The Real Me

by Herrick, Ann

  Then Dad announced, "And now for dessert!" He got up, pulled a bowl out of the refrigerator, and spooned a white fluffy substance into three bowls.

  "What is it?" It looked like soapsuds. "I, um, might not have time to eat it."

  "I call it Frozen Fluff. I invented it. You'll love it."

  "Hmm."

  "It's amazing what a person can do with just some gelatin, skim milk, lemon juice and vanilla extract," Dad said proudly.

  I tasted a spoonful. It bubbled on my tongue, but I managed an encouraging smile. The best thing about it was that it killed my appetite.

  A car horn sounded in the driveway.

  "That's Erwina! I'll be home right after the game." I stuck my dishes in the dishwasher, grabbed my coat and purse, and ran outside.

  "Hi!" I plopped myself into the seat of the Lane's ancient Buick. Erwina was so petite she had to sit on a pillow just to see over the dashboard. Her size, coupled with her short pixie haircut and round brown eyes, always made me feel as if I were being driven around by an elf. "All set to cheer for George?"

  "You know I'll cheer for all the guys." Erwina grinned. Some people considered her a flirt. But it was just her nature to be friendly and outgoing. She was so short she had to look up at guys through her long, curly eyelashes. Crinkling her nose and smiling impishly were merely family trademarks.

  At the school Erwina circled the parking lot twice before finding a space.

  "It's a good thing we already have our tickets," I said. "I wouldn't want to stand out in the cold in that line." The line at the ticket office extended along the front of the school and around the corner.

  Everyone in Waterside was excited about the game. My father promised a win would be a front page headline in the Waterside Reporter.

  Erwina and I managed to get our favorite seats in back of the team bench, even though the gym was already crowded. The teams were on the floor, practicing.

  I enjoyed the games, but what I really liked were the cheering and being part of the crowd. Ordinarily I was quiet, so I wouldn't call attention to myself. But at a game I could yell and scream and jump up and down and it didn't matter, because everyone was doing the same--and not paying attention to me.

  The horn sounded and the teams returned to their benches. Walt Mattesky gathered up the loose balls. The cheerleaders took the floor and lined up to lead the cheers for the starting players. As always, Nicole Sandhurst led the cheer for Kevin.

  The Star Spangled Banner played over the loudspeaker. My eyes focused on Kevin.

  By half time Kevin had scored twelve points. Denham led by only three. My throat was dry from almost constant cheering. I watched Kevin as the team left the gym. He draped a towel over his shoulders and stooped to get a drink from the water fountain. Nicole appeared at his side. Kevin glanced around to see if the coach was looking, then kissed Nicole. I closed my eyes and envisioned myself in Nicole's place, imagined Kevin's lips on mine.

  "Meditation isn't going to help the team." Erwina tugged at my arm. "Let's get a soda, so we'll have our voices for the second half."

  "The line's a mile long. I'll just get a drink from the water fountain."

  "Okay. I'll meet you back here."

  "Sure." I elaborately rearranged my coat over my seat. I walked as slowly as possible across the gym to the water fountain. I bent over and took a sip. I stood up. I bent over and took another sip. If only Kevin would come out of the locker room and I would "just happen" to be standing there.

  I peeked out of the corner of my eye. The door didn't open. I took another sip of water before I gave up.

  Halfway back to my seat I heard the locker room door squeak. I wanted to drop my purse, but decided that would be too obvious. Not able to think of a good excuse to stop and turn around, I forced myself to return to my seat.

  Music echoed over the loudspeaker, signaling that the second half would start in two minutes. Fans quickly returned to their seats. I saw Erwina walking arm and arm with Ross Wilcox. He played trumpet in the Pep Club Band.

  "Here's my seat," said Erwina, smiling up at Ross. "Thanks for the soda."

  "Sure," Ross said. He didn't even notice me. "See you."

  Erwina sat down and whispered to me, "It was worth waiting in line. Ross bought me a soda. Isn't he totally cute?"

  "Yes." I wondered what George would think.

  The horn sounded and the cheerleaders formed a pyramid as the teams huddled around their coaches.

  The cheerleaders lead the crowd in a Tiger cheer:

  Tigers, Tigers, fight, fight, fight!

