Only the Positive (Only You Book 1)

by Elle Thorpe

  “Low?”

  He didn’t answer, just pulled my head back down, his lips crashing back into mine. But it only lasted a moment before he trailed kisses off the corner of my mouth, along my jaw, and down my throat. The lower he went, the hotter his kisses became, open-mouthed and wet as his tongue slid across my skin. My head fell backwards and I ground down on him. He groaned into the sensitive skin of my neck as his hands found the clasp of my bra. My heart fluttered. This was nothing like the time he’d had my clothes off in the alley. The alley had been hot, but it had purely been about getting off. This time when he unhooked my bra, I wanted him to really see me. I wanted him to know I was his.

  I stilled as he pulled the straps down my arms, the cups falling away and exposing me to him. He dropped the bra on the floor, his eyes roving over my belly and across my breasts before he met my eyes. I loved the way he looked at me. Like he was unwrapping a present I’d picked just for him. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered.

  I grasped his hands, bringing them up to my breasts, and we both groaned as his hands cupped me, his fingers grazing over my already hard nipples.

  My hands explored his chest, memorising the hardness of his pecs and the definition of his body. I gasped as his hot, wet mouth closed over my nipple.

  “Is this okay, Reese? Tell me to stop if you want me to. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want.” His voice was a muffled jumble of words, his breath hot against my skin.

  I arched my back, my nipples standing erect and wanting. “Don’t stop.”

  He smiled softly and sucked my nipple into his mouth again, making me moan. I wanted so much more. My breasts were well looked after, but my core ached as frustration and pleasure roared through me. I groaned, but he seemed to know what I needed, lifting me and laying me out on the lounge. I wrapped my legs around him again as his chest came down on top of mine. My skin erupted in tingles every place our bodies met, and I deepened our kiss, losing myself in him, in us.

  We moved in unison, like we’d done this a million times together. His hips thrust into mine, his erection pressing on my core, eliciting spikes of pleasure over and over, but not nearly enough. We were too good together for this to stop here. His mouth never left mine, but the rest of his body pulled back just far enough to create a gap between us, and he fumbled with the button on my jeans. I grabbed at his pants as want and lust swirled through me, with a mix of something more. Something I knew would break him, so I kept it to myself, despite the way it rose through me and sat on my tongue burning, scalding. Instead, I concentrated on getting his fly undone.

  The metallic noise of his zipper cut through our panting and groans, and he pulled back sharply, sitting back on his knees.

  “Fuck.” He looked down at me with unfocussed eyes, his breath coming in bursts.

  I propped myself up on my elbow and reached a hand towards him. “We’re fine. We’re not doing anything wrong.” I tried to force my words to sound casual, but part of me was worried he was going to pull the pin on the whole thing.

  My fingers trailed along the lower half of his abs, and I watched in fascination as a shiver ran through him, his eyes dropping to my fingers in the waistband of his boxer briefs. A hiss escaped him, and his head dropped back as my hand dipped below the tight elastic, then lower to the erection straining behind it.

  “Fuck, no. Stop, Reese. We can’t.” He placed a hand over the one I now had wrapped around his cock, and I froze, but for a long moment, he didn’t move, trapping my hand. Then he groaned and I withdrew my hand slowly.

  “Are you okay?”

  He squeezed his eyes closed, his internal battle playing out all over his face.

  “I need a shower.” He kissed my temple and gently moved me off his lap before he pushed off the lounge. He walked in stiff strides across the space to the bathroom. He jerked the bathroom door open and hesitated for the briefest of moments before he seemed to steel himself and find his resolve. “A really bloody cold one.”

  21

  Low

  My cock wasn’t getting the message that sexy times were over. None of my body was. Despite the cold shower pounding over my skin, every part of me wanted to go back out to the living room and finish what Reese and I had started. Just the memory of her, half-naked, with her fingers wrapped around my erection made me groan. Bringing her here tonight was both the smartest and dumbest thing I’d ever done. I dropped my chin to my chest and turned the cold water tap on harder.

