From Your Heart

by Shannyn Schroeder

  She turned to face him and his heart tumbled. He had no idea how he’d managed to go so long without seeing her beautiful face.

  She smiled. “What?”

  “I can’t get over how much I missed you.”

  She nodded.

  He took her hand. “No. Like really missed you. We talk and I feel it every time we hang up, but seeing you now, it’s like a kick to the gut. Not seeing you fucking sucks.”

  Her fingers stroked his jaw. “You just got a huge promotion and the project is demanding. I get it. When I opened the flower shop, I didn’t do anything but sleep and work. And sometimes, I didn’t even sleep. That’s why I suggested that maybe this wasn’t a good time to start a relationship.”

  Oh, hell no. She was not going to break up with him when they’d come this far.

  “But we decided to make this work, so here I am.”

  Kevin was turning into an idiot. Never in his life had he spent so much time worrying about what a woman thought or how she felt or whether she was about to break up with him. With his thoughts racing, he kissed her again. Other couples managed this without a nervous breakdown. They could too.

  When he pulled away, he asked, “You’re doing okay with this?”

  “Not really. I need to spend time with my boyfriend. It’s hard to have a relationship with someone if you’re never together. I need to be with you physically. I need to date.”

  His stomach sank. He’d figure this out.

  “That’s why I’m here. I know you don’t have a ton of time, but everyone has to eat. Dinner is served. I figured you’d be tired of pizza, so I got Chinese.” She began to set the food on his desk.

  “Wait.” He glanced around, and then grabbed the bag from her. “Let’s do a picnic.”

  He plopped on the floor. Patting the spot next to him he said, “Carpet’s clean. Brand-new.”

  She sat beside him and they opened the cartons of food.

  “This way, we can share.” He held a forkful of fried rice to her mouth.

  She looked at his thigh brushing hers. “I’m sure that was your first thought.”

  “You naked is always my first thought. Touching you my second. If I get to my third thought, I’ll be really uncomfortable, so tell me about your day instead.”

  She burst out laughing, and Kevin knew they had to find a way to spend more time together. He wanted to be able to come home to her and tell her about his day and hold her throughout the night.

  Why the hell couldn’t he?

  “What do you think about spending the night at my apartment?”

  “When?”

  “Tonight.”

  She looked up from her carton of food. “I can’t stay here that late.”

  “I’ll give you my key. Go home, pack a bag and go to my place. You can crawl into my bed and wait for me.”

  “How are you going to get in if I fall asleep?”

  “I have a spare.” He thought of the magnetic box Jimmy had made him put under his car long ago.

  “You sure that won’t be weird for you?”

  “What?”

  “Having me in your house when you’re not there.”

  “I don’t have anything to hide.” He leaned over the food and kissed her lips. “I really want to spend the night with you.” Another kiss. “And wake up with you.”

  “Okay,” she whispered, a little breathless.

  Yeah, they’d figure this out. There was no way he was going to lose her again.

  * * *

  Kathy was glad she’d surprised Kevin at work. The impromptu picnic on his office floor was a much-needed break for both of them. Now she stood in her apartment trying to figure what to pack. It shouldn’t be so difficult. It was one night. And she’d probably sleep naked. So all she really needed were clothes for work tomorrow.

  But then she started to think about taking a shower. Should she bring some shampoo and conditioner? Kevin probably didn’t even know what conditioner was. What about a toothbrush? Just because she had an extra for him didn’t mean he’d have one for her. It wasn’t like this sleepover had been planned.

  Why did everything stress her out so much?

  After shoving some clothes into a bag, she went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. She grabbed a tube of chocolate chip cookie dough and cut it open. Cookie dough had been her go-to stress reliever for years. She’d been eating it since she was old enough to sneak the package and open it by herself.

  She remembered the first time her mother had come to her apartment and found the open package in the fridge. Her mom had questioned why Kathy hadn’t finished baking them. For a few minutes, Kathy had felt like a nine-year-old all over again, trying to figure out the right words to say to keep the peace. Then she admitted the truth: she had no intention of baking them. She liked the dough raw.

  Her mother of course threw a fit because raw dough could make her sick. Kathy had let her ramble with the litany of horrible illnesses that might befall her. She’d been tempted to take a bite right then in front of her mom, but she didn’t have the guts to do that. Moira would have. Kathy wished she had the courage—or at least the don’t-give-a-damn—Moira had.

  She sighed and plopped down on her couch. This was ridiculous. She was a grown woman in an adult relationship. Her boyfriend had given her a key to his apartment so she could wait for him. It shouldn’t conjure memories of her mother and being stressed out with her family.

  It was no big deal. In fact, it was a good sign that he wanted to keep their relationship moving forward.

  It wasn’t like he’d cleaned out half his closet and invited her in.

  Damn. Why did her brain go there? Was that what she wanted? With a groan, she wrapped up the remaining dough and tossed it on the table. She wanted to be with Kevin.

  She was falling for him and it was freaking her out.

  She’d been through enough therapy to be able to recognize that. She squared her shoulders. Yeah, falling for someone was scary.

  Falling for a guy she didn’t totally trust even scarier.

