by Louise Guy
She read through the Gambler’s Aid website, discovering it offered a full range of support services, including daily meetings. A bit like AA, she assumed. You could speak to psychologists, and there was a chat room to talk with like-minded people. She couldn’t enter a chat room and pretend to have a problem. They’d see through her straightaway. Well, they would if they asked her anything at all about poker. But would they? And anyway, was there any reason to say it was her? She could always ask for some advice about confronting someone with a gambling problem.
She hesitated before creating an account. Other than an email address, it wasn’t like she was giving any of her real details. And even if she was, what did it matter? This wasn’t anything dodgy. She was looking for some guidance on how to handle something she felt out of her depth with. There was no point confronting Damien without a plan in place for moving forward. She’d read enough that morning to know that he was likely to lie about his gambling habit when confronted.
She thought about a username. She could use Bear. People often used their pets’ names, didn’t they? But what if there was someone online who knew about Bear? She gave herself a mental shake. It was hardly a unique name. But, to avoid the risk – as slim as it might be – she used BrownDog40. A combination of Bear and Damien’s age.
Once she’d verified her account, Hannah started to read through the various chat threads. It seemed on most chat screens two or three people were having a conversation. She hadn’t been sure how it would work. She’d almost imagined that, like social media, there might be a large number of people commenting on a single post. These smaller interactions made it more personal and meant a proper conversation could be had.
She sat back and read through the conversation notes of a woman, Jazbelly70, who was asking for help. She woke each morning vowing to stay away from the poker rooms and could often get through most of the day without going near them, but at around five o’clock the urge was so great she found herself back on the tables for most of the evening. She’d maxed out six credit cards and spent all the savings she and her husband had accumulated. Hannah sucked in a breath as she read on. The woman’s husband knew nothing of the debt, or that she was in trouble. She’d convinced him that she just played for fun, mostly on the free tables, and he shouldn’t be concerned. He was now planning a trip to Europe for the two of them to celebrate her fortieth birthday, completely unaware of their financial situation. In her day job she was a bookkeeper, so had always looked after their finances. He trusted her implicitly, and she had no idea how to break the news to him.
Two people were in conversation with her. Both were incredibly sympathetic, reassuring her she’d get through this. One had what looked like good, practical advice.
You need to install gambling blockers on all of your devices. Use Gamblock and PokerProblem as a start and then research what else is available. Put as many on as possible to help lock you out. This will at least stop you from getting further into debt.
The other person concentrated more on the issue with her husband.
As hard as it may seem right now, you need to tell him. He’s going to find out at some stage, perhaps when he goes to pay for the trip to Europe. You’ve said earlier how much he loves you. Prepare for him to be shocked and disappointed, but hopefully, he’ll be supportive too.
Hannah wondered how supportive she’d be if Damien lost all their savings. From everything she’d read, gambling addiction was no different from alcohol addiction or substance abuse. If he had problems with either of those, she’d be beside him, trying to help. Gambling was different though. The financial stress it brought was just awful.
As she watched the conversation unfold further, she was surprised that neither of the people chatting to Jazbelly70 had suggested she see a therapist or go to a meeting. Her fingers hesitated only momentarily before she typed a message.
BrownDog40
Hey Jazbelly70, feel your pain right now. Wondered if you’d considered speaking to a psychologist or joining one of the GA meetings? You might find it helpful.
She sat back, her heart beating a little faster. She felt like a fraud dishing out advice.
Jazbelly70
Hi BrownDog40. Thanks for the suggestion. Yes, I’ve looked at GA meetings but have been too scared to take the plunge and go. What if I knew someone there? How on earth would I explain what I was doing?
Hannah smiled, her fingers already typing.
BrownDog40
The meetings are confidential, and if you met someone you knew would it be a bad thing? If they’re there too then they’re struggling and need help. You might find a kindred spirit who you can confide in. And if there’s no one there that you know, that’s a great outcome too.
Jazbelly70
Good point, BrownDog40. Thanks, I’ll look into it.
A surge of adrenaline pumped through Hannah. That felt good, really good. Giving a gentle piece of advice. She hoped Jazbelly70 did take her up on it. She shuddered. While she agreed that Jazbelly70 needed to tell her husband, she didn’t envy either of them. Breaking that sort of news would be traumatic enough but being on the receiving end of it would be even worse.
A knot twisted in her stomach at this thought.
She read through a number of other conversations that were taking place. The daily struggle to stay away from the online rooms seemed to be one of the major battles addicts were facing.
Two hours passed in a flash and she heard the automatic garage door open. Damien and Amy were home. She quickly cleared her browsing history and powered down.
The chat room had been eye-opening. A window into a world that until a few days ago she’d given very little thought to, and it wasn’t one she’d ever thought she’d need. She hadn’t even had a chance to ask for any advice on how to approach Damien. She could already guess from what she’d read that people would suggest she be diplomatic and supportive and have help options available. She needed something more specific though. She’d get back online later and ask the question. Ideally, she’d like to speak with someone who’d been through this. Either as the gambler admitting their downfall, or the partner hearing about it for the first time.