  “Low?”

  My head snapped up, my eyes widening as Reese’s dark head poked around the door. My gaze met hers through the clear glass of the shower screen, mischief written in the upward curve of her full lips. Shit. She’d be the death of me.

  “Can I come in?”

  “I think you already have.”

  “True.” She pushed the door open wider and lifted a pile of fluffy white towels in her arms. “All the towels were out there. I figured you’d need one.”

  “You could have just passed one through the door, you know,” I said dryly, my gaze following her as she crossed the room.

  “You could have locked the door. But you didn’t.” She winked as she put the towels down on the sink and stood to face me. Fuck. She was still topless, the button on her jeans still undone. She was unashamed as her eyes roamed my body.

  I sucked in a breath, loving the way her gaze lingered on my cock. “Why are you trying to kill me? I was just trying to get that”—I motioned to my junk—“under control. Blue balls are a real thing, you know.”

  She laughed. “No, it isn’t.” She opened the shower door and leant against the frame, crossing her arms underneath her breasts. She jumped and took a step back when some of the spray bounced back at her. “Shit, you weren’t kidding about having a cold shower, were you? I’d planned on joining you, but that’s freezing. I’ll wait till you’re done.”

  She turned to leave, but my hand shot out, circling her wrist, and with a quick yank, I pulled her into the chilly spray.

  “Shit! Low!” she yelled, pulling back. “It’s freezing!”

  A laugh erupted from somewhere deep in my chest and I pulled her closer, shielding her from the water with my back as I cranked up the hot tap. As soon as the water turned warm, I stepped out of the way, letting the heat warm her chilled skin.

  Water poured over her head, down her face and chest in rivers and lower to soak the jeans she was still wearing. I chuckled. “Better?” This shower had gotten a whole lot better for me as soon as she’d walked into the room.

  She opened her eyes. “Always better when I’m with you.”

  My heart stuttered, and I brushed my lips across hers. “Me too.”

  Her answering smile was soft, but it got lost as I kissed her again, deep and slow as my fingers tangled in the back of her hair. I tugged on it, tipping her head backwards, giving me better access to her mouth and throat, our bodies pressed together in all the places that mattered most. The tension between us changed, and I didn’t know if it was me or something I sensed in her, but the need for her intensified until I could barely breathe. Her hands dragged over my chest and down before she gripped my cock, stroking it once. Her eyes met mine and this time it was her asking permission. My hips jerked, my cock sliding in her wet grasp. Shit. Panic rose in me, but I stamped it down. I hadn’t wanted things to go this far, but fuck, I couldn’t stop her again. Not when I wanted it so bad. Not when tonight might be the only chance I had to be with her like this. I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but if it brought bad news, I would still have this.

  Her mouth turned up at the corner as she lathered soap in her palms, running it over my lower abs and letting it drip. Her soap slicked hand rolled over my shaft, and fuck me, it felt good. I’d come in about three seconds flat if I didn’t distract myself.

  My fingers found the waistband of her jeans and I tugged her closer, undoing the zip and pushing them down her thighs. She let go of me long enough to step out of the soaked material bef
ore finding me again.

  Her underwear was a tiny scrap of black lace that barely covered her. Everything within me coiled tight—my muscles, my gut, my balls. That tiny triangle of material was all that stood between the two of us being completely bare. This was torture, having her here, naked and willing but unable to do anything about it.

  But that wasn’t entirely true. I may not have been able to lay her out and bury myself in her wet warmth the way I wanted to. But there were things I could do, things that would make her feel just as good as I felt right now.

  “Reese.”

  “Mmm?” She’d been watching her fingers slide around my cock. My balls tightened again. Fuck. I had to stop watching her before I came all over her hand prematurely. We might not have been able to have sex, but I didn’t want her thinking I couldn’t last the distance.

  “I want to touch you. That’s okay? The doctor said, right?” I didn’t want to kill the moment, but I needed her reassurance more.

