Sweetest Torture (Sweetest Kill Book 2)

by Alexander, S. B

Ryan has a hard time with that one. He leaves shortly after.

  I have a moment of humor, after I am given the epidural and can no longer feel the agony of a small human being ripping apart my insides.

  And then I have anger. Anger that I am giving birth to a baby without his father. Anger that he didn’t call. This happens after a delivery of 3 dozen white roses, each bouquet has a single blue flower in the center with a red one beside it. A card reads

  I love you. -D

  I ask the nurse to take them away.

  But the moment the doctor places my baby boy in my arms. The anger dissipates. All I feel is an intense love, one I never experienced in my life. A fighting, living breathing love that I cannot fully describe. All for my son.

  And I make a promise to myself as the tears of joy fall, one tear landing on the cheek of the most perfect human being I have ever laid eyes on.

  A promise for the both of us.

  I will forgive Dean. And then I will forget him. Because in this moment I realize, my anger will do me no good. We will be happy. Today I am so, very happy.

  Chapter 20

  The nurse is giving me weird looks. My mom and I look at one another and start laughing.

  “Are you sure you want him to have three middle names?” She asks

  Alexis pipes in before I have a chance “Liv, maybe we should go with four like we talked about originally.”

  The nurse huffs and walks out of our room. Taking my sons’ birth certificate with her.

  Landon Adam Jaxon Ryan Taylor

  My son will have the middle name of the 3 men who mean the most to me.

  Ryan doesn’t blink an eye when I decide to not name my son after his father.

  I realize when Ryan holds Landon for the first time that he too is hurt his brother hasn’t made contact. He is upset for Landon, he is upset for me but he’s also upset for himself.

  Ryan and Dean haven’t always been close. Ryan was older, Dean was the product of an affair between Matthew and Dean’s mom Shelly. Shelly had no idea that Matthew was a crime lord. When she found out, she was already 6 months pregnant. She took Dean and ran back home to her parents in Maine.

  10 years passed. Red could not find her. His business was booming, so part of me thinks he didn’t really look, but one day he located her and dragged her and his son back to California.

  Dean was raised by his mother, but Red had a say in everything. He was taken out of public school and placed in private school with Ryan. The boys spent their evenings learning to become mob leaders and hit men as opposed to playing baseball and chasing girls.

  Ryan never had an issue with his brother. They were instant best friends. When Matthew gave the go ahead to have Dean’s mother sold as a slave when Dean was in his early 20’s Ryan was the one who consoled Dean. They together found a way to take Matthew down. They together plotted their revenge against Red for being the one to sell her to the buyer. I was the complication, but they still found a way to make it work.

  So Dean just up and leaving made no sense to Ryan. He said that he knew his brother felt obligated, whatever that meant, to help Stella. He just didn’t think it was like him to up and leave especially when he had a child coming into the world.

  So my son is a welcomed gift, but I can tell that his uncle is having a hard time with his nephew’s father not being around.

  So was I, but I was trying to squash that feeling.

  Chapter 21

  Two days after he was born, our group was taking Landon home.

  Josslyn hadn’t seen the baby yet. We agreed that it would be easier for her to meet her cousin at my house. It’s hard to keep a two year old quiet on a hospital floor filled with new born babies.

  Bringing him home however is an anxiety fueled event.

  I constantly check his car seat before he goes in it.

  I check five times to make sure his buckles aren’t too tight once he is inside, but ensure they are just tight enough.

  He’s a tiny boy, only a little over five pounds, so I want to make sure that he is warm enough. Mom says it’s June so only a light blanket will do.

  I make Ryan and Alexis turn the AC to low on our drive home. Its 100 degrees today. They don’t complain once.

  When we get home, I open all the window’s to allow fresh air. Mom came by and cleaned the house and it is still slightly fumy. Although no one claims to smell it.

  I am breastfeeding so other than diaper changes and burping, no one can really help out. But they are all there. Ryan, Adam, Alexis and mom.

