When The Light Goes Out

by Jack Thompson

  "He proposed."

  It felt like a lead block took the place of my heart then. I didn't want to say it. I didn't want to say what I was thinking. I didn't want to hurt the girl, but the topic was just so so

  obvious, if you will. If she wasn't expecting the question running through my mind she was a fucking loon. "He's dead, isn't he?"

  Jaden asked for me.

  "Yeah. Trying to get me out of his apartment. Apparently his roommate went.. and"

  The crying started. Not that I blamed her or anything. If my fiancé died trying to protect me, I'd be flattered sure, but I'd cry. I probably wouldn't have stopped crying, 'specially if I

  loved soandso enough to accept the proposal.

  Seemed everything we spoke about lead directly to talk of death, and zombies. "Don't worry, Lila. You're not the only one who lost someone."

  "Who'd you lose, Excel?" "My brother."

  "Really?" "Yeah." Silence.

  There's not much a person can say to that, I guess. "Dunno how, or when he got infected either."

  "I'm guessin' it was somethin' in the water supply. Some'un must've slipped somethin'."

  "That's the only logical explanation, Blaz." "No it's not."

  "Excuse me?"

  Everyone turned to look at Malachi, wondering what the hell he was getting at. Did he know something that we didn't? I could tell that everyone was pondering that exact question merely by their expressions.

  "It's not the only logical explanation." Jeremy, and Jaden both stood.

  "What do you know?!" "I"

  I never thought I'd see Malachi nervous. "You?"

  "The people who took care of me," Malachi indicated his head. "Who gave me this location. They gave me an explanation of sorts to all of this." "Did they now?"

  "Yeah." "And?"

  The attention of Malachi's audience was complete. Everyone wanted the story, and they wanted it that very second. I, myself, am not excluded from the bunch. I was actually looking for something to beat him with for keeping such a goddamned secret from us. It just wasn't right.

  "Something about one disease or another that the rats carry, getting mutated by an accidental spill in their chemistry lab. I don't know all the details, but that's the overall theory. And the whole lot of them agree on it. One of their projects spilled on a rat, the rat got away, probably got into the schools food, and it passed from there."

  "Fuckin' college students." "Shut up Blaz."

  I was beginning to feel rather ill.

  "I ate the food at the local college." "Then you may be infected."

  I could swear I was going to hurl.

  I so did not want to be infected. Being infected meant I could die at any moment, and take down everyone around me. All my friends if they could be considered that. My comrades, my allies. Whatever they were, I didn't want to take that risk.

  "Don't worry, Excel. If you start turning, I'll kill you." "Thanks."

  I suddenly didn't want to sleep. What if that was when my body decided to give in to the disease? The virus? What was it really? I didn't know anymore. I didn't entirely care knowing that there was a possibility of me having it. With that little bit of information, I suddenly understood exactly why Cathy killed herself.

  I understood.

  I respected her decision. It was a wise choice.

  "Malachi, don't say that." I was half glad when Lila started scolding him. "It's not nice. Excel, he will not kill you." "If 'e doesn't, I will."

  "Blaz!"

  "No, Lila." She looked at me. "They're both right. If I change, I do need to be killed. Because if you guys don't take me down, I'll attack you. All of you. I don't want to do that. I

  really don"

  "Shush! Guys! Listen to this?"

  Jeremy turned up the volume on the TV.

  "It is of popular opinion that the viral epidemic in America was a government creation." The lady on the screen had an accent that I couldn't quite pinpoint, but she looked as sure of herself as she looked nervous. "The virus, dubbed the Rvirus, standing for 'Reanimating', was accidentally released into the general food supply before testing was completed. It was hoped that the Rvirus would act as a steroid, to strengthen the people, and lengthen their lives.."

  I started zoning out about there.

  Now we had three possible stories to chew on, if you'll forgive the dry humor. The mutated virus on the rats, the virus in the water supply, and the accidental release of a government project. All seemed frighteningly possible. Completely likely.

  I was that much more sure that I wouldn't be surviving the ordeal. I had to be infected.

  Whether it be by a terrorist act, or mistake, I'd most likely consumed some of the infected material, and I really didn't want to die. Briefly the thought of putting a bullet between my eyes was there, but it passed. I was planning on staying alive as long as I could, if only to help the people I was with.

  And find Dustin and Pixie.

  And suddenly we all looked down at the food before us. "General food supply.."

  "What's the likelihood of the government pumping candy full of steroids." "It's the American government."

  Lila beat all of us to the bathroom, and I'm sure she was doing exactly what the whole lot of us were planning on doing. Forcibly emptying the contents of our stomachs as an offering to the porcelain gods.

  "Why is our government so fucked up?!" I fell back against my blankets, completely exasperated. I suddenly knew why the crazy old men on the street didn't trust 'The Man.' It all made perfect sense. "Why do they do this shit to us?!"