  Maybe she needed to trust her gut. Freaking out was a warning sign. She’d wanted to take it slow and as she’d pointed out to Kevin, slow went out the window when she pulled him into her bed. His key weighed heavily in her pocket. He was expecting her. What would he do if she wasn’t there?

  He’d be pissed. Her stomach tumbled. She shouldn’t just blow him off, but if she called or texted, he’d talk her into going to his apartment. He had all the smooth words to convince her.

  She needed to wrap her head around what she was doing and where they were going. Standing up, she grabbed her cookie dough to put in the fridge. She turned her phone off and went to take a shower.

  When she crawled into bed a while later, she didn’t feel any better. She lay awake for a long time, staring at the clock wondering where Kevin was and whether he was angry with her.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Kevin was dog-ass tired as he dragged himself into his apartment. No lights were on and as soon as he stepped through the door, he knew Kathy wasn’t there. He felt the lack of her presence.

  Well, damn. He pulled out his phone and sent her a text. Everything okay? I thought you were coming to my house.

  He loosened his tie as he walked through the apartment with his phone in his hand, waiting for a response. He tried calling, but the phone went straight to voice mail, so she had it turned off. Why would she do that?

  He stripped and went to the bathroom to take a shower. Thinking back over their evening together, he couldn’t come up with any reason why she would’ve changed her mind. When he dried off, he still hadn’t heard from her and his anger was mounting.

  He had half a mind to go to her apartment and demand to know why she hadn’t come over and was ignoring him now. But he also knew that if she wasn’t already asleep, she would be by the time he got there. Making a scene by waking all her neighbors wouldn’t win him any points.

  So he crawled into bed alone and set
his alarm. Kathy might be avoiding him now, but he’d get to the bottom of it first thing in the morning.

  * * *

  When his alarm rang, Kevin slapped at it and didn’t want to move. He made a mental deal with himself that if Kathy had sent him a text to explain last night, he could sleep in. Maybe it had been a simple misunderstanding.

  He swiped his phone on, the bright blue light nearly blinding him. No texts. No calls. She’d been awake for at least a half hour, so she would’ve seen his text and missed call from last night.

  Unless she hadn’t turned her phone back on yet.

  He rolled over with his phone in his hand, willing it to buzz with some acknowledgment.

  He dozed off and when he rolled over twenty minutes later, there was still nothing. He got out of bed, determined to get some answers. The thought of calling or texting crossed his mind, but that was too easy to ignore. She couldn’t pretend he didn’t exist if he was standing in her shop.

  The drive to Love in Bloom was fast, considering most of the world was still asleep. He peered through the front door, but saw no sign of her, so he walked around to the alley. He rang the bell meant for delivery drivers.

  When the metal door clanged open, Kathy stared at him with a startled look on her face. Her eyes were impossibly wide. “Hi. What are you doing here?”

  “You were supposed to come to my apartment last night.”

  “I know. I was really tired, and I fell asleep.” Her eyes shifted away and he knew she wasn’t telling the whole truth.

  “Can I come in?”

  She nodded and stepped back, still holding the heavy door open. She made no move to give him a kiss. What the hell happened between dinner and bed last night?

  The door thunked shut with a loud clatter. Kathy brushed past him and went to her office. He followed. Memories of the orgasm he’d given her there assaulted him. He cleared his throat to focus.

  “Why didn’t you come over?”

  She moved behind her desk and sat down. “I told you—”

  He stayed standing, hating the distance the desk created between them. “Cut the crap. You could’ve gone to my place and fallen asleep. You decided not to come over, and then you turned your phone off to avoid me.”

  His words were sharper than he’d intended and she gripped her hands together in her lap. She looked like a kid getting reprimanded by her parents. That’s not what this was supposed to be. He just wanted to understand what was going on in her head. He moved around the desk and squatted in front of her.

  He put his hand over her clasped ones. “What’s wrong?”

  “I freaked out.”

  “About what?”

  “This. Us. Going to your apartment, spending time there without you, spending the night with you. All of it.”

  His thumb stroked her hand. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

  “I knew if I called you, you would convince me to come over.”

  He smiled because she was right. He’d wanted to spend the night with her so of course he would’ve tried to talk her into it. But he would’ve tried to fix this first. “Why were you freaking out?”

  “I’m not sure. It felt really fast all of a sudden.”

  “You’re the one who initiated sex. You said you were ready.”

  Her shoulders sagged. “I know that. And it’s not sex. It’s everything.” She took a deep breath and flexed her hands, stretching her fingers out, forcing him to release her. “I think mostly it was the key.”

  “The key?”

  “I had the key to your apartment in my pocket, and you weren’t going to be home. That’s a lot of trust.”

  “I do trust you.”

  She licked her lips and stared into his eyes. “But I don’t fully trust you.”

  It felt like someone had just forced a rock down his throat and into his empty stomach. He’d known this. She had plenty of reason not to trust him, but he’d been doing everything possible to change that.

  She wrapped her fingers around his. “I know you’re trying and I recognize that you’re not the same guy you were five years ago. But I don’t know how to get rid of this gut-level reaction of not trusting you. It’s not fair to you.”