Hannah didn’t have the opportunity to get back online to the chat room on Sunday. Damien had suggested the three of them head out after lunch to Stiggant Park in Warrandyte and take Bear for a walk along the upper Yarra River. They all loved it there, and Amy was delighted with the thought of introducing Bear to the river and bush.
As she got dressed for work on Monday morning, she thought back to their afternoon. To Damien squeezing her hand as they’d walked along the picturesque river with Amy and Bear bounding along in front of them. From the smile on his face she assumed he was thinking just as she was, that their child had had a complete transformation. The broody pre-teen had disappeared, and their happy, fun girl had returned. Hannah just hoped the shine wouldn’t wear off as Bear became less of a novelty.
‘I’m sorry,’ Damien suddenly said.
Hannah stopped in her tracks. While she’d been mulling over various ways she could approach him about the gambling and his debt, she hadn’t considered the scenario of him admitting the problem. Maybe he’d been in the chat room and received the same advice she had been giving out early that morning.
She waited for him to continue.
‘I know I’ve been moody and distant. The thing is, I’ve been doing something that I haven’t felt comfortable telling you about.’ His eyes shifted from her face to the river. ‘As I said to you, I’ve found this year particularly hard, dealing with the loss of my biological parents and having no knowledge about who they were.’
She was right; he had used the poker to try and numb his pain.
‘I didn’t know how to deal with it. The fact that it’s so final, that I’ll never know anything about them is tough to wrap my head around.’
If Hannah weren’t wracked with guilt, she would have drawn her husband to her to comfort him. But her legs were tr
embling, and she had no idea how she’d explain that away.
He took a deep breath and made eye contact with her again. ‘Last week I started seeing someone. A psychologist.’ His cheeks reddened with the admission. ‘I didn’t want to say anything, but I feel uncomfortable keeping such a big secret from you. I hope you don’t think I’m a big baby or that I’m wasting money.’
Hannah stared at him. What? She tried to compute what he’d just said. That he hoped she didn’t think he was wasting money. What about the fifteen thousand?
‘Han? You think I’m an idiot, don’t you?’
She shook her head, realising she needed to react to his admission. ‘God no, of course I don’t. I think it’s a great idea. Hopefully, it will help you get some closure. And no, I don’t think it’s a waste of money at all.’ The fifteen thousand, on the other hand . . .
Relief flashed across his face. He pulled her to him and hugged her tight. ‘That’s why I love you. You’re always there for me. It’s probably the most important thing to me about us. That you’d support me no matter what. I’ll let you know when I have my sessions, as the first one left me feeling a bit down afterwards just dealing with it all. I wouldn’t want you or Amy thinking there was something else wrong.’
Hannah returned his hug, feeling like a massive fraud. Yes, she supported him, but her version of support was the very reason he was now in therapy.
‘Mum!’
Hannah was brought back to the present and the fact she should be getting ready for work as Amy poked her head around the bedroom door.
‘Could you drop me a bit earlier this morning? I need to go up to the music room and see if I can get a new reed for my saxophone. If they don’t have any, we might need to get some after school.’
‘Of course. I’ll be ready in five minutes. Your lunch is down on the bench. Get your bag packed and leave Bear some fresh water and biscuits and we’ll get going.’
An hour later, after dropping Amy at school and grabbing a coffee, she sat at her desk checking her emails. Her phone pinged. Zane Fox reminding her of their eleven o’clock meeting. Her heart rate increased, as did her distaste for the man as a second text arrived demanding she confirm her attendance. Did he really think she’d forgotten?
Hannah allowed thirty minutes to travel from No Risk to Prahran. While it would typically only take ten to fifteen, she needed time to try and calm her nerves. She had thought through a million different scenarios as to what Zane wanted to see her about, but each scenario wound itself back to the same thing. He wanted more money.
She was right.
Zane stirred sugar into his coffee as if he didn’t have a care in the world. ‘I need another payment if you want me to continue to keep quiet.’ He slid a piece of paper across the desk. ‘I received this last week. As I mentioned at our first meeting a few weeks back, Janine was put in touch with me by Family Information Networks and Discovery. I spoke to her initially confirming that I was unable to provide any details for her, and now I’ve received that.’
Hannah lowered her eyes to the page, scanning the words.
While I understand you are in an awkward position, please be assured I only wish the best for my son. I have no intention of creating problems in his life but would love an opportunity to meet him and at least express my wishes of getting to know him. Of course, I understand that he may not feel the same way and that is something I’ll need to deal with if it is the case. I would be very grateful for your help in relaying my wishes to him. If a fee is required to make this happen, then please let me know.
‘As you can imagine, I’m in quite an awkward position. We have a woman, who in my opinion sounds decent and nice, wanting to make contact with the son she birthed. Imagine what this poor woman went through. Not only the situation that led to her getting pregnant but then having to live with the shame of everyone knowing. Giving up a baby in any circumstances is difficult, so don’t think because she was the victim of a crime it was any easier for her than it is for others.’