  “Show me your hands.”

  Without asking why, I held them out and she traced my fingers with the soap, one by one before she met my eyes. “See? You’re fine. No open cuts. You can touch me all you want.” I already knew it, but I needed her to say it. I needed her to agree this was okay.

  “All I want, huh?” My hands slid up her arms and across her breasts, rubbing her nipples with my thumbs as I went. “Like here?” Her eyes closed as she nodded. If there was any good to come from this whole mess of a situation, it was that waiting this long to be together made touching her now all the sweeter.

  My hands traced the swell of her hips and lingered at the elastic of her shower-soaked underwear. My fingers tucked beneath it, ready to pull it off, but something stopped me. As flimsy as that tiny scrap of lace was, it was still a barrier. Still a reminder that although we were taking this to a new place, the old rules still applied.

  My cock twitched in readiness, but I ignored it, sliding my hand over the triangle of lace, then under the edge to touch her with my fingers. I paused for a moment, as nerves erupted within my gut, but I wouldn’t put her at risk. Not in a million years would I get so carried away I’d do that to her. I couldn’t. But I didn’t need my cock to make her feel good.

  My fingers slid through the wetness between her legs, eliciting a cry from her.

  “Fuck, baby, you’re wet.”

  Her eyes opened and she snorted. “We’re in a shower, Low.” She laughed, her eyes sparkling, her hair plastered to her face.

  I ran my finger through her folds and circled her clit. She stopped laughing, her eyes closing again. “Not the kind of wet I meant and you know it.”

  She nodded as her hand came back to my cock, and a groan escaped me. I ran my finger over her sensitive bunch of nerves, until her free hand clutched my arm, her nails digging into my skin. Then I slowly dipped one finger inside her. Her hand moved quicker over my length and I added another, my fingers sliding in and out of her, matching the pace she set. Her mouth dropped to my shoulder, her tongue licking water droplets from my skin.

  A shudder ran through her, her walls clenching around my fingers as she cried out, the sound vibrating across my skin. Her legs went weak and she gripped me tighter as I ran my thumb over her clit, making her clench again. Having her here in my arms, watching her come undone, was the end of me.

  “Fuck, Reese.” My balls drew up, my lower abs contracting as pleasure roared through me. She pumped me harder.

  “Just—” I don’t know what I’d been about to say. Just be careful? Just don’t get that stuff anywhere near you? But she cut me off, her mouth covering mine, our tongues tangling. I came into her hand, unable to hold on any longer. I broke away from her mouth, something between pleasure and panic coursing through me, and watched as hot spurts shot from my tip, only to harmlessly wash down the drain by the water falling from the shower head.

  Her hand stilled and my fingers slipped from her body. Our eyes met.

  “You okay?”

  I didn’t have to think about it.

  “I’m fucking great.” I dropped my mouth and kissed the grin right off her face.

  22

  Low

  I woke up in a tangle of limbs, Reese’s shiny black hair draped across my chest. I picked up a strand, running my fingers along its length. It was soft as silk. The weak morning sun crept in beneath the blinds, but there was enough to light her face, peaceful and relaxed as she slept with her head on my arm.

  I’d been so high when I’d pulled her into bed with me. Having those moments with her in the shower, watching her come undone under my hands, was a heady feeling. I wanted to do it a thousand times over, touch every part of her body and every inch of her skin. As I’d pulled her to my chest and tucked my knees in behind hers, I felt like a million bucks. She’d been practically purring as my fingers stroked her bare arm and fallen asleep within minutes, a small smile lingering on her face.

  But sometime after midnight, a quiet darkness settled as Reese’s breathing became deep and even, and the low beginnings of panic started up in my gut again. I’d managed to ignore it earlier, distracted by my libido, but with nowhere to run, it hit me square in the face. I’d lain awake for hours, memorising the way her body felt pressed against mine. I tried to lock in the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest and the soft sound of her breath as it blew across my skin.

