The Lying, the Witch, and the Werewolf (Down & Dirty Supernatural Cleaning Services Book 4)

by Kate Karyus Quinn

  “Ugh, Shit, stop!” I push the big lug away, there’s really not enough room for both of us on this tiny cot. But he has the superior muscle advantage and so I’m the one who tumbles off.

  Oof. I hit the hard floor and just lie there, deciding whether or not I’m gonna puke.

  Not, I finally decide with relief. Slowly, I sit up. My yurt is bright with sunlight and the sound of voices filters through the canvas walls. Clearly the day has started without me.

  Somehow I find the strength to gather my shower supplies and head over to the coed bathrooms. Adorra mentioned there can be a line for the showers because of how many people use them for playtime, but luckily I seem to have missed the morning rush. I pick a stall as far as possible from the one where I can see three pairs of feet beneath the curtain and hear a chorus of moans.

  The hot water revives me and then after a breakfast of bacon and eggs, I feel pretty much back to normal. Realizing that I totally skipped out on my cleaning assignment last night, I pitch in with the breakfast crew. I’m just finishing up mopping the floor (and leaving it cleaner than it’s been in a long time, from what I can tell) when Cassie comes in and rushes over to me.

  “Paige!” she says. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere. You’ll never believe what I did last night.” A giggle escapes her as she amends, “Or should I say who I did.”

  “It was Mac,” I say, not even having to guess. Cassie’s interest was like a billboard posted on top of her head.

  “OMQ! Yes!” She gapes at me in surprise. “Paige, you might also have the second sight.”

  “Nah, I think it was just a lucky guess,” I tell her.

  Cassie shrugs, seeming to accept this, and then leans in closer, clearly wanting to share some of the dirty details. “He knocked me all night long.”

  “Rocked you all night long,” I correct.

  “And cocked me all night long,” Cassie adds, her eyes twinkling. She nods to me. “Now it’s your turn.”

  I realize she thinks we’re playing some sort of sex rhyming game, which feels oddly innocent in the middle of this place.

  “Okay,” I say, “What about…” I trail off as someone across the room catches my eye. It’s a tall guy wearing only boxers, his blonde happy trail leading the way to what looks to be a very promising package. He’s carrying a plate piled high with bacon to one of the tables. The dude clearly likes his protein. But that’s not really what caught my attention. He’s gorgeous. And also oddly familiar…

  My gaze wanders back to his well-fitting boxers and I realize I’ve seen them before—and not in a pile beside my bed. It’s the magical pair Nico wears to shift, disappearing when he’s in wolf form, but keeping him somewhat modest when he shifts back into being human.

  Maybe sensing my intense stare, the man looks my way and our gazes connect. The sense of knowing, yet not knowing him, increases. Then he winks. And grins.

  I recognize that wink anywhere—even on a face with two eyes.

  Grabbing Cassie’s arm, I quickly steer her in the opposite direction and then out the door. I don’t know if Cassie’s foresight will help her see through whatever spell he’s used to change his appearance, but the last thing Nico needs is Cassie giving him away during his first breakfast at the cult. Which…how did he even get in? Then I remember the boxers—while trying not to fixate on the bulge—and realize he probably shifted and snuck into the commune in wolf form.

  “Let’s hang out for a bit,” I say to Cassie. “This is our last full day—we leave tomorrow afternoon.”

  “Sure,” she agrees easily. But then she slants me an assessing look. “Although I think maybe I’m not the only new friend you might want to make before we leave. And from the way that guy was checking you out, I don’t think consent would be a problem.”

  I force a fake laugh. “I was just looking at him because I was worried about his cholesterol levels. Did you see all that bacon he was eating?”

  “Hmm,” Cassie says, clearly not buying it. “That was definitely not what had your attention. You know what I think? He reminded me of Nico, like a blonde version. Tall and muscular and with that cool rambling walk that says, I could go zero to sixty in 1.3 seconds. And I think you want to take a Nico-substitute for a test drive before making a play for the real thing.”

  “Pffft,” I say, accidentally spitting all over Cassie while trying not to think about going from zero to sixty with Nico. “I don’t have the hots for Nico. We’re friends. But not really even that. He’s too arrogant. And bossy. But even if I could get beyond that, everything about him screams lone wolf!”

