Jack Reacher's Rules

by Lee Child

  10-19 Contact by phone or radio

  10-22 Fire

  10-23 Disturbance

  10-24 Suspicious person

  10-25 Stolen/abandoned vehicle

  10-26 Serious accident

  10-28 Loud and clear

  10-29 Weak signal

  10-30 Need assistance

  10-31 Request investigator

  10-32 Request MP duty officer

  10-33 Stand by

  10-34 Cancel last message

  10-35 Meal

  10-36 Please forward my messages

  10-62 Fellow officer in trouble, requests urgent assistance

  Or use the secret Alphabet Code, as in:

  “We’d rate him SAS, sir.” (Stupid Asshole Sometimes)

  Hurry up and wait.

  “Hurry up and wait was the real MP motto. Not Assist, Protect, Defend.”

  Never volunteer for anything. Soldier’s basic rule.

  Confusion and unpredictability are what you should expect.

  If in doubt, be flippant.

  When the Navy says three hours, it means three hours. One hundred and eighty minutes, not a second more, not a second less.

  The soldierly way to kill people is to shoot or stab or hit or strangle. They don’t do subtle.

  Confront your enemies.

  “Back in the day.”

  “Delta is full of guys who can stay awake for a week and walk a hundred miles and shoot the balls off a tsetse fly, but it’s relatively empty of guys who can do all that and then tell you the difference between a Shiite and a trip to the latrine.”

  Almost any place is serviceable; there is always somewhere worse to compare it with.

  First you check, then you double-check.

  Eat every time you can, sleep every time you can.

  >>TWO WAYS TO GET PROMOTED

  Let them think you’re just a little dumber than they are.

  Raise a glass to “bloody wars and dread diseases.”

  If in doubt, go formal.

  Preconceptions get in the way.

  “With manpower like the Army has, you can find a needle in a haystack. You can find both halves of the broken needle. You can find the tiny chip of chrome that flaked off the break.”

  In the Army you learn how to sleep anywhere, anytime.

  Initiative in the ranks usually ends in tears. Especially when live ammunition is involved.

  The military and civilians will always remain a mystery to each other.

  “I guess I don’t understand the military.”

  “Well, don’t feel bad about it. We don’t understand you, either.”

  “He was pretty sure he didn’t want to live in a house. The desire just passed him by. The necessary involvement intimidated him. It was a physical weight, exactly like the suitcase in his hand.”

  Don’t own a house. You could be traced by paying property tax, insurance, electricity, heating, water … even by the electoral roll.

  If you never rent an apartment, or even a room, they’ll never be able to trace you by your last known address.

  “You’re the only person I know who wants to be homeless.”

  Don’t own a car. You have to pay insurance, oil changes, inspection, tax, gasoline. You’ll be identified by your car’s registration number. Hitch a ride, or hop on a Greyhound bus.

  “He knew people with houses. He had talked to them, with the same kind of detached interest he would talk to a person who kept snakes as pets or entered ballroom dancing competitions.”

  Don’t use a phone. Especially not a smartphone. And especially not one with GPS to give away your location.

  Don’t use a credit card; use cash.

  Use aliases for checking in to motels.

  “Now they broke my toothbrush, I don’t own anything.”

  HOGAN’S ALLEY

  WHAT

  Where new FBI and DEA agents train to deal with mobsters, terrorists, and gunfights in a realistic simulated urban setting.

  Built with the help of Hollywood set designers, it has a post office, the All-Med Pharmacy, a hotel, the Hogan Bank, a laundromat, a barber’s shop, the Dogwood Inn, several town houses, and the Biograph Theater.

  WHERE

  Occupies ten acres at the FBI training academy in Quantico, Virginia

  HOW

  In simulated hand-to-hand combat, shoot-outs, bank robberies, kidnapping, assaults, and carjackings, the trainee agents learn arrest procedures, street survival techniques, and control holds.