  I ask Ryan how he was able to be around so much. He told me that while he still makes the decisions. (Which explains the 900 cell phone calls a day) he was right where he needs to be.

  That meant a lot to me.

  Josslyn meeting Landon for the first time, will always be one of my most favorite life moments.

  She came plowing in the house, with Jaxon behind her telling “shh baby, he might be sleeping.” She’s all dolled up in a party dress with a big bow in her hair.

  When she sees Landon, who is currently being held by Adam she gets super excited “Hi baby.” She says she walks up to him slowly and rubs the fuzz on his head “sweet baby.” Her little voice is in awe then she looks over at me “can Landon come outside and build a castle with me Auntie Olivia?”

  Everyone starts to laugh.

  “Not just yet babe.” Jaxon says

  She loses interest in him quickly after that. She ends up in her old room, which is now Landon’s room until we show her that her new room is now where my office is.

  Jaxon holds Landon. He’s happy for me, but he’s not happy that we haven’t heard from Dean. No one brings him up though. It’s hard not to think of him. Landon has dark blonde hair, unlike my chestnut brown. He also has piercing blue eyes that are his dad’s without a doubt.

  It is hard to look into his face and see Dean. It’s hard for me, but it is hard for those around me who feel that he should be here.

  Mom is staying with Landon and I. Alexis is staying with Ryan for a few days.

  I enjoy moms help. Honestly I don’t know how I would do any of it without her. I had experience with Josslyn, but something about it being your own baby makes everything so intimidating.

  She has to remind me not to wake him up. She caught me a few time lighting pinching his leg to try and stir him awake. Or holding my finger beneath his nose feeling for air flow to make sure he was still breathing.

  Being a first time mom is the scariest and most amazing thing you will ever do. Nothing can describe it.

  The first night home with Landon is eventful, he wakes up every two hours. I don’t mind. I love being with him. Mom changes him and burps him so that I can get back to sleep once he’s done feeding.

  From there on out it’s pretty easy. I don’t need mom to get up with me after the first few nights. She sticks around during the day and helps me clean and wash laundry, but Landon and I have a schedule pretty quickly. It’s not set in stone of course, but he doesn’t really keep me running too hard. I sleep when he sleeps, I eat when he is done eating. It works.

  Chapter 22

  Ryan comes barging in one Saturday morning. His face bright red, full of anger

  “He’s in town.” His voice is laced with venom

  “Who?” I laugh, sealing the bag of expressed milk for storage

  “Dean, who do you think?” He retorts

  I nearly drop the plastic bag “What do you mean he’s in town?”

  “I mean, one of my associates saw him and Stella at the Fire Station last night. He’s in town, as in he’s here and apparently from what I am gathering he has been for a while.”

  I can’t say anything. I feel like someone has closed off my airway. He’s here. He’s been here. Our son is nearly a month old, and has never met his father. His father who is in the same town at this very moment.

  “Oh.” I finally manage

  Ryan looks slightly calmer “what do you mean, ‘oh’ did you hea
r what I said?”

  “I heard you.” I zip the bag again and then set it inside the big freezer mom bought for me when I decided I wanted to start storing milk for emergencies.

  “I don’t really care. I mean he’s been gone for about a year now. If he cared about us. Any of us he would have made contact. He hasn’t. It’s okay.”

  Ryan walks over to me, turning me so that he can see my face “It’s not okay Liv, he abandoned you guys, nothing about that is okay.”

  I feel the tears falling down my cheeks. Ryan wipes them away.

  “You know, even though I am older, I have always thought my brother was some kind of super hero. When we were kids he fought all the bullies. He fought all this shit my dad threw at him. He saved my life more times than I can count, there is a reason he is a feared man. He’s strong, he’s amazing at what he does. But he is the biggest fool I have ever met. He left his girlfriend and son to help someone that he isn’t even legally married to. He threw away his real family for nothing.”