  Cassie nods. “I get it. You’re afraid he’ll break your heart.”

  “No!” I protest. “That’s not it. I’m not interested. At all. I’m just saying, if I was—it’d be crazy. In all the time I’ve known him he’s never had a real date or a girlfriend. His only relationships are with his clients that he pity screws, knowing they’re emotionally unavailable.”

  “I’ve heard,” Cassie says. “Rumor has it in the supe community that some women marry a cheater just so Nico will console them with his comfort sex.”

  I roll my eyes. “Yeah, I’ve noticed he has some repeat clients. Nasty rich ladies. They treat him like he’s a gigolo.”

  Cassie touches my arm. “I know, I hate it too. They don’t see the Nico we know. The good man underneath all the sexy, growly, werewolf stuff.”

  “Woah.” I pull away from Cassie. “I’m not really a member of the Nico fan club.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I used to say about Mac.” She nods knowingly. “The thing you have to understand about Nico is that he so badly wants to be loved.”

  I can’t hold back the snort of disbelief. I mean, Cassie is totally the type to think this about a man who presents as hard and tough on the outside. Even if there’s absolutely no evidence to prove it.

  Undeterred, Cassie continues. “His mom was a real piece of work. Like sort of the werewolf version of a Nazi. So that messed Nico up. And then he fell in love with Mavis. She’s a cat shifter.”

  “Seems like maybe not a great match for a dog.”

  “Well, it wasn’t,” Cassie agrees. “Turns out she prefers her men to be more bear naked.” Cassie pauses and waits for my reaction with barely concealed glee. “That’s a joke. ’Cause he’s a bear shifter. But also bare is another word for not wearing clothes.” She giggles. “Edie—that’s my BFF and Mavis’s sister—had to explain that joke to me like ten times. But now I get it and it’s so funny.”

  I laugh too, because who doesn’t like a pun-based joke? But then I can’t help myself...I steer the conversation back to Nico. “So what happened between him and Mavis?”

  “She broke his heart,” Cassie says matter-of-factly. “It turns out she was lying about everything and when Nico found out he tried to kill her. Mavis fought back and ended up taking his eye.”

  “Wow,” I say, my heart picking up a weird beat. Nico tried to kill a girl?

  “Yeah, it was one of those messy break-ups.”

  I stare at her, thinking that her definition of a messy break-up is way different than mine.

  “Then Nico fell for Edie,” Cassie continues. “He didn’t know she was Mavis’s sister. But Edie only ever had eyes for Val, so that didn’t work out either.”

  “It’s like a soap opera,” I say. “Are all supe romantic entanglements this complicated? And also, I’m kind of stuck on Nico trying to kill a girl.”

  “Poor choice of words on my part; I think it was more that Mavis thought Nico would kill her,” Cassie says as if this is somehow way better. “And besides…that was old Nico. He’s made serious changes since then.”

  “Yes,” I mutter. “Which have made him into the adorable puppy we all know today.”

  With a gasp, Cassie cuts me off, darting into the nearest yurt and pulling me along with her.

  “What?” I say.

  “My high school sex-ed teacher was coming towards us,” Cassie says, looking thorough
ly freaked out. “He can’t see me here! He knows my mom, for Pete’s sake!”

  I peek out of the yurt to see Priapus with his wheelbarrow wandering past. Ducking back in, I turn to Cassie. “Oh yeah, I met him yesterday. He’s, uh...interesting,” I offer. “But I don’t think he’d be judgmental about you being here. Why are you so worried about seeing him?”

  “Would you want to run into your high school sex-ed teacher here?” Cassie demands.

  Okay, she has a point.

  “Excuse me,” someone interrupts and for the first time I realize we’re not the only ones in this yurt. Instead of the cot for sleeping that’s in my room, this one has piles of blankets layered several inches thick. Now as the blankets shift, several naked bodies pop up from beneath them.

  “Cassie!” one of them cries out happily and I realize it’s Mac. Geez, even after a full night with Cassie, the guy is clearly still full of juice. I glance over at her to see how she feels about sharing him. She gives him a friendly wave, which I guess means that she’s cool with it.