  “Yeah, it is. I’ve slept with a lot of people and I can’t even guarantee that I didn’t sleep around when we were together. I’ve led a life of very casual relationships. I always thought everyone was on the same page with me. You weren’t and there’s no changing that. But I’m willing to do anything you need to prove that you can trust me now. I won’t cheat on you. I won’t lie to you.”

  She bit her lip. Every time she got quiet like this he felt like she was going to kick him to the curb.

  “Swapping keys is too fast. I need to see you and spend time with you.”

  “I know.”

  “I know you know, but I don’t think you can make it happen. We’ve been trying for weeks now.”

  “We can make this happen. In fact, I have some work functions to go to and I’m hoping you’ll be my date. Even if you don’t stay for the whole thing. I know it’s not quite the date you’re looking for, but my appearance is mostly for show. I have to chat some people up, but that’s all.”

  She sighed and he half expected her to shoot him down. “Give me the details. I’ll be there. Maybe even go home with you after.”

  He stood and pulled her up with him, his heart so much lighter than it had been moments ago. He loved the press of her body against his. “So you’ll spend the night with me as long as I don’t send you to my place alone.”

  She nodded slowly. “I really like having sex with you.”

  He laughed. “I really like having sex with you too.” He lowered his mouth to hers for a deep kiss. “I’d like to have lots more sex with you.”

  She threw her head back and laughed with him. He took advantage of the moment and kissed her neck. Her breath hitched when his tongue made contact, and her hand pushed his shoulder.

  “As much as I’d love a repeat performance here, I have a delivery due any minute.”

  He smiled. “I can wait until the delivery is done.”

  With a chuckle she said, “Anna will be in soon after. We have a crazy busy weekend.”

  “Fine,” he said dramatically.

  “Text me the details for your fancy parties, and I’ll do my best to be there.”

  “No blowing me off. If you can’t make it or don’t want to, say so.”

  “And if I say I don’t want to go, you won’t try to talk me into it?”

  “Of course I’ll try to talk you into it. It’s not my fault you can’t help but fall for my charm.” He stroked her cheek. “In all seriousness, if you’re freaked out, you need to tell me, so we can deal with it. No running away and avoiding me.”

  “Okay,” she whispered.

  He pressed a kiss to her lips. “I’ll call you later.”

  * * *

  When Moira strode through the door of the flower shop, Kathy couldn’t help but smile. Her best friend always came with good advice and great food. What more could she ask for in a friend?

  Today she needed a healthy dose of both. Kathy waved to Anna and said, “I’m headed to lunch. Call if you need anything.”

  Anna nodded. “Have fun. Hey, Moira. How’s it going?”

  “Good. How about with you?”

  “Same. How’s married life?”

  “No different. Jimmy and I have been living together for long enough that the only thing that’s changed is using ‘Mrs. O’Malley.’ Makes me sound old. And of course, my mother is pressuring me to give her grandchildren now.”

  Anna laughed. “Moms do that. Enjoy your lunch. Bring her back in a better mood,” she said with a chin tilt toward Kathy.

  Moira looped her arm through Kathy’s as they headed out the door. “So what was that all about?”

  “Rough night. And morning.”

  “What did Kevin do now?”

  “Nothing bad. This is all on me.”

  Th
ey walked in the late summer sun to a burger place around the corner. Kathy loved that they didn’t need to discuss where they would go.

  “Well?” Moira prompted.

  Kathy huffed. “I’m an idiot. Kevin and I haven’t been able to see much of each other lately. He’s been working a ton of hours and I get that. I’m not mad, but you know, I want to see my boyfriend.”

  Moira made a face.

  “What?”

  “Just weird hearing you refer to Kevin O’Malley as your boyfriend.”

  Kathy nudged her friend’s shoulder. “Would you prefer lover?” She added breathless emphasis on lover.

  “Hell no. But go on with your story.”

  “So I went to his office to surprise him with dinner and an office plant last night.”

  “Oh no.” Moira stopped in her tracks. “Please tell me he wasn’t screwing his secretary on his desk.”

  “What? No!” Kathy shook her head. “You really do think the worst of him.”

  “How can I not?”

  Kathy began to think that maybe Moira wasn’t the best person to talk to about this, but then she didn’t really have anyone else she was close enough to. They continued down the street.

  “For the record, he doesn’t have a secretary.”

  Moira snorted.

  “We had a picnic on his office floor. He asked me to spend the night at his place.”

  “Okay.” Moira drew the word out as if waiting for a bomb to drop.

  “He gave me the key to his apartment so I could go there and wait for him.”

  Moira pulled open the door to the restaurant. “Still not seeing a problem.”

  “I know. That’s why I’m an idiot.” They went to the counter, placed their orders, and sat at a table to wait for their food.

  Once they were settled, Kathy finished her story, telling Moira about freaking out, blowing Kevin off, and him coming to the shop this morning.

  “I give him credit for waiting until morning. Kind of surprising when I think about it. Those O’Malley boys aren’t known for their restraint. I’d have expected him to pound on your door when you didn’t show up.”