  He steps away and walks back towards the front door. “I’m going to find him Liv, and I don’t care if you don’t want to see him. I am going to make sure he knows that I think he is the biggest piece of shit on the planet, because nothing is more important than the two of you. Nothing.”

  He opens the door to see Adam standing on the other side preparing to knock.

  He sees Ryan and Ryan mutters something, but I don’t hear what he has to say. I just see Adam glance up at me with worry and then he turns back around and follows Ryan out through the door.

  Deans back? I should feel relieved, part of me worried that he was hurt, I mean what other reason could there be for not calling and not coming by to see his child?

  He hadn’t once come by his apartment. No one had. It had remained untouched for months since I returned. I wouldn’t have known that it was still his technical address if Erica didn’t say he was paid up (and left it at that) or that his mail was piling up on the stand outside of his apartment.

  I never touched any of it. I never looked to see if there were any hints as to where he could be.

  Dean’s a smart man. He knows that if people are looking for him, this would be the first place they would look. Maybe that’s why he keeps it. Maybe it’s a decoy house? I don’t really know.

  I try not to care. I try not to think it’s because of me.

  But really how can I not?

  Chapter 23

  Landon has his 6 week checkup today.

  Which means he will be having his very first series of shots.

  Mom told me I would cry. She told me it’s hard to see them in pain, but promised me it would hurt my heart more than it would hurt him.

  He hadn’t really gained much weight. Doctor Leland said that is perfectly normal in breast fed babies and told me not to worry. So I don’t.

  She gives me pamphlets on lead paint in homes, co-sleeping and making sure not to smoke around my baby.

  None of these apply to us, but I take them with a smile all the same.

  When Landon is finally done, and I wipe up the majority of my tears and we head out to the waiting room to see Adam waiting for us.

  He doesn’t look very happy. In fact he looks like he has been crying but he’s on the phone so I don’t dare to interrupt him.

  He looks up to see me holding Landon and carrying the baby carrier at the same time. Landon wouldn’t let me put him down.

  Adam motions to me to hand him the carrier, so I give it to him. Walking towards the door as I do with him in tow.

  It’s hot outside, I know I am going to have to start the car and blast the AC before I can get in with Landon. Thankfully Ryan had a friend come over and install an automatic starter so I wouldn’t have to climb in with the baby into a steaming car.

  I turn to face the car, turning the remote in one hand as I do while walking towards it.

  I’m kissing Landon on the head probably more times than necessary and telling him how proud I am for him being such a strong brave boy.

  He coos and leaves me with drool in my hair.

  It’s flattering really.

  I look up at my car and I am startled so much that I nearly scream.

  I back up suddenly, right into Adam who is still on his cell phone, talking in a hushed tone.

  Dean is leaning up against my car.

  His arms are crossed, he looks like he has put on even more muscle since the last time that I saw him.

  He is fighting a smile on his face as he looks from me to the tiny 6 pound baby in my arms.

  I back away again from him a little more.

  This time he notices and a deep frown takes over his face.

  “Liv…” he starts to say, standing up straight

  “No.” I interrupt. “Get away from my car.”

  I walk towards him, but turn to the left so that I am near the back seat, I motion for Adam to bring me the baby carrier. He still has yet to hang up the phone.

  “Liv… talk to me.” Dean pleads

  I ignore him. He just shows up here, how in the hell did he even know where I was?

  “Can I see him? Please?” his voice cracks with emotion

  I buckle Landon in, and place his light yellow blanket over his lap. He’s sound asleep now, unaware of the crap going on around him.

  “No.” I state firmly “No, you can’t see him.”

  The look of despair that crosses his face should be enough to make me feel something, but I don’t. I feel anger. I feel rage. I feel like he’s really lucky he isn’t standing in the middle of the road because I would probably grow a lead foot and run his ass over…

  Then pull into reverse... Once or twice.

  I reach over and lock the baby’s door before I close it, as firmly as I can without waking him.

