It's in the Rhythm

by Sammie Ward

  “Believe whatever you want.” She was beginning to regret opening the door.

  “Is there someone else?” he asked.

  “Darius,” She had to remain calm. “I don’t have to explain anything to you. We are no longer a couple, remember?”

  Darius ran his hand down his face in frustration. “Trinity, I love you. I miss you,” he pleaded. “I want you to take me back.”

  Trinity turned away from him. She felt trapped in her apartment. Darius was right, she was still in love with him, but she wasn’t going to admit it. She had trusted him once, and he’d broken her heart.

  “You don’t love me, Darius,” she said over her right shoulder. “You don’t know what love is.”

  “How can you say that?”

  She forced herself to turn around and face him. “Easy. When we first met, I was honest with you about the relationship I wanted and what I was looking for.” She could feel herself getting angry. She took a deep breath. “You said you understood, you were looking for the same. Even when things were falling apart, I still wanted to work things out, to be a part of your life. Then you left me.”

  “I’m sorry, Trinity.” Darius’s voice was soft. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “You didn’t mean to hurt me?” she repeated. “It’s partially my fault. I should have trusted my instincts; they told me you were not ready to be in a serious relationship.”

  “Trinity, that’s not true. You are the only woman for me. I knew it when we first met. I just got scared when you begin to talk about marriage. I thought I wasn’t ready to take that next step with you. I wasn’t sure.” Darius took her hands in his. He looked directly in her eyes. His voice was low and sincere. “I have never stopped loving you. I’m ready to make that commitment to you.”

  Trinity removed her hands from his. “Why should I believe you? Why should I take you back?”

  “Because I’ll do anything you want me to. I know just saying I’m sorry isn’t enough.”

  She laughed a disgusted laugh. “You got that right.”

  “What can I do?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Trinity, no man will ever love you the way I do. Nobody.”

  She stood rooted to the floor. Darius had never expressed his feelings like this before.

  “Don’t, Darius.”

  “Don’t what?” He placed his hand to his chest. “Tell you how I feel? Tell you I never meant to hurt you? Tell you I miss my best friend?”

  Trinity’s head snapped up. “Best friend! Oh, come on, Darius. That’s low, even for you.”

  Darius closed the small space between them. “I want you back in my life.” He reached up, lifting her chin up. “I want you to be my wife. The mother of my children.” She was afraid to look in his eyes.

  Trinity’s eyes began to mist. She wouldn’t allow herself to cry. Not here. Not now. She’d done enough crying over Darius. She needed to compose herself. She was confused. Right now she needed time to think.

  “Just go, Darius.”

  Darius let out a long sigh. “All right. I’ll go. But I want you to seriously think about what I said.” He leaned down in an attempt to kiss her on the cheek, but she turned away. From the look in his eyes, Trinity knew he was hurt by the gesture.

  Darius closed the door behind him. Trinity just stood there. She didn’t know what she was feeling. One part of her said to give him another chance. The other said not again. All she knew for sure was that she still had feelings for him.

  * * *

  Garrett turned over in the bed, trying to find a comfortable position. It was useless. He flopped over on his back and stared up into the darkness. One would think he had it all. He had a rewarding music career, but his personal life was out of control. His family was falling apart, his girlfriend was pressuring him to marry, and the woman he wanted would have nothing to do with him.

  At least the choir was doing well. The best part was Trinity. She sang so beautifully during rehearsal. The atmosphere was as if he’d never left. Though they wouldn’t be together, he’d at least be in her presence for the next couple of weeks.

  His mind drifted to Brian. He felt sympathy for his brother-in-law. It must be tough to accept that your marriage was in trouble. Maybe that was part of his reason for not hurrying into matrimony.

  “Can’t sleep?” Imani’s voice asked in the darkness.

  Garrett glanced over at Imani, who was raised up on one elbow. “No.”

  “You want to talk about it?”

  Garrett shook his head. “No. It’s not your problem. It’s family.”