  Tigers, Tigers, win tonight!

  Not original, but loud.

  The pyramid collapsed gracefully, and the second half started.

  The score remained close. I screamed, "Go Tigers," so often my voice was hoarse. Whenever there was a time out, I tried to catch Kevin's eye so I could give him an encouraging smile. After all, he had said See you there. But, so far, I had no idea if he'd seen me or not.

  If only Waterside would win. Then I'd be able to congratulate Kevin after the game. And in the spirit of celebration, maybe he'd--

  "Yay!" Erwina shouted in my ear and punched my arm. "George got the rebound. We can win!"

  I shook myself to attention and checked the scoreboard. Denham was ahead by one point with six seconds left. The sound of my heart echoed in my head. I rubbed my sweaty hands on my knees.

  Waterside called a time-out. When it was over, George passed the ball in to Kevin. Kevin dribbled down the court as the seconds ticked off. He took a shot. The ball hit the rim. It rolled around twice. Just as the final buzzer sounded, the ball went in.

  The Tigers won!

  Waterside fans swarmed onto the floor, yelling and jumping, hugging the players and each other. I struggled to get to Kevin, but the crowd closed in on me. I felt like the filling in a sandwich. I was thrust against someone in a uniform. I looked up. It was George. He smiled at me.

  "Nice game, George," I murmured.

  "Thanks!" A huge grin flashed through his freckles.

  I elbowed my way to the center of the undulating mob. There I saw a blue and white uniform with the number twenty four. Kevin. I plunged toward him, stepping on his toes.

  "Ouch!" Kevin said, but he grinned at me. "Hi, there."

  "Hi. Sorry about your toes." My heart pounded. "Great game, Kevin."

  He winked at me. "Thanks to your cheering."

  He noticed!

  Through all the jostling, Kevin put his arms around me and pulled me close. I felt my face redden as I pressed against his chest.

  Suddenly sharp fingernails stabbed my cheek. A hand pulled on Kevin's jersey and yanked him away from me.

  "Kevin. You won the game for us!" Nicole wrapped her cheerleading sweater clad arms around Kevin and kissed him.

  Someone stomped on my foot as more people crammed their way to the center of the gym. I could hardly breathe. I fought my way to the edge of the crowd. I looked for Erwina, but couldn't find her in the sea of people. I went outside to wait for her.

  The air was cold and damp. Wet, heavy snowflakes dropped lazily to the ground. I tried to recapture the feeling of Kevin's arms around me. But Nicole's fingernails stabbing my cheek like icy daggers were all I felt now.

  "There you are!" Erwina exclaimed. "Let's go. I promised to be home early. Great game, wasn't it?"

  The cold oozed into my shoes as I picked my way through the slushy parking lot. "Yeah," I said. "Just great …."

  Chapter Three

  I slapped my hand over the alarm clock. Groggy, I wondered why I'd set it so early. Then I remembered--Walt and calisthenics.

  After the game, in order to take my mind off Kevin and Nicole, I had sifted through some cookbooks for interesting recipes for the prom. All the mouthwatering descriptions had stimulated my appetite and I had almost started gorging myself on oatmeal cookies.

  But a vision of Kevin and Nicole kissing had swirled through my mind. So, instead of wolfing down handfuls of co
okies, I put the cookie jar in the cabinet, pushing it to the back of the shelf. Maybe if I didn't resemble an upholstered chair I could be on the receiving end of Kevin's kiss.

  I threw off the covers and hauled myself out of bed. I was determined to exercise for ten minutes. But after fifteen leg lifts, five sit ups, and not quite one pushup, I convinced myself that I really needed the remaining eight and a half minutes to recheck my math homework. Besides, I would be walking an extra mile every day.

  By the time I scuffed into the kitchen my parents were sitting at the table.

  "Good morning," Dad boomed. "I've got a nutritional beverage all ready for you."

  It looked suspiciously like melted Frozen Fluff. As Dad waited expectantly, I took a sip. I wondered if I should try to curb his enthusiasm for my diet.

  "How is it?" Dad asked

  "Okay." I tried to sound polite, but not thrilled.

  "I knew you'd like it." Dad beamed.