  My chest constricted, thinking about the test. I knew fear. Growing up with my mother, there’d been times where I’d had no idea where she was, or if she was even coming back. She’d left me in derelict motels or at strangers’ houses for days on end, and I’d had to learn to fend for myself. One of her boyfriends overdosed right in front of me and I’d watched the paramedics fail to revive him.

  But nothing had terrified me the way this test did. With my mother, deep down, I always knew I’d land on my feet. I’d been taken from my grandparents, but they’d provided me a home and love, and in my heart, I knew I’d always have a place there if my mother never came back. But nobody could help me today. I’d made my bed and now I had to lie in it.

  My arm beneath Reese’s head was numb, and I pulled it from under her, watching as she stirred then settled back into sleep. I envied her. My muscles were tight, and my brain wouldn’t stop. The anxious thoughts kept crowding in. I wanted to sleep, but the air was still, the room stuffy and hot. I needed to get out. I needed to run.

  Not wanting to wake Reese, I slipped from the bed silently. I found the bag of clothes we’d bought the day before and slipped them on. My eyes raked around the room, searching for something to write a note on, before I realised I knew exactly where I could find a pen and a piece of paper. I grabbed Reese’s handbag, hoping she wouldn’t mind, and of course, right there next to her wallet was a stack of Post-it notes and a pen. I dashed off a note telling her I’d be back soon and let myself out. The door closed with a soft click behind me.

  I jogged along the path we’d walked last night, back to the zoo entrance and through the parking lot to my car. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent off a quick text message before starting the engine.

  The city streets were still quiet this early, the sky still casting a pinky-orange glow along the horizon, so I made good time getting out of there. My breathing was still weird, shallow and too fast. I shook my head, trying to clear it. I just had to get there, then I could deal with this.

  The car stopped with a jolt when I reached my destination. Jamison was already there.

  “Hey, mate.” He bounced on the balls of his feet, shifting from side to side, warming up. He wore running shorts and a T-shirt, his feet encased in expensive-looking joggers. He looked me up and down, his brow furrowing. “What the hell are you wearing? You look like you’re going to an Australia day parade.”

  I looked down at my outfit—an I love Australia T-shirt, Australia flag shorts, and slip-on shoes with kangaroos on them. “Reese and I played tourist last night.” I searched through the junk littering the back seats of my Ute and
pulled out the running shoes that lived there permanently for times like this when I decided I just needed to run.

  “I’m surprised you wanted to run this morning if you were with Reese last night,” Jamison quipped, drawing my attention back to him.

  “She’s why I wanted to run this morning. I couldn’t just lie there next to her anymore.”

  “You got something against snuggling? I got the impression you two were pretty into each other. Neither of you has said much, but I’m not blind to the flirting.”

  I sighed and stretched one leg up behind me. “I might have HIV.”

  Jamison dropped the arm he’d been stretching and looked at me. “You’re serious?”

  I nodded. One thing I’d realised as I’d lain awake during the night was that I needed to tell someone else what was going on. I’d been so secretive about this whole damn thing; letting Reese be my sole support. It wasn’t fair.

  Jamison let out a low whistle. “Shit, man.”

  “Yeah.”

  “You get tested?”

  “This afternoon.”

  “So it could be all good still?”

  I shrugged. “Could be.”

  Jamison stared at me for a second again. “You want to run?”

  God, he was a good friend. I should have known he wouldn’t freak out, but my stomach was still sick over even telling him.

  “Yeah.”

  We set off at warm-up pace, but it wasn’t long before I was pushing myself harder. Jamison kept up easily. We ran together often, and we were both fit, but he had more natural ability than I did, so I sometimes struggled to match his pace. I never minded; it was good for my fitness. But today I wanted to go out hard. I wanted the rush of endorphins and to be so out of breath that all I could think of was the burn in my chest and the ache in my thighs. If I pushed myself hard enough, my head would clear of thought. Running hard was good like that. All you concentrated on was putting one foot in front of the other and getting in enough oxygen. No time for thinking about life-changing tests.