  “What do you mean? Whatever bothers you, bothers me.”

  Garrett bit his lower lip to curb his anger. He threw the covers back and slid out of bed, naked. He slept in the nude. Once he and Imani returned from church, they made love. It helped him release the stress. His body was into it, but his mind wasn’t. The routine was getting old.

  He slipped into a pair of black silk pajama bottoms. “Imani, let’s not do this now.”

  She jumped out of bed. “Do what? I just want you to talk to me. Tell me what’s on your mind. Don’t keep shutting me out.”

  Garrett turned to face her. “Don’t you get it? I don’t want to talk about it. Stop pushing me.” He headed into the sitting area of the suite. Imani followed.

  “Is this the way you treat someone you supposedly care about?”

  Garrett spun around to face her. “There you go again, blowing everything out of proportion.”

  Imani looked at him, her lower lip trembling. She folded one arm across her slim chest. “I’m getting tired of you treating me like a nobody, and shutting me out. Lately your time, your focus, has been on your family and the choir. What about me? Your woman?”

  “Imani, you knew before you came here that I came to spend time with family and to relax, remember?”

  Imani shook her head. “Relax? You’ve been working since you got here.”

  Garrett dropped his eyes from hers. She was right. How was he to know family and church issues would need his attention? “Some things came up. My family needs me.”

  “I need you.”

  Garrett didn’t respond.

  Imani sighed. “It’s not just that,” she said. “If I didn’t follow you, I never would have met your parents.”

  “That’s not fair. You know our situation.”

  She stepped closer to him. “I think it’s fair,” Tilting her head to one side, she continued, “Especially the reason why I came.”

  “I have already explained that to you. Let’s drop it.”

  “That’s how you deal with everything. You shut down.”

  “So now you’re Oprah?”

  Imani winced. She folded her hands together and stared at them for a moment. Then, finally, she raised her head. “Garrett, I know you told me you and Trinity are just friends, but I think there’s more to it.”

  Garrett froze. She suddenly had his undivided attention. “What are you saying, Imani?”

  “I’m saying, Garrett, that she wants to be more than friends. It’s obvious. She didn’t want to have anything to do with you before you became famous. Now she’s trying to get her hooks into you.”

  Garrett sucked his teeth. “Trinity is not a gold digger. She’s not interested in how deep a man’s pockets are.”

  “Don’t believe it. Women want a man with financial stability. The more money, the better. If he happens to be today’s hottest R&B singer, it’s icing on the cake.”

  “You’re off base.”

  “Marc told me she rejoined the choir after you asked her, when he couldn’t get her to come back.”

  “Marc talks too much.”

  “You two looked quite cozy this evening.”

  “We have always been able to talk.”

  “Did she tell you why she came back?”

  Garrett could hear the firmness in her voice. He had heard enough of the conversation. Leaning down, he picked up the music for the Gospel Explos
ion off the table. He knew the music, could perform it in his sleep, but he wanted to avoid discussing Trinity as much as possible.

  “She came back because the choir needs her,” he answered. “Shannon is out for six weeks. With the Gospel Explosion coming up, it’s good to have someone familiar with the members and the music. You heard her, she’s an awesome singer.”

  Imani bit the inside of her mouth. She had to be cautious in her approach. Not only had Marc told her of Trinity’s previous refusal to return to the choir, he told her that Garrett had a crush on Trinity, had been in love with her for years. They were not together because of her engagement to Darius. Now that relationship was over.

  Innocent kiss, my foot. There was more going on than Garrett would admit. Was Trinity standing in the way of her happiness with Garrett? It would explain why she didn’t have his heart. It belonged to someone else.

  Imani stared at Garrett as he went over the music. He knew the music like the back of his hand. It was his way of ending the conversation, but it was far from over.

  “I’m going back to bed,” she said as she padded out of the room.