  "We don't know if it's true!" Malachi tried to reason, looking a little green around the gills himself. "But we don't know if it's not true either! It might be! It might be the truth!"

  Jaden got a go at the can next. "But it's nothing to go crazy over!" "It's nothing to be calm about!" Jeremy next.

  "You want next, Excel?"

  I noted the boy had stopped arguing. "No."

  Everyone looked.

  "If it was in the food supply, I've already got it. Throwing up now would be useless." I touched Ian's head, feeling sorry that I'd forced him to eat the chips before. "You sure?"

  "Yeah."

  Silence.

  "But Malachi?" "Yeah?"

  "Keep your gun ready."

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  I couldn't recall falling asleep, to be totally honest. I remembered Lila yelling at me for "giving up hope." And Jeremy calling me a "chickenwuss." And Jaden looking at me like I was a fool, but refusing to say anything. Malachi looked at me in total silence as well, but seemed to accept my decision. Blaz of all people was the one who agreed with me whole heartedly. Having a bit of an argument for his own behalf.

  "Kids, I'm old. I've lived me life to the fullest, and don't want nothin' else. I'll eat me food, and go out fightin' like a bat outta hell."

  When I awoke, they were having a whole new argument, so I stood and left the room. Not saying anything. Not taking anything save a soda with me. It was a Sprite this time, and rather pleasing at first sip. And second sip. Screw it, it was awfully pleasing.

  "The hell?"

  The first thing I noticed upon entering the room was a pocket sized notepad, just sort of laying on the floor. I figured I must have knocked it down in all the chaos the day before, earlier that day, whenever it was. But, seeing it, really looking at it, I had a bit of an idea. What better to keep when you're about to die than a journal?

  "A journal.."

  I thought it was a really good idea.

  So I picked it up, and found a pen. Which wasn't all that hard, considering. Then it was all a matter of figuring out what to write. The facts? My feelings about the facts? What I'd been going through? My fears of dying? Of becoming a zombie? I wasn't sure what the best idea would be.

  Where to start.

  Explain, chimed the little voice in the back of my head. So I did.

  The beginning was rather simple, I felt. It was just; I'm keeping this journal
to record the events, and facts of my final days. I hope that one day this journal will be found, and shed knew light on the American epidemic. I hope that these entries will tell the true story of the effects of the Rvirus, given that's the actual cause of all of this. "Outoftowners" may believe so, but those of us stuck in the middle of it all aren't so sure.

  From there I jotted down theories. Names. People who I found myself traveling with from the beginning to my current seat, on a tipped over filing cabinet. Making notes next to their names. Many far too many of them were noted as "deceased." Only one was noted as "possibly roaming." My brother.

  I explained him too. In detail.

  And found myself wanting to cry.

  I found myself finally crying, however not sobbing, when I had to mark Dustin, and Pixie as missing. I didn't know what situation they were in, but wanted to, desperately. I wrote as much, made a little note to Dustin's son, however I didn't remember his name. Just wrote that his daddy loved him, and missed him, and spoke about him often before he went to save Pixie. I hoped the man was alive. I hoped he got the chance to go see his son again.

  I didn't know why I was getting so emotional.

  Maybe it was because I was feeling kind of light headed, and wasn't sure if it was a sign of my changing. Maybe it meant that I was well on my way to being a zombie. Maybe that's what the smell was. Maybe my flesh was beginning to rot before my consciousness decided it was time to die.

  Maybe I was just being twitchy. Who knew.

  I wrote it all down.

  Sometimes shadows move past the windows, ducking down before you can get a good look at them. It makes me wonder if the damn zombies are capable of logical thought. It certainly seems that way. They hide, and seem to know when you're looking at them. It's odd, not at all like the movies. Though I'll give Hollywood this much; The makeup job is superb.

  I was beginning to ramble in writing, instead of verbally. But I didn't know if it was a good thing or not. It was definitely helping me vent, and making me feel better. Only a little, true enough, but any bit better was good enough for me, in complete honesty. There wasn't much more I could ask for with the thought that I was going to die pinned in my head.

  "What're you doing?" "What?!"

  I'm afraid I'm going to have to admit that I jumped, and slammed my journal over in such a way that the boy wouldn't be able to read it. Malachi. Nice as he was sometimes, and unpleasant as he was all the others I was wary. I wanted to know what he desired of me, why he came and ruined my silence. But at the same time I wanted to be kept in the dark.

  "What are you doing?"

  Bastard thought speaking slowly would help. "Nothing."

  "You were writing something." "Was not."

  "You were to." "Prove it."

  "You've got the notebook in your hand!" "So?"

  "You were writing!"

  Glad to see I was able to get under his skin so quickly. "I'm just keeping a record of events."

  "Why do you want a diary?"

  "A journal!" I made an attempt to defend myself. I wouldn't ever do anything quite so girly. Regardless, diaries kept deep dark secrets. The things I was writing in the journal

  weren't exactly grandma's potato pie recipe. "Diary, journal, same difference. Why?"