Hannah shook her head. If you’d never met Zane before you might believe his heartfelt words. But she’d seen enough of him to know that he didn’t mean any of them. ‘What do you want, Zane? How much are you planning to charge me to get rid of her?’
Zane’s eyes widened. ‘You want me to kill her?’
‘Oh, for God’s sake, of course I don’t. I want you to get rid of her from our lives. As in I don’t want to hear you mention her again or for you to ask me for more money. Go back and ask her what she’s willing to pay to get the information, and I’ll pay you the same not to give it to her.’
He smiled. ‘Now, that’s more like it.’ He slipped another sheet of paper across the table to her. It showed further communication between him and Janine.
I’d be willing to pay up to ten thousand dollars to be reunited with my son. Unfortunately, I am not in a position to pay more than this. This is my accumulated life savings. If I had more, I would, of course, offer it.
Another ten grand? Where was she supposed to get that from? She certainly couldn’t ask Phyllie, and she couldn’t tell Damien. And even if she did, it was almost guaranteed Zane would be back a few weeks later asking for more.
‘When I gave you the first payment you signed an agreement and said you wouldn’t contact me again. Yet here we are. How can I trust that you’d go away once and for all if I paid you more money?’
Zane sipped his coffee, licking the foam from his lips. ‘Janine’s offered me money, I’m not going to say no to her.’
‘If I pay you another ten thousand it will close this down once and for all?’
He nodded.
Hannah thought back to what her lawyer had said when she’d asked him to draw up the initial agreement. That she was dealing with a blackmailer and a legal contract was probably going to mean nothing to him. He’d been right.
‘Can I have some time?’ Hannah needed time to think about her next steps. With all Damien was going through right now, perhaps the best scenario was that she tell him about Janine and what she’d done. But the fallout could be disastrous. He’d taken to gambling and run up a huge debt just because he was feeling sad about not knowing his biological family’s history. She hated to imagine what lengths he’d go to, or debts he’d accumulate, if he knew the truth about them and what she’d kept from him.
Zane nodded. ‘I’m going away, which is lucky for you. Normally I’d give you a week maximum, but on this occasion, I’ll expect an answer on Friday of next week, the thirtieth.’
Hannah nodded. That would give her plenty of time to work out the best solution, and to get a credit card in her name if she decided to pay him off.
With Damien working afternoon/evening shifts that week, Hannah found the Gambler’s Aid chat room a welcome distraction from her thoughts of Zane and what she was going to do about him.
She’d plucked up the courage to ask the members for advice on how to confront her husband and had received a number of responses. She’d ended up chatting with a woman who had faced a similar scenario only a few months before. She’d noticed her husband’s gradual decline into depression and hadn’t been able to work out what was causing it. It had come to a head when she’d gone to pay the school fees for the start of the new term for her two children only to discover their bank account was overdrawn.
LizaE
It’s my fault. I should have paid more attention to our finances. Although to be fair to me, he was using credit cards I didn’t even know about to fund his addiction. He’d also convinced me to invest large amounts of our savings on what he told me was the advice of a financial planner. I trusted him, of course. Stupid me. There was no financial planner. That money was a one-way investment straight into the casino.
Hannah had enjoyed chatting with LizaE, as her tag called her. When she’d asked how she’d approached her husband, the woman had some interesting things to say.
LizaE
I didn’t know where the money had gone to start wi
th, only that it wasn’t in the account any longer. I was hoping there was a reasonable explanation for where it was. I think I had my fingers crossed so tight that they almost fell off.
According to LizaE, the next few months were about keeping afloat. Her main concern was for her husband’s safety. She worried every time she went out that she’d come home to find he’d taken his life.
LizaE
He knew he’d let us all down. We had to take the kids out of private school and put them at the local state one. That is probably the one upside of the whole situation. Suddenly we’re saving thirty grand on school fees. Imagine what you could do with thirty grand if it fell in your lap. But, of course, at the moment it isn’t falling in our laps, it’s just paying off a ridiculous amount of debt. I never thought I’d be in my thirties with kids and be on the verge of bankruptcy. But staying strong and supporting Doug means we’ve had some great times since. He’s seeing a psychologist and attending GA meetings daily. He’s still holding down his job, so we’ll get out of this mess at some stage. Our savings are gone and the house is remortgaged to the hilt, but we haven’t lost it yet. Crazy to think how quickly one person can blow two hundred grand!
LizaE was certainly going through a tough time. At least Hannah had caught this reasonably early. Fifteen thousand, assuming that was the total Damien had lost, was manageable. Their bank accounts and investments were still intact, and no mortgage had been taken out on their house. The fact she was across all their finances certainly helped. LizaE’s story was interesting, but she still hadn’t shared with Hannah how she’d approached her husband. Hannah had done her research and knew that she was going to have to handle the situation delicately, but she’d still like to hear how someone else had done it. She clicked on the chat window and started to type.
