by Louise Guy
Chapter Sixteen
As Nat waited for the kettle to boil, she did her best to push all thoughts of online poker from her mind. But she couldn’t. Nor could she believe it had taken losing the five thousand dollars Phyllie had given her to push her towards looking for some help. She’d lost it all in a matter of days. She had a problem. Her first thought when she saw her bank account once again empty was: where could she get more money from? In retrospect, she should have felt the horror that she’d now burned through fifteen thousand dollars in the poker rooms and still had no means to pay back the credit card. It had to stop. As much as she loved the buzz when she was winning, the extreme despair she felt when she lost told her it was not okay to continue.
She contemplated talking to Damien again, but if it got back to Hannah, she’d be mortified. Instead, she started with online research. She’d heard of Gamblers Anonymous but wasn’t sure she was ready to face people in public by going to meetings. She’d now read plenty of articles about gambling addiction and taken numerous questionnaires that all told her what she already knew: she had a problem. What had interested her was a site called Gambler’s Aid. It offered all sorts of advice, the opportunity to talk to experts, and it had a chat room.
She’d spent a few hours reading through chat conversations. The people were incredibly friendly and supportive. The first tip, after deactivating her poker account, appeared to be to put blockers in place to prevent her accessing any sites. Was she so weak she’d need to put blocks in place?
She searched in the chat room hoping to find someone who said they’d turned their losing streak around and were now winning. Imagine if she could do that too. Just a few decent wins would get her back on track and start her kitty again. She shook herself as the thoughts plagued her and confirmed, yes, she was weak enough to require blocks to be put in place.
She watched one conversation with interest. Two women were discussing the fact that their husbands were the gamblers, not them. One, BrownDog40, was asking how she should confront her husband. That was one thing Nat had in her favour at least; she didn’t have to answer to anyone. Imagine admitting to your partner or family that you’d spent their life savings. It seemed that’s what LizaE had gone through. Her thoughts shifted to Hannah as she thought about having to tell people. There was no way she’d ever tell Hannah, she could imagine her reaction. She’d be shocked but in a smug way. She’d give her the you’re such a loser look she managed to convey so frequently without even speaking. It must be nice to be Hannah, to have everything streamlined. Her finances in order, a well-paid job and a husband who earned good money. They were living the life of a perfect fairy-tale family. Even Amy had smartened up according to Phyllie, since Bear’s arrival. The perfect nuclear family. It made Nat’s skin prickle with annoyance just thinking about it. She was sure she wouldn’t feel that way if she had a sister she could relate to or even talk to without feeling judged.
She wondered, watching the conversation unfold, why LizaE was still visiting the chat room months later if it was her husband that had the issue rather than her. It seemed a little strange. She also noticed that BrownDog40 had asked her for details of how she’d confronted her husband and what his reaction had been. LizaE was providing a lot of details, but she still hadn’t answered this question. Maybe she was pretending it was her husband who had the problem when it was actually her, so a confrontation had never happened? She decided to ask.
PinkFish88
Hey LizaE, I’m intrigued by your understanding of gambling addiction and the advice you’re giving BrownDog40. Are you sure it isn’t you that had the problem?
LizaE
Hey to you too, PinkFish88. No, not me with the gambling problem. Although I guess you could argue it is as my financial ruin is a result of gambling addiction. This chat room has given me great insight into what addicts are facing. My husband doesn’t like to talk much about what’s going on in his head, so this helps me at least have a vague idea. What’s your story? Why are you here?
Nat stared at the screen. That served her right. She didn’t want to get into a conversation about herself; she’d just been interested in finding out whether this person was misrepresenting who they were. It was so easy to do in the online world. But her explanation did sound reasonable. And even if she was lying, what did Nat care? She was only lying to herself. Another message appeared on the screen.
BrownDog40
Welcome, PinkFish88!