  “We don’t teach them to fight fair, and we don’t start a fight.”

  A liar usually has all the signs on display: gulps, false starts, stammers, and fidgets.

  The memory center is in the left brain, the imagination in the right—so a glance to the left generally means they’re remembering things; to the right, they’re making stuff up.

  They’ll avoid eye contact, and touch or scratch their noses or ears.

  Truthful people are perfectly capable of saying no, but generally they stop and think about it first. The one who says no immediately is usually lying.

  “I can lie with the best of them … sadly.”

  LEARN TO READ THEIR BODY LANGUAGE

  Q: Is he adjusting a cuff or watchstrap with his arm across his body?

  A: He feels nervous and may have something to hide.

  Q: Is he unconsciously covering his genitals?

  A: He feels insecure in your company.

  Q: Is she sitting with her legs crossed, dangling a shoe that is pointing at you?

  A: She’s interested.

  Q: Is he standing with his legs wide apart?

  A: He’s getting ready to punch you.

  “For a military cop, going into a bar is like a batter stepping up to the plate. It’s his place of business.”

  Count the exits (there are usually three).

  Work out which exits you can use.

  Look at the crowd—where are the knots of trouble, who falls silent, who stares.

  Look for weapons—antique revolvers, bottles, or—better—pool cues.

  Stare everyone down.

  Sit with your back to the wall, even if there are plenty of mirrors.

  Call 911—the other guys are going to need an ambulance …

  “It was a long, long time since he’d lost a two-on-one bar fight.”

  A MEDLEY OF MILITARY ACRONYMS

  ACU Army Combat Uniform

  ALICE All-Purpose Lightweight Carrying Equipment

  APFSDS Armor-Piercing Fin-Stabilized Discarding Sabot

  ATF Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms

  BDU Battle Dress Uniform

  COS Chief of Staff

  CYA Cover Your Ass

  DEA Drug Enforcement Agency

  DIA Defense Intelligence Agency

  DOD Department of Defense

  HET Heavy Equipment Transporter

  HRT Hostage Rescue Team

  JAG Judge Advocate General

  KIA Killed In Action

  LAV Light Armored Vehicle

  LGH Let’s Go Home

  MASH Mobile Army Surgical Hospital

  MIA Missing In Action

  MPBN Military Police Battalion

  MRE Meal, Ready to Eat

  NCIC National Crime Information Center

  PASGT Personal Armor System, Ground Troops

  PH Public House

  RIF Reduction In Force

  RPG Rocket-Propelled Grenade

  RTAFA Rotational Torque-Adjustable Fastener Applicators

  SAC Special Agent in Charge

  SEAL Sea Air and Land (U.S. Navy SEALs)

  SOC Special Operations Capable

  SOP Standard Operating Procedure

  SSDD Same Shit, Different Day

  SWAG Scientific Wild-Ass Guess

  UNSUB Unknown Subject

  USA PATRIOT ACT Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act

  WTF Whisky Tango Foxt
rot …

  RESPECT YOUR OPPONENT

  “Dealing with morons … is like teaching Hindu to a beagle.”

  “He was in no imminent danger of winning the Nobel Prize but definitely smarter than the average bear.”

  “He wasn’t the crispest shirt in the closet.”

  “You’re pretty good for an old guy.” “That’s how I got to be an old guy,” McGrath said.

  “You have a message? Who from? The National Association of Assholes?”

  “He’d fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch.”

  “I nodded amiably at the two of them. I figured they had less than an hour to live.”

  “Guys like these, they couldn’t find their own assholes if I gave them a mirror on a stick.”

  “He was an observant man. He had made his living by noticing details. He was living because he noticed details.”

  Think about everything you’ve seen and heard. Work the clues.

  >>KNOW THE SIGNS OF BEING UNDER SURVEILLANCE

  unexplained cars

  parked vans

  pairs or trios of dressed-down people with wires in their ears

  clean taxicabs with two people in them

  pedestrians you see inexplicably in two different places

  The width of a person’s wrists is the best indicator of his or her strength.