  Oh, well. I guess he didn't pick up on my subtlety.

  "I'd better get to work early today," Dad said. "I want to write a really big article about Waterside's win."

  "I'm off, too," said Mom. "I've got a dentist appointment."

  "Bye." As soon as my parents were out the door, I poured the rest of my "nutritional beverage" down the sink. I needed something solid. Just a piece of toast. To give it some flavor I spread a teaspoon of peanut butter on it. Well, maybe it was more like a tablespoon.

  I checked the clock. Ten after seven! I needed at least ten minutes to make the half mile to Walt's house.

  I crammed the last bite of toast into my mouth and chewed as I dashed back to my room to get dressed. Where were my shoes? And the toothpaste? I had to brush my teeth!

  At seven twenty I raced out the kitchen door, not realizing I'd slammed it on my scarf. I almost choked as I started down the steps. I looked around. At least there were no witnesses.

  I unlocked the door, rescued my scarf, relocked the door and hurried off. I had only nine and a half minutes to get to Walt's.

  I set what for me was a brisk pace. I thought about running, but decided I'd look weird doing that in my heavy coat, carrying my book bag.

  When I got to Walt's front door I checked my watch. I had made it with seventeen seconds to spare and my heart pounding only moderately. Maybe the extra walking would work out.

  After one knock, Walt answered the door. With me standing on the landing and Walt poised up in the doorway we stood almost eye to eye. Then he came out, we started walking, and my eyes lined up with the top of his head.

  "Right on time," said Walt. "Did you come up with any good ideas?"

  At first I didn't know what Walt was talking about, since I was still congratulating myself on what I felt was a good time for the half mile I'd just walked.

  "You know." Walt studied me impatiently. "For the prom."

  "Oh. Yes. The prom." I cleared my throat. "I found a recipe for the punch. I searched the internet, but finally decided on one from my mother's old file box. Actually, it's a recipe recommended for bridal showers, but I think it will work. It's made with ginger ale and lime sherbet. It's supposed to turn out green and foamy."

  "Sounds perfect!"

  "I also made some cardboard patterns for shells and starfish for cutting out cookies. And I know Erwina has a sealing wax stamp that could pass for a doubloon. We can use it to make impressions on sugar cookies."

  "That should work," Walt said. "I'm planning on having blue and green crepe paper draped across the ceiling for waves, and I want to put up a mural of exotic fish on all four walls, so we'll really feel as if we're actually underwater. I was thinking of a sunken treasure chest, too." Walt smiled, blushing clear to the tips of his ears showing through his sandy colored hair. He looked totally pleased with himself.

  Just as we were walking past my house, Walt said, "You know, I really could have met you at your house."

  I gulped. Walt might think it was strange if I kept insisting that I meet him at his house to walk to school together. I decided to confess. After all, Walt was a good friend.

  "Walt, I've got to tell you something. I know you won't blab."

  "I'd never break a confidence," Walt held up his hand as if he was swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth, etc.

  "I know," I said. "Well … you see … Dr. Adam has put me on a diet and insisted that I get more exercise. Meeting you to discuss the prom gives me an extra mile to walk, and who'd guess the real reason? Is it okay if I come to your house and we walk to school every day for a while?" I let out a deep breath. It was a relief to admit to Walt that I was on a diet.

  "Sure," Walt said. "Nothing wrong with having to go on a diet. Of course, I think you look fine just as you are."

  "Thanks," I said, though I knew Walt was just being polite. "I'd feel better if no one else knows. I guess I'm self conscious. But I had to tell someone, and I know I can trust you."

  "I'll wait for you after school and you can escort me home, too," he teased.

  As we approached the corner of Grove and Shell Roads, I looked around hopefully. Kevin lived just a couple blocks from there. If only he'd join us!

  A black Celica rounded the corner and pulled up along the side of the road. "You guys want a ride?"

  It was Kevin.

  Before I could open my mouth, Walt said, "No, thanks. We'd rather walk."

  I bit my tongue. I had almost shouted yes! Why had I made such a big deal about my diet and walking plan, anyway?

  "You sure?" Kevin smiled warmly. "I don't get the car that often."

  "Y-yes," I spluttered. "Thanks for the offer."