They knew she’d been eavesdropping. Not that she really was. If you posted in a public forum, then anyone could read it and join in. She took a deep breath, reminding herself she had come here for help. Her fingers glided across the keys.
PinkFish88
Thanks for the welcome. I’ve only recently been introduced to online poker but have managed to run up a debt of fifteen grand since I have. Quite an accomplishment really in less than five weeks. I came here partly looking for help in quitting and partly hoping someone would have a miracle solution as to how to win! Yes, I realise that even admitting that makes me look bad.
LizaE
Not bad, PinkFish88, just honest, which is refreshing. Have you told anyone?
PinkFish88
Just my new chat room buddies, being you two. My brother-in-law knows that there’s a problem, but he hasn’t pushed it too much with me.
LizaE
I found confiding in someone else helped. The chat room support is great, but having someone you can sit down and have a coffee with is better. I told my brother. He’s been a fantastic support.
PinkFish88
It’s not your problem though. You’re asking for support for something your husband has done rather than admitting you’ve completely stuffed up. Has your husband told anyone or is he too ashamed?
LizaE
Fair call. I think the people at the GA meetings are probably the only ones Doug’s told. He’s embarrassed and would be mortified if he knew my brother was aware of all the details. But I’ve needed him. He’s the one person I can rely on to be positive, no matter how things unfold. He’s not judged Doug either, which I love him for. He recognises his problem as an illness, which it is. He’s helped me see this too. At first, I was just angry. I even considered leaving him.
BrownDog40
I’d want to know if my sister was in this kind of trouble. I’d be shocked, but I’d do everything in my power to get her help. I’d hate to think she was going through something like this alone.
PinkFish88
It sounds like you have much better relationships with your siblings than I do. My sister would shake her head in disgust and reel off a list of all of my failures to date. I’ll admit, it’s a reasonably long list, but I’m not sure what she thinks it achieves to rub it in my face. Perhaps it makes her feel better about her boring life.
BrownDog40
She sounds like a bitch. What about a friend then, or someone more supportive in your family?
Nat thought for a moment. Aside from Damien, the one person she probably could confide in would be Phyllie, although she’d be gutted to tell her about the five thousand. But Phyllie was practical in her approach to life. She’d help Nat put in steps to make sure she never revisited the poker sites. But she’d lied to her about so many things. She hated to disappoint her grandmother.
PinkFish88
Maybe. I’ll think about it. But I’ve hijacked this thread. Sorry. BrownDog40 was asking for advice on how to confront her husband. Any thoughts, LizaE?
LizaE
Just listen to him. Let him cry if that’s what he needs to do and try not to be too judgemental. He’s messed up in more ways than one, but if you love him, you’ll need to look after him now. You don’t want to lose him altogether. From what I’ve seen in chatting to people, addicts aren’t honest. There are very few stories of people who lost everything and their spouses or partners knew all about it. They lie to cover their tracks or are dishonest to start with, like your husband hiding his investment. He’ll
be humiliated and quite possibly distraught when you talk to him. He’ll most likely deny there is a problem. You’ll need your evidence, the investment statement, to present him with and I guess try and do it with as much love for him as you can muster. Show him that you’re there for him and will support him through this. I don’t want to alarm you, but a lot of people who get into difficulties consider taking their own lives.
BrownDog40
My research has been scaring me. That’s why I’m here asking for help. It’s terrifying when you read the statistics. Forty-nine percent of people attending GA say they’ve contemplated suicide.
PinkFish88
Wow, that many?
BrownDog40
Yes. That’s a global statistic, but in Australia it is believed one gambling addict a day commits suicide. It’s not all online gambling. Poker machines are one of the worst culprits. Did you know that while we only account for 0.5 percent of the world’s population, we have a fifth of the world’s poker machines? No wonder so many people are in trouble. It’s so irresponsible of the government. But then they make $5.8 billion a year from it, so you can see why they’re not rushing to stop it.