  People don’t like searching above head height. If you want to hide something, hide it on the top shelf.

  People hiding and waiting give off human vibrations. If you don’t feel them, they’re not there.

  An elected official always has a separate brass plate. (It makes it cheaper when the guy changes every few Novembers.)

  The easiest way to spot a hooker is by her big purse—hookers have to carry around a lot of stuff (condoms, massage oils, gun, credit card machine …).

  If a lock doesn’t have scratches around it, then no one uses the door.

  “I think Reacher’s the kind of guy that sees things five seconds before the rest of the world.”

  Look, don’t see; listen, don’t hear. The more you engage, the longer you survive.

  If somebody’s got money outside of his salary, it shows up somewhere.

  “Suicide bombers give out all kinds of telltale signs. Mostly because they’re nervous. By definition, they’re all first-timers.”

  >>THE PERFECT OBSERVATION POINT

  A soldier knows that the perfect observation point provides:

  An unobstructed view to the front

  Adequate security to the flanks and rear

  Protection from the elements

  Concealment of observers

  A reasonable likelihood of undisturbed occupation

  A result

  THE TWELVE SIGNS OF A SUICIDE BOMBER

  (as identified by Israeli counterintelligence)

  1. Inappropriate clothing—oversized or padded coat

  2. A robotic walk—because of carrying unaccustomed weight

  3. Irritability

  4. Sweating

  5. Tics

  6. Nervous behavior

  7. Low and controlled breathing, panting

  8. Staring rigidly ahead

  9. Mumbled prayers

  10. A large bag

  11. Hands in the bag

  12. A lack of suntan from a fresh shave (male); lack of suntan from taking off a headscarf (female)

  The U.S. Army Military Police

  CODE OF ETHICS

  I AM A SOLDIER IN THE UNITED STATES ARMY.

  I AM OF THE TROOPS AND FOR THE TROOPS.

  I HOLD ALLEGIANCE TO MY COUNTRY AND DEVOTION TO DUTY ABOVE ALL ELSE.

  I PROUDLY RECOGNIZE MY OBLIGATION TO PERFORM MY DUTY WITH INTEGRITY, LOYALTY, AND HONESTY.

  I WILL ASSIST AND PROTECT MY FELLOW SOLDIERS IN A MANNER THAT IS FAIR, COURTEOUS, AND IMPARTIAL.

  I WILL PROMOTE, BY PERSONAL EXAMPLE, THE HIGHEST STANDARDS OF SOLDIERING, STRESSING PERFORMANCE AND PROFESSIONALISM.

  I WILL STRIVE TO MERIT THE RESPECT OF OTHERS, SEEKING NO FAVOR BECAUSE OF POSITION BUT, INSTEAD, THE SATISFACTION OF A MISSION ACCOMPLISHED AND A JOB WELL DONE.

  And

  I DO NOT MESS WITH THE SPECIAL INVESTIGATORS.

  REACHER’S MORAL CODE

  “I don’t want to put the world to rights, I just don’t like people who put the world to wrongs.”

  You reap what you sow.

  “I have to warn you. I promised my mother, a long time ago. She said I had to give folks a chance to walk away.”

  Don’t do what the law says, do what’s right.

  “You don’t start fights, but you sure as hell finish them, and you don’t lose them, either.”

  Never forgive, never forget.

  You are accountable only to your own conscience.

  Do it once and do it right.

  “I try to do the right things. I think the reasons don’t really matter. I like to see the right thing done.”

  “With a better attitude he could have been Chief of Staff by now.”

  “We investigate, we prepare, we execute. We find them, we take them down.”

  Military Police

  TRAINING

  U.S. military policemen are trained to maintain order, investigate crimes, and offer security in combat zones.

