The Real Me

by Herrick, Ann

  He missed. But there was a whistle. Kevin had been fouled. There was one second left on the clock.

  Waterside called time out. As the teams headed for the benches, the cheerleaders from both schools ran out to the center of the gym. Although the Waterside cheerleaders got there first, the Springfield cheerleaders weren't about to yield the floor. With the Waterside and Springfield cheerleaders lined up back to back, fans erupted in opposing cheers. It became a shouting match.

  "GO SPRINGFIELD!"

  "GO WATERSIDE!"

  "GO SPRINGFIELD!"

  "GO WATERSIDE!"

  No one heard the buzzer. The referees had to motion the cheerleaders off the floor.

  Kevin stood on the foul line. He had two shots. If he made one, Waterside would tie and the game would go into overtime. If he made both, Waterside would win.

  The Springfield fans yelled and whistled. The Waterside fans waited in silence. I closed my eyes and crossed my fingers.

  The Waterside fans moaned. I knew that meant Kevin missed the first shot. I crossed my ankles. Kevin could still tie the game.

  I had to watch this time. Kevin took a deep breath. He bounced the ball once, paused, and shot. He missed.

  A Springfield player grabbed the rebound. The final buzzer sounded. Springfield won.

  I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. I watched Kevin slowly walk away from the foul line, his head down. All around him Springfield players embraced each other.

  "Poor Kevin," I whispered.

  "At least he'll have Nicole to comfort him," Erwina said sarcastically.

  "That's right." I was actually glad he'd have someone to comfort him. Even if it was Nicole.

  But Nicole walked right past Kevin, not even looking at him. She was ignoring him! I blinked back tears of anger and frustration. What a witch!

  "Mattie." Erwina gently shook me. "We can't sit here all night. We've got to get to the bus."

  Wearily I pulled on my jacket and stepped over soda cups and spilled popcorn. On the bus I plopped down onto a seat next to the window. Erwina slid in beside me. The bus lurched and slowly rolled away from the gym. No one sang or cheered. The only sound was the rattle of the bus.

  I opened my window and stuck my head out as far as I could.

  "Don't tell me you're going to be sick!" Erwina leaned away from me.

  I didn't answer. Instead I began to shout. "We're from Waterside, we couldn't be prouder. And if you can't hear us, we'll yell a little louder!"

  A group clustered in front of a fraternity house waved and shouted Hi.

  It took less than a second for Erwina to respond to that sign of encouragement. Together she and I yelled, "We're from WATERSIDE, we couldn't be PROUDER. And if you can't hear us, we'll yell a little LOUDER!"

  Everyone on the bus joined in. Even the driver. We rode through the campus and the streets of Middletown.

  "WE'RE FROM WATERSIDE, WE COULDN'T BE PROUDER! AND IF YOU CAN'T HEAR US, WE'LL YELL A LITTLE LOUDER!"

  By the time the bus reached the city limits my ears rang and my throat was raw. The shouting petered out. I closed my window and rested my head on the back of the seat. The steady hum of the tires lulled me to sleep.

  The howling of the brakes jolted me awake. We were back at the high school. Erwina and I staggered off the bus.

  I searched the front of the school for Kevin. "I wonder if the team is out of the locker room yet."

  "Should be," Erwina said. "Why don't you wait inside while I get the car? It's going to take forever just to get out of the parking lot. No sense in both of us freezing."

  "I'll go with you," I volunteered reluctantly.

  "Please." Erwina smiled sympathetically. "Wait inside."

  "Thanks!"

  As I walked in one door, Walt walked out another. He saw me and came back in. "Hi, Mattie!"

  "Hi, Walt." I figured the team must be done in the locker room if Walt was here.

  "Do you need a ride?"

  "Oh, no. I'm just waiting in here for Erwina. To keep warm."

  "You sure about the ride?"

  "Yes. Thanks."

  "Oh. Well. I'll see you."

  "Bye." I looked around anxiously for Kevin.

  I saw other guys from the team leaving, some of them holding hands with their girlfriends. I didn't see Nicole anywhere. Maybe she had already left with Kevin.