Nat smiled at BrownDog40’s message. She’d get along well with Hannah. She bet if she asked Hannah anything about gambling addiction, she’d have all the figures at her fingertips too. She wondered if BrownDog40 was a risk advisor?
LizaE
Lol! You certainly know your stats!
BrownDog40
A lot of research. I wanted to find out as much as possible before I talk to my husband. I’m a facts and figures kind of person. When something’s out of my control, I think it gives me a sense that if I know enough about it, I can help control it in some way. Not sure on this occasion it will be any help to him, but it helps me.
BBrooter
I’ve got something that could help you BrownDog40. Would relax you and make confronting your husband a lot easier.
BBrooter? Who was this? Nat was enjoying talking to the other two women and had forgotten that their chat was public.
BrownDog40
What would that be?
BBrooter
Hold on. I’ll post a pic.
Nat waited, and seconds later a photo appeared on her screen of an enormous, very erect penis. Her hand flew to her mouth, a horrified laugh mingled with a gasp erupting from her.
BBrooter
Want some? It’ll take your mind off that husband of yours. Turn you into a nasty wife.
LizaE
You’ll be shut down any moment, you arse. Have reported you to admin.
BrownDog40
Bye ladies, that’s my cue to get going. Thanks for the chat.
BBrooter
But BrownDog40, we can do it doggie if you want. I bet you’ve got huge tits . . .
Nat closed the chat room screen, shaking her head. What an arsehole. Lurking in a chat room waiting to hijack conversations in such an offensive way. It was a shame; she’d felt a sense of relief being able to talk to the women about her problem. While neither of them were gambling addicts, they were still dealing with it in a big way.
The next morning, Nat’s original plan to sabotage the job interview at Endeavour Trust went out the window the moment she entered the not-for-profit organisation. The energy and vibe were infectious, as was Col Fletcher. The human resources manager was in his mid-forties and came across as one of the most contented people Nat had ever met. He spoke about Endeavour with a passion that she admired and desired to feel herself. He’d been with the organisation for five years, having previously worked for Qantas. It had been a big change, mainly when it came to salary, but one he didn’t regret.
‘You come with glowing references from Pip,’ Col said. ‘Some incidents she mentioned are a little more colourful than others, of course.’
Nat blushed.
‘But we won’t hold any of that against you. We’re looking for passionate people who put the client’s needs above and beyond anything else.’ He winked. ‘And funnily enough, the reasons for dismissal from your previous job confirm that you go all out in that regard. Of course, we have the same guidelines as Benedict’s as far as not taking clients home, but the fact that you put your own job at risk to help someone says a lot about your character.’
Nat grinned. She couldn’t believe what got her fired from Benedict’s was working in her favour here.
‘If you’re up for it, you can start Monday.’
Nat’s mouth dropped open. ‘What? Are you giving me the job? I didn’t even bring in my résumé.’
‘I trust Pip’s judgement, and I can read people pretty well, Nat. You’re someone who’s given an amazing amount to the community in your previous paid and volunteer positions. You’re a good person and, aside from everything else, that’s what I’m looking for.’ He pushed a piece of paper across the table. ‘Here are the employment conditions and salary. I’d say it would be on a par with Benedict’s, or possibly slightly better as we have a little more in our budget than they do.’
Nat glanced at the figure. It was indeed more. Six hundred dollars a month more. Living at Phyllie’s meant her current expenses were minimal. With this type of salary, she’d be able to pay off her debt comfortably within the next six months, if not earlier.
‘What do you say? Are you coming on board?’
Nat nodded. ‘Definitely. Thank you for the opportunity. I won’t let you down.’
Col stood and held out his hand to Nat. ‘Welcome to the team.’
Nat’s smile was wide as she pulled up in front of Phyllie’s house and got out of the car.
‘You look happy.’
She turned to find Leon walking towards her. Her heart raced as he approached. Get a grip, Nat, he’s just coming to say hello and he’s off limits.
‘Good news?’