  "Okay." Kevin waved and drove off.

  In the direction of Nicole's house, I noticed.

  On the rest of the way to school Walt chattered on about the prom, while I berated myself for blowing an opportunity to ride with Kevin.

  "Here we are." Walt held open the front door of the school for me.

  "Mmm." I craned my neck to see if it was Kevin's car pulling into the parking lot. It was. Nicole was with him. They must have gone for a ride.

  It could have been me arriving with Kevin, I thought. Of course, I conveniently pushed to the back of my mind the fact that I would have been in the back seat with Walt, getting a clear view of Nicole up front snuggling with Kevin. Naturally, that wasn't the way I pictured it. In my imagination, Kevin and I were cuddled close in the front seat and the back seat was empty.

  Well, never mind. The extra walking made me feel pretty good. I bet I'd lost some weight already.

  Next thing I knew, Walt gave his locker a sharp kick. "This door is stuck again."

  Walt and I had lockers next to each other since we were freshmen. Almost everything in Waterside High was done alphabetically, so as Mason and Mattesky, we often found ourselves side by side.

  Walt finally succeeded in opening his locker and hanging up his jacket. He struggled to get a book out of the book locker. Two book lockers were stacked over the coat lockers. Always assigning the top book lockers to the boys was another Waterside tradition. It didn't matter if a girl was six feet tall and a guy was five two. The decision had been made decades ago that boys should have the upper book lockers and that was that.

  Walt jumped, blindly trying to fish out the book he wanted. I often worried about the possibility of an avalanche, but Walt was quick and always able to jump again in time to thrust any tumbling books back in place.

  "Have you …." Walt hopped. "Asked anyone …." Hop. "To be on our …." Hop. "Committee yet, Mattie?" Walt grabbed the proper book, closed his book locker, and landed unruffled. At times he seemed to have the ability to hang in mid air. If he were several inches taller, he probably would've been a great basketball player.

  "Erwina's going to help. I'll round up a couple more people soon."

  "Great. We can have a joint committee meeting in a few weeks and really get things coordinated."

  "Good idea," I said. My stomach rumbled. The extra walking must have taken mo
re out of me than I suspected.

  "There's the bell," Walt said. "See you later."

  I slid into my seat for my first class wondering how I was going to endure second year French on a growling stomach.

  "Bonjour," said Mr. LeBlanch.

  "Bonjour, Monsieur," we all recited.

  My stomach gurgled. It was only eight o'clock. Even the thought of cafeteria food was appealing. I wondered how I'd survive until lunch.

  By lunch time the rumbling in my stomach had subsided. But, for once, everything looked delicious. I perused the selections and planned my meal. Spaghetti, coleslaw, bread, green beans, milk, Jell O. I loaded my tray and staggered under its weight to the table where Erwina and I always sat.

  Walt walked by, saw my tray, and shot me a reprimanding look. I pretended not to see him. I turned to Erwina as if we were in the middle of an important conversation. "So, how was P.E. today?"

  "It was all right," Erwina said. "We started badminton."

  "Oh." I planted a forkful of spaghetti into my mouth. I chewed slowly, savoring every morsel. My stomach almost leapt up to my throat to meet the food half way.

  Walt walked by again. He scowled at me.

  I buttered a piece of bread and took a huge bite. It was delicious.

  Kevin and Nicole walked by. Nicole's tray was practically empty.

  Suddenly the bread in my mouth felt dry and hard. I never should have taken so much food. Why did I have an urge to stuff myself?

  I felt like one of those cartoon characters contemplating a bad deed. On one shoulder was a little devil telling her, "Go ahead. Eat. You deserve it."

  But on her other shoulder was a little angel scolding her. "Mattie Mason, be good. Stick to your diet. Don't blow it."

  It was going to be embarrassing to throw away the rest of my food. In a loud voice I said, "Hmm. I'm not as hungry as I thought I was."

  "I'll take that second slice of bread and your Jell-O, if you don't want it," George Turner said as he folded himself onto the seat on the other side of Erwina.

  "Help yourself." I'd pinch his head off if he made a big production out of all the food on my tray.

  "Thanks," said George. "Um, are you going to eat your coleslaw?"