  I kept an eye on the locker room door. Finally it opened. Coach Bartlett walked out, followed by Kevin. Coach patted Kevin on the shoulder, then sat on the bench by the trophy case, so he could call the small newspapers that didn't send reporters to give the statistics and stuff about the game.

  I decided it was not a time to be shy. I approached Kevin. I didn't know what to say, so I just touched his arm.

  He turned and stared at me blankly.

  "Too bad Waterside didn't win. But it was a great game." I paused to control my voice. "You really played well tonight."

  Kevin shrugged. "That's what Coach said."

  "Because it's true! You played a good game. The whole team did. There are lots of 'ifs and buts' in every game. Any time two teams play, one has to lose. But you still had a good game."

  "You really mean that, don't you?"

  "Of course I do."

  Kevin looked at me as if he noticed something he'd never seen before. "Thanks," he said quietly. "Really, thanks."

  I searched for something else to say. "Do … do you need a ride home?" I hope and pray!

  "Coach is giving me a ride."

  "Oh."

  Just then Coach Bartlett came over. "Ready to go, Kevin?"

  "Ready." Kevin gave me a small smile and left.

  I followed him out. I didn't have to look for Erwina. She was parked right out in front. The passenger door opened and George Turner stepped out. He held the door open for me. "After you, Chunk."

  I climbed in. I felt like slamming the door after me. Instead, I leaned forward until George squeezed himself into the back seat.

  "I'm giving George a lift home," Erwina said.

  "I noticed."

  There was an uneasy silence until Erwina started chattering about the game. George picked up the conversation, and somewhere in the middle of it all I congratulated George on his game.

  Erwina dropped George off first. When she pulled up to my house she said, "You know, you look different tonight. Are you losing weight or something?"

  "If I am, I must be worrying it off," I said, trying to sound casual as I hopped out of the car. I wasn't ready to tell Erwina about my diet.

  I called out, "Goodnight," and hurried into the house, tiptoeing up the stairs to my room. I changed into my nightgown, then went into the bathroom. I stepped on the scale--it was the first time that I had weighed myself since I started the diet. I was almost afraid to look.

  I had lost five pounds! I examined myself in the mirror. I pulled my nightgown back until it was tight around my waist. My stomach was a bit flatter. And my face was a touch thinner. I could almost see those cheekbones my father was always talking about. I sucked in my cheeks and gave the mirror a sultry look.

  Erwina had noticed a change. And Kevin. Yes! Kevin must have noticed it, too. That's why he'd looked at me the way he did.

  "Just wait until I lose fifteen more pounds," I said to my reflection. "Then you'll see the real me."

  Chapter Six

  I stirred my cherry yogurt. "It's so noisy in this lunchroom. I can hardly hear myself think."

  "No worse than usual." Erwina studied my sack lunch--the yogurt, a small piece of cheese, and an apple. "You're eating 'healthy' these days."

  "Does wonders for my complexion."

  "You don't look as if you're having any problems." Erwina eyed my smooth skin.

  "I'm not. And I don't want to."

  "I see," Erwina said skeptically. "Hey, what time is the committee meeting at Walt's today?"

  "Three thirty."

  "Good. That gives me plenty of time to get there. Will you be walking with
Walt?"

  "Yes. You want to walk with us?"

  "Thanks, but I have to stop off at home first." Erwina grinned. "Besides, three's a crowd."

  "We're just working together on the prom."

  "Uh huh."

  "We're just friends." I didn't want to explain about my walking program, especially at the lunch table. No telling who might overhear.

  "Really?"

  "Really. Walt's nice, but he's just a friend. I'm afraid he's too short for us to ever be anything but just friends."

  Erwina sat straight up. "So he's short. So what?"

  "So I'm not! Listen, can we drop the subject?"

  "For now." Erwina arched an eyebrow.

  "Thank you." I said evenly.

  "You're welcome," Erwina replied, all tight-lipped.

  When Walt and I arrived at his house for the prom committee meeting, George Turner was shooting baskets at the hoop on the garage.

  "What took you so long?" George asked as he caught his own rebound.

  "Some of us like to walk." Walt nodded at George's pickup parked at the curb.