She nodded. ‘I was offered a new job. It’s with a company that’s doing amazing things in the community, so I’m really happy.’
A delighted smile spread across his face. ‘That’s fabulous, Nat. Really terrific. I’m sure you’ll do a fantastic job.’
Her smile slipped, causing concern to flicker in Leon’s eyes. ‘Did I say something wrong?’
She shook her head. ‘No, it’s just that I have a track record of doing the wrong thing and getting fired. I just hope that doesn’t happen this time.’
‘Don’t let it happen.’
Nat laughed. ‘It’s not that simple.’
‘Yes, it is. Anytime you know you’re about to break company rules, go and see someone higher up the ladder than you. Ask them what you should do. It shows you’re taking initiative and looking for a solution when one might not already exist. Believe me, it works. No one’s going to fire you if they see you’re genuinely passionate about making a situation better.’
Nat nodded. It was actually good advice. She’d tended to make decisions by herself, even when she knew they would land her in trouble. Col Fletcher was definitely someone she could talk to if a problem did need to be dealt with.
‘See, I’m a good sounding board. You should consider dropping in and having unsolicited advice thrown at you more often.’ He winked. ‘I’m a leader in unsolicited advice. I think it’s my calling.’
Nat laughed. ‘I’ll keep it in mind. Now, I’d better get going. I promised Phyllie I’d come straight home and tell her how it went.’
Leon pushed his hands into his pockets, the smile was still on his face but there was something else. He looked nervous. ‘Don’t forget about that advice,’ he said. ‘It’s always there and usually comes with a glass of wine, sometimes even dinner. Drop in anytime.’ He gave her one last smile and turned and headed back towards his house.
Nat hesitated. Had he just asked her out? She wasn’t really sure. He was very friendly, but maybe that was just his way. They were neighbours and of similar age, so it made sense he’d want to be friends. And with Phyllie’s warnings playing over in her head, that was all he was ever going to be.
Phyllie appeared to be pacing the lounge when Nat opened the front door and stepped inside. She stopped, her face breaking into a wide smile as Nat entered.
‘Now, this is a wonderful surprise. I was thinking about my lovely Frederick, so I could use a distraction.’
Nat laughed. ‘What’s a surprise? That I’ve been out or that I’ve come home?’
Phyllie’s smile dropped. ‘Come home? Is that what you call a visit these days?’
‘What are you talking about? I didn’t think I was still considered a visitor. I thought you wanted me to stay as long as possible to keep Hannah off your back?’
‘Hannah? That interfering pest. Well, yes, keeping her off my back would be a good idea. She wants to put me in a home, you know.’
Nat stared at her grandmother. She was behaving very oddly, and her eyes were glazed, certainly not their usual bright blue.
‘Phyllie, where do you think I’ve been this morning?’
‘How on earth would I know what your movements are, you silly girl? I assume you’re about to tell me all about whatever it is you’ve dressed up so nicely for.’
Nat crossed the room and took her grandmother’s arm. ‘Come and sit down. I think there’s something wrong with you.’
Phyllie allowed Nat to guide her to her favourite armchair. The dazed look in her eyes cleared almost instantly, and she stared at Nat.
‘Sorry, love, I’m feeling a little odd this morning.’
‘Perhaps we should get you to the doctor?’
Phyllie shook her head. ‘No, they’ll just diagnose me with old age.’ She smiled. ‘I was lost in thoughts about Frederick, that’s all. I was confused for a split second but I’m fine now. You had the interview this morning, didn’t you? How did it go? You didn’t offer to take any of the clients home for the night, did you?’
Nat laughed, relieved to see Phyllie back to her regular self. Perhaps at her age it was normal to be a little forgetful and confused at times. Nat tucked away a reminder in her mind to consult Google later.
‘No, I said and did nothing inappropriate at all. It was the easiest job interview I’ve ever been to. The company has a great feel to it, and I start on Monday as their new Community House Support Officer.’