  I look to Adam, he’s looking between Dean and I like he wants to say something, but he’s still on the line.

  “I’ll see you at the house later Adam.”

  He nods and looks at Dean. Dean looks at Adam and looks angry

  Dean walks closer to Adam, he’s slightly in his face but I want to get away from him. Just showing up like this, it’s too much too soon.

  I climb into the car, put the key into the ignition and look back over to the men. Adam is off the phone, but Dean is looking at me. A pleading look on his face.

  I ignore him once more, and pull out

  As soon as I am a safe distance away, I use my phone to call Ryan, putting him on speaker.

  “Hey Liv, everything okay?” Ryan asks. It’s loud wherever he is. So I know this isn’t really a good time

  “Great.” I mutter “your brother just ambushed me outside of the pediatrician’s office.”

  “I hear something bang and the room Ryan is in goes quiet. “What? What do you mean he ambushed you, did he say anything.”

  “Not really, he tried to talk to me, he tried to see the baby and I told him to get away. Then I left him with Adam and got out of there. I don’t really know if I want to hear anything he has to say at this point.”

  Ryan is silent for a while. “I don’t blame you at all Olivia. Let me get ahold of Adam and see if I can try and find out what Dean is up to. I’ll come by later.”

  I say goodbye and call Alexis as soon as I am done. She’s at my house waiting for us to come back, so I don’t bother telling her about Dean until I can see her face to face.

  Chapter 24

  “That fucking bastard.” Alexis is livid.

  I think I am too, but I am still kind of in shock and trying to hold it all together.

  “He just shows up at your Pediatrician’s office and expects that you are going to talk to him. Pretend that he didn’t leave you? Act like he didn’t miss the birth of his son? He left you Liv, I mean what did he think your reaction would be when he showed back up?”

  I don’t think she actually expects a response to any of these statements and questions. I think she’s venting. I thinks she is a little afraid, as am I of what
Dean could possibly have to say to explain his actions.

  “He needs to stay away.” She finally mutters

  I nod my head in agreement. I click on the video monitor to check on Landon who is in his crib still sound asleep. The Tylenol the doctor had me give him to help with the pain has really knocked him out, poor guy.

  There is a quick knock on the door. Adam and Ryan come walking through, neither looking very happy.

  They take a seat side by side in the living room. Whatever they are about to say, I have a feeling I am not going to like it.

  “So I talked to Dean.” Adam says

  “This afternoon after I left? What did he say?”

  He looks to Ryan, and waits a moment before responding: “No, I mean I talked to Dean this morning for the first time, that’s how he knew where you were.”

  I stand up quickly “what gives you the right to tell him anything about me and my son and where we will be. I thought you were on my side Adam!” I yell

  Ryan stands to rub my back to calm me down. But I don’t want to be touched I shrug off his touch

  “You need to listen to what he has to say Olivia.” Ryan states before returning to his seat.

  I look to Adam, then to Ryan and then over to Alexis who seems just as curious as to what Adam could possible hold for information that will make any of this okay.

  “My father lied to me…to us.” Adam begins “My mother, she wasn’t killed Olivia. Neither was Dean’s mother. Red lied to us, because he thought that if we believed they were dead we would have no reason to keep him alive. He knew that he would never see the light of day again in prison. He knew that if he told us they were alive, we would keep him alive to get the information on their locations. He had one of his goons set the fire that almost killed you, he tried to kill all of all of us actually, just to keep his secrets.”

  “Your own father tried to kill you?” Alexis asks

  “Red is not my father. Matthew Corvus is. I only just found out this afternoon, that’s why I was on the phone this afternoon when Dean showed up. I was on the phone with a guy I work with. I had a DNA test done a while back because of something Red had said to me before Dean shot him. He said something about brothers really sticking together, I didn’t know what he meant, but then I found out that Matthew Corvus is my real father. He slept with Red’s wife, and Red refused to give me up. I was the son he always wanted. Matthew never knew I existed.”