  An hour later, Garrett realized trying to concentrate was useless. He didn’t bother going back to bed with Imani. When he fell asleep on the sofa, Trinity’s face was the last thing he saw.

  * * *

  Ginger pulled the car up in front of the address Brian had given her. She wanted to hear from her daughter’s own lips what was going on. She took a few minutes to pray that what Brian told them wasn’t true.

  A moment later, she strolled up the sidewalk. She rang the doorbell and waited for someone to answer the door. What if it were true? How would she react? What would she say? What would the church members say? Couples divorce. But when it was the pastor’s daughter, it would raise questions about his teachings.

  Ringing the doorbell again, she heard movement inside. A second later, she stood face-to-face with her daughter. Tamara’s eyes stretched wide at her mother’s presence.

  “Mother,” Tamara squealed. She reached out and threw her arms around her mother’s neck. Regardless of the circumstance, she was glad to see her. “What are you doing here?”

  “Sweetheart, are you okay?” Ginger patted her on the back, clinging to her tightly. She stepped back to examine her closely. She looked tired. Her eyes were puffy. She had been crying.

  “I’m fine, Mother,” she lied.

  “No, you’re not. Let’s go inside. You can tell me what’s going on.” Ginger grabbed her hand, steering her inside. They moved further in the room, taking seats on the sofa. Tamara sat close to her mother, continuing to hold on to her hand.

  “Garrett told you where I was, didn’t he?”

  “Don’t blame your brother,” Ginger said. “He was just looking out for you. It was you who should have told us what was going on. Brian is telling us that you left him.”

  Tamara ran the back of her hand across her eyes. She was still upset Brian had taken Taj. She cried all night. She phoned her job at the radio station this morning to tell them she would be out for a couple of days.

  “How is Taj? Have you seen him?” Tamara questioned.

  “Taj is fine. Brian brought him by the church last night. They spent the night at the house. Don’t worry about Taj. We will take care of him,” Ginger explained. “I want to know if what Brian says is true.”

  “Yes, it’s true.” Tamara finally answered after what seemed like forever.

  Ginger sat still for a moment. “How could you allow something like this to happen?”

  “It just happened.”

  “Adultery doesn’t just happen. You need to break it off as soon as possible. Ask forgiveness from God and go back to your husband.”

  Tamara stood to her feet. She strolled over to the window, looking out at nothing in particular. The view was of the neighbor’s backyard. It didn’t matter. Her mind was in turmoil. She had come to terms with her sexuality. Now she had to face the reaction from the remainder of her family. She doubted if they would be as open-minded as Garrett. It was going to be difficult. It was bad enough to have a child out of wedlock, but for this sin she was looking to be banished from the family.

  “I can’t go back, Mother.”

  “What do you mean you can’t go back? I’m sure Brian will forgive you. He’s a good man. He’s been good to you and Taj. You need to do what is best for your family.”

  “I am doing what is best for the family.” She hugged herself and waited for the fallout that was sure to come from her news. “Mother.” She took a deep breath, and then dove in. “I’m gay.”

  The room went eerily quiet.

  For a long, confused moment, Ginger just stared at her. “What did you say?”

  Tamara held her shirt top closer to herself for strength. “I left Brian for a woman.”

  “Are you telling me you like women?” Ginger glared at her daughter like she had lost her mind, wondering how it could be true. There weren’t any signs. She was married. She had a child.

  “Yes.”

  Ginger looked at Tamara with a confused expression, her stomach churning inside. “How long have you known?”

  “Since high school.”

  “You never said anything to me. What about Brian? Does he know? If you’re gay, then why were you with Brian?” She fired question after question, trying to fathom the logic behind her daughter’s revelation. “This is all my fault.”

  Tamara reached out, taking her mother’s hand in hers. “Mom, it’s not your fault. I was trying to tell myself that I wasn’t. I was worrying about what society and my family would think about me.”

  Ginger shook her head. “I don’t believe it.” She stood, looking down at her daughter.