  "You mean some of you have to walk."

  I headed toward the back door, but out of the corner of my eye I saw George about to throw the basketball at me. Just in time I turned and caught it.

  "Nice catch, Chunk!" George sounded truly surprised.

  I threw the ball back at him as hard as I could.

  "You should go out for girl's basketball," George said. "You sure can pass the ball."

  "Hmmph." I stomped into the house.

  Phil and Carl and Laura arrived shortly after Erwina, Ross and Selena. Laura and Carl were twins. They were both cute, blonde and quiet. Phil and Carl hung out with George. It was kind of a dork-city committee, me especially, except for Erwina and George. Erwina was sort of universal, friends with just about everyone. George, as obnoxious as he was, pretty much ranked in the upper stratosphere, partly because he was tall and not half-bad looking and partly because he was a star on the basketball team. Those things counted for something.

  Walt brought out a tray of refreshments. Raw vegetables and yogurt dip, cheese and fruit. He winked at me. I hoped no one noticed.

  "What's with the health food," George asked as he scooped up a mound of dip with a celery stalk.

  "A sound mind in a sound body," Walt replied. "Of course, in your case, George …."

  "Can we get this meeting started?" Selena said. "I've got a history test to study for."

  "Sure." Walt sat on the sofa between Carl and Laura. He rapped a small gavel on the coffee table.

  George hooted. "How official can you get?"

  Walt used the gavel to rap George's knuckles.

  "Ouch!" George clutched his hand to his chest and rubbed his fingers.

  "Cruel, but effective," Walt said with a sly grin. "Now, I'll summarize what Mattie and I have done so far."

  George let loose with a whistle. "Yes. Tell us what you and Mattie have done, so far."

  Walt raised his gavel threateningly.

  George sank into his chair.

  I rolled my eyes. Phil piled fruit and cheese onto a napkin. Carl speared three pieces of cheese with one toothpick. Ross put his arm around Erwina.

  "As I was saying …." Walt pounded the gavel on the coffee table. Everyone sat at attention. "Mattie and I have already done some planning--found a punch recipe, cookie designs, planned a mural, and measured for the amount of crepe paper we'll need to create the effect of waves across the ceiling. You'll find the details in here." He passed out information sheets.

  "Are we going to have to memorize this?" George mumbled, one cheek puffed out with a wad of cheese.

  "This is not a test," Walt said patiently. "It's just to keep you up to date. There are recipes for those of you who will be baking, and a list of supplies for those of you who will be working on the decorations. What I need from you now are some suggestions. What else can we do to coordinate this prom with the Underwater Fantasy theme?"

  "Hold it in the harbor," Erwina suggested.

  "Wear bathing suits." Selena grinned.

  Laura giggled.

  "The sooner we get serious, the sooner this meeting will be over," Walt said. "Now, does anyone have any suggestions?"

  "Well …." I said, then hesitated.

  "You have a suggestion?" Walt asked almost desperately.

  "We haven't discussed what we're going to do about the king and queen of the prom yet and--"

  "Everyone knows Nicole will be queen." Carl sighed. He had the silly look on his face that most guys had at the mention of Nicole.

  "And her date will automatically be king," Erwina chirped.

  "We all know who that will be," said George, staring at me.

  Did George know how I felt about Kevin? I plunged ahead, trying to ignore the tide of red I knew was washing over my face. "I was referring to their throne. We ought to do something dramatic."

  "Those two big chairs they always use are probably in the basement," Carl said.

  "Yeah." Phil wiped up the last of the dip with a carrot stick.

  "Did you have something in mind?" Walt asked.

  "Remember a couple years ago when the seniors used an old fashioned sleigh hitched to an antique deer statue for their Winter Cotillion?"

  "I think I saw a picture of it," Selena said.

  Laura shrugged.

  "I remember," said Erwina. She was the only one of us to attend any formal dances as a freshman.

  "What does a deer have to do with the ocean?" Phil asked.

  "Nothing," I said. "What I had in mind was a seahorse drawn chariot."

  The silence was deafening.