  "So future generations can see how awesome I am." He stared at me.

  "So people can have an inside account of the going on's during this shit. So there will be a record of my last days amongst the normal, noncannibalistic living. So there's proof that

  I existed."

  "Oh.." I swear the boy looked at me thoughtfully. "Can I see?" "Fuck off!"

  "See! It is a diary!" "No it isn't!"

  "Then why can't I see it?" "Because I said so!"

  "Will ye kidlings shut the 'ell up in there! Ye woke Ian up!" Umm.. Yay for Blaz?

  "Ian!" It came out on a gasp, only partially forced, and I used the distraction to get away from the pestering boy. It was certainly a flattering relief that he was taking an interest in the things I did, but it didn't mean I wanted to explain.

  I really didn't want to explain. "Ian! How're you feeling man?" "Kinda" He coughed. "Groggy." "Want water?"

  He only nodded. So Malachi and I went about holding him up, and helping him drink the water again. I dropped the cup, and Malachi almost dropped him when the door flew open. I

  suppose we should have seen it coming. The roaring should have tipped us off. But it hadn't. It didn't. We didn't. "Good lord.."

  There was a moment, one second in which the world seemed to freeze. There was a car there, having slammed into the door. Forcing it open, the various heavy objects pushed in front of it away. The person behind the wheel looked decidedly dead.

  It was sad. Very sad.

  I figured the man behind the wheel had been alive when he got there originally. He must have just died during the travel which, considering the virus (I decided it was definitely a virus) didn't seem so out of this world. It made perfect sense to me. And then I heard the growling.

  "Dogs."

  We all followed Lila's gaze. "Ddogs."

  The world went straight back into motion with Jeremy, and Malachi both grabbing Ian, and hauling him towards the door in the back of the room. Their gait was slow however, and the movement put the dogs in motion. Zombies dogs. With chunks of flesh hanging off of them in ways that made me want to puke.

  They made a run for the three boys.

  I made a run for the nearest throwable object.

  At the very least it took their attention from the boys. And onto Lila and me.

  Wide eyes met mine. I saw the other door.

  "Go!"

  Luckily, the girl didn't need to be told twice.

  I figured I was going to die anyway, so I might as well save the others. And thus I distracted the dogs long enough for the boys to get the staircase door closed behind them. It was only then that I, myself, made a break for it, running towards the half closed door that Lila went through, slamming it closed behind me.

  I wasn't entirely sure what would be happening next.

  I didn't have time to catch my breath because the damned puppies were ramming the door, trying to get it open. I was damn happy that they didn't have opposable thumbs. If they did I was pretty sure they'd be getting into the room in no time. Before either Lila, or I found a way to escape. And we needed to find that way fast. The door suddenly didn't look too sturdy.

  "There are no more doors in here." "I can tell."

  "Just look." "Yeah."

  "Somewhere we might be able to hide until they go away, and we can get to the other door." "The boys would have blocked the other door by now!"

  Shit..

  She was right.

  The others were smart like that.

  "Jesus.." I wasn't sure what to do. "We need to find another way then." "Yeah."

  And the room was searched, quite thoroughly revealing nothing. Not a hole in the wall, or a hidden door. Not even an air vent we might have been able to climb into. There was absolutely no where for us to safely hide, or go. We were fucking trapped until both of us looked at the window at what appeared to be the same moment.

  "I wonder what's outside." "Care to find out?"

  We played odds or evens for it. Evens won out.

  It was my head going out the window.

  Needless to sat, I was incredibly wary. Because I was refusing to die before I got the girl to safety. Because I didn't want to die with a chunk torn from my throat. I first made sure there was nothing in the alley to hurt me before I really bothered looking.

  Blood on the floor.

  Bodies: Animals, human adults, children. Garbage.

  A side door.

  "There's a door out here."

  "We don't know where it leads to." "We know where it doesn't lead to!"

  There was no way it could have led to the front room in the clinic, I was quite sure of that. It was on the wrong side of the building, I figured. I wasn't sure if it was safe in
side or not, but I certainly thought it was better than waiting for the dogs to ram down the door. They were still going at it too. Still slamming up against it.

  "Think its worth a try?"

  I'm pretty sure it was the splintering wood that won the girl over.

  The climb out of the window really wasn't all that hard. It was maybe a three foot drop, as we were indeed on the first floor. It was closing the window from the outside when the first paw appeared through the door that proved difficult. The dogs were getting through, and I didn't want them getting into the alley with us until we found somewhere to go.

  "Come on!"

  The window just wasn't closing, so I had to flip my arms inside, and pull the lip that way. It was difficult and awkward, and damn scary when the front half of one of the dogs got through the part of the door they broke open. It was leaving chunks of flesh, and coagulated blood behind, but it was squeezing through all the same.