  “Brian thinks you left him for a man. You didn’t tell him?”

  Tamara watched her mother. She looked strong, invincible, but Tamara knew she was hurting inside. She didn’t mean to hurt anyone. She hoped and prayed to God that the family would understand. She kept the secret carefully guarded because of them. When she married Brian and had Taj, she felt obligated to continue with the charade for appearances. When she met Nina, it all changed.

  Her marriage was over now. All that was left to do was file for divorce. She wanted custody of Taj. But once Brian found out the truth, she was certain he would fight her for custody. It could be a long, nasty court battle. She loved her son and didn’t want to put her son through the ugliness of a custody trial. Trying to explain to him why mommy and daddy weren’t together anymore wouldn’t be easy.

  “I couldn’t.”

  “I can’t accept this,” Ginger said as she sat back on the sofa. “Come to church and let us pray for you.” Her hands clasped together tightly. “It is not natural for you to be attracted to another woman. There is no way you are—” She couldn’t say the word.

  “Prayer isn’t going to change anything,” Tamara exclaimed.

  Ginger lifted her chin in defiance. “There is nothing prayer can’t change. What about Taj? Have you thought about what this will do to him?”

  “Of course I have. He’s all I have been thinking about.”

  “Have you? I don’t believe you have. If you did, you wouldn’t put him through this.”

  Tamara opened her mouth, ready to snap at her mother. She quickly caught herself, remembering who she was speaking to. “I know what is at risk, Mother.”

  “Is it worth losing your son?”

  Tamara was quiet for so long that Ginger’s heart sank. She stared at her daughter, wondering why she didn’t answer right away.

  “I don’t want to lose my son, Mother, or my family.”

  “Then go home. Work this out.”

  “Do what, Mother? Pretend I’m not gay? That’s what got me in this mess. I just couldn’t pretend anymore.” She pressed a well-manicured hand to her chest. “This is who I am.”

  “That’s a lie of the devil. You have got to fight him. If I taught you nothing else, I taught you how to do that.”
As a spiritual adviser, Ginger had counseled men and women on numerous issues but never imagined she’d have to dig down deep to find inner strength to save a member of her own family. “No weapons formed against you will prosper. Put Satan behind you.”

  Tamara raised a hand in mid-air. “Please, Mother, no sermons.” She walked past her, reclaiming her seat on the couch. She put her head in both hands. She felt exhausted. “No scriptures. Talk to me as my mother, not a preacher, please.”

  “I have to tell you God’s words. Running away isn’t going to solve anything. You have to face it. The first thing you have to do is tell Brian the truth.”

  She wrung her hands together. “I know you’re right. What about Dad?”

  Ginger looked her daughter in the eyes. “I honestly don’t know how he’ll react.”

  Chapter 13

  Garrett was blown away by Trinity’s ability to twist and bend notes to the lyrics of “Heaven.” He wrote the song several years ago and wanted to get a feel for how it would be received by the public. The Gospel Explosion would be the perfect arena. The way Trinity was singing with such assurance, confidence, and warmth, it was sure to be a hit. He wondered if she would consider singing it on his next CD.

  She held nothing back as the other choir members sang the upbeat chorus with as much excitement as Trinity.

  When Trinity completed the song, the choir members and spectators in the pews shouted and cheered. Garrett joined them. She blushed with embarrassment as people acknowledged her talent.

  “So how did I do?” Trinity asked Garrett. “Did you like it?”

  “You know you sang that song,” he teased. “I was thinking that maybe I’d like to add it to my next CD. How would you like to sing it?”

  Trinity was too startled by his suggestion to offer any objection. “Stop playing, Garrett,” she squealed. “Me on your next CD?” Her face beamed.

  Garrett loved to see her smile. “ I’m serious. We have worked together before.”

  “But never on a professional level.”

  “That is about to change. I’m thinking of talking to Father about the choir joining me on some concert dates. It will give you and the choir some exposure.”