  Training takes place for nine weeks at Fort Leonard Wood’s Stem Village, an imitation town complete with houses, jail, a bank, and a theater. Recruits are taught skills including marksmanship, unarmed combat, investigation, VIP protection, evasive driving, surveillance, and first aid; and how to deal with sabotage, suicide, damage to private property, and dead bodies. They also study Miranda rights, military law, collecting evidence, search and apprehension, interrogation, and directing traffic.

  It’s not about strength or violence, but all about technique—making the right moves and striking in the right places—to physically restrain a perpetrator.

  NEVER OFF DUTY

  HOW TO OPEN A LOCKED IRON GATE WITH A CHRYSLER

  1. Open all the windows of the car to lessen the noise, so that the bang on impact doesn’t deafen you completely.

  2. Hold up one arm in front of you to stop yourself from being knocked out by the air bag.

  3. Position the car about fifteen feet from the gate.

  4. Rev the engine to the maximum with your foot on the brake until the car is rocking and straining.

  5. Suddenly release the brake and stamp on the accelerator; shoot forward and smash the gate.

  6. Get the hell out of there before the cops turn up.

  THE SCIENCE OF … THE PERFECT SHOT

  The perfect bullet

  …has to be a perfect little artifact. It’s got to be as good as any manufactured article has ever been. It has got to be cast better than any jewelry. It must be totally uniform in size and weight. Perfectly round, perfectly streamlined. It has to accept ferocious rotation from the rifling grooves inside the barrel. It has to spin and hiss through the air with absolutely no wobble, no bias.

  +

  The perfect barrel

  …has to be tight and straight. No good at all if a previous shot has heated and altered the barrel shape. The barrel has to be a mass of perfect metal, heavy enough to remain inert. Heavy enough to kill the tiny vibrations of the bolt and the trigger and the firing pin.

  +

  The perfect powder

  …behind the bullet in the shell case has to explode perfectly, predictably, powerfully, instantly. It has to smash the projectile down the barrel at maximum speed. The powder has to explode fast, explode completely, and explode hard. Difficult chemistry. Weight for weight, that explosion has got to be the best explosion on the planet.

  =

  The perfect shot

  “He glanced at himself in an old spotted mirror. Six-five, two fifty, hands as big as frozen turkeys, hair all over the place, unshaven, torn shirt cuffs up on his forearms like Frankenstein’s monster. A bum.”

  1. ALWAYS SHAVE AND GET A GOOD HAIRCUT
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br />   A whitewall. Leave an inch and a half on the top and use clippers to shave the bottom and the sides up toward it. Then flip the clippers over and square off the sideburns and clean the fuzz off the neck. Unless you’re going undercover.

  2. DON’T SKIP THE SHOWER

  Four kinds, depending on circumstances:

  The straight shower (11 minutes)—shower and hair wash

  The shave and shower (22 minutes)—shave, hair wash, shower

  The special procedure (30 minutes +)—shower and hair wash, shave, shower, and second hair wash

  The even longer one. When you’ve got company

  “He knew he was out of step with the Western world in terms of how often he changed his clothes, but he tried to compensate by keeping his body scrupulously clean.”

  3. ALWAYS CARRY A TOOTHBRUSH

  Even for a man without luggage, it’s essential to have your own toothbrush, preferably a folding one that you can keep in your pocket. In the absence of toothpaste, freshen your mouth with gum.

  If you can’t get time to sleep, a shower is a good substitute. If you can’t get time to shower, cleaning your teeth is the next best thing.

  “His folding toothbrush was on the floor, stepped on and crushed.

  ‘Bastards,’ he said.”

  4. HOW TO KEEP CLOTHES CLEAN ON THE ROAD

  Option 1: every three to four days soak or rinse clothes and place under mattress to press.

  Option 2: after up to nine days put clothes in trash and buy a new set.

  Option 3: if you dress in wet clothes you’ve got a built-in air conditioner that keeps you cool while they dry out.