  I guess expecting fidelity from a sex demon would be even crazier than twenty-year-old me expecting it from Jax.

  The rest of the group seems fine with us being here, but the woman who addressed us is definitely annoyed. “This is a participation-only group,” she tells us. “So get naked or join us under this electric blanket so you can get your muscles warm before we begin—or get out.”

  I start to back toward the door flap. “Sorry, we’ll—” I blink twice and realize that the woman looks exactly like the person I’ve been searching for here.

  “Vicky?” I ask.

  19

  Vicky frowns. “Yes?”

  “I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” I say and she narrows her eyes.

  “Do I know you?”

  Shit, right, she has no idea who I am.

  I hesitate, not sure what else to say. She looks fine, if a little less friendly than anyone else I’ve met so far. But her bossy attitude is actually reassuring. Nothing about her seems to suggest she’s doing anything other than exactly what she wants.

  “I’m a friend of Gary’s. He told me you were here.”

  I make my way over to her, stepping on a few people along the way. “Sorry! Sorry, can I just...get by you…” I finally reach Vicky and crouch down by her.

  “How’s it going?” I ask.

  “Fine. How do you know Gary?” She stretches her arms out from under the blanket and I get an eyeful of her boobs.

  “He...is...sorry, is that a Dalmanther tattoo?”

  “Yes!” She throws back the blanket. Her left breast is tattooed so it looks like the face of a Dalmanther, with her nipple as the nose. “I had it done special.”

  “Fantastic...artistry,” I say. “Hey, while I have you, you really like it here, right?”

  “I love it here,” Vicky tells me. “At Together We Come I’m the person I always wanted to be. I’m free.”

  “That’s good to hear, Gary was a little concerned.”

  “Gary wouldn’t have a good time if it bit him on his uptight ass,” she tells me. “He was always like that, couldn’t loosen up. Not like me. I’m a free spirit!”

  I glance around. Cassie has made herself comfortable, sitting down and talking with Mac, whose head peeks out from under the blanket.

  I turn back to Vicky. “So, just to be one hundred percent clear, you are here of your own free will and you don’t feel threatened or coerced?”

  Vicky laughs. “Honestly, I feel more threatened when I’m not here. These are my people and this is my place.”

  “Okay, great. Good chat.” I stand up. Grabbing Cassie’s sleeve, I tug on it to get her to stand up. “Let’s go.”

  Cassie pulls away. “Actually,” she says shyly. “I’m interested in joining in.”

  “Oh, right,” I say. “Cool. Cool,” I add, while feeling anything but.

  I’ve never before felt so like the conservative stick in the mud as I do right now. Darron and Shauna are gonna be so disappointed when I get home and tell them I spent the whole weekend safely on the sidelines. But I just can’t bring myself to shuck my clothes off and dive beneath a pile of blankets with a bunch of strangers. Also, I have no idea what they’re warming up for. With this place, it could be literally anything.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of her,” Mac tells me. He puts an arm around Cassie and she melts into his side. “This girl is very special to me.”

  “Great. Well, have fun then, and make sure to use lots of lube. I’ve seen the survivors of some serious chafing and the stories they tell are no joke,” I say to the group at large, and then leave the yurt with one final lame wave.

  Back out in the sun, I can’t help but release a sigh of relief. Once my eyes readjust to the brightness after the dim interior of the yurt, I notice a small dry erase board near the entrance reading, “Join us for Hot Twister!”

  Huh. I wonder if they have the old plastic game underneath all those blankets or…

  That thought stutters to a stop as Nico comes sauntering down the trail, each of his arms slung around a hot chick on either side of him. He certainly wasted no time making new friends. The girls are wearing bikinis and rubbing against Nico enough that he’s going to end up in the infirmary with a bad case of bedsores before he even makes it to a bed.

  Just as I’m wondering how to get him alone so we can talk, Nico says something to the two of them in a low voice that causes them both to squeal happily in response. Detaching themselves from him, they skip away—although not before Nico gives them each a friendly slap on the ass.

  I shake my head at him as he approaches. “Don’t let me interrupt your fun.”