  "Come on," I said. "Picture it. Two giant seahorses pulling a chariot. We've got a garden cart at home that could be decorated to look just like a chariot. And you could make the seahorses out of cardboard and crepe paper. We could pattern them after the ones on the wall of that seafood restaurant in Saybrook."

  "The Surfside Inn!" Erwina exclaimed. She looked genuinely enthusiastic, so I guess our tiff or whatever at lunch was forgotten.

  "Oh, yes!" said Selena. "I've seen them. One on each side of the door."

  "Right!" Maybe my idea was beginning to catch on.

  "You know, that's a good idea." Walt jabbed his index finger toward the ceiling.

  "It is different," said George.

  Carl yawned and Phil burped, but they both nodded in agreement with George.

  "Not bad," Ross said.

  "Mattie," Walt said. "Why don't you make some sketches of seahorses? With a pattern I could make them out of plywood, if I had some help." He riveted his attention on George and Carl and Phil.

  "Okay, okay." George spoke for all three.

  "Fine." Walt gaveled the table. "Meeting adjourned.

  George patted Walt on the back, almost knocking him over. "Know what I like about you, Mattesky? You know how to take charge."

  George and the others left, I stayed to help clean up. As Walt and I carted glasses and platters to the kitchen I caught him studying me. He probably noticed that I was thinner and was going to ask how much weight I'd lost so far. I admired my reflection in the toaster on the counter.

  "You know, I'm really proud of you," Walt said.

  "What do you mean?" I tried to keep a straight face.

  "The way you spoke up in front of that group?"

  "What?"

  "I know how hard it is for you to talk around other people--especially those guys. Sorry I couldn't come up with a more serious group. But it's not easy getting anyone to work on the decoration committee--especially when everyone knows it means cleaning up, too."

  "It was okay." Funny. I had been a little nervous, but not the way I usually was when I had to give a book report or something like that and felt as if I was going to faint. I'd had an idea I was excited about, and I had wanted to share it. I didn't even think about how I looked or sounded.

  "Thanks for helping me clean up," Walt said. "And thanks fo
r your suggestions about the prom. I think it's going to be fantastic, don't you?"

  "Yes …." I pictured myself whirling around the dance floor in Kevin's arms. "I'm really looking forward to it."

  Walt pushed a lock of hair off my face. "I'd like to see you in the chariot. You'd make a great queen."

  His penetrating gaze made me quiver. "M-me?" I laughed nervously. "Everyone knows Nicole will be elected Queen."

  "Oh. That's right. Nicole and Kevin. The royal couple."

  "Nicole and Kevin." I couldn't help wincing. "Hey, um, where's my coat? I really have to, you know, get going."

  "I'll get it." Walt headed down the hall to the closet.

  Relieved to have a moment alone, I tried to compose myself. I had to stop daydreaming about Kevin--and do something about him. It wasn't as if I would be breaking up a great romance. That I was sure of.

  Nicole liked the attention she got when she was paired with Kevin, and the convenience of having him with her for every occasion. That was all she ever seemed to want from any guy, as far as I had seen. And Kevin wasn't in love with Nicole. I was sure of that, too. He didn't look at her that way. He wasn't under her spell.

  I wasn't sure why Kevin did go out with Nicole. But it couldn't be because he was in love with her. It just couldn't. I blotted out the typical guy reason, too. I didn't even want to think about that!

  "Here's your coat." It was almost a grumble the way Walt said it.

  "Thanks." I smiled warmly, hoping to get a smile in return. When I didn't, I said, "Are you mad at me or something?"

  "No." Walt looked down and ground his foot into the carpet. "Not really. We've been friends since second grade, and I've never stayed angry with you, have I?"

  "Well, there was that time I hit you on top of your head with my sand pail …."

  "I wasn't all that upset." Walt grinned. "I just enjoyed all the attention I got from rolling around on the ground in agony. Besides, that was just an accident. It was an accident, wasn't it?"

  "You know it was," I said, glad to see him smiling. I rubbed his head. "You're all better now, aren't you?"

  "Yeah, just fine now."

  The next morning he was as solicitous as ever during our walk to school. He tried to increase our pace a bit each week, because he wanted to make sure I was getting a good workout.