little about my high school classes and why I’d chosen Business Management as my field of study. He didn’t ask anything personal about why I’d chosen to attend Bishop, and for that I was thankful.
Next, he told me the classes he recommended for entering freshmen. I cringed when I heard him say the exact same ones that were suggested on the paperwork.
Damn it! Those were not the classes I wanted to take. Who in their right mind would want to take Geology or Philosophy? Or World Religions?
As I finished marking the choices, I realized it could be much worse. I could be stuck taking classes in one of those technical institutes you see advertised on television for massage therapy or how to cut hair. Yes, that could be me, but thank goodness it’s not. I’m going to force myself to like this school even if it killed me.
Heart of the Matter (Coming Home Book 3) Page 9