  Nico grins. “We were gonna head over to the swimming hole together, but I told them I would pick up some water toys first and meet them there.”

  “Water toys?” I ask, hating the judgmental tone in my voice but unable to stop it.

  Nico shrugs. “Honestly, I have no idea if that means squirt guns or waterproof vibrators, but they seemed excited about it.”

  “Don’t be so flattered. Everyone here is excited about having sex with everyone else.”

  If I thought this would dent Nico’s oversized ego, I was greatly mistaken. Instead, he just leans in closer and brushes a piece of my hair behind my ear. “And what about you, Paige?” He asks. “I overheard some people gossiping in the dining room that the broom-toting new girl really hit it off with Seamus.” Nico smiles, but it’s not his usual easy-going grin. This one has more of a bite to it. Almost like he’s...jealous.

  And I can’t resist stoking it, just a little. “Mmm,” I say. “I did enjoy my time with Seamus the satyr.”

  “A satyr?” Nico repeats, disbelievingly. “I can’t believe they let those guys in here. They’re the frat boys of the supernatural world.”

  “Um no,” I respond, genuinely offended on Seamus’s behalf. “Seamus is a super nice guy.”

  “Bullshit,” Nico shoots back, and I realize the blonde hair is pretty much the only thing about him that has changed. Those glittering eyes, that mouth that twitches when he’s upset. Yep. His temper is going to out him before Cassie does, if he’s not careful. “Satyrs only care about getting drunk and getting laid. He might’ve shown you a good time and pretended it was special, but trust me, you’re nothing but another notch on his bedpost.”

  “We don’t have beds, we have cots,” I snap back. “And you’ll be surprised to learn that he didn’t even put a hand on me.” I grab Nico’s arm and pull him toward my yurt. “Forget Seamus, what the hell are you doing here?”

  Shaking free of me, Nico walks into my yurt and tilting his head back, sniffs the air. “Doesn’t smell like sex in here,” he observes. “Just sweat and alcohol.” Then, making himself at home, he flops down on my cot.

  I really do not need a mostly naked Nico in my room and on my bed, so I busy myself straightening my clothes back into my suitcase. Nico meanwhile grins at me with satisfaction ooz
ing from every inch of his underdressed body. “You haven’t hooked up with anybody, have you?”

  “I’m working,” I remind him. “Speaking of which, what are you doing here?” With my meager belongings orderly once more, I have nothing else to keep my hands busy. I consider using the broom to give the floor a little sweep, but Nico’s dark eyes—both of them for once—are sending a riot of emotions through me. I’m pretty sure with a single touch the broom would send me shooting off into outer space. “I thought you were too recognizable. That’s why you couldn’t come yourself.”

  “I was worried about you,” Nico replies, finally turning serious. “I had to come. What happened to your toothbrush? It sounded like you were being attacked.”

  “Shit thought it was a chew toy,” I say simply. Nico nods, understanding. “What happened to your eye?” I ask, taking my turn to ask a question.

  “Hepa,” Nico says in a similar tone to how I said Shit—like the name is explanation enough. “There’s no way a one-eyed werewolf could be anyone but Nico Tralano, famous private investigator.”

  I roll my eyes. “But now you are a completely different person? Like Superman when he takes off his glasses. Except you added an eye and went blonde?”

  Nico shrugs, his muscles flexing. I swallow. I mean, he’s not wrong. Nobody is going to recognize him, but I don’t think it has anything to do with his new eye and hair color. Nico is walking around in tight cotton underwear. His face is the last thing on everyone’s mind.

  But Cassie was right about one thing. I do know it’s the real Nico under there—and I’m curious.

  “Is it permanent?” I wonder aloud, though I’m not sure what answer I want. Nico looks more handsome than ever with two eyes...and oddly younger too. Or maybe just lighter. More innocent. Like with his eye restored it didn’t just erase the physical wound, but the emotional ones behind it as well. Somehow, though, I prefer the darker pirate version of him. My normal Nico is—no. I quickly censor that thought. There is no my Nico, just old Nico and new Nico.

  “It’s not real,” Nico says. “Just a glamour.” He leans toward me and points to the eye that’s usually covered with an eyepatch. “Go ahead. Feel.”